Good Curses Evil

by Stephanie S. Sanders

“Like cookies,” I said, following her into the clearing. Part of my mind screamed at me to come to my senses and get out of the moonlight. I knew I was way too exposed, but another part of me was entranced by that scent.

  “It’s a spell,” Wolf said, pulling us back into the shadows as a shrunken, hunched figure emerged from the front door of the little cottage. We regained our wits just in time to duck down behind a boulder.

  Muma Padurii muttered to herself as she shuffled along in her tattered black dress, a basket in hand. I could hardly believe that this woman had birthed a blond, blue-eyed, curly-haired Chad. Her silvery hair hung like spiderwebs down her mountainous humpback. She was so bent and twisted that her long, warty nose practically touched the ground.

  “She’s probably going to gather herbs again,” Wolf Junior said. “She went out after dusk last time. She must like to work in the dark.”

  “Can you blame her?” Jez asked. “I mean, she’s not exactly going to win any beauty pageants. Rune, can you believe your dad and her actually—”

  “Can we not talk about it?” I said as the old woman disappeared into the forest. “Okay, now’s our chance. Jez, you keep lookout. Wolf and I will go in and free Ileana’s parents. If all goes well, we’ll be out of here long before she returns.”

  I should’ve known better. Stories are full of people showing up at the wrong moment and spoiling villainous plans. Remember Wolf’s dad? The Big Bad Wolf? The hunter came in with his ax just as Wolf Senior had Red right where he wanted her. And what about the Three Bears? Caught Goldilocks asleep in their kid’s bed. (Most people think Goldilocks wasn’t a villain. But don’t let the dimpled cheeks and blond curls fool you. Breaking and entering? Property damage? Grand theft porridge? She was evil!)

  Jez flew up to the roof to keep lookout while Wolf and I made our way inside. The smell was still enticing, but it didn’t work so well once we were actually inside Muma Padurii’s gingerbread house. I could see where she’d patched cracks in the wall here and there with icing, and clumps of furry mold sprouted from the ceiling like tufts of hair from a shedding dog. Moldy gingerbread. Gross.

  Other than that, the house could’ve belonged to any little old grandma. There was a kitchen with a fireplace burning low, where something simmered in a cauldron. The living room was dark, but I could see a sofa with a doily on the back and a rocking chair with a mangy old cat curled up asleep.

  “Which way?” I asked.

  “Down here,” Wolf said.

  I followed him down a hallway, wood floors creaking as we walked. At the end of the hall was a spare room with a braided rug. Wolf yanked it aside to reveal the cellar door. Even before he opened it, I could see the rectangular outline glowing with candlelight. I followed him down one step at a time.

  “Watch out,” he said.

  “What? Aww, gross!” I said as I walked face-first into an old cobweb.

  At the bottom of the stairs was a little square room with a dirt floor. Shelves lined the walls, each holding jars of various old-lady things like canned peaches and beets, but also less savory items such as floating eyeballs and pickled animals.

  “It’s like the old-lady version of my dad’s study,” I said. Then I caught sight of two figures sitting in the middle of the room.

  The man was thin and lanky, but well dressed with dark hair and a beard. He was loosely tied and wore the blank, smiling expression of someone who’s daydreaming. The woman, on the other hand, had been gagged and was currently asleep. I could see that she looked almost exactly like Ileana. Same honey-colored hair. Same peaches-and-cream skin.

  “You get the king. I’ll wake her up,” I said to Wolf.

  I shook the woman gently. Her eyes flew open and she struggled and moaned, trying to speak.

  “Hold on,” I told her. I reached around and untied her gag.

  “Who are you?” she whispered. Then she saw Wolf Junior. “You! You were here before,” she said.

  “We’re here to rescue you,” I said.

  What? Did I just say that? I was used to lines like “Your humiliation is far from over!” or “You will soon pledge your allegiance to me!” or even “I’m going to enjoy watching you die!” (I usually said that last line to one of Chad’s cookies as I held it over a glass of milk.) But I had never before said “We’re here to rescue you.”

