We finished eating in contented silence, and afterwards, I sighed a little. “This was really nice,” I said. “I mean, this is really nice.”
Ben smiled over at me. “I'm glad you think so,” he said. “I was a bit worried that you might start...I don't know, having second thoughts about all of this.”
I blinked over at him. “Second thoughts about…”
Ben shrugged. “Well, honestly, I was afraid that with the way I kept disappearing on you, you were going to start having second thoughts about being with me at all.”
I had a sudden flashback to kissing Dan at the frat party. I wondered if it was a flashback at all or if it was just an imagined memory, planted there because I knew, from Alex, that I had apparently kissed him, even if I didn't remember the details of the kiss. As much as I knew Ben wouldn't want to hear it…
“I kissed someone else,” I said in a rush, not looking at him. “It was dumb—it was so dumb—and it didn't mean anything. I didn't even really know the guy, I just met him at this party, and I was feeling really uncertain because you hadn't called me back, and I… I don't want to be one of those kinds of girls. Whatever kind of girl that might be. But I just...”
There was silence for a long moment, with Ben just staring at me. Then his face twisted bitterly and he climbed out of bed. “You said you were looking for the deal-breaker?” he said. “You just found it.”
Chapter Seventeen
I felt tears spring up in my eyes. “Ben, please,” I said, trying desperately to untangle myself from the bedding before he could get too far away. “Please, listen to me,” I pleaded.
“Why should I?” he snapped. “I should have known that this was too good to be true. I should have realized that you're just like every other girl out there—that those moments where you revealed your true self were little slip-ups to what you were actually like, when you weren't just trying to impress me. You probably aren't even a virgin, are you? You're just-”
“Ben,” I interrupted, feeling tears prick my eyes. “Ben, I didn't lie to you. None of it was a lie. None of it was an act. If I was okay with lying to you, I wouldn't have told you about the whole Dan thing. I wouldn't have spoiled a perfect weekend with…”
As much as I knew that I needed to get it out there in the open, I wished that I could take it all back, continue to enjoy the weekend. And then maybe after that weekend, I could tell him about it.
But that wouldn't have been fair to him. As I'd been thinking before, there was something about this weekend that felt like a commitment of sorts. It wasn't fair to get that commitment from him if he didn't know the whole story, if he didn't know that I had already cheated on him, when we'd hardly even started dating…
“Was it before or after you became my girlfriend?” Ben spat.
“After,” I admitted. “But before we had ever...kissed or anything. And I was drunk, Ben. I was so drunk. That's not an excuse; I know that what I did was wrong. But I was just so confused and...” The tears were really falling now, thick and fast, and I could tell from Ben's expression that he was torn, that on the one hand, he wanted to comfort me, while on the other hand, he was trying to find it in himself to hate my guts. I wouldn't be too surprised if, for all that he was a really nice guy, the latter won out. What I had done was utterly inexcusable. I knew that.
I dropped my head and brought my arms up around me as a sob wracked my body. “I knew you wouldn't want someone like me,” I said. “I don't know what I'm doing with any of this, Ben. I've never been in a relationship before, not like this, not something serious. I've kissed guys before, but I've never really… I mean, I've fooled around, but not really in something that meant anything. And I...” I trailed off shaking my head. “Sorry, that's all...excuses. Just forget it. I'm sorry.”
I stumbled over towards my bag, half-blinded by the tears coursing down my cheeks but also knowing that I would feel better once I had some clothes on, once I was no longer standing there naked as we both judged my actions. I should never have gone to that party to begin with.
“Have you talked to the guy since?” Ben asked, a strange note in his voice.
“No,” I said. “I don't even have his number or anything. I mean, he's also a student in the French department, so I doubt I can avoid him forever, but...” I shook my head. “It doesn't matter, though. I'm sorry that I…” I pulled a teeshirt on over my head, but before I could get my jeans on, Ben was there, turning me around to face him.
“I forget sometimes, you know,” Ben said, wiping away one of my tears.
“Forget what?” I asked tearfully.
“How young you are. And, honestly, how inexperienced you are. You seem so strong—and so sure of what you want. That sometimes, maybe I'm not being fair to you.”
“It wasn't fair for me to kiss someone else,” I said. “That was all me.”
“True,” Ben said. “But it also wasn't fair for me to disappear on you for a couple weeks. Nor was it fair for me to not tell you when I was away on business. And to be honest, I've been asking rather a lot of you by not even telling you what it is that I do for work...”
I shrugged a little. “It's okay,” I said. “Although I guess now I'll never know, right?” God, we were going to have such an awkward drive back to the city. Six hours without speaking to one another… This whole weekend had been such a huge mistake. I didn't know why I had jumped into it like this—we just plain didn't know one another well enough for this.
But it felt as though I had known him a lot longer than the weeks that I had actually known him, that was the thing.
