by Jules Dixon
The fact that he wasn’t talking meant he really wasn’t hearing me anyway. After reading up on night terrors, I’d have to wait it out. Most people didn’t become violent, and there wasn’t a single cell in my body that said Rahl would hurt me on purpose. Cruelty wasn’t in him, but there was something else in him. Whatever demon filled his subconscious, I’d talk to him about the behavior in the morning.
That was my theory. But theories are only guesses to be proven wrong.
His firm bulk pressed me into the bed and his weight crushed me.
“Rahl!” The word had very little volume behind it, as my diaphragm didn’t expand.
I tried to move my arms and his fingers dug into my wrists painfully. I inhaled one semi-deep breath. I had to make it count.
“Help! Please! Someone!”
It took a few seconds, but the door opened. Rahl panted, his eyes still clamped shut and sweat dripping down his temple.
“Sage, are you okay?” Kirby asked.
After a strained breath, I squeaked out, “No. Night terror. He won’t let go or get off.” I writhed as suffocation started to become real.
“I’ve woken him up before. He’s usually very disoriented. Let me see if I can wake him.”
I squirmed as Rahl’s body pressed against me harder but his grip loosened. Pins and needles stung my hands as the blood rushed back into them.
“Don’t hurt him. He doesn’t know what he’s doing.”
Kirby worked his way around to Rahl’s side of the bed.
“Rahl, bro, you need to wake up and get off Sage.” Kirby grasped Rahl’s shoulder. Rahl flew from the bed and wrapped his arm around Kirby’s neck. Kirby had an inch or two of height on Rahl, but Rahl had fifty or more pounds of pure muscle on Kirby.
“Oh, my God! Kirby!” I rubbed my wrists as blood scorched back through my veins.
Kirby elbowed Rahl several times in the ribs but Rahl only grunted with little movement.
I crawled across the bed and yanked on Rahl’s arm. “Rahl! Honey! Let go! Please, let go.”
“Go. Get Easton,” Kirby choked out.
I sprinted out the door and down to Easton’s bedroom.
After pounding on the door, I opened it. No matter what position Laken and Easton were in, Kirby’s situation was a grimmer one.
My voice didn’t sound like mine to my ears. “Easton, Laken … Kirby needs help with Rahl! Now, please. I think Rahl might kill him.”
Easton flew from the bed. I jumped out of the way. Laken followed on his heels.
I stopped in the doorway of Rahl’s bedroom and watched as Rahl football-rushed Kirby into the wall across from his bed and let out a scrambled expletive as we all heard the crunch of bone breaking. Easton stood behind Rahl, pulling his arms back, but Rahl threw Easton off. After getting his footing back, Rahl pummeled Kirby’s face several times in succession. Kirby slumped to the floor where Rahl heaved over his limp body on his knuckles and knees. With his eyes still closed, the violence was a testament to his training. He landed blows with accuracy and caused so much damage in so little time.
My hand stifled the shocked sobs from my mouth. I wasn’t impressed. I was mortified and stunned.
Laken’s hand slapped Rahl’s face so hard that he let out something like a whimper.
“Rahl! Fuck!” She shook her hand in pain but slapped him again. “Wake up! Rahl!”
His eyes opened but it took a few seconds until he realized where he was. I backed from the doorway as my stomach rolled. I ran to Kirby’s bathroom. The entire room had been cleaned to sparkling. I wrenched bile into the toilet.
A hand lay on my back. I cringed away but it was too small to be Rahl’s. Most of me was relieved.
“Sage, can I turn on the light?” Laken asked.
I nodded as I dry heaved. After I collected myself, I shuffled to the sink and rinsed my face with hands that shook like I’d had a dozen cups of coffee.
“Shit!” Laken grabbed my right elbow and her fingers grasped mine to examine my wrist from every angle, then dropped it to seize the other. Rahl’s grip had left a noticeable bruise but the bruises didn’t compare to Kirby’s injuries.
“I’m okay. How are Kirby and Easton?”
“Sage, are you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital?”
I moved my wrists around. “No, they’re sore but not broken. How is Kirby?”
