John went to her, patting her head and kissing her golden hair. “Hi, Hayley. Papa’s glad you came over.”
She made a slow laughing sound, and Brooke parked her chair along the edge of the family room. “Her doctor still doesn’t know what to make of it.” Brooke smiled and took Peter’s hand. When he said nothing, she continued. “No, she’s not improving as quickly as before. That worries Peter.”
He nodded. “It does.”
“But she’s still getting better. That’s enough for me.”
Peter managed a smile. “Me, too. Every day is a gift with Hayley.”
“Daddy . . .” Hayley looked at him, and though her mouth hung open, the corners lifted in a smile.
“I love you too, baby.” Peter stooped down and kissed Hayley’s cheek. Then he looked at John and shrugged. “How can I be anything but grateful?”
“Coley . . . Coley . . . Coley . . .” Maddie jumped across the room like a kangaroo and took Cole’s hands. “Guess what, Coley. I learned a new clapping game at school. Wanna learn it, too?”
“Hey, Maddie, you’re a good jumper.” Cole crossed his arms and studied his cousin. Then he began jumping in circles around her. “Let’s see who can jump the bestest of all.”
Jessie scampered across the room and did her best imitation of her big cousins. “I jump, too!”
“Good, Jessie.” Maddie held hands with her little cousin and they jumped together, all the while laughing at Cole, who was still jumping in circles around them.
John breathed in the joy of it all. If only they could stay in this moment forever and ever, never sit down to dinner and eat the meal and come to the dreadful part at the end where they had to tell the kids the truth about Elizabeth. Sorrow welled within him, threatening to overtake him, but he pushed it back.
The sadness would come later.
* * *
Ashley could hardly wait to tell them her news.
She’d known the truth for more than twenty-four hours, and the waiting had weighed on her every minute. Still, it made sense to wait and tell her family when they were all together. She and Landon had told Cole about the July wedding date, and that Mommy was very healthy. But they hadn’t told anyone else.
The dinner was wonderful as usual. Not just the food, but the news that their mother shared about Luke and Reagan, and Erin and Sam. “Luke has an internship at an entertainment-law office in Manhattan.” Elizabeth set her fork down and smiled at the others. “He thinks he might focus on that aspect of law when he’s finished with school.”
Ashley watched her mother and frowned. Something wasn’t quite right about her—the enthusiasm in her voice, maybe, or a lack of expression in her eyes. She shifted her gaze to her father, but he was busy eating, keeping his eyes downcast.
She felt her face relax. It was only her imagination. Her mother was probably tired after making the dinner. Or maybe she was caught up in the storytelling. Ashley focused on the details again.
“Tommy’s pulling himself up, trying to walk.” Her mother took a sip of water. “And Reagan is taking an online course that’ll go toward her degree.”
The three of them still lived with Reagan’s mother in her Manhattan apartment. But the arrangement was working out fine. Reagan’s mother had plenty of room, and it allowed Luke and Reagan to focus on their future and not on living month-to-month trying to make ends meet in New York City.
“Erin and Sam are a little worried about the baby.” Again Ashley thought her mother looked concerned, and now she understood why. Things weren’t well with Erin. “The birth mother is grumbling about wanting more money. Erin promised me she’d call the social worker if the woman made any unusual demands.”
The conversation wore on, and finally when they were almost finished eating, Landon leaned around Cole and elbowed Ashley lightly in the ribs. He grinned at her, and her heart swelled. He was practically bursting with the news. “Tell them.”
Kari was sitting next to Ashley. She gave them both a curious smile. “Tell us what?”
“The good news!” Cole waved his napkin in the air. “Mommy and Landon are getting married in July!”
Before anyone had time to react, Ashley held up her hand. “That’s not the news, actually.”
The room was quiet, the faces of her family members puzzled, expectant. Her father put his fork down. “Is it something your doctor told you? Something about your treatment?”
“Yes.” Ashley fought back a sudden wave of tears. “I’m not HIV-positive. The new tests—” she hesitated, gathering her emotions—“the new tests show I’m negative. I don’t have anything wrong with me at all.”
