by Anna Leonard
Elizabeth smiled in return, but could feel the strain to hold it, and she was afraid it looked more like a grimace. “So I noticed. You might have mentioned that to me before I panicked, thinking you were going to die?”
“It was...a close thing. You saved my life, Elizabeth. If you hadn’t found me then...”
“If it hadn’t been for you, we would have been dead already,” she replied, and was taken aback by the spasm of pain that crossed his face. “Are you all right, should I call Kit back?”
“No!” His fingers tightened more around hers, keeping her there when she would have gotten up, gone for help. “So long as you’re here, I’m all right.” There was an odd note in his voice, as though the fact shocked him. “I’m all right, so long as you’re near me.”
He drew a breath, carefully, as though testing his ribs, or what he was about to say was painful.
“I don’t know how long it will last, though.”
What would last? she wondered, totally confused by his words. Only the feel of his hand holding hers seemed real, at that moment, the heat of his skin touching hers. The rest of the world—the worries, the fears—receded into the foggy distance, even her sister.
Josh looked her in the eye, unflinching. “Elizabeth...I shouldn’t be here. I’m supposed to be on search.”
“Search?”
He nodded, not breaking eye contact. “I need...I need to find my mate.”
Understanding broke over her, a cold shower of realization. “The pure virgin.” She heard the bitterness in her voice; were they still so backward as a culture, to venerate a woman’s virginity over anything else? Or was it just his culture, his people?
He heard the bitterness, too, and he looked away from her, instead gazing over her shoulder, as though seeing something in the distance, far away. “It’s what we do. It’s what we are. Unicorn and virgin. The myths were right about that, anyway. But I don’t care. I...I don’t understand it, but being next to you, being with you...it feels right. The rut fades, and the urge to search goes away, when you’re next to me.”
Now she was confused all over again. “You sound like that’s a bad thing.”
“It is.” He refocused on her face, and hurried to explain. “Oh, God, no, Elizabeth, not because of you, don’t take it that way, but...the rut is part of us, the males of the herd. It drives us, tells us when it’s time to find a mate, to rejoin the herd. If we don’t heed it...”
“What happens?” Her voice was steady, which surprised Elizabeth. She was feeling a lot of things right now, and not one of them was “steady.” Confused, and worried, and, all right, more than a little fluttery inside because of the way his hand was still warm against hers, but... The worry won out. “Josh, what happens if you don’t search, and find your virgin mate?”
He didn’t want to tell her. She could tell that, and it made her all the more determined to get it out of him.
He closed his eyes, and tried to turn his head away, but Elizabeth used her free hand to cup his cheek so he couldn’t look away.
“Tell me,” she said, doing her best to make it a lead-mare command.
“If I don’t satisfy the rut, I will be trapped in four-legged self for the rest of my life. I won’t be able to shift any longer.”
The words came out softly, and Elizabeth heard them, but it took a minute for her to understand.
“Trapped...in unicorn form?”
“Yes.” He laughed, a tired chuckle, still not looking at her, but leaning into her touch. “I enjoy my four-legged form, and some of my kin choose to spend most of their lives that way, running with the wild horse herds we protect, but it wasn’t how I had seen myself growing old. I wanted to be part of humanity as well as herd. I never really thought about what it would require, not until the rut came on me last week. And even then—I always planned to settle down and have children, so why not now? And if my instinct led me rather than my brain...was there really all that much difference? The couples in my herd, they’re happy, they love each other. It works out the way it should.
“But I can’t let you go, Elizabeth. I think about it, I tell myself I have to do it, and I can’t. I can’t turn away, go looking for someone else, not when you’re next to me. No matter what the cost.”
“Shhhh. Just...shhh. Stop it.” Her mind was whirling, too much shoved at her all at once. Forever in horse form? Because of her? Her hand still on his face, her thumb stroked the soft skin under his eye, trying to soothe him. “How much time do you have? How... Josh, how much time did you waste, helping us?”
“Not a waste,” he said, smiling a little, a hint of sweetness. “I have to make sure that you and Maggie are safe.”
Suddenly she was angry—no, furious. “Not a waste? You risked your self...not just injury but forever... Are you an idiot?”
“Yes.”
That soft admission broke her heart, and she leaned forward and rested her head against his shoulder, not caring how uncomfortable the position was for her, his fingers still twined with hers.
“Oh, Josh...”
“I told you. If you and Maggie are safe, it’s all worth it.” He tried to smile. “The fact that the rut is quiet when I’m with you, that has to mean something.”
She couldn’t scold him, not when he said things like that, but she had to be practical, pragmatic. Someone in this group had to be sensible! “Maybe it’s Maggie. She’s a virgin.”
His chuckle rumbled under her touch. “Don’t be an idiot. She’s too young. It takes more than puberty to make a girl into a woman, and that’s what the rut looks for.”
“A suitable mate.” And she, Elizabeth, wasn’t suitable. But he wanted her...that was what he had said, wasn’t it? This thing she felt, he felt it, too. But that didn’t matter.
