by Jules Dixon
I didn’t know why I was being so combative. It wasn’t like me. Every wall, every piece of furniture seemed twice its size. There must be something really wrong with me.
He sat up straight. “That’s not what I’m saying…”
My skin tingled and a flush of blood crossed my face. “I need you to leave, Rahl.”
What are you doing? Stop talking.
“What? Why? Sage, calm—”
“Leave … now.”
Don’t say something you can’t take back.
“No. I’m staying right here. What’s going on?”
I stood and backed away from him, putting the coffee table between us. “I’m making the decision for us. I’m taking myself out of the relationship. I want us to only be friends, if you can still do that.”
Rahl swallowed. He rose, grabbed his bag, and in ten seconds he was out the door. No looking back, no words.
Gone.
****
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
“Hello?” I answered my phone with my eyes closed.
“Sage, I’m outside waiting for you.” The gruff voice sent my stomach for a roller coaster ride.
I sat up in bed. “Rahl?”
“Affirmative.”
“And where am I going with you?”
“To buy a new or new-to-you used car.”
I flipped back onto the bed. It wasn’t like me to forget about an appointment. I had no other way to get to the dealership and I had to get a car today.
“Sage, just get dressed and come out when you can.”
“I’ll be right out.”
I made myself semi-presentable, completing a ponytail and freshening up in minutes. I threw on jeans, a pink camisole, grey sneakers, and grabbed a jacket and my purse on my way out the door.
I halted on the stairs as my chest tightened and my stomach jumped into my throat. I blew out a big breath to calm myself and continued. A twinge of something rolled through my stomach but I ignored yet another hypochondriac symptom to proceed out the door.
After climbing into the monster-sized black truck, I gave Rahl the once-over. He didn’t look bad. In fact, he was hotter than I wished and I had to take another moment to collect myself. I was sure I looked like total crap, considering I really felt like it.
“Good morning.”
I clicked my seat belt. “Good morning.”
He drove off toward the dealership. “How did you sleep?”
“Okay.” I adjusted the seat belt. “How’d you sleep?”
“Good. Have any idea what you’re looking for in a car?”
This conversation is way too pleasant and boring for two people who had screaming-hot sex five times in one day.
“No, but I’m not very picky. Working tops my list of needs.”
“Do you want me to stay and help?”
“No, but thank you. You work tonight?”
“Yes. You?”
“Yes.”
I remained silent until he pulled in front of the dealership. “Thanks for the ride. I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome. Good luck.”
I jumped down from his truck and made it into the dealership before blowing out a huge sigh of relief. I glanced around to orient myself and turned toward the front desk.
An attractive tall blond man slid in front of me. “Hi, I’m Drexel Mason. How can I help you?”
I went to shake his outstretched hand and heard a loud, “She’s here for me, Drexel!”
I turned around and Presley sprinted toward us, her heels clacking loudly on the tile flooring.
“Oh, really, Ms. Bradenhurst? Then what’s her name?”
“Why don’t you tell me what her name is, Drex?” she said with a big roll of her gigantic emerald-green eyes.
“How about we both write it on a piece of paper and she’ll tell us which one is the right one?”
“Okay.” Presley narrowed her eyes at him and shook her head.
I observed the unfolding sibling rivalry of two obviously unrelated adults while Presley gave me a knowing smile.
They both handed over pieces of paper.
I read the first one. “Sage Whiteman.” Presley smirked and tipped her head at Drexel. I opened the second and laughed. I collected myself enough to read out loud. “If you say your name is ‘More beautiful than Miss Perfect Presley Bradenhurst,’ I will take you to an expensive steak dinner complete with drinks and dessert.” I continued laughing.
Presley pushed on his shoulder and he rubbed the spot she touched. “Drexel, you are unbelievable! This is Sage Whiteman, but you’re right, she’s definitely more beautiful than me. Come on, Sage. Let’s find you a car today.”
“Bye, Drexel.” I followed behind Presley, but took one more look at the cute guy with an equally cute but bizarre sense of humor.
“Bye, Miss Whiteman. You’re in good hands, but I’d still be glad to take you to that steak dinner.”
I kept moving. After last night, I needed some time to think about what I really wanted to do next.
Find a car. That’s what’s next.
Finding something that would fit into my budget, and more importantly, a car that Presley was certain was worthy of my money, ate up most of the morning. She was very thorough and knew cars, inside and out. Almost seemed like she wanted the car more than I did, but cars had never impressed me. They were a means to an end.
Presley did the negotiating with her bosses and came back with a number I was happy with. I wrote out a check for the car, draining a major portion of the savings account that my grandparents had started and for some reason still added to for birthdays and holidays even though I was clearly an adult. But considering I was their only grandchild, I could kind of understand. They’d be thrilled to know I was actually doing something with the money.
Rahl was almost correct. The dealership gave me so little trade-in value for my POS hunk of metal that I might as well have paid them to take it. I smiled thinking about his prediction coming true.
After the paperwork was handled and the new-to-me used vehicle was off getting detailed, Presley asked if I’d like to ride with her to get lunch. I agreed immediately. My stomach had made obscene sounds for the last hour.
