by G. Adler
“You American dog. You make big mistake!”
He then pulls out the classic North Korean Type 70 pistol and aims it at the backseat of the car as he reaches for the handle. I can actually see the telltale five-pointed star sticking out from the side of the pistol grip. I gasp.
“DANE, he is going to kill her!”
“No, General, he won’t. Please observe.”
The doors of the SUV suddenly lock, trapping Abby within. The terrorist tries the handle repeatedly but nothing happens. He then attempts to open the driver’s door but experiences the same result. He raises the butt of his pistol, seemingly to break the glass, but he never gets the chance. Another sonic pulse comes from the Chinook and he drops to the ground, out cold.
I watch Abby’s face scrunch up with fear from inside the car. She begins to slam on the window and scream at the top of her lungs. I swallow hard and clench my fists in frustration.
“General, I can sense your agitation. I have patched you into the satellite radio of the SUV while enabling the electronics in the stereo. Abby will be able to hear you.”
I wipe the tears from my eyes and clear my throat.
“Abby, it’s me… Daddy. Listen to me. Everything is going to be okay. Help is on the way!”
Her eyes go wide and her head looks like it is attached on a swivel.
“Daddy, where are you? I don’t see you!”
“I’m patched into the truck’s radio. I promise you that someone will be there short…”
The headlights I had seen moments before turns out to be one of the military motorcycles from my base, being driven by the most obnoxious bike thief in North America. I can’t help but notice the Go-Pro camera attached to his shoulder.
I gasp and sigh deeply.
“How did Hayden get there, DANE?”
“I manipulated the GPS on the motorcycle to lead him to Abby. I surmised that a familiar face would bring her the most comfort after such a trying ordeal. Do not worry, General. An ambulance is one hundred fifty seconds away. Abby will be well cared for.”
The locks of the car open and Abby springs outward into Hayden’s waiting arms. She sobs deeply against his chest while he gathers her up, holding her tightly. I can’t help but tear up once more at one of the most precious moments I have ever seen between them. Sure enough, about two minutes later, I hear sirens as ten emergency vehicles converge on the area. Hayden releases a reluctant Abby to the care of the paramedics while being sure to record the entire procession as they arrive on the scene.
I breathe a sigh of relief and feel the world swimming in front of me. A blast of oxygen comes from the wall to my right and clears my head.
“General, you can watch the EMTs tending to Abby on the monitor behind you. I will also issue orders on how she and Hayden are to be brought back.”
The chair swivels around and I see Abby’s vital signs being displayed while medical personnel check her out. The ranking officer reaches for his ringing phone and nods appreciatively. He walks over to the ambulance and issues DANE’s directive.
“I just got a call from General Matthews. One of you grab that bike and bring it back where it came from. These two are taking the chopper back.”
He then looks down at the three assailants and grimaces.
“These three are to be cuffed and taken into custody. They are going to be turned over to the FBI for interrogation. Let’s move people. The General wants this entire mess mopped up in the next five minutes!”
One of the choppers lands on the road and the side door slides open, allowing Hayden and Abby to climb in. The soldiers then scramble over the area and minutes later it is as if the entire ordeal didn’t happen. I feel all tension leave my body and my shoulders go slack.
“DANE, I…I…I don’t know what to say. Without your help, this could have ended very differently.”
“I believe the correct human reply would be ‘thank you’ but that is not necessary in this case. By the way, the Chinook carrying your children will be here in forty-three seconds. If you leave the lab right now, you should be able to greet them as they arrive.”
I jump from my seat and watch it dissolve away. I rush from the lab and into the elevator. I touch my wrist and notice that my pulse feels like it is playing Reveille within my body. I tap my feet and fidget with my fingers as the elevator rises to ground level. I race through the building just as the chopper is extending its landing gear. It touches down and the door slides open. Abby jumps out first, rushing into my arms and sobbing anew. Hayden comes out moments later, walking with a confident swagger while cradling his camera in his hand. I look over at him with a crooked grin forming across my face. He smiles back and gives me a patronizing nod.
“Well Old Man, what do you have to say for yourself?”
I grab the camera from his hand and crush it under my boot heel. He gasps out loud and falls to his knees, clutching at the shattered pieces. I then motion for the nearest soldiers to come to me.
“Men, I want Hayden Matthews arrested and placed in the stockade. Maybe three weeks of solitary confinement will teach him the lesson he so sorely needs to learn!”
Chapter 9 - Hayden
I hear the clatter of boot heels walking down the concrete corridor. I scratch at the sparse stubble on my chin and stretch out on my cot. The feet stop in front of my cell while a hand swings a key ring around its index finger. I can’t help but laugh.
“Isn’t that a little cliché? You’ve seen far too many prison flicks… or are you going on personal experience?”
The soldier just scoffs and puts the key in the lock.
“Your three weeks are up, Matthews.”
I get up off my bed and touch the ceiling, stretching out my shoulders and grunting audibly. My stomach rumbles underneath my shirt and I laugh.