Tears appeared in her mother’s eyes immediately. Elizabeth’s fingers came to her lips and she stared, as shocked as the rest of them. “Are you . . . are you sure, Ashley?”
She nodded. “I’m sure.”
“Oh, dear God,” Her mom closed her eyes and brought her hands together in prayer. “Thank you, Lord . . . thank you.”
Ashley blinked back the wetness in her own eyes. She looked at her father. His head was bent, and he rubbed his brow with his fingertips. Ashley could barely make out what he was saying.
“A false positive. I can’t believe it. I should’ve insisted you be seen by a specialist sooner. I should’ve thought of a false positive.” His eyes met hers, and the mix of joy and pain there was enough to move Ashley from her chair to the spot between her parents.
“It’s okay.” Ashley no longer felt tears in her eyes. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“All this time.” Brooke sat back in her chair, her eyes wide. “We should’ve taken you to the doctor ourselves.”
Kari made a fist and placed it near her lips the way she might if she was covering her mouth before a cough. For a while she only looked at Ashley, her eyes saying everything her words could not. Finally she swallowed hard, stood, and circled to where Ashley stood. “I’m so glad, Ashley. So glad.”
The two sisters hugged, and after a minute Brooke joined them. “No wonder you set a date.”
Ryan was sitting next to Elizabeth. He reached up and took Ashley’s hand. His eyes sparkled, and Ashley squeezed his fingers. They had always shared a special friendship, and once, a lifetime ago, they’d even considered becoming more than friends. But only for an afternoon. Ryan could never have loved anyone but Kari. He slipped his other arm around Jessie, but kept his eyes on Ashley. “A day hasn’t gone by when I haven’t prayed this would happen, Ashley.” He released her hand and leaned back in his seat. “God is so good.”
Cole was clinging to Landon. His expression told Ashley he was confused about the show of emotions, the strange things being said about HIV. He looked at Landon, his eyes big. “What’s HYV, huh, Landon? What’s negative?”
“HIV.” He kissed Cole on top of his head. “And negative means Mommy’s very healthy, honey. We don’t have to worry about her getting sick.”
Relief flooded Cole’s face. Ashley, Kari, and Brooke returned to their seats, each of them continuing their words of congratulations and gratitude and agreeing that only God could’ve given Ashley this second chance at life.
“Does Luke know?” Her mother looked up from her place at the table, relief spilling from her eyes.
The mention of Luke’s name brought another wave of emotion for Ashley. Her little brother, the one she’d been so close to growing up, the one she’d told first when she learned that she was HIV-positive. “No . . . not Luke or Erin. Let’s call them later, okay?”
“So when’s the big day?” Peter was seated next to Hayley’s wheelchair. He’d been feeding her throughout the conversation, and as such he’d been quieter than the others.
But Ashley had caught the emotion on his face. Just a few years earlier he and Brooke hadn’t believed in God or the power of prayer or the fact that miracles still happened. But now . . . now faith shone in his eyes as surely as it shone in the eyes of everyone around the table.
“July nineteenth.” Landon look
ed at Ryan and then at Peter. “We want to be married by Pastor Mark at the church and have a reception at the club down by the lake.”
“I want a floor big enough for everyone to dance on.” Ashley grinned at her mother. “Even you and Dad, okay?”
A flicker of something sad shot through her mother’s eyes, but it was gone before Ashley could analyze it. “Sounds like a beautiful wedding, dear.”
“Yes.” Her father put an arm around Mom. “We’ll be the first ones on the dance floor, right after you and Landon.”
The conversation splintered as the group talked about yet another wedding, their third in as many years. But even before the conversation died down, Kari stood up and waited until she had their attention.
Ashley listened, enjoying the feel of Landon’s arm on her shoulders, the closeness of him and Cole, and the reality of the news she’d just shared. She tried to focus on her older sister.
