Neither she nor Drake said anything for a good few minutes. And it was nice, just standing there, his big strong arms keeping her close, making her feel safe. He was her rock right now, her shoulder to lean on because she wanted that, for once in her life – a shoulder to lean on.
‘You OK?’ Drake asked, squeezing her waist.
She placed her hands over his, resting her head back against his shoulder, turning it slightly so his lips brushed over hers. ‘I’m fine. Just thinking about stuff.’
‘Want to talk about it?’
She turned to face him, stepping back from him, her hands in her pockets, her head down. ‘It’s hard, y’know?’ She raised her gaze, her eyes meeting his still-startlingly ice-blue ones. ‘Forgetting everything.’
‘Forgetting him?’
Mia raised her eyes to the sky, a quick, humorless chuckle escaping. ‘Yeah. Despite everything he did I can’t forget how he made me feel. But it was all lies. All of it.’
‘Maybe his feelings for you weren’t lies, Mia.’
She sat down on her bike, pushing both hands through her hair. ‘It all seemed so real. The way he looked at me, the way he touched me, the things he said…’ She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, not knowing where all this had come from, but it must have been in there. She must’ve been thinking this, if it was all coming out.
‘He wanted you to give it another go, huh? When he was over here?’
Mia nodded, her head turned away from Drake because she really hadn’t wanted to do this, and she inwardly cursed herself for being so weak; for letting Ben still get to her even when it was over. ‘But I can’t do it, Drake.’
‘Do you still love him?’
She felt tears prick the back of her eyes – hot, angry, frustrated tears and she blinked rapidly to try and stop them from falling. He wasn’t going to do this to her, not now. It was over, done, and she had to grow up and deal with it. ‘Yes,’ she whispered, not even aware she’d said that out loud, until she heard the words.
She finally turned to face Drake, his piercing eyes boring into hers. And only then did she know what it was she really wanted; really needed. Only then did she know.
***
Ben sat forward, turning the boarding card over and over in his hand. The airport was quiet, but it was still early. His flight was one of the first out, a domestic flight to London and then a connecting flight from Heathrow back to the States later that evening. There was no point staying here in Newcastle any longer. Mia had moved on, he’d seen it with his own eyes, and all he had now were the memories, good and bad; times he could replay over and over in his head, letting every heart-wrenching second remind him of what he’d thrown away.
The tannoy sprang into action, the disembodied voice telling everyone in the departure lounge that the flight to Heathrow was boarding now and could all passengers please head straight to the departure gate. Ben looked up, still continuing to flick his boarding card deftly between his fingers as he watched people flitting backwards and forwards, wheeling cases or dragging children behind them, some of them looking happy to be heading off on vacation, others in business suits with their briefcases and laptops obviously not in the holiday mood.
Another warning that flight BA7424 to London Heathrow was closing in a few minutes and could any remaining passengers head to the departure gate immediately or risk being offloaded.
Ben looked back down at his boarding card, his sigh weighted with resignation as he stood up, tucking the card into his back pocket and flinging his holdall over his shoulder. It was time to go. He didn’t really have much choice.
***
Mia sat on the bench overlooking the North Sea, grateful that the weather was being kind today. It wasn’t exactly tropical, but the sun was out and the sky was only being bothered by a handful of clouds.
She’d ridden her bike to the coast, feeling like some sea air. She’d always loved the coast. It was where she wanted to live, eventually, in a little house overlooking the sea. Something with a garden – that was important. A garden.
She had a lot of happy memories of days at the beach. Club outings, Sundays out with her parents when they’d still been alive – her wonderful adoptive parents. The pain of losing them still ran deep, and she closed her eyes for a brief second. So much had happened that she was still struggling to take in, which was why she’d come here. This bench was where she’d sat for hours after her father – the man who’d brought her up as his own – had died; just months after cancer had taken her mother it had claimed his life, too. She remembered sitting here, just staring out at the sea, on a day pretty much the same as this one, thinking about just what was going to happen next. Exactly what she was thinking now.
In a way, over the past few months, she felt as though she’d come full-circle. She remembered how she’d ridden here, to this exact same spot, that night; the night Charlie had told her she was leaving for America. The night she’d ran from Lennie. It had been dark and cold and the waves had been crashing angrily against the shore yet she’d felt nothing but calm. Because she’d known what she had to do. What she needed to do. And now, as she stared out at a much more peaceful sea she had that same feeling of calm. Because, just like before, she knew what she had to do.
Closing her eyes again, just for a second, she took a small but deep breath as she stood up, folding her arms against herself as she walked back to her bike. She kept her head down, her mind still whirring with a million thoughts, the sun warm on the back of her neck as she walked. It was strange, how everything seemed that little bit brighter when the sun was shining, and she couldn’t help smiling.
‘You look so much more beautiful when you smile.’
She stopped dead in her tracks, slowly looking up. He was leaning against her bike, his hands in his pockets, his green eyes bright and determined, and she couldn’t stop the somersaults her stomach had chosen to take. ‘I thought you’d gone home.’
