by C S Joseph
She also mentioned something about my mother. I do not understand what she meant. She told me that my mother had to leave a bad situation to protect me before I was born. She says I need to do the same. I’ve been sitting here trying to recollect what she could have meant by that. I had never heard such a story from my father.
December 9, 1919
Emma and I are now parents. Our Grace Catherine was born a little over two weeks ago. Arthur is gone, and I hope that he does not come home soon. I’ve told Emma that I am worried he might hurt our precious little one. She is so tiny and perfect. I don’t see how anyone would ever want to hurt her, but I fear that Arthur may not see her the same way that I do. He comes home from his trips very angry. I cannot get him to relax. Soon, he is taking out his anger on me. Emma and Mrs. Hartley tend to any wounds I receive from his outbursts.
This last one was the worst. He was home without incident for two weeks. I hoped that having Grace could calm his soul. He went into town, and Emma and I went for a walk. She knew that I needed to get out of the house, despite the cold and snow. Lying in bed for that long nearly drove me mad. We walked to keep warm. Grace was being watched over by Emma’s mother. When we came back to the house, Arthur was down in his cellar. He must have heard our return. Mrs. Hartley was preparing dinner. He came upstairs and shoved her against the sink and demanded to know where I was.
I heard the commotion and came into the kitchen with Emma. He smacked Emma across the face and told her to leave the room. She stood there defiantly, until he threatened to fire her and her mother. She left the room, and he grabbed my hair and pulled me upstairs. He threw me on the bed and had his way with me, telling me that the baby being born was the best thing for our marriage. I told him that I was still sore from having Grace, but he didn’t mind my small protest. He seemed to calm down, as I imagined that I was flying amongst the clouds. Soon, I must have fallen asleep.
When I awoke, I was in bed with Emma at my side. She lightly pressed a washcloth to my face. My lip was split, and my eye was blackened. She told me that I must have lost time again. She let me know that he came down and found it frustrating that Grace was crying every time he tried to hold her. He ordered Emma to make her stop. Then, he decided to go for a walk to be in silence. It started to snow outside. When he did finally return, he begged for my forgiveness. He swore he would never hurt me again. I no longer believe him when he says this. It never lasts long. There is an evil in his soul. I can see it in his eyes while he beats me, before the lights in my eyes go dark. I had hoped that when he saw her precious little face, he would no longer feel the anger and would enjoy her as much as I do. Perhaps, Grace would be our savior and help Arthur fight his demons. Alas, I do not think that is going to happen. How will I protect my little one from this man? I fear for all of our safety.
Emma thinks we should run away. She wants to be able to protect the three of us. She’s been fantastic. Since Grace was born and we came home, she’s not left our side. She’s holding her right now as she sleeps. She and I will bring up Grace to be a happy young woman. We will do our best to protect her from the Arthurs of the world.
Every day, I thank the heavens above for Emma and her mother in my life. They do what they can to protect me. I wonder how much longer I will be blessed with them in my life. She wishes that we could run away and live the rest of our lives together. A great idea in theory. However, how can two women live together as we want? How would it look for us to never marry? Raising a child? We would have no means of caring for and supporting one another. No. I wish to remain here and love her as I can. Love her when I can. In the shadows, behind closed doors, and in stolen moments in the sun.
December 22, 1919
The snow has not stopped since Arthur left. It makes going to town for supplies very difficult. Emma continues to make the journey when it is required. She comes back nearly frozen to the bone. Still, having a child in the house is the most exhilarating thing I have ever experienced in my life. She is absolutely perfect. Her small nose and wide searching eyes make me smile. Sometimes, when it’s late and I should be sleeping, I stare at her. I watch every breath that she takes. She looks a bit like Emma, which makes me feel like I’m going crazy. It’s impossible. I know that in my head. Still, she looks a lot like her. Other times, I think that she has my facial features.
Sleep seems to evade me. I fear I may be hallucinating. Her appetite doesn’t allow much time for me to get any rest. Emma relieves me when she can. She talks to Grace, and Grace calms down rather quickly. It warms my heart every time Emma smiles at her.
The last time Arthur was home, he looked at her in her crib and said that she is beautiful. Yet, he didn’t want to hold her. He swiftly walked out of the room and went down into his cellar. He stayed there for the rest of the night. In the morning, he went into town and bought a bed and put it down in his room. He slept there the next night. Whenever he comes out, he looks at the baby and walks away. I’m frankly baffled and growing more concerned as the days pass.
He came home this morning. It is starting to feel unsettling, him acting this way. He has yet to talk to me since he has been home. He has only spoken to Mrs. Hartley. It’s an odd thing. I wish I knew what he is going through. I don’t think I’ll ever know. I am quite content to have him leave me alone. Arthur was still in his cellar, when I made my way into the parlor and laid Grace down in her crib by the fire. I turned around to see him standing behind me. I told him that he startled me. He gave a small laugh and asked about Grace. He told me that the Portland papers are reporting this is one of the worst blizzards Portland has ever seen. Now that he is home, he cannot travel. I was scared when he told me this. I don’t want him in the house or near my child.