“Now it’s my turn.” Kari smiled at Ryan and Jessie, and then at the others. “I have something I’d like to share also.” She lifted one shoulder and looked straight at Ryan. “I figured what better time than now, when we’re all together.”
Ashley leaned forward, suddenly interested. The blank look on Ryan’s face told her that whatever the news, he hadn’t heard it yet.
Kari’s smile became a grin as she looked around the room. “I took a test today, and I’m pregnant.” She made a soft squealing sound and looked at Ryan again. “We’re going to have a baby!”
The color drained slowly from Ryan’s face, and his mouth dropped open. He rose slowly to his feet and put his hands on Kari’s shoulders. “Are you serious?”
“Yes.” She gave a quick nod of her head. “I tried to tell you this afternoon.”
Ryan winced. “But I kept putting you off.”
“That’s okay.” She hugged him, and for a while the two of them rocked, lost in each other’s embrace.
“We’re having a baby? We really are?”
Kari stroked the back of Ryan’s head. “Yes. A Thanksgiving baby, if my dates are right.”
“Kari, I can’t believe it.” He kissed her, and then just as quickly he pulled back. They both looked around the room. “Sorry. I forgot where I was for a minute.”
Ashley laughed first, and then the others joined in. Jessie tugged on Ryan’s sleeve. “What, Daddy, huh, what?”
Ryan swung her into his arms and bounced her a few times. “Mommy’s going to have a baby, Jessie! Isn’t that great?”
Jessie didn’t look quite as happy as the others. She stared at Kari’s flat stomach. “Is the baby in your tummy, Mommy?”
“Yep.” Kari tousled her daughter’s hair. “The baby will stay there for a long time.”
“Where is he, Mommy? He’s not very big.”
Giggles sounded from the group again, and Cole asked if he and Maddie could go upstairs to play. The children were excused, with Maddie and Cole promising to look after Jessie. Hayley, of course, stayed in her wheelchair next to Peter.
It was the time Ashley most enjoyed about a dinner at the Baxter house. The time when the meal was finished and they were past sharing details of their lives. The time when they often brought up memories of days gone by, of silly times and funny stories, a time when it felt wonderful to be part of a family like theirs.
The scene after a Baxter dinner was one Ashley had painted before, one that appeared on a canvas that hung in her own dining room, where it would always hang. The painting had come together in a way that surprised Ashley. In it, the faces and emotions and hearts of her family members all seemed perfectly captured in an array of colors. In the background, a cross hung on the wall and from it emanated a light that cast warmth over the entire scene. The painting was a gift from God, one Ashley couldn’t have duplicated if she’d wanted to.
Ashley loved that piece because it reminded her of all that was important in life. Not too many years back, she would’ve considered herself an outcast at a dinner like this one. But now . . . now she knew the truth. No matter how far she had wandered, the Baxters’ love for each other would never die. The painting exuded that very love, and Ashley wouldn’t have sold it for a million dollars.
Usually their mother would put the kettle on for coffee and the conversation would drift in a dozen different directions. But this time Ashley saw her mother and father leave the room together. Something was wrong; Ashley was sure of it. But she couldn’t imagine what. Not after the good news they’d already shared tonight.
Ashley joined her sisters and the men in clearing the table and doing the dishes. The whole time, she seemed to be the only one who noticed that her parents were no longer in the room. Maybe nothing was wrong, after all. Maybe they had only stepped outside to revel in the wonderful turn of events that had presented themselves today.
Or maybe they were figuring out how to call Luke and Erin at the same time and share the news with them.
Whatever it was, it couldn’t be bad news.
Not on a day when all of heaven seemed to have come together and smiled down on the Baxter family.
* * *
John held on to Elizabeth in the next room while her tears came.
“I can’t tell them, not now.”
They’d excused themselves at Elizabeth’s prompting. The conversation had been going in circles ever since. Elizabeth didn’t want to ruin the evening, didn’t want to cast a shadow over the news that Ashley was well and Kari was pregnant.
Especially a shadow as dark as cancer.
But John was adamant. “The surgery’s tomorrow; we have to tell them.”