‘I couldn’t do it.’ He didn’t move away from the bike. ‘I mean, I tried. I called the airport dozens of times, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to make that booking. Not straightaway. Until this morning, when I somehow found myself sitting there, in the departure lounge, holding a boarding card. And I still have no idea how that happened because the last thing I want to do is leave here, without you. But when I saw you, with someone else…’
She frowned, taking a couple more steps towards him. ‘Someone else?’
He kept his eyes locked with hers, refusing to break the stare. ‘I came to the shop, a couple of days ago. I wanted to fight for you, Mia, for us…’
‘There was no us anymore, Ben.’
He said nothing for a beat or two, his eyes continuing to bore into hers. ‘I wanted to fight for you. But when I saw you and him…’
‘He’s a friend.’
‘You kiss all your friends like that?’
‘You’ve lived this life, Ben, don’t pretend you don’t know how it works. He’s a friend, and I needed one of those. And yes, we slept together, but it was nothing, it meant nothing, I just needed someone – I needed someone to at least make me think, for a few blissful minutes, that everything was gonna work out. Somehow.’
He finally dropped his gaze, looking down at his scuffed black boots, his hands still dug deep in his pockets. ‘It looked like you’d meant what you said, that you really had moved on.’
‘I thought I had.’
He looked back up. ‘There was no point in me being here, if you’d moved on. And I tried to leave, Mia, really I did. I tried. I got right to that departure gate but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make that final step, couldn’t give up this fight without giving it one last go because you are all I care about. Nothing else matters.’
She broke the stare, her eyes darting this way and that, looking around her, not sure where to focus because her head was spinning now.
‘I don’t want to go back there, Mia. I can’t do it. If you’re not with me I don’t want to go anywhe
re…’
‘I haven’t moved on. Not really.’ Her voice was almost monotone, but there was a small fire inside of her that had just been lit, and a gentle warmth was slowly starting to spread right through her.
‘We can do this, baby. Me and you, we can do this.’
She looked at him again, knowing that everything he was saying – she was thinking it too. She couldn’t forget him, couldn’t just push him aside like she’d never met this man, but trusting him, that was something she still wasn’t sure she could do. But she also knew she couldn’t carry on without him. That’s why she’d been planning to head back to America, take that chance and try and find him, talk to him; try and put this right. She knew that finding a way to make this work, to make them work was the only way forward. Trust could be rebuilt. That was going to need work; it was going to take time. But the way she’d once loved him, she wasn’t sure she could find that with anyone else. She didn’t want to find it with anyone else.
‘Which man are you really, Ben? The man I fell in love with, or the man who scares me?’
‘I’m the man who never stopped loving you, Mia.’ He ran a hand through his dark hair, and it was only then that Mia noticed he’d let it grow back, just a little bit; only then that Mia noticed how much he looked like the man she’d first met, and she felt a lump spring to her throat. ‘I know I said I was always gonna be Benjamin Almeda… I know I said I couldn’t change that, but now I… I think you can change anything. If you really, really want to.’
She took another step forward. He felt his heart start to pick up a fast, heavy rhythm and he allowed himself to feel a flicker of hope.
‘And I really want to, Mia. I want to change, everything – except the way I feel about you. Because that will never change.’
She bit down on her lip, briefly raising her gaze to the sky, confusion merging with relief and excitement and a multitude of other emotions she was nowhere near ready to explain just yet. She just knew that this – this was happening, and it was what she wanted. Because she loved him. It was as simple as that. Maybe, for a few small moments in time, she’d stopped doing that; she’d closed down every emotion she’d had for him, because she’d had no choice, the way he’d acted. But now – now she knew she’d never really stopped loving him. Despite everything.
‘We can do this?’ she whispered, taking one last step forward. She was right in front of him now, so close she could hear him breathing.
He reached out a tentative hand, laying it gently on her hip, slowly pulling her against him. ‘We can do anything, Mia.’
She wasn’t sure she was totally buying into that just yet, but she was willing to give this a go; see where this journey took them next. She was willing to do anything, as long as they were together.
‘I’m staying here, baby. Charlie, he – I guess he still doesn’t totally trust me with his daughter, and I can’t blame him for wanting to keep an eye on me. On us…’
Mia couldn’t help smiling, gently running her fingers over his short, neat beard. ‘You been talking to my dad?’
‘I wanted to make sure that this wasn’t a waste of time. If he wasn’t gonna give me a chance…’
She pressed her fingertips lightly against his lips. ‘He would’ve done whatever I asked him to, Ben. And I was this close to asking him to support me in my decision to fly back to the States and find you. To tell you that everything you’ve just told me – it’s what I feel, too. It’s what I want, too. But you staying here, that’s perfect. That’s so much more than I could ever have hoped for. You staying here…’ She closed her eyes, her mouth touching his in a kiss that sent fireworks shooting off in every direction, an explosion of utter relief sending those confused and mixed-up emotions into overdrive. ‘I love you, Ben Salter.’
‘I love you too, Mia Rose.’
Another kiss. Another reason to believe that maybe – maybe this might just start to work itself out; that a resurrection could be on the way, for the Lone Riders, and for all those whose lives had been changed by the events of the past few weeks. Starting again was never a bad thing. It just meant the beginning of a whole new ride…
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Resurrection (The Lone Riders MC Series Book 3) Page 22