My Life in the End

by Adriana Alexa

  I do not love you anymore.

  I do not love you anymore.

  This, Greg ... Keep repeating this. Maybe one day you begin to believe.

  ***********

  My mother did not help.

  But that was not a surprise.

  She never helped.

  I felt worse for having given in to emotion and letting her see my weakness. I closed my eyes. I needed to rest. Needed sleep as much as he could there, after delivery. I would take a baby home, and after that never rest in life.

  My whole body was shaking.

  But I was ... oddly ... calm.

  The bitter tears fell all the way to the hospital. Before and during delivery.

  I sat there, suffering alone and thinking about everything that had brought me there. Thinking about the abortion clinic and the girl's picture did not want to wear the shoe. My mind flew trying to escape my suffering and I considered my life would have been like if I had raised at that clinic. If I had up when they called my name.

  And then I heard a cry and my whole life is over.

  Holt did not matter. Eleanor, my mother ... the whole world stopped spinning.

  The doctor congratulated me and called me Mom.

  I remembered the stories and reports. The emphatic way people said that the love a mother felt for a child was the world's greatest love and nothing to compare it.

  Throughout the pregnancy, however, I compared. I imagined it would feel for my puppy something very similar to what always felt for Greg. Perhaps this feeling could alleviate the pain of not having him around. Perhaps the feeling that I had for a son could reduce suffering.

  It was enough that it was an even greater love.

  But all the stories and reports were wrong.

  I could see the doctor moving with something in his arms. A very small and fragile wrapping it down a bit for me to see before you take him away.

  It was not a love greater than any other.

  It was not love.

  It was a new feeling.

  One that had never existed before and which was created at the time that I saw him for the first time. The moment I heard him cry, testing his lungs so came into the world.

  It was more powerful than love.

  A lot more.

  There was no comparison.

  There was no word, term or expression in any language that I knew I could define what it was that I felt.

  It was a unique feeling for which no one had bothered to give a word.

  Perhaps because no words could be strong enough.

  - Where is he going?

  - Will only weigh it and clean it. No longer will return.

  I wanted to scream at him to be careful. It was such a small package. So fragile.

  My package.

  I had someone holding me and asking me to relax, but I could not take my eyes of my package. My son. I was a mother now.

  shit there ...

  The doctor came back and put it back in my arms.

  I could not stop crying. It was that new and unknown feeling that quickly became the most important thing I had ever felt.

  - It's all right with the young man. Let's take him to the nursery and you back to the room, okay?

  - What's his name? - A nurse approached with a stuck form into a metal support - I have a name?

  - Um ... - I could not take my attention away from him. He had no one. I would never know his father would never have any family that was not me. I would need to teach him to be alone, too. Being alone as I have been all my life.

  - No need to decide now. - The nurse walked away.

  I kissed her tiny delicate forehead.

  He would not need anyone. I would take care of us. I would take care of so well that he never miss anything ... and he opened his eyes. He opened those beautiful eyes only for me. I was smiling, watching every nuance of color in his pale eyes. The very light blue, darkening near the edges of the iris. I hear babies eyes change over time and acquire their true color, I found myself wondering what it would be. What those nuances would prevail over the other. The bright blue at one point, the gray in another, green ...

  Green eyes.

  As the father.

  He would not know anything about the father. Never.

  - Tyler. - warned.

  - Pardon? - The nurse returned.

  - It's his name. It's Tyler. Tyler Scarlett. - Completed with the new surname I had assumed.

  They brought me back to the room and the little Ty for the nursery. I knew I needed to sleep but could not. I could not think of anything that was not my son.

  It took a huge effort to get out of bed. I leaned in serum holder and brought it with me through the hallway. Following up colored walls with trees, sun and a huge disproportionate stork synthetic mat clear wall. From my side of the huge glass window some family gathered watching one or another baby and my nervous eyes searched mine.

  I soon find the plastic cradle with the name Tyler Scarlett written in large letters at the bottom. But ... it was empty.

  I pulled the nurse who passed by me without any charge.

  - Ahm ... My son? Where is it? They said they would bring him here.

  - What's his name, Miss?

  - Tyler.

  The nurse looked out the window.

  - If the cradle it is not there, they should have led him to nurse. Why not back to the room?

  - But the cradle is right there. Only it is empty.

  - They must be taking a bath. - She looked beyond the cradles. But all the nursery extension was perfectly visible from where we were there and there was nobody there, but a young woman sitting on a computer already near the door.

  There was no one there and my baby was gone.

  - Where is he? - The panic in my voice was heard.

  - May have led him to the doctor in charge. Maybe ... - she stepped into the nursery and I completely ignored warnings of "authorized personnel only".

  - Maybe what?

  She was fast talking in Italian with another nurse and I lost a few words. But I understood the part of the sheet said that the baby Tyler should be in there and that he had not been taken to nowhere.

  - What happened?

  A doctor came and quickly understood what was going on.

  - Miss Scarlett. - He asked gently, but I was panicking and there was not anything she could say to calm me.

  - Where is my son? - It was surreal. It could not be true, could it?