  This, though, was not the time to dwell on it. We had to get out of here. I untied the queen from the chair, and she gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

  “My little hero,” she said.

  Hero? Oh man, did I need to work on my villainous image! I wiped my cheek in revulsion.

  Even though I’d managed to free her from the chair, the queen’s hands had been shackled behind her back with irons like the kind Chad had used on me and Jezebel to keep us from using magic. I reached for my villain’s tool kit to pick the lock, but Wolf interrupted.

  “You can unlock it later,” Wolf said. “We have to hurry.”

  I helped the queen up. Suddenly, she seemed to be scrutinizing me very closely.

  “What’s your name?” she asked. Her voice was a little shaky.

  “I’m Rune, and this is Wolf Junior,” I said.

  “Rune?” she asked. Then I remembered the way Ileana had introduced herself to me and Jez. I thought maybe I was supposed to give royalty my full name.

  “Rune Toma Emilian Drexler,” I said. Then I didn’t know what to do exactly, so I bowed (feeling like a total idiot). Wolf did the same.

  “You’re Rune Drexler?” There was something weird about the way the queen smiled at me, but I didn’t have time to worry about it.

  The king was like a zombie. We tried to coax him up the steps, but he was under a powerful spell. Finally, Wolf just hoisted the near-comatose man over his shoulder, and we made our way back up the stairs.

  I kicked the cellar door shut and threw the rug back on top of it. Then I followed Wolf down the hallway. We were almost free when—

  “Rune, Wolf, run!”

  “Jez?”

  Her voice came from somewhere on the living room floor, but all I could see was Muma Padurii’s mangy cat. It was no longer curled up in the rocking chair, but standing on the floor about three feet in front of us with something trapped under its paw. Whatever it was fluttered frantically. The cat shifted slightly, and I realized what it had caught.

  “Let her go!” I yelled at the cat. “Jez, change back!”

  She trembled helplessly. “I can’t! I think it has something to do with his collar,” she squeaked.

  I noticed a metal amulet dangling from the leather band around the cat’s neck. It looked like the same magical metal as the handcuffs the queen wore.

  I pulled my foot back, ready to kick the mangy beast in the face.

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” a voice cackled. From the shadows, the stooped figure of Muma Padurii emerged. “I’m rather fond of Tattles. If it wasn’t for him, I might not have known you were here, villain.”

  Cat-a-bats! Could this get any worse?

  “How do you know who I am?” I asked.

  “Oh, Chad’s told me all about you, Rune Drexler. And your father and I go way back,” she said, cackling madly.

  “That’s enough, Padurii.” I was surprised to hear the queen speaking. Her sea-gray eyes had hardened to steel. “Let us go.”

  “I don’t think so, Cat,” the old woman said. I got the strange feeling that this wasn’t the first time Muma Padurii and the queen had met.

  “I have a score to settle with you and these brats—and your precious Veldin.”

  What was she talking about?

  “The plan is falling neatly into place. Aurelio is king. That brat Morgana can have her way with Veldin’s school. And I get what I want.” She turned her eyes suddenly on me.

  “What is it you want?” the queen asked, looking nervously from Muma Padurii to me.

  “What do I want? Let’s see. First, I want my youth back! Next, I want you to suffer as I have all t
hese years! Finally, I want to be rid of Veldin’s favorite boy and put my son in his rightful place. I want revenge!”

  Muma Padurii raised her gnarled, bony fingers like cat claws. I knew a spell was coming, but I didn’t have time to deflect it.

  “Wing and bill

  heed my will!

  Peck and cluck

  become a duck!”

  I instinctively dropped to the floor when I heard the word duck. The power of the old lady’s hex flew past me and hit the spellbound king full in the face. A quick puff of smoke and there was a duck standing where the king had been a moment before.

  I heard the queen gasp just as the old lady reared up for another hex. She had barely opened her mouth when I came to my senses and shouted a deflecting spell:

  “Cats and rats,

  toads and bats,

  protect me well!

  Deflect the spell!”

  It wasn’t Pulitzer-winning material, but it worked. Nobody’s pants lit on fire or anything. I could almost hear Master Stiltskin’s voice congratulating me. Muma Padurii glared at me with hatred.