Presley walked us to a brand-new white sedan.
“Nice car,” I said, pulling the seat belt across me.
“Thanks, it’s a loaner until the end of the month. I have a few more days before I have to decide whether to keep it or not. Considering I’ve already had my dog in it about ten times, I probably should but I don’t know if it’s really what I need or want.”
“I like it. What kind of dog do you have?”
“Mix-of-a-lot-of-breeds kind, a nine-pound ball of white fluff with a long pink tongue. Her name is Foo-Foo. Jude named her.”
I snickered. “Jude named a dog Foo-Foo?”
“It’s Ms. Piggy’s dog’s name.”
“Huh, still seems pretty odd.”
Presley nodded. “Yeah, it kind of is. Is a sandwich okay?” She pointed to a local sub shop.
“Great.”
We made our way inside, purchased our food, and took a booth in the back.
Presley picked up her sandwich and examined which end to start on. “So, do you remember you served me and my friends, Willow and Jace, last month at Two Fine?”
“Yeah, you nicknamed Jude ‘Ponytail’ and it was your version of extreme intake lemon-drop night.”
“You have a version of extreme intake lemon-drop night?”
“The next night.”
“I know why I had one. Jude. What was your motivation?” Presley bit into her sandwich.
“I heard Rahl talking to Jude about his date at Brix with you.”
Presley chewed slowly while our eyes connected in a semi-uncomfortable way.
“So you like Rahl?” she asked after wiping her mouth.
“I do, but I’ve decided we should just be friends.”
“Just friends?” She stretched the words. “Sage,
I don’t know Rahl that well, but I think if he didn’t make the decision to be ‘just friends’, I doubt it’s a done deal. He’s trained to be relentless and probably always gets what he wants.”
“He didn’t get you.”
“Jude made it clear to him that I was hands-off. I think Rahl respected him for it. Besides, there was no chemistry between us. He’s sweet and I find him interesting but not in anything more than a friendly way. But, if you find him more interesting than ‘just friends’, why not take a chance?”
“Long story. I don’t think any man is truly capable of understanding what being part of my life entails, so it’s probably better that I stay single.”
“You know you can rewrite any story, Sage. Even fated-to-be-sad fables can become beautiful happy-ending fairy tales. I know that for a fact.”
“You and Jude?”
“Yeah, it’s my dream come true and most of the time I feel like I’m still dreaming.”
I picked up my sandwich. “Well, my life is more nightmare than dream. It’s not fair to bring someone into the nightmare.”
“It is if he wants to be there. Rahl doesn’t seem to be the kind of person to do anything he doesn’t want to do.”
I bit into the sandwich.
True.
****
I drove off in my semi-used vehicle, but it was actually a lot newer than I ever thought I’d be able to afford. The new chunk of metal rode better and smelled better. My nerves felt better about driving it than the POS. This car seemed like it would be with me for a long time.
It might outlive me.
I made my way back to the apartment with time to shower and get ready for my shift at Two Fine. I cursed myself for taking more time than necessary to do my hair and makeup, knowing it wasn’t for me but for one crabby but today relatively pleasant ogre.
My regret for sending him away made my stomach off for most of the day. I wanted him back, but I had realistic caution.
I practiced guitar before leaving, working on a few new songs. If my lemon-drop haze did me any justice, I remembered the band was a good one. I might try to get up on stage and sing out my feelings again, as Tia told me I do.
I clocked in on time and attempted to focus on the job. Rahl appeared to be on the same page and we successfully acted like colleagues. No flirting. No touching. Just professional. Just friends.
The place was packed by nine. A bachelorette party and a couple of birthday groups in my area had the night flying. Tia and a new waitress agreed to cover my tables for a few minutes during the band’s second break while I climbed up on stage. After convincing the guitarist that his equipment would be in good hands, I sang “Without You” by David Guetta and then switched over to a keyboard for “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri. Halfway through the emotional lyrics, why I’d chosen the song hit me. The song did nothing to say that I was anywhere near “just friends.” Rahl stepped from behind one of the large pillars on the bar and our eyes snapped to each other’s like magnets across the room, those high-powered ones you can barely get apart. I smiled but he shook his head and walked off.
Maybe just coworkers. Not friends.
I tried to avoid looking at him again.
On exiting the stage, a very drunk maid of honor stopped me to tell me the “srong was greautiful.” Slurring aside, I assumed the word was a combination of “great” and “beautiful”, but it could have been a bad coupling of “gross” and “hateful”, too. I couldn’t say either way. I extended a confused “thanks”. She garbled that the group was ready for the cake that I’d stored in the walk-in cooler when they got here.
Greautiful. Penis-shaped cake coming right up!
I checked on my tables and filled orders before making my way to the other side of the bar to get the phallic treat. The walk-in cooler wasn’t my favorite place. The door closed with an eerie clunk and it was plain artic cold. And, of course, the cake wasn’t where I’d set it. The door opened behind me as I moved a couple cases of beer out of my way.
“Hey, I had that alphabetized.” Rahl’s deep voice caused my back to straighten.
I glanced over my shoulder. “Sorry, promise I’ll put it all back. I’m looking for a penis cake.”
