by C S Joseph
“That’s what they say. Why couldn’t we talk to each other like this in our marriage?”
Aiden sighed. “Well, since I’m being honest about everything else… I was so proud to have you by my side. At the same time, I was so scared of losing you. Deep down, I knew that you only married me for Zachary. That was a bitter pill to swallow.”
“I need you to know that I have cared about you, very much. No matter what the reasons for us getting together were, we had some good times over the years. I always tried to be a good wife to you.” She reached out and took his hand.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe we both went into this relationship for the wrong reasons.” They shared a quiet moment.
“Let’s agree that, in the next phase of our relationship, we talk about our expectations and co-parent our son even when it’s hard.”
“You’ve got a deal. I should have paperwork by the end of the week. I’ll have you served with my offer. You’ll have to give a response. From there, we’ll work it all out. I’m heading back to Portland. I would like to talk to Zachary about the baby myself. Tell him that I’ll make sure to call him tonight.”
They stood and shared a hug. “Aiden, please be safe on your drive.” It was an odd feeling; she wanted to melt into him. This sort of communication might have saved their marriage five years ago. He nodded, then yelled out his good-byes to Helena before he left.
Helena walked into the room, while Reese wiped tears from her face. “Are you alright, sweetheart?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m relieved and so incredibly sad.”
“I can only imagine. Divorce is still a grieving process. You’ll have your highs and lows and everything in between.” Helena put her hand on her daughter’s shoulder.
“Who are you and what have you done with my mother?” Reese suddenly asked. “Why are you not upset by all of the tears and gushy nonsense?”
“In the spirit of your conversation with Aiden, which I may have overheard… I’ll be honest. I’ve been seeing a therapist for the past few months. It was just time for me to deal with your father’s death. I realize that it was many years too late. I’ve been learning to embrace my emotional side. It’s done wonders for my art. It’s been liberating in a lot of ways. I realized that I love you more than anything else in my life. I don’t know why I was distant your entire life. That is how my parents raised me, so that is how I thought a parent should be. I’ve seen you every so often throughout Zachary’s life, and you don’t do that with him. You’re warm and compassionate. Watching you made me uncomfortable. I thought I had failed as a mother. My therapist has been challenging me on my ideas of parenting.”
Reese was speechless. It felt like her world was off kilter. She just sat down and held her spinning head in her hands. First Aiden, now her mother. She couldn’t decide whether this new honesty was a good thing or not. She suddenly felt the need to run away. “Mother, I can’t handle all of this right now. I’m very glad that you’ve been working on yourself and that you want to help our relationship. I need a break right now. I’m going to go upstairs and read for a little while.”
“I understand. Please, take your time. I’ll be down here when you’re ready.”
“Maybe, in a while, we can go out to the garden?”
“I would love to. Aiden brought the paper for me, and I want to read through it. I’ll see you later.” She kissed Reese on her forehead, and the women went their separate ways.
Chapter Eighteen
January 22, 1923
Our lives have been split in two. We all have become something in his presence and transform back into our true selves once he is gone. He has been home since Grace’s third birthday. It’s been a difficult few months. When the monster awakens, Arthur yells out for Emma to take Grace down to the cellar, so that Grace won’t see his transgressions against me. He has not used the space in the cellar for several years. Since he has been home regularly, he has taken over the entire house and no longer needs his special hidden room. Emma tells me that she and Grace sit on the bed and read stories or play games. She has taught her many songs down there. I’ve heard Grace singing them to herself, until Arthur walks into the room.
I know that it’s better for her to not see him take his anger out on me. It’s better for Emma too. She gets to protect our child in a way that she cannot protect me. We wander around the house and the grounds without much conversation. It can be eerily quiet. It breaks my heart that my happy, fun loving, and beautiful little girl changes so much around him. She looks down at the floor. When he speaks to her, she only returns a few words, “Yes, Daddy, I love you too.” The flat, emotionless tone chills me to the bone.
When the man leaves, she wakes up and runs around the house singing and telling stories. She gives us all hugs and kisses. She plays with her toys and dolls. Everyone in the house feels lighter. The memories of what happened disappear into the air around us. Emma is angry but does not allow herself to show it. I think that she doesn’t want more anger to permeate our lives.
Yesterday, the four of us went to church without him. I’m fearful that Father Bronwyn is starting to notice something is wrong with us. When we walked in, Grace was in the middle of telling a story of hers. He stopped me and said that was the most he’d heard her speak in months. I did my best to deflect his comment. He’s noticed that she’s a very different child when her father isn’t home. I grabbed his hand and said that I couldn’t wait to hear the sermon he’d prepared for us. I must have allowed some fear to slip through. He looked into my eyes and nodded. He welcomed us and thanked us for coming.
