My Life in the End

by Adriana Alexa

  - Honey. - He shook my hand - I know.

  I held her hand in mine and let the silence prolonged between smiles.

  She was my mother.

  Or the closest thing I ever had a life.

  I wanted to curl up in her lap, let her hug me and tell me what to do.

  What, in fact, it would be a bad idea given its unquestionable weakness.

  But there was. That's how I felt.

  Laura Safe and Confident that the years had shaken and beaten.

  Today I knew I was able to handle any problem that life decided to put in my way. It was not even what I had done? How many people could say that fled pregnant, threatened with death, with no prospect of employment and had survived, holding a child? I was a tough son of a bitch and he knew it.

  I always knew.

  The detail is that after so long, I was tired.

  I was on the road a long time and just wanted someone to take over the wheel for a few minutes so I could doze. I allowed myself to believe that this was what Gregory would ...

  - What did she do? - He asked softly and I laughed, slightly desperate.

  - Oh, Audrey ... I do not know how she can be so bad.

  - Laura, my dear! I do not know what she told you and frankly, do not even tell me. I'm sure she did one of two things.

  - What? - Stroked his arm affectionately.

  - Either she lied or made it worse.

  I laughed.

  - But it's true! - Continued - there Whatever she says to you, do not believe. It's not what she said or not, it's like she said. Be sure. My mother is professional in warp reality so that it fits in her Baxter standards.

  I shook his hand and kissed his cheek.

  Audrey was laughing and asking me to tell you why I went there, but I changed the subject and distract. Just talked trivialities. I showed him some photos Ty on the phone and told him stories.

  I did not need to tell you that I had gone up there.

  She already had told me all I needed to hear.

  ***********

  I checked the time on the clock for the eighth time.

  If I wanted to speak with Laura today, I needed to get out now or was likely to catch her sleeping.

  But that...

  If half of the things I found to be true ...

  It took me several days to find a thread of something suspicious between the subjects that Eleanor chose to hide. But when I pulled the wire, everything took place in an overwhelming speed and I did not know how all that dirt could be kept under the rug for so long.

  That would sink Baxter Inc. or at least give you a stronger punch than any divorce or pictures of me in handcuffs.

  I squeezed her lips, slipped all the most important papers in a folder and raised.

  I would need to analyze everything more carefully and decide what to do. But there was no time and I would die before separating me from those documents.

  - Where are you going in such a hurry?

  - Eleanor ... - exhaled - I thought I had been clear about their presence in the company.

  - Well, relax, Gregory. Just I asked you a question. - She offered her cheek for me to kiss her.

  - I'm leaving, I sleep well before the conference. - I ignored the cheek that was offered and she pulled back, squeezing his lips.

  - About this collective ... - began.

  - It does not matter to you, Eleanor. - At least not yet, I added mentally - is my business and Baxter Inc. Neither concern you.

  - Forgive me for thinking that I deserved at least the courtesy of a warning.

  - After lying to me for years? No, it does not deserve a courtesy.

  - It's all right. - He raised a hand. I knew that smile. It was the smile of someone who thought I would get angry for a while and then forgive her and would do everything exactly the way she wanted. And Laura was right: why should she imagine different? If I was always your obedient puppy?

  And that shit this collective ... That shit.

  Needed to be done. And by God, I would.

  But the sense of defeat would not leave me.

  - Gregory, I just want you to know that I do not care what you decide. I am at your side. - He smiled.

  He says that because my orchestrated movements and left me dead.

  He left me no choice.

  I was not me who decided, Eleanor. Was you. And you know it.

  - Dismissed my driver. Can you give me a ride, talked on the way?

  - No, I can not. I will stop in one place.

  - In Laura's house?

  I raised an eyebrow, daring her to continue.

  - Just I thought you wanted to talk to her before the press conference. Whatever I say go.

  - Do not mess.

  I held my briefcase tightly and was at the door.

  - Do not have anything to do with such Gareth Zahner has?

  I gasped exaggeratedly and gave a short punch at the door.

  - Damn. - I sighed - Talk at once.

  - What?

  I turned aside and watched with fury in his eyes.

  - It is Interpol. - He shrugged - is working on a bureaucratic post that has nothing to do with their qualifications and tried to hide his true craft very well. I need to be worried, Gregory? To have a man full of secrets and hiding their identity near your son?

  I bit my lip and cursed quietly a few more times before finally leaving.

  ***********

  Gary was serving wine and saying something about his life.

  The drink was good. The food was great. And if I were watching the conversation should be interesting.

  - You'll want to tell me the problem or rather let me talking to myself?

  - Han? I ... I was hearing.

  - Laura, I just say that I spent the whole body talc and ran naked for a bunch of field and you said "cool." - He laughed.

  - Sorry, Gary, I ... I think I have a few things in mind.

  - Do you want to tell me? I know what the subject is. - Warned - just do not know the details.

  I passed his lips while deciding.

  - It is not strange to speak of another man on a date?

  - I'm good with "weird." - He motioned for me to continue.

  I exhaled heavily.

  - I was a shrew.

