Leaving wasn’t something she ever thought of doing.
But with the loss of her family came a fracture from her city, one so deep that she didn’t know if she could ever recover. She would visit. She would come back on holidays. But she could never live here again.
Her BMW was packed full of precious items she hadn’t wanted to entrust to the movers. Most especially, the black marble urn that held the remains of her family.
Simon’s will had stipulated that he be cremated. Hers did, as well.
But the twins. She couldn’t bear to put them in the ground. For them to be alone.
Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.
It had been the kind man at the crematorium who’d made the suggestion.
You can’t tell anyone we did this, but we can bury them all together, if that’s what you want. They’re small enough… .
Small enough, the two of them, to fit inside the thin cardboard coffin of their father. To be reduced to ash along with him, forever mingled, forever together.
It was illegal, but they’d done it, anyway. And deposited all three into the urn, sealed, like her heart, until she chose to open it and scatter their remains to the winds.
Simon wanted to be thrown into the air off the top of a mountain. Sam now had that place picked out.
A strong arm went around her waist. Bolstering her, just when she needed it. He knew. He always knew.
“Sam, are you sure? There’s no going back now.”
No going back. How true the statement was. You don’t get do-overs in this life. She knew that better than anyone.
She turned to face Xander, the sun in her life. He’d grown in his beard, let his hair go a bit. He looked wild, untamed. His dark eyes met hers, and her heart constricted.
She touched him on the cheek and smiled softly.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Let’s go home.”
They got into her car, Xander driving. He pulled away from the curb slowly, so she could watch the house fade away in the distance if she wanted to.
She didn’t. She shut her eyes, and thought of the clean, cool air that awaited her. The green trees. The clear blue streams. The arms of the man she loved.
She had finally found her peace.
* * * * *
Acknowledgments
My village. I couldn’t do this without them. Thanks to:
My dear agent, Scott Miller, who really believed in this project from the get-go, and helped me believe in it, as well.
Alex Slater, who handles me.
My editor, Adam Wilson, who helped this story along so much.
The MIRA/Harlequin team, who do an amazing job top to bottom with my books, and everyone who has spent time making A Deeper Darkness a reality, especially Margaret Marbury, Valerie Gray, Miranda Indrigo and my awesome publicist, Tiffany Shiu.
The fine folks at Brilliance Audio, especially Sheryl Zajechowsk, Natalie Fedewa and the amazing Joyce Bean.
My tribe: Laura Benedict, Jeff Abbott, Erica Spindler, Allison Brennan, Toni McGee Causey, Alex Kava, Jeanne Veillette Bowerman, Jill Thompson, Del Tinsley, Paige Crutcher, Cecelia Tichi, Alethea Kontis, Jason Pinter and Andy Levy.
Joan Huston found all my mistakes, as always.
Special thanks to my research brethren who spot-read this one: Sherrie Saint, Dr. Sandra Thomas, David Achord and Andy Levy. Kelly Kennedy’s They Died for Each Other: The Triumph and Tragedy of the Hardest Hit Unit in Iraq gave me insights into the war-time soldier’s mind, and Craig Mullaney’s The Unforgiving Minute: A Soldier’s Education taught me what being a Ranger is all about.
The underlying story in this novel, the friendly-fire killing of Perry Fisher, was inspired by a real-life incident. My favorite teacher in high school, Dave Sharrett, who is, oddly enough, also a third cousin, sent his wonderful son, David H. Sharrett II, a boy we all knew as Bean, off to war in Iraq. He was killed by friendly fire, and the Army initially covered up the details. With the help of one of my former classmates, James Meek, Dave and Vicki Sharrett exposed the whole story, and found justice for Bean.
The grief we all feel cannot compare to their loss, but I hope that in some small way this book might help. God bless all of our soldiers. Their bravery and selflessness overwhelms me.
Finally, I must say thank you to my wonderful family. My long-suffering and lovely parents talked me through this one, and my divine husband, Randy, put up with so, so much. Without you, I would be lost.
ISBN: 9781459226968
Copyright © 2012 by J.T. Ellison
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