The Hidden Room

by C S Joseph

  How brave those women were. Reese wanted to be courageous enough to be with Julia. She didn’t want the shame that she still felt when she thought of Aiden. Clara didn’t seem to feel guilty at all. She had an opportunity to be alone with the woman she loved and she took it. She seemed to be happy. Sometimes, Reese reminded herself that the story she was reading was a real life.

  That real life happened in the very room she was occupying. Reese sat up and looked around. She leaned her head back against the pillows. If she closed her eyes, would she see the scene of the two women kissing one another in the middle of the room? When she closed her eyes, she imagined herself kissing Julia.

  “Penny for your thoughts?”

  Reese’s head snapped up as her eyes opened.

  “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “I was thinking about Clara.”

  “With a sexy smile like that on your face?” Julia teased.

  “Well, not really. I mean, I was thinking about Clara and Emma, which turned into me imagining you and I doing what they did.”

  Julia’s head cocked to the side, confusion falling over her features.

  “I haven’t told you much about them, have I? They were in love. They kissed for the first time in this very room.”

  Curiosity sparkled in Julia’s eyes. “And you were imagining us kissing for the first time, in this very room?” Julia took a step toward the bed. Reese nodded, and a blush crept up on her cheeks.

  “We’ve kinda already kissed in this room.”

  Reese shook her head.

  Julia took another step. “No?”

  Reese shook her head again. Julia reached the bed and leaned forward. Her hands landed on either side of Reese’s feet. “Are you saying that all of those little kisses before we fell asleep don’t count?” Reese felt warm all over.

  “Don’t worry, Reese. I don’t count them either.” Julia smirked and stood up. “Let’s get going downstairs. I want to take apart the living room. Pete and Spencer can assess it later, when they get here. Besides, Zach is awake and wanting to go to breakfast.”

  Uneasy breaths were all Reese could manage, as she nodded her agreement and started getting ready for the day.

  The trio returned to the house after breakfast. Zachary went outside to play, and Julia picked up a sledge hammer and began to knock out the plaster in the living room. Reese followed behind her to sweep and shovel the debris out of the open window into the large dumpster sitting outside. The living room was going to be more work.

  The old carpet had to go. The years of dirt probably weighed as much as the thick shag itself, but they managed to get a strip pulled up and rolled out of the way. They repeated the process until most of the carpet was removed. A large stain darkened the wood planks of the subflooring.

  “Oh my God. What is that? That isn’t blood or anything weird like that, is it?” Reese looked at it with concern.

  “The stain looks very old. If this was blood, it would be enough to theorize that someone bled out here.” Julia started unrolling the carpet to cover the area.

  “We can’t let Zach see this. I think someone was killed in this house.”

  “You are jumping to conclusions, Julia. Someone may have died here, but that doesn’t mean they were killed.” Do you know what happened to Arthur and Clara?”

  “No, but no one else has lived here. I couldn’t find any trace of them. No next of kin either that I can trace so far. However, Clara was pregnant. I assume that she had a child.”

  “Maybe you should keep reading those diaries. Try to find out what happened in here.”

  “The house was built a long time ago. Maybe they killed an animal in here, or maybe this isn’t even blood.”

  “Yeah, let’s not make up a story here, but I think I wanna read those books. The more you tell me about them, the more intrigued I am.”

  Reese was a little protective of the journals. She wasn’t sure she wanted Julia to read them.

  “I think this is enough for today, Julia. Want to go for a walk? I would love to walk in the sunshine today.” Julia nodded in agreement and they went outside.

  †

  Caitlyn rolled over and shook a snoring Rachel. The snoring grew louder for a moment, then it disappeared. Caitlyn was starting to feel completely irritated by her. Sleeping with Julia was always gentleness. When Julia held her, she felt safe. She was very giving and loyal. She was funny and smart and kind. Her body was breathtaking.

  She had fallen in love with Julia. Even though it hurt, Caitlyn knew that ending the relationship had been the right thing to do. Even with a healthy self-esteem, Caitlyn knew there was no competing with Reese Iverson. The pleasant charade could go on for months, but she knew it would hurt less to end it now, instead of waiting for the inevitable day when Julia would say goodbye. It was better this way. She looked over at Rachel. Her coworker had been so easy to seduce. Maybe this was a horrible idea. She thought about Julia up there alone with Reese. She thought about Julia touching Reese and kissing her. Suddenly, she felt sick. She didn’t want Julia to touch anyone else but her. She froze at the thought. She was jealous. She shook her head. She grabbed her phone from the nightstand. She opened the message app.

  When will you be home? I would love to take you up on your offer again. I miss feeling your body against me.

  She hit SEND. She lay back down and smiled at the thought of being with Julia again. Before she had any time to contemplate her actions, Rachel stirred beside her. “Hey, babe, do you wanna…fool around?” Caitlyn shook her head and rolled over.