  - It was? - I laughed and I made him a grimace of disapproval.

  - I was worse. No one approached me, had serious personality problems and Greg has changed that. He saw something in me, or wanted to take revenge. - Took fingertips to my smile remembering those four weeks when it all started - Anyway, he ... he insisted. I do not give up on me and I ended up changing. And now ... Now I wonder if it's not my turn. It is he who is trapped in an unpleasant personality and an unhappy life. I wonder if it is not selfish of me to say "go to work, do not want you." Maybe it's my turn to insist. My turn to not give up on him and make him change.

  - Got it. - He hid behind the wine.

  - Is that going to say? - I laughed.

  - Well, talk to another guy on a date is already strange enough, Dom. - Laughed even louder - You want me to do what else? convince you to go after him?

  - Yeah ... I think not.

  Zahner had her clear eyes fixed on me and I wondered what he was thinking. He reached across the table and touched my hand and I knew.

  And I knew what I would do too.

  I lost in his body for a night. I delight in your heat. Try to forget my problems or overcome them.

  Sex was not a solution, but it was a great distraction.

  And I needed to relax. Badly needed.

  I got up to clear the table and he accompanied me, surrounding the table, always getting too close, touching my waist a suggestive way. Gary was trying to help me, taking away plates and cups, a single tray was missing, in addition to cups and wine, we reach the tray together and fumbled one in the body of the other. He was so close. Its proximity enveloped me, I stared to make clear my permission. His hands were on my waist and our noses were touching when the doorbe
ll rang.

  He laughed, staring at the ceiling in disbelief. I had to follow her laughter, disengaging me from his body to answer the door.

  My smile faded when I saw him standing there. The impeccable suit unless the tie loose around his neck, a tight folder in hand, a sober expression. He looked over my shoulder, certainly saw Zahner with wine and did the math.

  - I'm sorry to interrupt. - Whispered - Sun, we can talk?

  ***********

  I needed a tranquilizer. As soon as I saw that Dom stuck dress and Zahner in the background serving the wine, I was sure what it meant. And I ... I was stammering, fumbling with the words, sweat until melted ... I was not able to say what was there to say in front of him. Not when he was serving wine to my Sun in that maddening dress.

  But it needed to be said.

  And I would not have another chance.

  You fucked up, Greg. Fucked much. Now deal with the consequences.

  - Um ... - she looked over her shoulder and Gary shook his head, indicating that did not bother him.

  I stepped back, making room. Sun came into the hall and pulled the door behind him.

  - Some problem? - Excessive formality in his tone clogged me unhappiness.

  I rubbed his hand on his head, ruffling my hair and rejoiced to further tie.

  - I came to apologize.

  - For what, exactly?

  - For everything. - I decided with a resolute gesture - I realized I had apologized full of ulterior motives when we met again at the hotel and I think I should ask you real apology.

  She crossed her arms, was listening to me.

  - I do not know everything that happened to you in these years, and I wonder one day, but in any case ... I have a huge share of the blame on any difficulty, problem or suffering that you have overcome during that time. And so I ask you ... I ask so many excuses, Dom.

  I closed the mouth crestfallen, waiting for a conviction.

  - I believe in you. - She whispered, absolving me.

  She took a step forward, but I put one arm between us. I had come here with a purpose, and to see her Zahner ... if she approached a little more, I would hug her, kiss her and put everything to lose.

  - You were right when you said I've changed. - I warned and she stopped, surprise, on my arm - and the truth is I've been trying to blame a lot of things and a lot of people by my attitudes. But I can not blame anyone else. - Shrugged - I love you too, Laura. And when I found out that you had not gone because he did not love me, I wanted you. And I was behind you and thought you were mine to take. And you were right: I have not acted rightly. I just ... just pretend that everything was exactly as I wanted it to be. I blamed you for everything I did wrong these years. I blamed his absence, blamed the longing I felt for you. I was blind to absolutely everything I could have done differently. Married with irresponsibility, I was unfair to an innocent child, I became exactly what I abhorred. And when you came back, I thought it was safe. - Smiling, ridiculing my own innocence - I thought just to have you back, all the evil that I made would be erased. I thought I had only been a bad person because you were away and now everything would be different. But ... once again - I gestured toward you - you were right. I can not just push a button. I'm not a child or a teenager uncompromised. I have responsibilities. - I hit a hand in the other, frustrated with myself - I have responsibilities to the company, with employees. I have responsibilities with Hyatt. - I spoke slowly - I have responsibilities with Elizabeth. I have responsibility for all the mistakes I made and their consequences. I can not ignore all this and definitely can not ask you to pay for my actions with me.

  - Greg ...

  His voice was beautiful ... so beautiful. I loved that woman in front of me more than my own life. I knew it ... I knew from the day I saw scratching the ears of my dog and eating cereal in my kitchen.

  -. No, Don Please do not say anything. - I felt my breath swing - just listening.

  He shook his head in a discreet statement and I breathed to continue, feeling my eyes sting.