  I decided this needed to end. Quick. I searched my mind for a spell that would work, but before I could come up with something, I felt four sharp stabs of pain in my back. Screaming in agony, I turned to see the witch’s mangy cat with its claws about three feet deep into my skin! I couldn’t defend myself, though, because Jez was dangling from the cat’s mouth by one of her little bat feet. I twirled and grabbed at the insane beast in vain, momentarily forgetting that the witch was standing about four feet away and preparing to hex me.

  Wolf stepped in to help, but the witch was ready.

  “Words from dogs are overrated.

  Some are better left unstated.

  To avoid undue remarks,

  you must speak your mind in barks.”

  Immediately, Wolf lost his voice. He turned to me, barking in frustration.

  Queen Catalina, her hands still bound, began kicking at Muma Padurii, who only laughed.

  The cat clawed up my back, but it couldn’t keep its hold on both me and a fluttering bat. Jez broke free and I seized my chance.

  I toppled to the floor in a stop-drop-and-roll motion trying to dislodge Tattles the Psycho Cat. I brought my weight down on him hard and heard a loud screech as he finally let go and shot under the sofa like a furry bullet, hissing and spitting and glaring at me. Wolf continued to bark in an alarmed sort of way, gesticulating wildly.

  “What?” I asked, irritated.

  Then I saw for myself. I was still on the floor as the bent shape of Muma Padurii loomed over me, her arms raised malevolently. Across the room, I saw Queen Catalina had been knocked to the ground. I was completely defenseless as the witch descended on me, her lips spreading across her face in a wicked grin like red ink across a page.

  “No!” the queen shouted as she struggled to her feet. “Leave him alone!”

  The witch cackled madly down at me. I was sure this was the end. Then suddenly, her wrinkled face changed from a look of triumph to one of utter shock. She turned around in a circle, batting hysterically at the back of her neck, all the while shrieking in pain and surprise. When the old woman turned again, I could see a tiny dark assailant clawing its way up the old lady’s hump. It was Jezebel.

  She dislodged herself and flapped around the witch’s face. I noticed Tattles watching all this from his hiding place beneath the sofa. His tail was sticking out one end and thrashing like a whip as his yellow eyes followed Jezebel’s fluttering motions. Almost too late I realized what he was about to do.

  “Jez! The cat!” I shouted just as Tattles bounded from beneath the sofa and sprang into the air, claws extended, teeth bared.

  Jezebel fluttered out of the way at the last second, and Tattles sank his claws into the space that Jezebel had occupied just moments before. Only now it contained Muma Padurii’s face.

  “Aaaaaargh! Geddoff, you mangy beast!” she screeched, seizing Tattles with one gnarled hand and flinging him once more beneath the sofa.

  The distraction had been just what I needed. I got to my feet and fired off a spell of my own, this time offensively.

  “Mindless mutter,

  endless stutter,

  instead of rhyme,

  you’ll pantomime!”

  Muma Padurii had already recovered and was just in the middle of hexing me when she stopped suddenly and started flapping like a chicken. She looked confused before trying again:

  “Time to flee,

  time to fly,

  time for Rune

  to choke and—”

  Only she couldn’t finish her rhyme. The old woman held her hands to her throat and fell to the floor. It was like watching a really twisted game of charades.

  The look in her eyes changed from fight to flight as she edged toward the door. Before I could stop her, she reached for the doorknob and slipped outside.

  “Get her!” I shouted.

  Jez transformed back into a girl, and she, Wolf, and I all ran after the old woman. We’d barely stepped through the door, when—

  “Cappy!”

  My henchman was standing just outside with the baby and Ileana. Before anyone could stop her, the witch grabbed the closest and most vulnerable being she could get her hands on—baby Cricket.

  “Stay back!” the old woman screeched. She knew she was cornered, and now she was desperate. “Stay back or I’ll choke her!”

  Cappy howled in alarm. He took a step forward.

  “Don’t, Cappy!” I shouted. The princess grabbed his arm as if to restrain him just as the queen burst through the door.