“Let’s tell them afterwards.”
“We can’t do that, Elizabeth; you know we can’t.” He wanted nothing more than to agree with her, to let the kids go home reveling in all the good news. But they would never accept the idea that their mother had undergone such major surgery without their even knowing about it. “It’ll be okay.”
“It won’t.” She sniffed and dragged the back of her hand beneath her eyes. “It’s not fair.”
“No—” John gritted his teeth—“it’s not. But it would be worse to keep the truth from them.”
For a long while neither of them said anything, and John knew he’d won. He was the leader of this family, and Elizabeth respected him as such. When her crying subsided, he spoke in soft tones near the side of her face. “I’ll tell them; all you have to do is go out there and stand beside me.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, and after a few seconds she nodded. No matter how badly they wanted to avoid the next ten minutes, there was no way around it. “We’ve always shared the good and the bad, Elizabeth. The kids wouldn’t want anything less.”
“I know.” She straightened herself and looped her arm through his. “Let’s do it.”
As soon as they entered the dining room, Ashley spotted them. When she saw Elizabeth’s tearstained face, her expression changed, and she tapped her sisters until they, too, saw that something was wrong.
John cleared his throat. No matter how strong he looked, he was dying inside. Only the grace of God kept him from buckling to his knees. “Your mother and I have something to tell you.” He gave them a sad smile. “It’s the real reason we asked you to come tonight.”
One at a time, the adult kids made their way toward John and Elizabeth. He led them into the family room, grateful the grandchildren were upstairs playing. Peter wheeled Hayley into the room and positioned her near the chair Brooke had taken. When they were all seated, John led Elizabeth to the front of the room, where they remained standing.
“Dad, what is it?” Ashley couldn’t wait. Her face looked stricken. “Tell us.”
John tightened his hold on Elizabeth and felt her lean against him. “Your mother found a lump in her breast a couple weeks ago. She . . . uh . . . she had some tests done and we found out the news Friday.” His voice broke. “I’m sorry.” He sucked in a strong breath and looked at the faces around him. “The cancer’s back. Your mother has to have sur
gery tomorrow morning.”
Brooke, Peter, Kari, Ryan, Ashley, Landon—the news worked its way across each face, until finally Brooke found her voice. “Are you having a mastectomy, Mom?” The words were calm, but the terror in her eyes was an expression of how they were all feeling.
John could feel their fear like a physical assault.
Quiet tears were streaming down Elizabeth’s face. She squeezed John’s hand, her signal that she couldn’t talk, couldn’t even lift her eyes to look at them. Not yet.
“Yes.” John tried to think like a doctor, tried to remember his medical training and the way he’d been forced to give bad news to hundreds of patients over the years. “A double mastectomy. Dr. Steinman is hopeful that he’ll get it all if they operate quickly.”
John had expected a dozen questions, but the shock was simply too great. They couldn’t ask a single question that would change the facts. Their mother had cancer. Serious cancer. And tomorrow morning she would have a double mastectomy in a desperate attempt to save her life.
What could they say?
Their father’s announcement had said it all.
One at a time they stood and found their way across the room. Some with tears, some with quiet whispers, they circled their arms around Elizabeth and John until they were one—one group of people who would stand together, stay by each other and see Elizabeth through, no matter what happened after tomorrow.
They would survive whatever came because they were Baxters, and that’s what Baxters did. They stuck together—believing, praying, supporting each other whether the news was glorious enough to sing about.
Or the worst news of their entire lives.
Chapter Eight
Before everyone left, Elizabeth found the strength to make a three-way call to Erin and Sam, and Luke and Reagan. With tones marked by forced happiness, Ashley and Kari shared their news first. The response was of course positive, Luke especially finding reason to shout out loud when he heard that Ashley didn’t have HIV.
Then John finished the call by telling them about Elizabeth’s cancer. Elizabeth closed her eyes for that part, certain she could hear Erin crying in the background. Sam had to finish the call for her, and both he and Luke promised to call the next day for a report.
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