“What?” Rahl spit out as the door latched without the nerve-racking clunk.
I rubbed my bare arms. “Penis cake. For the sparkly pink boa crowd on the east side, otherwise known as bachelorette hell.”
“You mean the ‘just make me something fruity’ group?” Rahl snarled.
I rolled my eyes. Bartenders hated that. Know what you want, and don’t expect a special concoction because you wore a freaking tiara on your head and a boa that left a trail of feathers for the bar staff to clean up.
Rahl glanced around. “Jude was in here earlier to get some American brands. I bet he moved the cake to…” In the eight-by-ten foot room it was a tight fit sandwiched between the stacks of beer and his big frame. “Right here.” He grabbed the box and frowned after glancing in the clear cellophane window. “Lifelike.”
I giggled. “Thanks.” I stepped forward to take the box and he stepped back. I tipped my head in question.
He set the cake down. “Did you get a new car?”
“Yes. I’m surprised you didn’t text Presley to find out.”
“I did. She said to ask you ‘cause you’re my friend.”
I smiled at the information.
Thanks, Presley.
I crossed my arms, huddling in on myself. “It’s nice. A lot nicer than I thought I would get with my budget. Presley worked her magic with the bosses and they dropped the price significantly.” I shivered.
“That’s good to hear. Are you cold?”
“Yes! So give me the cake so I can get out of here.”
“I could warm you up.” He raised an eyebrow.
“Rahl…” His name warbled from my throat as my body shivered.
Approaching me, he slowly ran his warm hands up and down my arms, which only made me shiver again, but for a different reason. I closed my eyes and planted my forehead into his chest. He was a fireplace in the zero degree air. Without questioning, I snuggled into his warmth.
“Your singing … it does something to me.” His arms rounded my back, criss-crossing low and tight.
I took in his cologne and sighed.
“Sage, what really happened last night?”
“I don’t think you understand what being part of my life long-term means. It’s constant worry that the cancer is back and when it does come back it will affect everything. Relationships, schedules, and finances.” I cringed and lowered my voice, “And sex.” I gazed into his soft brown eyes, deep pools of care that made me waver when it came to him and me. I stepped back to get space and perspective. “Lots of things become secondary to fighting a monster that is unpredictable and merciless. I … I can’t…” I turned but he slipped his hands into mine, stopping me.
“Can’t let me get to know you? Can’t take your past out of the equation? Can’t let me decide for myself what I want? I don’t care about the past or the probability of what might happen in the future.”
“Rahl, cancer breaks hearts all the time. You don’t want—”
“I can decide for myself what I want. And I want you, Sage. Cancer or no cancer. I. Want. You.”
He didn’t know cancer like I did. I’d had the monster dig deep into my soul. “I wanted a long life, a family, someone to love forever, all things that won’t happen. We don’t always get what we want.”
“There are lots of ways to still have those things. For a long life, you go to the gym, you eat right, go see doctors regularly.” He huffed. “Doctors who can get you in when you need to get in. Family, well, two people can be a family, but there is adoption or foster parenting, if you want children to be part of that family.” He lifted my chin. “Someone to love forever, I can offer you that.” He balanced his forehead to mine and his nose brushed tip to my tip. “I’m telling you that I love you, Sage Whiteman.�
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“Love?” My heart pounded and the word puffed through the air as a white whisper.
Rahl smiled that dimpled grin. “Yes, love. I won’t ever walk out again and you’re not going to force me out. I can handle whatever comes our way. I promise you. I’m strong enough for both of us.” He wiped away a tear that crystalized on its way down my cold cheek.
He was stepping into a minefield that any soldier should be wary of.
“I think the cancer is back.”
His body tensed. A typical and reasonable response, but the move sent a question of his resolve through me.
“And why do you think that?” He drew me closer.
“All of my crying. Maybe the cancer moved into my brain and is affecting my emotions?”
“Then we’ll face it together, if that’s the case.”
Giving into him meant trusting that he could handle the inevitability.
“Rahl, are you absolutely positive this is something you can handle?”
“I’m positive. Sage, please, let me be there with you, good and bad.”
I wanted to remember every word I said to him. I brushed my fingers through his hair and grasped his head lightly until his eyes held to mine. “I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than to be with you. I love you, too, Rahl Vendetti.”
A familiar spark flashed between our eyes. His lips caressed mine with the lightest of pressure. His love could be soft and romantic, holding my heart gently. But then the kisses morphed into full-on needing lust, tongues tangled and teeth nipped. My hands searched his body, parts of me clenching and wanting him so badly that I moaned a frosty breath.
His tongue teased my earlobe. “I told Jude to watch the door.”
“Then what are we waiting for?” I unbuttoned his jeans and he had my jean shorts and thong down to my ankles in seconds. The urgency was thrilling and only urged me on. I lowered his zipper and dropped his jeans to the floor. I teased under his waistband, watching his beautiful cock grow until it tented his boxers. He dropped the last remaining piece of fabric.
When the cold air hit him below the belt, I giggled at the deep breath he drew in and how his body shuddered.
“You gonna be able to do this?” I rocked my hand slowly up and down his erection.