When we walked inside, Agnes saw us without Arthur and happily invited us to sit with her family. Grace ran over to Joshua and asked him to tell her a joke. We accepted the offer and sat in the pew. The sermon was lovely. We were able to have nice conversations with our fellow congregants after the service ended. Emma and I later discussed how Agnes won’t even speak to us when Arthur is there. We hadn’t heard from her since he came home again. Today, it was as if we’d talked the week before. I’m not sure who knows anything. We’ve never spoken a word. Ignorance is their bliss. We will just keep living through our nightmare.
March 8, 1923
The past couple weeks have put me on edge. Arthur has been loving and kind to all of us. He’s allowed us to accompany him to town and invited Agnes and Gregory over for dinner. They agreed and came over last night. He was talking about the work he has been doing and about his European adventures. Gregory seemed very tense when he arrived. However, he was soon laughing and accepted Arthur’s invitation to have drinks and cigars out on the porch. Agnes spent a lot of time focusing on the children. She looked uneasy.
We sat and spoke on the davenport in the parlor. She told me that she doesn’t trust Arthur. She couldn’t put her finger on it but there is something about him that makes her worry for us and our safety when he is home. I tried to change the topic of conversation. She just sat and looked at me with compassionate eyes. She spoke very softly and told me that if I ever need a safe place, for any reason, that she and Gregory have already decided to provide all of us such a place. I knew that she meant it. I don’t think that she truly understands the danger that we would be putting her in. I smiled. I couldn’t bring myself to thank her.
This morning, Arthur asked Grace to sit with him. He wanted to read her a story. She slowly walked over and sat next to him. He picked up a book and began to read. I watched as he put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. She sat there very still, looking at the floor. He continued reading for a while. Soon, he asked her if she was enjoying the story. She answered her normal, “Yes, Daddy.” He asked her what she liked about the story. She sat there and didn’t answer him. He asked again, and I felt his anger growing. I did something that I never do. I stepped into the room and asked her to come with me. She did as she was told. Arthur stood up and quickly slapped me across the face. He demanded an answer from her. She started crying, but he cont
inued his assault. The more he hit me, the more she cried. Finally, she yelled out that she loved the princess. His hand stopped in midair. He asked her to ‘Come give Daddy a hug’. She cried and obeyed. I felt something running down my cheek. He’d split open my eyebrow. He looked over at me and told me to wash up, because I was upsetting our daughter. He’d never done that in front of her before. I’ve never seen her so scared.
Arthur seemed lighthearted into the evening. When he left for town, Grace came over to me and put her hand to my eye. She asked me if it hurt. I told her only a little. She gave me a hug and told me she loves me. She picked up her doll and ran upstairs. Mrs. Hartley walked in the room and warned me that this was different. “The child needs to be protected,” she said. I swore that I would take us all to a safe place, if he ever lifts a hand toward her. She nodded and looked briefly at the cut over my eye. Emma walked in, which was her mother’s cue to leave.
As always, Emma told me how much she loves me and that it won’t be long before he is gone and she will show me just how much she does. I explained to her, for the millionth time, that I can control the situation if I continue to make myself the target. I can tell that she still doesn’t like it. I knew that she never would.
May 1, 1923
It was an odd day for Father Bronwyn to come calling. We all froze and felt such a fright when we heard someone knocking on the front door. Arthur sent all of us into the kitchen, but I could hear them speaking when he answered the door. The Father was visiting to ask why we’d missed church for the past three weeks. Arthur said that Grace had become ill and it spread around the household. He thought it best to keep us safe at home. We were feeling much better and would be back the next week. It seemed that the Father accepted the explanation. He asked if he could come in to check on us. Arthur told him it was not a good idea. The Father asked if one of his parishioners was refusing to invite him into their house. Arthur stepped aside.
I knew what to do. I walked out with Grace and welcomed him. He looked at me and asked if we were all feeling better. I nodded. He sat in the parlor with us, and we all enjoyed a lovely chat. He asked after Emma and her mother, and Arthur invited them in to sit with us. After a short while, the Father took his leave.
Arthur asked me to take Grace down to the cellar. I didn’t understand but took Grace down into the room. She ran over and sat on the bed, excited that I was with her this time. I heard some yelling, and then I heard a loud thump on the floor above. My heart sank. The monster was out. I was safe with Grace, and he was attacking Emma. I asked Grace to stay put. I started to walk up the steps, but she called out for me to stop. She told me to sit and stay safe with her. I turned and sat back down.
Later, Emma told me that he slapped her mother, and grabbed her by the back of the head and threw her on the floor. She stood back up to keep him from hurting her mother.
He hurt her. We need to be more careful. I don’t know what is happening, but there have always been lines that he never crossed. Why is this getting worse?
June 30, 1923
Arthur left early this morning to head back to Portland. He doesn’t expect to be back for a month. Everyone in the house is greatly relieved. Emma has put her foot down. She is putting together an escape plan. Each of us has a job in order for us to be prepared to leave for good. We need to pack up some clothes and other items. We are leaving in a fortnight. Agnes and Gregory are preparing for us to join them. We are to stay with them for a few days. From there, Father Bronwyn will help us move to a different location. We will be on the run.