Out of the blue, Arthur suddenly declared that he doesn’t care much for Emma. He allows her to stay in his house and pays her wages. He stood and paced the room, as he declared that her services were no longer needed. Mrs. Hartley could stay, as she handles the cooking. His stance changed. There was a look in his eyes that I have seen before, and I knew that he was starting to feel angry. I wanted to prevent the situation from escalating. He began to pace again, and I watched him for a few moments. He spun toward me and yelled that he was tired of ungrateful people living in his house. He accused me of being ungrateful as well. I did my best to assuage him; I expressed how grateful I am.
I put my hand on his arm. He did not seem to relax. It was as if he didn’t hear a word I said. I knew I needed to change tactics. I have found that if I can get him aroused, I avoid getting hit in the face. He’ll push me and be rough once we get to our room, but I need to keep him away from my daughter.
I explained that Emma is a fantastic nanny. I called on her and told her to take care of Grace and to make sure she was fed and warm. I gave her a look, and she knew what that meant. I was going to sacrifice myself to keep everyone else safe. She looked at me with pleading eyes, yet agreed. She picked up Grace and left.
He grabbed my waist roughly. I yelled out in surprise and immediately Emma ran back into the room. She looked at me in his arms, and I could see the hurt on her face. My heart was instantly crushed. I feared for a moment that he saw the hurt she wore. He looked back at me and leaned forward and kissed me hard. Just as roughly, he pulled away. She walked back out of the room. He closed the door behind her.
As I suspected, his anger dissipated when we were finished with our deed. I went to check on the baby, while Arthur went back down to his cellar. Emma’s face was tear streaked, and I kneeled before her and wiped her face. I whispered my apologies to her and told her that I love only her. She nodded and attempted to smile. She knows what needs to be done in situations that can escalate quickly. It didn’t hurt her any less. I looked around the room. Seeing no one, I kissed her quickly. I stood up when I heard Grace beginning to stir.
I whispered to Emma that I could not allow him to be angry with Grace in the house. I explained that this was my cross to bear for all of us. I looked at her,
as I picked up my baby. Calling my name, Emma stood and walked toward me. She lowered her voice and put her hand on my back. She reminded me that the heavy burden was not mine alone. I realized what she meant by that, and I nodded in agreement. I smiled at her. Grace let out a wail, and I knew it was time for her to eat.
Chapter Seventeen
Aiden slammed the front door as he walked into his condo. He was angry. He felt betrayed by Nikolai. He thought about Reese. He wanted her help but didn’t know how to ask. He also knew the clock was running down. He needed to have this wrapped up in a month, and he was still short on cash. He hadn’t called Reese in a few days. He’d only called for Zachary. They spoke briefly, but Aiden didn’t feel it was substantial. He realized that even though he’d given up having the best relationship with his son, he did love him and wanted to try a little bit harder. Zachary would make a great older brother. He had never considered that before. Now, it was a reality. Once he had the money issue resolved, he would be able to deal with the rest of the problems in his life. His relationship with Zachary was on that list. He grabbed his phone and tried to call Reese. It went to voicemail. He called her again. Voicemail.
His phone rang in his hand. “Reese?”
“No, Aiden. This is Helena. We need to talk.” He sighed and looked around the room as though he could find an escape.
“I’m kind of busy at the moment.”
“I just had an interesting phone call from the IRS. What is this about an audit?”
“I’ve got it under control. They just want confirmation of the grant releases for the last year, because your fundraiser created a big jump in spending.”
“Do you think I am an idiot?”
“Excuse me?”
“Do you think I wouldn’t look into our interests after hearing this news and look at the transactions over the last year myself? It seems there are funds missing from the account.”
He was silent for a moment. “That is troubling. I will make sure to go through line by line and figure out how much discrepancy there is and why.”
“Don’t bother. I have already had a forensic accountant look through everything. I know which checks you skimmed from and that the quarter of a million-dollar discrepancy somehow managed to get into the account of a new corporation, Triple A Development. The research I’ve done says this company is working on a new development deal to revitalize an old warehouse, down by the waterfront. You used your own name in the paperwork. Really?”
Aiden, didn’t know what to do or say. He cursed himself. He’d created the corporation so Reese wouldn’t catch wind that he was the man behind the new waterfront development. The newspaper had caught wind of the deal and called to ask for an interview about the prospect. Before he agreed to meet with their young journalist, Janice McCoy, he immediately moved to put all assets under the corporation. He persuaded her to keep his name out of the story. He hadn’t expected to fall in love with her.
“These are the terms you will agree to, without argument, if you want to stay out of jail. I am having my lawyer draw up papers as we speak. We are going to nullify the prenuptial agreement, and all my daughter’s assets will remain as hers alone. Your hold on the foundation will cease immediately, since you felt the need to lie to the board and use our money for your own personal business. Ironically, we would have been interested in investing in this project, had you simply asked for support.”