“My parents own one of the largest vineyards in the state,” Ben said. “I work for the vineyard; I'm a sommelier—that is, a wine-taster.”
I blinked at him and then frowned. “And that was such a secret because…?”
Ben arched an eyebrow at me. “My parents own one of the biggest vineyards in the state,” he repeated, more slowly this time, as though he expected me to pick up on some secret clue. “On top of that, they have extensive vineyards in both Italy and France, which they inherited from their parents and married together. We're opening talks with different vineyards the world over to start a kind of...collective that will… Well, I don't want to bore you with all the details of it.”
“I don't understand,” I said, shaking my head. “Why did that have to be a secret? Were you afraid I was some sort of spy for the other wine companies? Is there even such a thing? Doesn't it depend on your grapes more than anything else? Or is there some sort of...I don't know, recipe? That you thought I might steal.”
Ben laughed, but he looked a little pained. “It's nothing like that,” he said. “But you remember the sports car that I picked you up in that first date? My da's car?”
Suddenly, it clicked. “You thought I was a gold-digger,” I said, frowning and wondering what I had done to give him that impression.
“No,” Ben said emphatically. “I never, for one second, thought that you were a gold-digger. I did, however, worry that if you knew who I was...well, you might treat me differently. Or you might want nothing to do with me. I manage to keep out of the press articles for the most part, because even though my family is wealthy, we don't really do anything too interesting. I mean, there was an article a couple years ago where I was named one of the hottest young bachelors under thirty, but...” He trailed off, looking sheepish.
I shook my head. “So you're, like...really rich, is what you're saying.”
“We're...very comfortable,” Ben said reluctantly.
I nodded a little to myself. Then, I bit my lower lip, glancing towards my stuff. “Well, I'm sorry to have wasted your time,” I said. “And I'm sure the right girl—who also isn't a gold-digger—is out there somewhere, just waiting to find you...”
Ben looked stricken for a moment. Then, his expression turned resigned. “Yeah, I know that it's a lot to deal with,” he said. He looked like he was struggling for words. “I just...honestly didn't think that you were the t
ype of person who would care that much about it.”
I blinked at him. “Are you breaking up with me or am I breaking up with you?” I asked.
Ben stared at me as well. “I definitely am not trying to break up with you,” he said slowly.
I breathed out a breath. “But I kissed someone else,” I reminded him.
“I'm not particularly happy about that,” Ben told me. “But at the same time, I can't help but understand it. Like I said, I wasn't being particularly fair to you either.” He shook his head. “It says a lot to me that you haven't talked to the guy since. And sure, you might run into him again in the future, but hopefully I'll be a...more reliable presence in your life at that point.”
I stared at him for a long moment, wondering if he was saying what I thought he was saying. “So you're not breaking up with me?” I asked, just to clarify.
“No,” he said. “And you're not breaking up with me?”
“Over the fact that you have a ridiculous amount of money?” I asked. “No, if I was going to break up with you over that, I would have done so when you first pulled up in your dad's car and said that he would probably welcome it if the car was stolen so that he'd have the chance to buy a new one...” I rolled my eyes a little. “Or maybe when you drunkenly ended up on a spur-of-the-moment trip to Thailand.”
Ben cracked a smile at that and then carefully pulled me into his arms, moving as though he were afraid to shatter something fragile. “Okay,” he said, laying his cheek against the top of my head. “Not breaking up—that's good.”
“Yeah,” I whispered back. “That's really good.”
Chapter Eighteen
The next morning, Ben was still in bed when I woke up. He was spooning me, his arms strong and solid wrapped around me. God, I could get used to the feeling of waking up next to him…
Again, I wondered idly whether this was all moving too fast, but after yesterday's heavy conversations in the morning, we'd ended up relaxing around the cabin for the rest of the day, watching movies and eating popcorn and drinking wine, and everything had felt so...incredibly comfortable. No doubt because everything was finally out on the table between us, so to speak.
I shifted against Ben, wondering if maybe it was my turn to make breakfast for him. I wasn't much of a cook, but I could at least fry some eggs and make some toast, and I was pretty sure there was still some yogurt left from the previous morning. Maybe some berries too. I didn't really know what-all Ben had stocked the fridge and pantries with.
But the moment I started moving, I could feel Ben's morning wood pressing insistently into the back of my thigh, and I got a better idea.
I carefully disentangled myself from his arms. Despite his grumbling, he stayed asleep, and I sat there for a moment just staring at him, wondering how I had managed to get this lucky. But I didn't spend long contemplating that; I didn't want to stress myself out, and what I was about to do was already relatively foreign territory.
I gently tugged down Ben's boxers, allow his heavy prick to spring free. Then, I leaned down and experimentally sucked at the very tip of it, as I'd wanted to do for a while now.