“I’d like to complain to the hotel manager. I am being deprived of my continental breakfast!”
The soldier grimaces.
“It doesn’t look like your time alone did anything to smarten up that wicked tongue of yours!”
The steel door swings open and I touch the Private on his shoulder.
“Of course not. My mouth was smart enough already! And as for my tongue, ask your girlfriend; she told me it was pretty wicked!”
The soldier cracks his knuckles and purses his lips. “If you were anyone else, I would…”
I interrupt him before he gets out another word. “But I am who I am; learn to deal with it. Lead on Jeeves. I’m sure the General is waiting for me.”
The soldier grunts and leads me topside. I squint at the bright morning sun as I exit the stockade. He leads me through the yard in front of the barracks as soldiers go about their morning exercises. I can’t help but encourage them as they do so.
“Lift those knees, Soldier. Double-time you maggots. Suck in that gut, men!”
The glares they flash at me are classic. I look at the Private escorting me and flutter my eyelashes.
“You didn’t perchance bring a video device, did you? I would love to record our stroll among the natives for posterity!”
The guy just grunts and leads me up the front steps of my house. “Your Dad is in the backyard, junior. I hope he doesn’t go easy on you!”
I smirk at the soldier and extend my hand. “Hey, that’s exactly how your girlfriend asked me to treat her!”
He slaps my hand and stomps away from the house. I chuckle as I walk along the side path and open the gate leading to the backyard. I enter the luscious green space to find Dad sitting on one of two Adirondack chairs; the other one that belonged to Mom sits as empty as usual. He stares at it longingly and hangs his head. Abby is sunbathing on a beach blanket directly in front of him. I can’t help but notice that she looks back nervously every few moments to make sure that Dad is still there. I decide to announce my release with my usual flair.
> “Don’t everybody get up at once. Daddy was released this morning thanks to annoying behavior.”
Dad doesn’t even look up at me.
“What’s up with the cold shoulder? You’re acting like you didn’t even miss me!”
Abby removes her sunglasses and goes over to Dad, hugging him close as she does. She then looks over at me and grins weakly.
“He’s been like this all summer. Last month’s event took a toll on both of us. Daddy’s been trying to support me through my therapy as much as possible but he has had to travel a lot in the past three weeks and hasn’t been here as much as he would like.”
My father just grips the arm of the other chair and sighs. I walk over to where he is sitting and stand right in front of him.
“Well poor fucking baby! It isn’t like he’s been stuck in PRISON! What’s wrong? Is his new assignment not agreeing with him?”
I bend down on one knee so I can look him straight in the eyes.
“Poor pathetic Private Pompous. Does it make you sad that you have been demoted to tech support for the military? How does it feel to be no more important than a member of Best Buy’s Geek Squad? You sure you don’t want to do an interview for my site, just to get back at the bureaucracy that shut you down?”
Dad opens his eyes wide and gasps audibly.
“How did you know about that?”
I pat him on the back and smile.
“Let’s just say that I have eyes and ears everywhere. You can lock me up but you can never shut me out. It’s amazing how many little breaks from prison you can get with a little bit of good old-fashioned blackmail. God bless the man who invented spy cameras and WiFi. By the way, you are pissed at A LOT of people; that can’t be good for the old ticker. You know you aren’t getting any younger and stress is a killer. Who is this McKelvy guy you are so angry with anyway?”
Dad’s eyes go wide with shock but he quickly returns to his morose monotone mood.
“Never mind.”
“Come on, General. What is it that you always tell me…when life sucks, you go suck on life’s lemons… or something like that.”
“That’s not quite how it goes.”
“Yeah well, close enough for military work.”
He just sits there with the blankest expression on his face, like he is trying to keep back the tears because somebody killed his puppy.
“Come on, Dad. I’m just trying to get you to smile, yell, or do something different than the face you are currently making. You could give Darth Vader a run for his money in a ‘most stoic expression’ contest!”
“Hayden, give it a rest. What happened to your sister was bad enough. Combine that with the pranks you managed to orchestrate while in the stockade, and this has been one hell of a summer so far. Was all of it really necessary?”
“Did any of it make you smile?”
Dad finally looks up at me with his mouth hanging open. “Smile? Do you think that any of your crap makes me smile? Do you know me at all, Hayden? Let’s count them off, shall we? In fact, why don’t we go to the video footage directly?”
His face contorts into an expression normally reserved for road ragers. He pulls out his phone and links to thestupidtruth.net.
Well, at least he’s showing some expression.
“Here we have prank number one: ‘Operation Bedroom.’ Did I ever thank you for giving out our address on your website?”
I hang my head, as I am pretty sure the question is rhetorical anyway.
“Well if not, then thanks, buddy. It always looks great when fifty strange civilians walk into a military base. Giving them the password of ‘Free Hayden’ to say to the guards at the gate was a nice touch. Oh I forgot about this part. This is probably one of my favorites. Nothing sends a parent over the moon like watching thirty kids climbing in and out of a bedroom window while removing all of the contents. They made a fine replica of your bedroom on the front lawn.”