Aiden’s anger brewed in silence, while Helena continued. “Custody of Zachary. Regardless of what I think of you as a father, you have a right to him. Partial custody is all you will get. However, I would urge you to consider a realistic visitation schedule. You will not ask for alimony. The assets that you can keep include the condo in Portland. I’m sure Reese will be willing to negotiate a few other smaller items with you, but this is the majority of what you deserve. You will sign the paperwork for the divorce without issue.”
“Hold on a second. You don’t get to dictate the end of my marriage.”
“I am giving you the money that you need to replace what you took. I feel this is more than fair, considering everything you’ve done. I expect you to quietly move on with your life. If you do not agree to this, you will be ruined. I will also make sure you never work in this town again, that is, if you avoid jail time for stealing money from our family.”
“Helena…”
“You have been a dark cloud on this family long enough. The papers should be finished by the end of the week. You will never speak a word of this arrangement to Reese. I will be speaking to her about it myself. Do you understand me?”
“What if I do tell her that you are buying me out of our marriage? She wanted to work things out with me and agreed to move out of Portland so that we could try. What if she wants to stay married to me?”
“If that is the case, then you have nothing to worry about. You would still be married. I will pay the money back, and you will sign the papers nullifying the prenup. She will no longer have to live with that damn agreement over her head. It is my greatest regret. If she wants to be with you for love, she is free to do so.”
That was not going to go well for Aiden and he knew it. Cutting off his money source was a huge setback. How could he make Reese love him again? She would feel guilty about breaking up their family. He could still have access to her money. On the other hand, Janice was someone he preferred to spend his time with. They had a baby on the way. He knew Helena had him dead to rights with the “accounting discrepancy,” and there was no other way out. “Fine. I’ll take your deal. Send the papers to my attorney. When it’s all settled, I’ll sign.”
“Good choice, Aiden. Well done. My lawyer will be in contact soon.” She hung up the phone. He suddenly didn’t know what he wanted, to stay married or not. He knew one thing for sure. His money problems were coming to an end. The deal on the waterfront could start construction, and the bank would release funding. He was going to make a lot of money, money that would be all his.
He thought about the condo. He could sell it and get a decent sized house and change his life for the better. He had moved Reese out of the way so that he had time to figure out his next move. If he was free to get divorced, he had a shot to start over with Janice. For a few moments, he felt a sense of loss. There wasn’t a single event, or anything that he could put his finger on. One day, he’d looked at her, and the intensity of his feelings for her had faded. He still cared about her; she was the mother of his son. Being caught up in money laundering with Nikolai had put a lot of stress on him. Getting out was supposed to be a great thing for everyone. Janice getting pregnant had not been in the plan. He couldn’t help but wonder if that was more of a blessing in disguise than he’d thought. One thing was for sure, he knew that he needed to talk to Reese.
†
Reese was sitting on her bed, reading another journal. Zachary was lying next to her, breathing softly, as she ran her hand over his head absentmindedly. She loved that he still could lie down with her and fall asleep. The journals still intrigued her. Arthur had received a job offer in Europe and would be gone for six months. Reese was glad he was to be out of the house, so that the two women could be together with their new baby girl. She didn’t want to admit it to Julia, but her favorite parts of the diaries were the descriptions that Clara gave of her and Emma’s love making. Reese would imagine that it was she who was touching Julia the way that Clara would touch Emma. It was very clear that the two women loved each other greatly.
She was reading about an argument Clara had with Emma over Arthur, when she reached the last page of that book. She got up from the bed and walked to the closet. She tucked the read journal along with the others and grabbed the next one. She noticed a small box that wasn’t there before. She pulled it down from the shelf and carried it back to her bed. Inside the box, she found a beautiful necklace. She lifted the chain and touched the stone pendant. She smiled at the gesture. A note in Julia’s handwriting was attached to the box lid.
Reese,
<
br /> I hope that you find this little gift when you need it most. The past two weeks have been the best of my life. I feel closer to you than I ever thought possible. The gratitude that I feel, to be able to be in your life, fills up my entire being. You are warm, gracious, kind, and fun to be around. I hope you will cling to these rules while we’re apart. Keep smiling that beautiful smile that you own, every single day. The world is a better place because of the beauty that shines through your smile. Be happy to spend time with your incredible son, because you are a wonderful mother. The last rule to live by is to know that you are my first thought when I wake up in the morning and the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep. I love you, and I always will.
Love,
Julia
Reese read the letter a few times, then folded it over her heart. She closed her eyes. She’d never had someone see who she really was. She hid from the world most of her life. She even hid herself from her parents. Being alone was comfortable. As an only child of two parents who traveled the world, she was raised with a strong sense of independence. That independence had given her confidence, despite not having many friends at boarding school. Reese was more at ease alone with just her own thoughts than when she was in a large group of people.
Before she had Zachary, she didn’t know she could love another human the way she loved him. She’d immediately known that she would always have him, and that was enough. It would always be enough. Now, there was Julia. Reese couldn’t really believe how much Julia had already crept into her heart, or how deeply. She heard her phone ring and picked it up.