Ben made a soft, pleased-sounding noise, and that encouraged me to take down more of his length, using my tongue to explore his soft and sensitive skin, flicking the tip of my tongue against his slit and then trying to hollow out my cheeks and get the level of pressure that he had wanted for that shower hand-job a couple weeks ago.
Ben came awake with a soft gasp, staring down at me in surprise. “Rachael, what-” he started to say. Then, his head dropped back against the pillow as I traced the vein on the underside of his cock. “You're good at that,” he said, sounding awed.
I laughed a little, the vibrations reverberating around his length. “I'm kind of making it up as I go along,” I confessed as I pulled back away. “So if you want me to change anything...”
“Don't stop,” Ben groaned, putting his hand on the back of my head and lightly pushing me back towards his length. “God, it feels amazing—don't stop...”
I went back to what I'd been doing, watching his face as he reacted to my ministrations. Carefully, I brought my hand up, teasing his balls with my fingers in addition to what I was doing with my mouth. He sucked in a sharp breath at that, and I could feel him tense further.
Suddenly, he caught frantically at my shoulder. “Wait,” he gasped. “Rachael, I'm about to-” He groaned and didn't manage to finish what he was saying—but I knew what he was trying to say anyway. Still, I swallowed greedily around him as he spilled wave after wave of pleasure, listening as he groaned, letting him tug at my hair.
I finally pulled off, and after a long moment, he managed to open his eyes and fix his gaze on me. “You look like the cat that just got the canary,” he said.
I laughed a little. “Yeah, well,” I said. “Honestly, I'm pretty proud of myself for being able to...” I gestured towards him, and he laughed a little.
But then, his expression turned serious. He caught my wrists in his grip and somehow managed to flip us over. “So I guess I owe you one now, hmm?” he asked.
And oh. I hadn't realized how turned on I was from giving him head, but now that I thought about it, I could feel the distinct moisture in my panties, the way I was practically desperate for him to touch me down there. Indeed, as soon as he slid his hand down there, just trailing his fingertips against the outside of my panties, I was mewling and pressing down against him.
“Oh wow,” Ben said in surprise. “You really enjoyed that, didn't you?”
“Yeah,” I admitted, even though I wasn't sure if that was something I should admit or not. It wasn't like admitting it verbally mattered at this point, though; I was sure he could feel how damp I was.
He slipped my panties to the side and ran his fingers experimentally through the slick, and I practically sobbed with the need for something more. “Please, don't tease me,” I begged him.
He grinned wickedly down at me. “But it's so easy to do...” He said. But he slowly dragged my panties down my legs and then positioned himself down in between them.
“You don't have to-” I started to say—but then he slowly laved at my clit and I forgot all about the words. I fell back against the pillows, arching desperately even though he had barely touched me.
“Have you ever had a guy do this to you before?” Ben asked curiously.
“No,” I said breathlessly.
Ben hummed, sounding pleased, and continued to lick and suck at the velvety folds there. Then, he suddenly added his fingers, plunging them into my head and driving them towards my core. I cried out, hands tangling in the sheets, feeling as though I might fly apart into a thousand pieces if he kept up with that. “Fuck, I whimpered.”
Ben's talented tongue continued to explore, finding all my sweet spots, all the places that I normally played my fingers over. It felt as though he knew every nook and cranny of my being, as though he instinctively knew where to touch and where to nibble, where to lave and where to press. As his fingers scissored inside me, it suddenly became all too much. I gasped out his name as I came, the walls of my pussy spasming around his fingers, practically gushing with fluid.
Ben continued to toy with me until I pushed him away, feeling tears prick at my eyes as it suddenly became too much, the overstimulation so brilliant and overwhelming that I could hardly handle it.
It took me longer to recover from my orgasm than it had taken him to recover from his. What finally did it was Ben laughing a low rumble in his chest where he was pressed against me. “So, a hike?” he suggested.
I cracked open one eye to look over at him, feeling utterly boneless. “You're making breakfast,” I told him, even though I knew that it was probably my turn. “I'm not discussing any plans until after that.”
Ben snorted and then swung himself out of bed. “Your wish is my command, my lady.”
Chapter Nineteen
The rest of the weekend passed in a blur. We didn't end up having sex because Ben sa
id that he wanted to ease into things first.
“I like what we've been doing,” he said, lazily trailing his fingers over my skin. “There's no reason to rush things. I want to make sure that you're ready for this.”
“You've been taking things slow from the start, from even before you knew that I'm a virgin,” I accused him. “It took you ages to even kiss me. What gives?” Ben was silent for a long moment, but for once, I decided I wanted to push. “Did you, like, just get out of a serious relationship or something?”
Ben shook his head, breathing out a long and noisy breath. “No,” he said. “Nothing like that. But I was worried how you would react when I told you about my work and all of that. I didn't want to rush into things, get in over my head, and then have everything come crashing down.” He grimaced a little. “It's happened before.”
Take Me Away: A College Romance Story Page 8