  - I scheduled a press conference for tomorrow morning. It will appear in the newspapers. I would like you to attend. I took several decisions in my life and I hope what I do tomorrow to help you understand it. - Squeezed her lips. The door was ajar behind Dom again, she must have released the doorknob when he walked toward me, and entertained in my monologue, even noticed. But now I could see Zahner watching me through the crack. He did not pull away or looked away when I noticed. Laura was there, between us and the idea of being so close and yet so far from her again made my mind travel to years ago when we had that crazy blackmail experience and passions. From the time we spent together, pretending to hate us and hiding that we loved each other ... I was smiling - Remember what I told you? When you went away? - She was silent without understanding - You said that my future should be Plan A and Plan B was you?

  She was smiling too:

  - And you said I was a prerequisite. - Completed.

  - I said no you did not plan. - I stuck my free hand in his pocket - is it, Dom All these years.. All these errors. I did not have you and ... This was all just ... I did not have a plan. Completely lost trying to find me. - I lowered my eyes, joining forces - You were my north. - I confessed - I lost it. And I'm not a decent woman man you've become. You ... You are different, Dom. You were always a survivor, but now it's more than that. It's as if you were an adult and I was a brat. - Smiles - I need to take my responsibilities. I need to change. Because so even if you never love me ... - a chill went through my spine - At least I can be proud of being a man you could love.

  She had her jaw locked that way was when he wanted to stop crying to reveal. I decided to save their suffering and approached. I wanted to say goodbye. But how? Like I would ever be able to say goodbye to Laura?

  I touched her cheek with his fingertips. She was too precious for me and that's what I wanted my touch represented. I did not want to hurt her. I did not want to hurt her. It took me to realize that I loved her too much to make it my possession.

  I wanted to kiss her face, but did not think it would have the strength to part with it if it did. So just let my hand fall and rested my gaze over his shoulder, in addition to the crack in the door. Zahner watched me back, stuck in every syllable of my speech. I nodded quietly and he returned my greeting.

  My mouth opened before I could control it.

  - If you hurt her, I'll kill you. - I explained simply and he just nodded in understanding.

  Laura clung like fall and I wanted to get closer and mutually supportive. For life, if she needed.

  But unfortunately, that was not what she needed.

  - Give a kiss on Ty for me, yes?

  I waited for her to confirm, I turned my back and walked away, leaving my heart at your feet.

  ***********

  He went away and my heart was beating throat.

  I do not know how long I stood in front of the elevators, to Gary to pick me up.

  - Are you alright?

  I shook my head between a "yes" and "no". He took me by the arm and led me back into the house.

  - Look, Don ... - smiled, putting his glass of wine filled in my hands - I do not know much in life ... but that guy loves you.

  I blinked more often than would be reasonable to trying to decipher if there was something behind his words.

  - I thought the guy was a mama's boy, spoiled to no good, but ... - he took a sip of his own wine - Maybe you were not wrong. Maybe he pay.

  - Gary ... - ran a hand through his hair, trying to awaken that trance - I do not know if that's what I needed to hear right now.

  - Why not? - Frowned, confused - Do you love the guy!

  I raised an eyebrow at him fearfully.

  A few minutes ago we were on the verge of a kiss. And now this ...

  His eyelids were low when he shook his head lightly, indicating that he understood my reasoning.

  - Do not get me wrong, you're a beautiful woman. Intelligent, well settled. Fun
ny a little scary way. - Laughed - But ... I ... just was bored here, you were a fun company and I thought it might not be bad. - Was justified - I'm sure you're the kind of woman for whom a man can fall in love and I really like you but ... - he pointed to the door and I knew he was talking about Greg - I do not feel that for you.

  I was rubbing my own arms, trying to warm loneliness that froze me.

  - I've felt it before. - She whispered, calling my attention - I hate the guy to stay on my way. - Dropped the cup on the table and shrugged - I do not want to be the guy that gets in the way.

  I smiled at him, admiring his infinite honesty.

  - It's not smart to love Gregory. - I explained.

  He smiled with contempt.

  - Love is never smart. - Squeezed my arm a brotherly way - But we're all idiots.

  ***********

  The driver Greg took Ty to school and I realized that was not going to watch his speech on television. Especially because I had no idea when it would be displayed. A quick search on the internet told me that the news would be at the Millenium Hotel and I needed to know ...

  To know if Eleanor had lied or had just exaggerated.

  I needed to know if the speech Holt the night before had been a promise of change or a farewell.

  quick knocks on my door and I ran to answer it. I knew it was unlikely, but my whole body wanted incoherently it was Gregory.

  Gregory said you loved me, you missed me, hugging me, kissing me, asking me a chance. And I would give you ... I would give her every chance he needed because I was a fool in love beyond reason.

  I must have withered before Zahner, because he noticed my disappointment.

  - I was expecting someone else? - He smiled.

  - Perhaps. - I shrugged.

  I closed the door behind him and offered him a cup of coffee. He accepted and took a deep breath to tell me something else when he was interrupted by the doorbell.

  I dropped the cup on the counter and was back at the door, with the same desire in the heart.

  But I wilted again of the unknown with an envelope in his hands.

  And not only that ...