I push that all from my mind, wanting to focus more on the situation at hand.
Benedict unpacks the basket of food as we talk and lays out a veritable feast in front of us. He's gone all out with trappings from the kitchen.
"How did you get hold of all of this?" I ask as I pick up one of the sweetmeats and bite into it. Delicious, and just as I like them.
"I make sure to flirt with the cook regularly." He winks at me and I let out a laugh.
"In which case, my assessment of your flirting skills may be incorrect. It appears you've done a good job."
He dips his head in mock submission. "Perhaps I learned more during our dance than you think."
I shake my head in bemusement and take another sip of wine. The action gives me a moment to drag my gaze along the length of his body as he lounges on the blanket.
It's odd how easy it is to sit here with him, the two of us so close together beneath the stars. It's almost enough to make me wish we never had to leave. Unfortunately, we both have commitments we can't get out of.
"Are you going to be at the ball tomorrow night?" Benedict asks after a moment.
I nod. "It's one of the only reasons Father will let me out of our rooms without much supervision." I grimace.
"Except now?"
"It's the middle of the night," I say with a shrug. "Everyone is about to keep an eye on me. He'd never think I'm sneaking about to meet a man for a clandestine picnic under the stars."
"You make it sound so romantic." He leans in slightly, his face coming close to mine.
My tongue darts out to wet my lips. I want to close the distance between us and kiss him, even if I know I shouldn't.
"You mean, I make it sound so forbidden," I whisper.
"We're not doing anything wrong if we don't act on it," he murmurs.
His words are useless though. I know it's only a matter of moments before we break from what's proper and kiss.
He shifts so we're more in line with one another, then leans in and presses his lips against mine. My eyes drift closed as I relax into the sensations. Benedict's arm wraps around me, pulling me close.
His touch is heaven. And even better because it's something we're not supposed to do.
Somewhere, things have gone very very wrong. I'm supposed to be protecting my heart, and instead, I've only lost it further.
Chapter 6
The music flows through the room, covering all manner of sins as people flirt and do other things they're not supposed to. I can't say I'm any better than the rest of them. No matter who I'm dancing with, or talking to, I have one eye on the rest of the room to try and find Benedict. He said he's coming, so where is he?
I break from my dance partner, a sweet boy called Edward. He's a decent dancer, but the rumours have it that he prefers to spend his time with men, not women. I hope for his sake that he can.
A hand clasps around my wrist, and I nearly let out a scream before realising who it is.
Instead, I find a smile stretching over my face as I take in Benedict's handsome face.
He holds a finger to his lips. I nod, and go willingly when he pulls me into an alcove and draws the long drapes across it, hiding us from the main ballroom.
"We're going to get caught," I whisper, but do nothing about stopping the current situation.
"I doubt it," he responds. "Everyone is too busy making sure they don't get found out for whatever it is they're doing."
"You think everyone is up to something?" My eyes widen. I know there's plenty of debauchery in court, and if Mother is to be believed, a lot of people having affairs, but it's still strange to believe everyone is up to no good.
"Almost everyone. Whether it's drinking more than their spouse wants, or stepping out with the wrong person." He shrugs. "If anyone even saw us stepping in here, they probably didn't pay enough attention to know who we are, and in case we're friends, they won't pull the drapes open."
"I hope you're right." Because I'm not about to do anything to change how we're standing. He's tantalisingly close to me.
Benedict seizes the opportunity to slip an arm around my waist and pull me closer. I go willingly, pressing my body against his. The forbidden element only makes this more enjoyable.
He doesn't say anything, as he leans in and kisses me. I relax into his arms, enjoying the sensations he brings out in me. It's so safe here. No one is going to hurt me while he's around. I know part of that is wishful thinking. Anyone can pull back the curtain shielding us and cause a world of hell for me. But I don't care. Right now, the world is no bigger than the alcove and the man in front of me.
We break apart, but Benedict leans in and kisses me once on the nose.
I giggle involuntarily. There's something about the gesture that's so sweet.
"Why are you doing this?" I whisper.
"Doing what?" His voice rumbles through his chest, and he's still pressed close enough for me to hear it.
"Sneaking away with me? Aren't there easier girls you could be courting."
It's still possible to make out his raised eyebrow in the dim light. "We're courting now?"
My stomach sinks to the floor. Have I been reading the situation wrong? I'm so stupid, how haven't I seen that he's simply messing around?
"Kitty, I'm sorry, I was trying to tease you, I didn't mean it that way," he says hurriedly.
I bite my lip, trying to stop the tears threatening.