  “What’s going on here? Ileana!” Queen Catalina said, clearly alarmed that her daughter was in the company of a capcaun.

  “I’m fine. Just stay back, Mother,” Ileana said.

  “That’s right, my dearies,” Muma Padurii said. “Just stay back! I might not be able to cast a spell, but I can still choke this redheaded whelp. Now, who does this little brat belong to?” Muma Padurii held baby Cricket out by the scruff of her neck like she was no more than a kitten. “Another one of yours, Catalina?”

  “Do you get the feeling they know each other?” I whispered to Wolf and Jez. Neither the queen nor the witch heard me, though. Padurii’s attention was focused on my stolen baby.

  “What a tasty morsel you are!”

  I cringed as I remembered that Muma Padurii liked to eat kids. I really hoped she didn’t eat my baby. I was running out of time to find another one.

  Just then Cricket seemed to realize the ugly, evil hag holding her by the collar was not Cappy. The baby’s face screwed up into a pucker, then her mouth opened, unleashing a deafening cry. It cut through the still air like a knife.

  “Quiet, you!” Muma Padurii said, poking the baby with one of her long yellow fingernails.

  That was probably her undoing. Without warning, Muma Padurii was hoisted into the air by some unseen force. She screamed as she dangled upside down. Her black dress fell over her wrinkled face, revealing dirty gray bloomers beneath. Of all the trauma I endured that night, that was the vision that would haunt me most … Muma Padurii’s granny underwear.

  “Nasty,” Jez said.

  Wolf, being unable to speak, just stared in fascinated horror.

  Padurii let go of baby Cricket, who floated safely back into Cappy’s waiting arms. Everyone was gathered on the ground beneath the floating witch. Tattles the cat peered out from the house and seemed to sense he was on the losing side of things. He took one look at his dangling mistress and ran off into the forest.

  “What should we do with her?” I asked, staring up at the witch hanging overhead.

  “I’ve got an idea,” said Ileana. She let out a series of hoots and whistles, and in a matter of moments owls began to materialize in the trees surrounding the clearing.

  “You really can talk to birds!” I said.

  Ileana smiled and winked at me. “Take her away, boys!”

  The owls swooped
across the clearing, wrapping their talons around Muma Padurii’s dress. They latched on to her arms and legs and carried her away into the forest. We could hear her screaming for a long time. Then the sound finally faded and was lost.

  “Mother!” Ileana shouted, running to the queen. Then she looked around. “Where’s Father?”

  “Oh dear!” Queen Catalina said. She ran back into the cottage. Everyone followed.

  The king quacked and pecked at pieces of gingerbread on the floor. Ileana looked at me imploringly. “Can’t one of you help him?”

  Wolf barked helplessly, which pretty much answered for him.

  I had never successfully transformed an animal into a human before. My Spelling wasn’t nearly that advanced. Jez was pretty good and had come close … once or twice. None of this was very reassuring to Ileana. Then another voice spoke.

  “Unlock these, dear,” the queen said. She held out her hands, which were still bound in the magical chains. At first I thought she was talking to me, but Ileana stepped forward, pulling out one of her own hairpins and picking the queen’s lock. Then the queen spoke again:

  “A duck is not how you began.

  You were meant to be a man.

  No more bill, feather, wing,

  return now to being king.”

  Jez, Wolf, and I just stared, our mouths hanging open. From the stunned look on Ileana’s face, I could see this was a shock for her too. With a puff of smoke and an explosion of white feathers, the king transformed back into a man. He hiccuped, and a feather shot out of his mouth and floated lazily to the floor. He still looked pretty dazed.

  “Can he walk?” I asked.

  “He’ll be able to walk in just a few minutes,” the queen said. “Although it will be quite a while before he’s completely restored to his old self.”

  “Then we should probably get going. General Bowson will have gotten back to the city by now … I hope.”

  “General Bowson?” the queen asked. Beside her the king made a strange noise. It might have been a burp or a quack.

  “We can talk on the way,” Jezebel said impatiently. She was obviously annoyed at being surrounded by people who outranked her.

  Wolf barked at Queen Catalina as if to say Hey, what about me!