Emma is organizing what is needed and what must be left behind. I feel better now that we have a plan in place and people in our community to help us. I never thought that we’d have help. I’m getting out of this nightmare! I’m saving my daughter. I’m saving the people that I love. I’ve waited too long to save them. I don’t know why I thought I could control this situation. Today is a new day for us all.
July 2, 1923
I am terribly frightened. Emma and I put Grace to sleep tonight. We went into our room and began to make love. Suddenly, the door swung open and Arthur was standing there. He looked at us with rage in his eyes. We were both terrified. He grabbed Emma and threw her against the wall. She collapsed to the floor like a rag doll.
He picked me up by my hair and dragged me downstairs. He threw me to the floor in the parlor. Emma must have come to, because she came down to make sure I was alright. He screamed for her to get away from me. He went back upstairs and pulled Mrs. Hartley down in a similar fashion.
He screamed at Mrs. Hartley that she knew the “abomination” was happening and that she did nothing to stop it. He slapped her across the face. Mrs. Hartley looked at Emma and me in our nakedness. I felt such shame. He said that he would not stand for it in his house and that he would kill us all. He grabbed Mrs. Hartley and shoved her on his horse. He jumped on and left. I don’t know where he is or how long I have before he returns. I fear this may be my end.
Emma is packing our essentials. We have not put everything into place yet. Grace woke up and is being very quiet. I want to leave some sort of evidence of what has transpired here in this house. This journal is the official accounting of what led to us leaving this house. I may never be back here again. I will hide the journals in the room in the cellar.
Arthur Dumas is an angry man. He has threatened our lives. We must try to escape with Grace before he returns. I fear it is too late for Mrs. Hartley. If I wind up missing, it is Arthur’s doing. Dear God, he has returned…
Chapter Nineteen
“Julia, I just got to the last journal. The last entry that Clara left was telling that she was scared for her life. Arthur said he was going to kill them. I think I know what the large stain is in the living room. Arthur murdered her in this very house. I want to find out what happened to her. I just can’t believe that she’s dead. I know this sounds crazy, but I feel like she’s my friend. I care about her!” She was talking a mile a minute, and Julia’s attempts to stop her and get her to calm down were in vain.
“Reese. If she was scared for her life, why was she writing about it in her journal? If she was killed by her husband, it’s terrible. But we can’t do anything about it.”
“She left her journals to tell someone the story. They were trying to escape. She wanted there to be evidence if she went missing. She wanted someone to know that her husband murdered her. She never got the chance to tell the rest of her story. He stole her life.”
Julia didn’t know what to say. There was nothing they could do to help the woman. It happened so long ago. She didn’t know if she should point out that this was just someone’s story, a complete stranger at that.
She knew that wouldn’t fly. Reese was an author, and looking for unresolved stories was something she was compelled to do. Julia knew someone who was good at research; maybe her cousin could help.
“How can I help?” Julia asked Reese. “Maybe we can see if there is an archive in town or something of old public records. See if there is an old story about a woman going missing around the time of the journals. She knew people in town at the time, right?”
“Yes. She was going to have help from some of her friends.” Reese flipped through one of the journals, looking for the names as she paced the room.
“I have a cousin who is actually pretty good at researching people. I could ask her. If she gives you anything good, maybe you could give her a couple bucks.”
Reese agreed that she would love the help. Julia heard Reese nervously tapping something.
“Julia, I have something else to talk to you about. I should have called you sooner. Aiden came home earlier, and we were able to carry on a conversation about getting divorced. We agree on a lot of things. He wants it too. He’s going to have his lawyer draw up papers by the end of the week. It’s just been a bit overwhelming. I wanted to do some light reading and try to relax a bit. Ha. That worked.”
“I wish I was there to hold you.”
&n
bsp; “My mother’s here. We’re going to go work on the garden.”
“You’re having all sorts of visitors up there today.”
“Unfortunately, not the one that I want.”
“What caused Aiden to not be an asshole for once? It’s so out of character for him. It makes me feel like there’s something more to the story.” Julia paused and heard Reese let out a deep sigh.
“He got his girlfriend pregnant. He wants out of this marriage as much as I do, and we talked honestly with each other. I think that he wants to be a better man. It was a rush of feelings. If he’d been that honest with me years ago, it might have saved our marriage.”
“Why is your mother there? She never sees you for the sake of a visit. You only see her when it’s needed for work.”
“That’s another conversation we will have at some point. She’s been going to therapy and wants to mend our relationship.”
“Wow. You’ve had a big day. I’ll let you get back to your mother. I’ll give my cousin a call. Talk to you soon. I do want to hear more about your day, after you’ve had a chance to process.”
“Thank you, Julia.”
“Of course, I’ll talk to you later. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
†
Reese hung up the phone. She went downstairs and saw Helena sitting in the living room, reading a book. “Are you ready?”