It hurt, stabbing hurt, to be told, however indirectly, that she wasn’t suitable. The thought that he would leave her, go to another woman, be with that woman all his life, that another woman would have that place in his heart, in his home, in his bed... The thought was an emotional injury, an ice-pick stab from nowhere, hard and cold into her heart.
Elizabeth had been in love before, had lovers she had cared deeply about, and never before had the thought of being without one of them left her feeling like this, twisted and cold and aching inside her chest. She didn’t like it, at all. Josh had somehow taken something from her, some freedom she’d had before, with his admission, and it made her want to get up and run out the door, to grab Maggie and flee....
“Don’t leave me, Elizabeth. Please don’t leave me.”
The urge settled down, the coldness offset by the warmth of his hand, his voice. “I won’t.”
She wouldn’t leave him, and not just because she felt guilty for his injuries, or that they needed him in order to avoid or run off Ray’s men, to get Maggie somewhere safe. But she wouldn’t let him sacrifice his future for them, either. No matter what he thought he felt, right now.
Josh was still trying to convince her that it was all right. “There’s time, yet. The rut is just warning me that my days as a bachelor stallion are over, that’s all. So long as I can still shift, still hold human form, it’s okay. We’ll have time to get Maggie somewhere safe, somewhere they can’t reach her, somewhere protected.”
“And then...” Elizabeth heard her voice break, and hated herself for it, for showing weakness when she needed to be strong. “And then we’ll find you your mate.”
* * *
Outside the door, unheard by either of them, Maggie rested her forehead against the door, hot tears in her eyes, and guilt in every inch of her frame. She hadn’t wanted to eavesdrop; she had woken and wanted to make sure Josh was okay.
All this because she had called him. Because Ray wanted her for something. Because she was different. Home lost, humanity lost, love lost...because of her.
No. Her mouth firmed into a hard line, and she moved away from the door. No. Maggie wasn’t dumb; she knew what her sister had sacrificed to keep her safe, both when their parents died, and now.
It was her turn to be brave.
* * *
Josh tried to argue with her determination to find his missing mate, but Elizabeth held firm.
“You aren’t going to be stuck anywhere because you helped us,” she said. “You don’t know how determined I can be, Mustang.”
“Oh, I think I have some idea,” he said, but his voice was drowsy, and whatever Kit had given him was starting to kick in.
Leaving Josh to get some rest, Elizabeth went back upstairs to the room she was sharing with her sister. It was a small attic space, barely even a bedroom, except for the narrow bed and wardrobe against one wall. They used it for when Kit’s grandson came to visit, Lou had explained when he showed them the space. He was only ten, and spent more time outdoors than in, so they had never bothered to update the furnishings.
Elizabeth had assured Lou that they were thankful for any roof over their head, more intent on getting back downstairs to check on Josh than where she might actually sleep that night.
Now the desire to curl up in the nest of pillows and blanket Maggie had arranged next to the bed, to pull the blanket over her head and try to get some sleep, was tempting. Who knew when they would have a safe roof over their head again? But there was too much whirling in her mind for her to think she would get any sleep, and there was too much to do, anyway. Josh would be ready to travel again in the morning, he insisted, and while Elizabeth wanted to make him stay put longer, until Kit gave him a clean bill of health, she knew that he was right. Not only did they have to be moving for Maggie’s sake, and his own, but for their hosts’ safety, as well.
Ray would kill anyone who stood between him and Maggie. Elizabeth understood that now, finally. Just the memory of those beasts made her shudder. Whatever Ray was doing, or planning, whatever his sidelong looks and veiled comments about her sister meant, it was worse than no good.
The only way to make sure that Maggie was safe was to make her disappear.
And Josh... She had to make sure that he got back on the search. The idea tore something inside her, hot and painful. She had only just met the man. Unicorn. Mustang. He wasn’t even human.... But he was true, and kind, and loyal, and loving. And he loved her. Or he thought he did.
There was a padded bench under the window, and she settled herself on that, looking out into the night. The bare lines of fields and distant trees, black ink on paler black paper, was soothing. She rested her forehead against the cool glass, and tried to sort out her own emotions.
Did she love Josh? Was this agony inside her, this physical need, love? What about the sense of calmness, of being safe and protected, that she felt when he was nearby? She didn’t know. For the first time she wished she had read romance novels as a teenager instead of history books, or listened when the other girls gossiped in the bathroom. Her experiences with love had been gentler, sweeter than this—but they had been with gentler, sweeter boys. Josh—Mustang—was neither sweet, nor a boy.
And he wanted her.
And he needed to take a virgin mate.
Could she live with that? Could she be in love with someone who couldn’t be with her—or had to be shared?
No. Elizabeth knew herself well enough to know the answer to that, even without the pain in her midsection when she asked the question. She did not share well. But if she held on to him...he would lose his humanity. And while she understood that the Mustang was as much a part of him as...as her dreaming, or Maggie’s ability to reach animals, that wasn’t the form she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
And she did want to spend the rest of her life with him, Elizabeth discovered. She wanted to wake in the morning and see him watching her, to be able to reach out during the day and touch his hand, hear his voice, listen to his words and have him hear hers. To tumble into bed at night and feel his skin against hers, the soft sound of his breathing, even to be annoyed when he tried to take up more of the bed, or left the toilet seat up, or...