  †

  The property surrounding the home extended to several acres of both wooded and open land. When they reached the middle of a large meadow, a sparkling pond stretched out before them. It was difficult to look away from the beautiful scenery. Something from below kissed the surface, and circles radiated outward as the only evidence left behind. Nature had always intrigued Reese. Some little fish were swimming around in that pond, completely oblivious to the world beyond. She and Julia walked around the pond and talked about Portland. Every so often, Reese got lost listening to Julia’s voice. At the far end of the pond, they discovered a creek running toward the trees. Reese wondered if they would find Clara’s waterfall.

  Soon enough, they found it. The cascade in the secluded glen was more beautiful than described. Julia settled on a small outcrop of rock and tried to pull Reese down with her.

  “I don’t want to get dirty.” Reese shook her head.

  “Sit down with me. This is a beautiful spot. I mean, look at this view. We’re up above most of the area. The water is beautiful. I can’t believe this little gem is hidden here.” She patted the rock. “Please?”

  “Fine,” Reese huffed. and sat next to Julia “It is quite beautiful up here. You know, Clara and Emma would come up here. They’d climb over behind the falls to a cave Emma found.”

  “Really? Do you want to go back there?”

  “Not right now.”

  The sun shone a perfect angle across the water. “This is why Zachary wanted to be outside today, it’s wonderful.” They had seen him earlier on their walk. He was busy making a fort with branches and other odds and ends he’d found all over the property. Ollie was supervising.

  “It’s a great time of year to be up here,” Julia agreed.

  “I’m glad to be here with you.” Reese smiled, as she welcomed Julia’s hug and leaned over onto her shoulder.

  “Me too,” she said softly.

  Julia leaned forward and kissed Reese. She reached up and entangled her hands into Julia’s dark mane to pull her closer. It was hungry and passionate. Soon, Reese found herself on her back with Julia’s gorgeous, lean body half on top of her. Julia’s hand reached the hem of her shirt, and fingertips grazed the exposed bare skin.

  Reality returned, and Julia jammed her elbows on her knees and sank her head into her hands. Reese reached up and placed a supportive hand on her back. Julia pulled out her phone when it chimed.
Reese sat up beside her and read over Julia’s shoulder as she checked the text message. Reese immediately withdrew her hand with a huff and crossed her arms over her chest.

  “We just left it open. It’s not what you think. Especially, now that I’ve…” She paused. “I’m not open to that with her anymore.”

  “I’m not…” Reese collected herself for a moment. “Actually, I am very jealous. I’m also a hypocrite, because I still have sex with Aiden even if I try to avoid it.”

  Julia visibly shuddered. “We would have the perfect life together; peaceful, harmonious, and full of love and joy.”

  “You sound awfully sure of yourself, sweetheart,” Reese teased, knowing Julia was right. Only Julia could inspire a certain private smile.

  “I am totally confident of that. Besides, happy looks great on you.”

  “I’ve never liked Caitlyn.” The confession seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

  “What? I thought you two got along great!”

  “No, I have never liked her one moment. She was with you. When she kissed you in front of me, I felt something I don’t think I’ve ever felt before.”

  “Jealousy?”

  Reese looked at her confused. “No, not jealousy. More like…full of rage.”

  Julia laughed. Reese leaned her head on Julia’s shoulder. They silently watched the horizon, as the sun began to sink below the tree line. The colors that burst across the sky blended into the surrounding trees. “We should head back before it gets too dark. It’s close to dinner time.” Julia stood and held out her hand. Reese smiled and grabbed hold. They started to walk back toward the house, talking and laughing.

  Chapter Eleven

  March 18, 1919

  Pregnancy has a way of making you realize that you are never alone. Even now, I can place my hand where there is a small someone with me. The future is now more important to me than ever before. I must admit, growing up without a mother was not ideal for me. Emma and her mother have a different kind of relationship than I ever had with my father. They share compassion and can talk to one another with ease. This is the type of relationship I wish to have with this little one. I am praying with all my might for the chance to have this baby and live to see her or him grow to have a family of their own.

  I wish, more than ever, that Father was here. He would have loved to see me carrying on with my own family. Though, I never would have been able to talk to him about the way Arthur treats me now that we are married. I would never have been able to tell him about the way I feel about Emma. He would not understand the companionship.

  To be honest, I don’t fully understand it myself. There has been a deep cavern I have felt in my soul for my entire life. Emma is the only person who has ever made me feel as though it’s been filled. There is a constant warmth in my heart, knowing that she exists in the world. She always listens to what I say. Even when we argue, she’s still the person who knows me so well she can tell when I am lying to myself. She knows that I regret this marriage more than anything else in the world. There are still moments when I’m in her arms and feel incredible shame over our unnatural habit that I know my husband would never abide. In those moments, I tell her that I regret our love, and I ask her to leave our bed. She quietly leaves and creeps back to her room. She knows that I’m not being honest.

  Only this diary holds my truest secrets, and I must keep them hidden now. Arthur came home today. We talked about the baby, and he told me how he is so very happy that our love has created a new life. He has completed the house he was working on but has another commission to start next month. He will be home for an entire month. My heart sunk at the news. I will no longer wake up with Emma beside me. I will no longer be able to kiss her whenever I want. I will have to be with Arthur, sleep with him. I keep trying to tell myself it’s only for a month.