“I’ll go check, or do you want to—?”
“I need a little time to…” The tidal wave of adrenaline rushed from my body. The tiny room closed in on me. “I need some air, now.”
Laken guided me to the back porch and sat with me on the wooden stairs that led down to the patio. The cool morning air flowed through me and my chaotic thoughts calmed. I didn’t completely understand the why of what happened, but Rahl didn’t mean to hurt me. This was not him, but I needed to be away from him. Just for a while to collect myself and decide what I wanted to do and say.
“Laken, I … I want to go to my apartment. I need some space.”
“I’ll be back in a minute, then I’ll drive you home.”
“That’s not necessary. I can—”
“No,” she said the word like Rahl would and my heart clenched. “Sage, he’s not well, but he’ll be in worse condition if I don’t help take care of you and make sure you’re okay.”
“I love him so much. I hope he’s okay.”
Laken rubbed my back. “I’m going to go check on him and Kirby. I’ll grab your bag.”
“Thanks.”
I leaned back against the cool glass door and the bump on my head stung, reminding me of when Rahl had taken care of me. A part of me wanted to go back to his room and take care of him, but my hands shook. I’d just witnessed Rahl destroy Kirby. Rahl basically plowed him into the wall. That could’ve been me. Although Kirby wasn’t a small guy, he wasn’t big, and Rahl probably had triple-digit pounds on me. The thoughts paralyzed me for a minute.
Rahl’s pain wasn’t physical. When he’d told me about losing his friends in war, the look in his eyes was distant and blank. The terrors had manifested from watching his fellow soldiers die and feeling some responsibility for their safety and deaths, or perhaps it was a culmination of all of his tours. The death, destruction, and physical toll of constant fight-or-flight response that the Internet expressed was at the core of the manifestation of PTSD in many veterans. Everything I read indicated the lasting effects could be life-altering.
I wanted to be strong for him.
I was barely strong enough for myself.
“Sage, let’s go.” Laken’s voice pulled me from my thoughts.
“How is he?”
“Rahl’s okay. Easton is going to take Kirby to the emergency room. He has a broken collarbone, bruised ribs, and needs a few stitches. Are you sure you don’t want to see someone? I can take you over to Ty’s?”
“No, it’s only bruises. Rahl and Kirby are the ones who need medical attention. I need some sleep.”
“All right. Come on. I’ll drive you home in that beautiful new car of yours.” She had my bags on her arm.
I slipped on a smile that almost hurt to wear. “Sounds good.”
****
“Can I get you something? Drink? Food?” I asked Laken as we were walking in the door of my apartment.
“No, thanks. Why don’t you take a shower and get some rest? In a few minutes, I’ll call Easton and see what’s going on at the hospital.”
“Let me know what you find out, please, and if you hear from Rahl…” My eyes watered and my shoulders jerked with a sob. Laken walked across the floor and enveloped me in a hug, which sent tears streaming down my face. She was great at giving a hug that said, “Everything will be okay.”
“I will.” She stepped back. “Now, get some rest.”
“Help yourself to whatever I have, Lake.”
She smiled. “Okay. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”
I took a quick shower, but the sound of the water reminded me
of my heart beating when I was being held down. After climbing into bed, I stared at the ceiling. I wouldn’t get any sleep without knowing how he was.
A few minutes later, there was a knock on my bedroom door.
“Come in.”
Laken stepped inside and sat at the foot of the bed. “I just talked to Fiona.”
I sat up and stared at her. “And?”
“Rahl is going to be okay. Ty says he doesn’t think he has any broken bones or internal injuries, although with his spleen missing it’s still touch and go, but I suspect Fi is being dramatic about that. She said Ty stitched up his eyebrow. Girls love scars, right?”
I chuckled. “In his case, I better. He’s got some interesting ones.”
“I’ve never seen them. I bet they’re scary.” Laken stared at her hands. “And I heard from Easton. The ER doc set Kirby’s collarbone and he’s in a brace. It’ll take time to heal but he’ll be okay. He had to make up some moonlight football game injury to cover for the assault, although apparently the hospital questioned how he broke open his lip and forehead, too. He stopped talking and the doctor fixed him up and let him go without calling the police. Thank God.”