Was that love? She thought that maybe it was, and it terrified her, the depth of it, sudden and unanticipated.
“Mother, what should I do?”
The image of her mother—tall and lean, her dark hair prematurely graying but her face barely lined—came to her. The way her mother had looked before the illness, before everything went bad. The last time they had sat down over cookies and tea and talked, girl talk, her father banished to the TV room with Maggie and a bowl of popcorn, the two of them giggling like kids....
“What should I do?”
Follow your dreams, her mother’s memory told her. Your dreams have always been true.
Her mother had never known of her eldest daughter’s dreaming, had never given that particular encouragement. The memory wasn’t real. And she had only dreamed of bad things, since the flu struck. Worrisome things, terrifying things.
Except when the Mustang stood guard over them. The thought came to her, and despite herself her lips curled up in a smile. When Josh was nearby, her dreams were peaceful and sweet.
Her dreams told her what to do.
Her head resting against the windowpane, Elizabeth closed her eyes, and slipped into a light doze.
* * *
Josh woke, aware that something was wrong. He lay still, trying to hear what had woken him. His body felt fine—sore and achy, but no pain anywhere. The room was still and quiet, and from the echoes of that silence he guessed that the entire house was asleep, and it was somewhere past midnight. The rut stirred with him, making his body cramp a little, but he was used to that now, and shoved it aside to follow whatever had woken him.
Was it as simple as being in a strange bed? Did he have to use the bathroom, or was he hungry? Josh ran through the checklist in a matter of seconds, and dismissed those options. No. Something else had woken him.
Josh...
There. Just a whisper of a scent, more than a memory but less than a voice... Elizabeth.
She was dreaming of him. He knew it the way he knew which way the wind was blowing, or where fresh water could be found. She had called his name in her dream, and he had responded.
The rut flared again, as though angry at him, and he doubled over from the pain of it, this time. It would not be denied much longer; the urge to shift into Mustang form was stronger, almost out of his control.
“Not yet,” he told it. “I need to get them somewhere safe.”
His earlier decision had been the best option, even if Elizabeth didn’t agree. He would convince her to join the herd. Grace would take them in. She would know what to do. And the herd could protect them against any monster their enemy might send against them.
Josh thought of Maggie playing with the yearlings, of Elizabeth walking with his sisters, and he smiled despite the pain.
Josh!
That was no peaceful whisper, and he sat upright in bed, ignoring the pain that shot upward from his ribs at the sudden movement. Elizabeth needed him.
* * *
One minute she had been drifting, a soft, peaceful doze where she walked on soft grass, the sun bright and warm overhead, the air clean and smelling of fresh straw and wet dirt, a warm body moving next to her, making her feel safe and protected, and the next she was surrounded by howling monsters in a dark space, alone and bereft of any hope at all. A huge, clawed hand came out of the darkness to swipe at her, and she was suddenly aware that she was supposed to be taking care of Maggie, she had promised her parents she would take care of Maggie, where was Maggie?
“Josh!”
Even as she called for help, Elizabeth was waking up, aware that she was in the spare bedroom in the farmhouse, that there were no monsters, that Maggie was in
the bed asleep....
Elizabeth turned slowly, and looked at the bed, and the lump half-hidden under the covers.
Maggie was a sprawler. She used every inch of every bed she slept in. She never stayed so still for that long....
Elizabeth was across the room, pulling back the covers, already knowing what she would find before the body-shaped pillows were revealed, a white sheet of paper resting on top of one.
She turned again, knowing that Josh was in the doorway, barely even realizing that he was stark naked in his rush to respond.
“She’s gone!”
* * *
The note had been blunt and to the point: It’s because of me. I can tell where the bad animals are, and I think they can find me, too. They only want me. You’ll be safe now, and you can get Josh home in time, so he’s okay, too. It’s what Grandpa would have done. I love you. Maggie.
“Your grandfather was a brave man, I take it?”
Elizabeth was furious and terrified, all at once. “He decided he didn’t like the world he lived in, so he did something to change it. But he was never stupid about it, and he didn’t try to get himself killed. What was she thinking?” Her voice was barely a whisper; they didn’t want to risk waking their hosts, and having to explain this new development.
Josh touched her elbow, lightly, a feather touch, but it calmed her immediately. “They’ll find her. She’s right about that. That’s the only way they could have caught up with us so easily—if those creatures could sense her, too. But they won’t hurt her, Elizabeth. Not if this Ray is controlling them.”
“You fought them,” she said. “Do you really think anything can control them? His men shot one, rather than risk it coming back at them. They...”
“He won’t let anything happen to her. Especially if she doesn’t resist. They’ll bring her back to him without harm, and he will keep her safe.” A prisoner, but safe.
“Then I have to go back and get her out again,” Elizabeth said grimly. “And this time I don’t care who knows about it, about whatever it is he’s doing. I’ll tear the Community apart if I have to, in order to make sure she’s safe.” She didn’t care what it took, who she had to hurt, so long as her sister was free. The fierceness of it shook her to her core, and she welcomed it.