  - Miss, need to lie down. Why not back to the room and ...

  - I want to see my son! Back to the room when you have seen my son.

  - Call security. - She whispered to one of the nurses - We need to close the hospital.

  Close the hospital.

  Close the hospital?

  - Doctor! Doctor, please. - A nurse was driving me away and I was too weak to resist him strength - You lost my son?

  The nurse stood beside me as if unsure what to do and I saw the doctor's eyes take on a somber tone.

  - Better get back to the room, Miss Scarlett. We will take care of everything.

  Chapter 6

  - You sent for me?

  - Boe, sit.

  The cottage of Baxter was a true mansion. And it was packed with people, flowers and music to Greg young marriage. Eleanor Baxter was not sharing the joy, she seemed pleased that his grandson finally marry someone she approved, but I saw her smiling and talking only to fulfill what was required of him socially. Other than that, she kept walking around the house, trying the wedding party like a business arrangement that needed to have all the details in order for the implementation was fast and flawless.

  I sat in the chair next to her in his office on the first floor.

  - Something wrong, lady?

  - I want to talk to you, Boe.

  - Sure, sure. What do you need?

  - I need to know if Laura Thoen is still alive.

  Very calmly now Boe. Breathe. Do not let her see the lie.

  - No,
ma'am. - I gulped - I took care of it personally.

  - The body ... Where to put it?

  Problem.

  A very big problem.

  I was able to lie. Would invent somewhere ... that part was easy. The problem is that she never asked me things like that. She never wanted to know things like that. If you were wondering, it is why should imagine that was not true.

  How could she have found?

  - With Edouard. In the junkyard.

  - How did this? How to kill?

  - Poison, lady.

  - And it was enough?

  - You asked thirty drops. I put forty.

  - Forty? - He raised an eyebrow.

  - Forty. - I did not look away. It would show weakness.

  - Do you know a person named Claire Marvin-Bern?

  - I'm sorry, ma'am, no. I can not say I know.

  - Claire is a horrible person. - He explained with his condescending smile - which is great for my purposes. She is able to make the most unscrupulous things for money. Note that is a great ally.

  - Yes ma'am. - I was hiding panic. That conversation was not looking for safe waters.

  - He married countless times. All for money. He was even able to leave their family many years ago when he left in seek of the first rich husband. She left behind her husband, a humble janitor named Edsel and his little daughter Laura.

  Will be all right. Miss Laura had no contact with the mother. She can not know ...

  - I contacted Claire almost two years ago. I wanted to know more about the past of the woman who was with my grandson. Before you go, let good money for it. Showing gratitude for your patience and freedom to share personal details and, of course, to strengthen our friendship. And Boe ... - she put her hands on her knees - It's been a good friendship.

  - I think so. -stay only calm. It's gonna be okay.

  - But what was my surprise to see my phone rings today, precisely in Gregory's wedding day, and a call from none other than Claire Marvin-Bern. I would ignore, I confess. - He smiled - but I'm glad I did not do it.

  - She had good news? - I needed more information. Even though I regret it forever.

  - She had threats and blackmail.

  - Mrs?

  - Threats, Boe. And Blackmail. He asked a considerable fortune to be quiet. Not to mention to Gregory that Laura was on the way to a hospital in Venice to have his son.

  - It's a lie, it can not be.

  - I imagine it to be. In fact, Boe. I'm sure it's a lie. Why do you never lie to me, is not it?

  - I'll take care of it immediately. - I lifted.

  - No -. She turned to her glass of wine - will not be necessary. Already I called Terry.

  - Terry? - The name came down and without conviction - Lady ... it's crazy ...

  - IT IS. But performing work very well. It is not in Venice, unfortunately, here in the city. I asked him to come here for safety, in case I need to ask you some change in plans more quickly. He must be coming.

  - You do not prefer that I go to Venice, then?

  -. No Terry is here, but assured me that know great people there and I want to find out the details of this as soon as possible. Claire had very detailed information on the facts. Of course Laura's not alive. - He said with his cold eyes on me - Since you took care of that personally. But is there anyone in Venice who knows too much. And Terry will take care of it.

  - Yes ma'am. - I made an impossible effort not to let my body betraying me and show the anxiety he felt.

  - Whatever it is that has happened ... We'll find out soon.

  - Certainly, madam. Still need me?

  - No, Boe. I just wanted to ask you these questions.

  She did not fire me.

  He did not complain.

  Not threatened.

  I got up and made a little bow his head before retiring.

  I am no longer useful and failed.

  An unforgivable failure.

  She will have me killed.

  I need to get out of here now.

  Before she finds out that Miss Laura is ...

  On the way to a hospital in Venice to have his son.

  Ah, Miss sun. If only I had to help her.

  But I'm not. Now, the only person I can help is myself.

  I bumped against someone coming in the opposite direction and hit the wall.

  - Oh, excuse me ... Miss Merryl.

  - Ah! Hello, Boe! Do not bother yourself. Eleanor's there? I need to talk to her before the wedding. - She had something sad in his eyes.