I hadn’t even thought about the possible legal consequences of Rahl’s behavior. The fact that Kirby covered for him told me more about the depth of their friendship. I was sure Rahl would take financial responsibility, but recovering a genuine friendship with Kirby was going to take more than paying some hospital bills and saying a heartfelt “sorry.”
“You’re not sleeping, are you?”
I shook my head and leaned back against my headboard. “I can’t.”
“How about you and I get some clothes on, go get lunch, and then head to the Joslyn for some art?” Laken asked.
“Maybe I should wait here to hear from Rahl?”
“Nope. One, he wouldn’t want you sitting around and worrying. Two, he was the one who reminded me of going to the Joslyn. And three, I want to get to know you better, Sage. The guys will work out whatever they need to on their own. They’ve known each other for such a long time, I can’t imagine it won’t be all better by the end of the night.”
Laken’s optimistic outlook was sweet, but it was idealistic. She was right, though—Rahl wouldn’t want me waiting around. I really did want to get to know this bubbly and positive young woman better.
“I’ll get ready.”
She clapped. “Good. I’ll meet you out in the living room.”
I grabbed my phone. I had to hear from him.
Sage: Hi. Laken said you’re going to be okay, but I’m still worried about you. I’m okay, promise. Lake and I are going to lunch and Joslyn Museum. But if you need me, please just tell me.
I got dressed and heard the buzz of my phone.
Rahl: Hello. Really sorry about what happened. Can you explain what I did?
Sage: It’s not important what happened as long as u and Kirby are okay.
Rahl: Sounds like Kirby’s pretty banged up. Until I go see Ty’s psychiatrist friend I’d feel better if we slept apart. And go have fun with Lake.
It wasn’t lost on me that he never said he was okay. Maybe it would be a lie or maybe he didn’t feel okay. Either way, I worried.
Sage: I hope you can get in soon. I’ll miss u.
Rahl: And I’ll miss you.
I hiccupped a sob.
Sage: I’ll see u on Tuesday, right?
Rahl: Pick you up after work.
Sage: Perfect.
Rahl: I love you, my angel.
Sage: I love you, my handsome ogre.
Rahl: Did you call me that when we slept on your couch? Why?
Sage: Yes. It isn’t meant as something bad. U were just always so moody at 2Fine and you’re big but loveable. I knew you had the heart of a teddy bear.
Rahl: Or a grizzly bear.
Sage: Stop beating yourself up. I’m fine. Make sure Kirby’s okay and get better yourself.
Rahl: Have fun with Lake. I’m looking through wedding photos with Fi. Taking a break in the bathroom, I needed it.
I laughed.
Sage: You’re a great brother. Another reason I love u.
Rahl: I’ll call you tonight before bed. Love you, too.
I pulled on a normal t-shirt, but the bruises needed to have some coverage. I tugged on a long-sleeved grey Henley. Might be a little warm for today’s weather, but I didn’t want to alarm Laken with how shocking my wrists had started to look. I stopped by the bathroom to take a couple of pain relievers and fix my hair.
Hope I can hide the marks from Rahl. Maybe they’ll be gone by Tuesday.
****
Our day was spent eating at a local bistro, viewing the Renoir and Chagall exhibit at the Joslyn Art Museum, and enjoying a long walk around the outdoor sculpture garden.
“Are you really okay with me helping Rahl to pick out the finishes for his house?”
We took a seat on a metal bench. I drank the bottled water we purchased inside the museum café.
Laken grinned. “Of course. You’re a professional interior designer. I know you’ll do a great job. Plus, I won’t have to wake up to it every day. You will. So choose something you like.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “I don’t live with Rahl, Laken, and I have no plans to live with him anytime soon. Plus, it’s always my intention for a design to be the client’s taste, not mine.”