  He spent the rest of the day with me. I had no opportunity to speak with Emma at all. After he fell asleep, I slipped out of the room and found Emma crying in her bed. I climbed in beside her and held her. I whispered into her ear how much I love her. She told me that she knew I was with him. I kissed her shoulder and neck to help comfort her. I held her as tightly as I could. She was upset by the fact that Arthur is going to be home for such a long time. I don’t have the heart to explain to her that this will be how it is for the rest of our lives. Arthur and I are married. No matter how progressive we try to convince ourselves society has become, the minister would never allow a divorce.

  He is my husband; it is improper for us to share a bed, regardless of how much I would rather she sleep beside me. Promises of stealing away moments whenever we can hang between us. No matter what I say to her, she knows the truth. With him in the house, she goes back to running around doing what Arthur and I require. He tends to keep her incredibly busy. I tried to make her understand that I love her more than anything. She rolled over and wrapped her arms around me. I felt safe and wanted. I wanted to stay there and fall asleep. She kissed me, and I kissed her back. During the kiss, I heard my bedroom door open from across the hall. I sat up quickly and stood to my feet. Before I could even take a step forward, Emma’s door swung open.

  Arthur stood there and looked at me stunned. He asked, quite angrily, what I was doing in Emma’s room. I didn’t know how to answer. I looked over to Emma, who was now sitting on the edge of her bed. She wiped her tears off her face and apologized. She made up a story about an argument that she’d had with her mother. With tears in her eyes, she told him she was quite distraught and had asked me to talk with her. She thanked him for allowing his kind wife to sit with her while she contemplated her despair.

  Arthur looked between the two of us and his face softened. He reasoned that growing up together must have permitted us a close friendship, even if that was something that we should not acknowledge when he is home. He explained that she needed to handle her own affairs or wait until he wasn’t home. As the man of the house, he would not allow his wife to sit with her late into the night. He has his own business with me. I foolishly attempted to tell him that it was completely my fault since he had fallen asleep. I assumed I could help her quickly, before he awoke.

  He grabbed my arm and yanked me out of the room. When we got back inside our room, he spun around and slapped me across my face. I held my cheek, as I registered the shock and pain. I looked up at him. He reminded me that I am his property. I need to stay in his bed, because he could wake up at any time to have me. Is this what all women must deal with from their husbands? When I’m with Emma, we both pay attention to one another. I never dread the act with her. She is gentle, and it makes me want more of her. With Arthur, it’s painful and he never cares if I feel any pleasure.

  He told me that I must always obey him, that I must pray nightly, thanking God for my husband. He finally stopped yelling and pulled up his nightshirt. He pushed me onto my knees. I looked up at him completely confused. After another slap, I began shaking. He grabbed himself and shoved his member toward my face. He grabbed my chin and squeezed my cheeks quite hard, until my mouth opened from the pain. I felt him hit the back of my throat and I gagged. He thrust his hips into me repeatedly, as I gagged and coughed with tears trailing down my cheeks. He abruptly withdrew. I was still kneeling on the floor coughing and gagging. He put his hand under my arm and yanked me up and pushed me onto the bed. I did as I was told, and he came from behind. Soon, he was pushing into me as roughly and as fast as he could.

  I kept my eyes closed and imagined Emma. It wasn’t working this time. There was nothing pleasurable about this act. If Emma knew this was happening, she would save me. I thought about her rushing into the room and pushing Arthur away from me, but that would not happen. She cannot save me. His body stiffened, and I knew that he was spent. He withdrew and patted me on the back. He was breathing heavily. I got off the bed and pulled my nightgown back down from my hips. I held my stomach. How could I allow this baby to be born in a house like this?

  I felt something dripping down my leg. I used
a cloth to wipe it away and saw red. I am very worried about my baby. I was incredibly sore. I lay down next to him and prayed for the rest of the night. Please God, save my baby and help me break free from this man.

  March 19, 1919

  In the morning, Arthur decided to go into town. As soon as I could no longer see him, I ran to find Emma. I told her that we needed to go for a walk. She immediately grabbed my hand and took us to our special place behind the falls. Emma had brought a blanket. I had a hard time sitting, as I was still in pain. I told her what my punishment had been. She was quite angry. I kissed her and told her it was alright. We need to be more careful. I need to be stronger and smarter. I will only be safe if we don’t do things that make him lose his temper.

  She was concerned for the baby and put her hand on my shoulder, looking deeply into my eyes. I struggled to describe how I was feeling. She told me that she wants to take us far away, to save us. She doesn’t see how foolish that would be; we wouldn’t get far without money. He would find us. I told her about the bleeding, but this morning there was nothing more. I believe that God will answer my prayer.

  I did not tell her that I am worried I am being punished. Perhaps, I deserve to be punished. God took away my mother before I could know her love. He must have known what I was to become. He must have known that I needed to walk through a graveyard of broken hopes and dreams to see the choices I was making in my life. Clarity still escapes me. The only thing that seems good and pure is how much I love Emma. I closed my eyes to ask him for forgiveness. I fear that I am seeing the wrong message.