  - Yes, you are, Miss. Some problem?

  Merryl looked from one side to the other in the hallway as if considering whether or not to tell me. I noticed that his desire to vent was greater than its discretion. And I just wanted her to be resolved more quickly, speak or be silent, anyway, do it once so I can go without drawing attention.

  - I think I'll make a nonsense to try to prevent Greg from marrying Elizabeth. He does not love her, you know.

  - Oh, I do. Well ... good luck.

  I turned my back to leave and was just down the hall when I heard his voice immediately behind me and noticed that he had been followed.

  - Good luck? Boe? What happened?

  - Nothing, Miss Merryl! Absolutely nothing. I'm leaving.

  - The party is for the other side.

  - But I need ... I need to fix some things.

  - Now? The wedding starts in half an hour. And as far as I know Gregory asked you, is not it? You are here as a guest. So why are you leaving?

  - I'm not going away. I will only address a few things. - The more she watched me with his inquisitive eyes, the more nervous I felt - Excuse me.

  - Boe! - He grabbed my arm - What happened? You are always so ... - she did not seem to find the words - And now so ... Did something happen? - She looked into the hall where I had come. For the office door behind us and calculated the answer - Eleanor did something?

  I looked at the ceiling in exasperation.

  I could be rude to her. Pull the arm and get out of there.

  I would disappear. There was no master in the subject, but I was able to keep me away from problems and would be able to live. When you have no family or many friends it is easy to start again elsewhere.

  But Miss Laura ...

  Miss Laura was alone, probably taking care of a newborn baby and had a monster going to get it.

  I could make a last attempt, could not he? Try to help her as he could before fleeing.

  I blinked at the young lady Merryl. A Walton.

  Eleanor could never do anything against Walton.

  - What happened, Boe?

  - Miss Laura. She left because she was pregnant. And Eleanor threatened to kill her.

  Merryl Miss eyes widened almost as much as his mouth.

  - How is it?

  ***********

  The nurse was still guiding me through motherhood running, my body shriveled and empty. My strength had left me and I realized I never in my life feel so helpless. My mind worked desperate and I wanted to do something. I wanted to give me a slap and leave the halls screaming and opening doors. I am looking for my son to find it and then take a beating hot iron on who was responsible.

  I'm fucking myself to you or anything that has to do with you.

  Does someone could die of grief? Be so absolutely devoid of any kind of joy and dry, wane and die? Because if it was possible, it was likely to happen to me. And soon.

  There seemed to be enough blood in my veins. Depletion covered me like a blanket and my brain refused to accept that what had really happened.

  You did not see right. The cradle with the little Ty was there. You looked quickly and did not see him. Scared all employees, but will look back and see that it's there. Everyone will laugh at this little moment of desperation.

  The nurse left. I had someone on my side. She had told the nurse who was with me and led me to a room that was not mine. completely ignored their presence and would not even claim that it was in the wrong place. I h
ad no strength for anything.

  But there was something in the corner ...

  A cradle of plastic on wheels with large letters written in dark blue marker. It was the name "Tyler" written the most beautiful way I have ever read in my life.

  And a switch turned on me. I was alive again. I ran to the cradle in such a despair I forgot serum support. Acute pain in my hand made it clear that the needle had moved into my body punching something I should not, but I did not care. I pulled my puppy out of the crib and shook in my arms.

  The most beautiful thing in the world.

  And I would not drop it over ever. If a nurse appeared to convince me to return it or drop it she would get out and caught bite. That was obvious.

  - Did not mean to scare you. You should have stayed in your room.

  I looked up at the dark unknown to me. She had dragged the serum support close to me preventing me hurt me more.

  She was my height. A pair of large gray eyes, a drawn mouth and a sharp nose completed its discrete features. It was exuberantly beautiful, but had a beautiful body and something ... exotic in its simple beauty.

  His jeans were fair and battered, black shirt sported a square neckline and she kept her long black hair tied in a tail tired and tight horse.

  I did not care what she looked harmless, Tyler kept hidden in my arms and put me aside, keeping it as far from him as I could.

  - Calm. - He raised his hands with a lively tone - I'm a friend of Oliver, sweetie. No need to get nervous.

  I should not have more than twenty years. And there was something strange in her delicate smile that was almost ... childish.

  - Oliver Amiga?

  - IT IS! You can call me Lola. - Launched an excited hand toward me so I pressed. But I just noticed. It was an unknown quantity. A woman with child of the air, with a psychopathic relaxed way that caused me chills.

  - Lola? I've heard him mention his name ... but I thought it was ... more ...

  - Violent? Rude? Scarred? - He smiled.

  - Old.

  - Ah! - Her laughter was hot and completely inappropriate on my obvious despair - I hear a lot of it too. I think it's good not to be what people expect. - His smile twitched in an expression convinced and sagacious - So I caught the unsuspecting.

  - Oliver sent you?

  - He said you were in a dangerous situation. He worried. I paid an obscene amount for me to keep an eye on you in the last months of pregnancy and the first months of the baby's life. He imagined that you would be helpless in this period and it would be good to have a support nearby.