“I know. Thankfully, you have wonderful taste. Very similar to Rahl’s taste, if he knew what his taste was.” She bit her lip and rocked her bottle of water in her hands. “Your apartment was eclectic and unpretentious. You like color but in small doses, and you buy excellent quality for your money. I like that you enjoy quirky additions, like the refinished bistro table and your collection of Tim Cotterill frogs.”
“Not really a collection—five—but I’m proud of them. I love his work. I’d really love to have a gecko, but I’m waiting for the right one to come along. They have to speak, or rather croak or slither, to me.”
Laken smiled her gorgeous white smile, and the same dimples as Rahl indented her cheeks.
I continued, “I get a new one each time I get a clean bill of…”
Am I going to let another human in on my medical history?
“Clean bill of…?” Laken tipped her head and her eyes held to mine.
I swallowed the fear that fought to the surface. I had to win sometime in life. “Health.”
With Laken, sharing was right. She held my hands while I told her my story, and when I said I wouldn’t be able to have children she cried with me. I hadn’t cried about that part since the day I found out. Accepting reality that, if we made it to forever, I’d never be able to give Rahl children to carry on his name and his beautiful soul placed a bruise on my heart.
I calmed as Laken’s arms encircled me. She wrapped my body and my heart with hers.
The day had been a roller coaster, but it wasn’t over.
“Rahl told me he was okay with never having kids, but that’s not fair to him. He deserves to have that blessing in his life. Especially since I probably won’t be here for more than another ten to fifteen years, maybe less.”
Probably less with how I’ve been feeling.
Laken rubbed my back. “Maybe Rahl and you were brought together to take care of each other? He needs an angel and as far as I can tell you are one, and he needs to take care of someone to feel like his life has a purpose again. He’s always been like that—purpose-driven. He came back with a career purpose, to open Vendetti Security, Inc., and he did. Then he set to building a house, which he’s doing a lot of the work himself, not cause he can’t afford for someone else to do it, but he wants to do it. And then he decided to find a second job for a bigger down payment, and he did. And then he wanted to find the right girl”—she smiled—“and he did, Sage. Rahl gets what he wants. He has the tenacity of ten people and the work ethic of forty. If he wants and loves you, and I’m confident he does both, then he’ll do anything to make sure you stay
his. Thankfully, you want him, too.”
Her speech held everything I needed to hear. I just needed to believe it.
“Have you heard from Easton?” I took another drink of water and my sleeve slipped a little. Laken saw the bruise and her eyes shadowed with concern. I adjusted the fabric to cover the now purple and green discolorations that trailed a good inch into my hand and over four inches above my wrist.
She glanced down at her own wrists. “Yeah, I texted with him while you were in the restroom at the café. Nothing new. Rahl isn’t home yet, probably working at the house. Kirby decided to go to Ashley’s after the hospital.”
“I’m sorry, Laken. I’m keeping you from spending time with Easton.”
“That’s crazy. We spend plenty of time together. I’ve known him all my life. Now I want to get to know you,” she emphasized with a nod of her head. “How about we grab a bottle or two or three of wine, a block of some really good cheese and loaf of crusty bread, and go back to your place to sit and enjoy the rest of this beautiful afternoon?”
“That sounds wonderful.”
Chapter Nineteen
Rahl
When I called Sage last night, the conversation was strained. I apologized more than I ever had in my life. Still it wasn’t enough. I laid staring at the ceiling all night. The fear of another episode and hurting someone else or maybe even myself was justified.
Ty’s psychiatrist friend opened a one p.m. appointment and I was sitting outside of his office early. I’d turned off and restarted the truck three times in the last ten minutes. Stay or leave. Stay or leave. I blew out a long breath and turned off the truck for good.
I stepped into the brick building and the long narrow hallway trapped me. I turned and walked back outside to lean against the cool brick. My heart jumped to climb out of my chest cavity, and my quick breathing made me light-headed.
Make a decision, one way or the other.
My phone buzzed in my pocket.
Sage: I was just thinking about u. I want u to know that u don’t have to be strong all the time. I can be strong for both of us, too. I love u so much and I want u be happy. After everything you’ve been through, you deserve happiness.