“Aw shucks. You really know how to sweet-talk a guy.”
“Don’t thank me yet. Here I come up the driveway. How would you describe my expression?”
“Well, to say that I have seen lionesses protecting their cubs with similar faces to yours is not much of a stretch. But on the lighter side, look at how quickly you made everyone scatter when you removed your gun and threatened to shoot them all. That was quite the crowd control.”
He stares at me in such a way that if his eyes were drills, I would have two holes straight through my head.
“Let’s move on to your next blockbuster. ‘Operation Panky’ as I like to call it.”
“Hey that’s a great title! You should come work for me!”
“I’m pretty sure that that isn’t a lateral move, but thanks for the offer.”
“Let’s call it an open deal. I think your computer skills are up to snuff!”
“Thank you. I don’t know how you managed to sneak a cellphone into the stockade in order to organize all this and I’m sure you aren’t about to tell me but kudos to the painters you convinced to do the job for you. Look at their brush strokes here on the barrel and the finesse in their wrists while using the paint sprayer. That being said, I don’t think pink camo is as effective at hiding a tank as the original color.”
“Awwwwww…”
“I know. Well here I come, doing my morning walkabout. How would you describe my reaction, Hayden?”
“Well, your dress hat seemed to take the worst of the damage, but I’m surprised that you actually kicked the tank. How’s your shoe?”
“The shoe is trash and my toe is healing nicely.”
“Well, that’s a plus!”
“I have bad news for you, though. Sadly, they had to be sent back to the shop to be sand-blasted and repainted at a cost of tens of thousands of dollars.”
“Your shoes?”
“The tanks…”
“Oh, I thought with government override costs and such that your shoes might… well never mind that right now. It’s a shame about the tanks; I was hoping to use them during a parade for breast cancer awareness month. That cost is obscene; you should use Maaco!”
“I’ll be sure to pass that along to the mechanics in the motor pool. Now for your last and most recent summer extravaganza.”
“Hey, good things come in threes!”
“Apparently. This brings us to the ‘Taco Night’ from two weeks ago that you managed to arrange. Your catering and decorating crews were quite professional. The base is still reeling.”
“Hey, wait a second, what was wrong with it? You are always going on and on about how the guys can use a good pick me up; it’s good for morale! I thought a Mexican themed evening would be enjoyable and give the troops a much needed lift!”
“Well, let’s watch the footage and see if we can figure it out together. So I see the red, yellow and green piñatas hanging from the lampposts and the streamers are very festive. The taco supplies you provided to the kitchen look fresh and delicious. Speaking of which, here comes the full Tijuana experience walking into the base. Quite frankly, I can’t believe that a dozen women can walk in heels that high and not fall over, especially given some of their… augmentations. I love the look on the gate sentry as the first one drops to her knees to allow them all access.”
“I made sure that they were all disease free and came highly recommended.”
“I’m sure you did. Okay now, shush. Here is my favorite part. Here is where Sergeant Zydaine and I come in to break it all up. But we never get the chance because…what was the flower girl’s name? The one wearing the very skimpy petal skirt and greenery around her neck?”
“I think that one was Lilly.”
“So, I don’t know how she managed to roll up the Sergeant’s hat and hide it completely, but that is very impressive.”
“I think I got a few thousand extra hits on the
site for that move!”
“Really? I would have thought it was for the illicit lesbian sex shows that the women put on!”
“Hey, lose the tone, General! YouTube has that stuff too. Hate the game, not the player.”
“Well, a few of the guys certainly called you that afterwards.”
“Relax, Dad, I didn’t do anything, this was for the corp. I’m technically still a minor, but my eighteenth birthday is shaping up to be fairly epic. I might have to rent out a few hotel floors to accommodate the festivities.”
“Speaking of accommodations, how were the three weeks in the stockade, Hayden?”
“With the memories I brought with me, it felt like two weeks in Barbados!”
“You must be so proud. This brings us back to this moment and your question….”
Dad suddenly jumps out of his chair, grabs me in a chokehold, and pins me to the ground.
“WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE PROUD OF EXACTLY?”
“…tha…tha…th…”
“WHAT’S THE MATTER, HAYDEN? WHY ARE YOU STUTTERING? WHERE ARE ALL OF THOSE BIG WORDS NOW?”
Enough of this shit! My teeth clench and my jaw sets. I block out all emotion and analyze the situation quickly but dispassionately. The pain in my throat vanishes and I look up at the old fart currently pinning me to the ground. I manage to get in one breath and snarl out my words.
“You know what, Dad? You have terrible technique.”
I bend in my right leg while I rotate my body. In one swift motion I am straddling him with my elbow in his throat.
“Keep squeezing, General. I’m sure it won’t hurt too much when I pass out and fall forward. You don’t need that lying throat of yours anyway, do you?”