"I promise. I want to court you. I'll court you openly if that's what you want. I'm not doing it with easier people because I don't want to. You're the one who caught my eye then captured my heart with your words."
I snort, even through my tears. "You've only known me for three days," I point out.
"Are you trying to tell me you don't feel the same way?" He kisses my forehead, which is all I need to know he's telling the truth.
"Yes," I whisper, almost too quietly for him to hear. "I don't know what it is..."
"Fate? Soulmates..."
"I don't think they're a real thing." Everything all the books say suggests it isn't.
"Then perhaps we have to make soulmates for ourselves. But meeting you, I knew for certain that I wanted to spend more time with you. And then you said your Father was already collecting marriage proposals, and I panicked, thinking you wouldn't want to court someone out in the open and risk his wrath," he explains quickly.
I chew on my lip, ignoring the press of my fangs. Most of the time I'm in control of them, but sometimes, when my emotions are high, then they spring out and do what fangs do.
Benedict's gaze meets mine. He reaches out and tucks a strand of my hair back into the barrette. It turns out I'm oddly grateful for Mother insisting on tying it back again. She seems to think the best way to send a message to people about my impending wedding. Which is stupid if anyone asks me.
"Why do I feel like this?" I'm still in a little bit of denial about it. I don't understand the way I'm feeling about him, and so quickly.
"I don't know. But I feel it too," he assures me. "And I don't want to stop seeing you."
"Me neither." I pause. "Do you think we can manage?"
"To keep us a secret?"
I nod.
"We can, but I can also put an offer of marriage in to your Father..."
"After only a few days?" I interrupt, hope blooming in my chest.
Benedict chuckles, and my heart skips a beat at the sound. It's a good job I'm already on my way to accepting my feelings for him, or this could be awkward.
"Yes. If it's what you want."
"Please," I respond instantly. "I don't want to have to stop spending time with you."
"Then that's what we'll do," he promises, then presses another kiss on my lips.
A loud noise from outside the alcove breaks us apart. A nervous laugh slips from me as a result.
"I forgot there's a ball going on." I'm not sure how, but somehow it's slipped from my mind.
"It's easy to forget when we're in our own world." He
strokes a gentle finger down my cheek. "You know we're going to have to go out there?"
I sigh. "I know. Do you think we can get away with one dance without people noticing we're too interested in one another?"
"I think so," he assures me. "We'll limit ourselves to one dance at balls, but sneak away during them."
I put my arms around his waist and press my cheek against his chest. He wraps his own around me, tightening our embrace. I can feel his body, even through the ridiculous amount of fabric that makes up my gown.
"I hope you don't just want to see me at balls."
He chuckles. "No. I want to see you every day."
"We'll see what we can do," he promises, dropping a kiss on the top of my head.
How is it possible to feel so certain about someone after so little time? It's almost as if I've known him for so much longer.
"But for now, may I have this dance?" He steps back as far as the alcove will allow and dips his head while holding out a hand.
"It would be my pleasure." I place my hand in his. He closes his fingers around mine, sending warmth through my whole body.
He peeks around the drapes, then gestures for me to follow him.
We both exit the alcove, watching to make sure no one sees us. Luckily, it seems as if one dance has ended, and another is about to begin, giving us the perfect chance to mingle with the other people our age and make it seem like we've been dancing the whole time.
I have to let go of his hand and take my place in the line of women. When the music starts, I dance the steps I've known for as long as I can remember. My eyes never stray from Benedict, and I can feel his eyes on me too. I have a feeling this is going to get old very fast, but for now, it's the best we've got.
Chapter 7
"I noticed you danced with Lord Ferrybridge again last night," Mother says as she walks into my bed-chamber without even knocking. It's a good job I'm not up to no good. At least, not right now. There's been plenty of times over the past few weeks where I have been.
"Is that a problem, Mother?" I ask without looking up from the embroidery I've been working on. It's incredibly boring for me, but Father wants more handkerchiefs, so there's no way of avoiding it.
"He submitted a marriage proposal to your Father a couple of weeks ago."
I stiffen. Why is she telling me this now? Other than the proposal from Dewsbury, neither of my parents have talked to me about any of the offers they've been receiving. Potentially because, no matter what happens, I'm not going to get a say in the matter.
"I didn't realise," I lie, trying to keep my mind off the very real promises Benedict has made me in the time since he talked to Father.
"I hope you're not making anyone false promises," Mother warns, coming over to the window I'm sitting in and perching herself on the other stool there.
"I'm not making anyone promises." Technically true.
"Then you should be careful. Men will often take what you won't freely give. If there's even the smallest stain on your reputation..."
I sigh loudly, cutting her off. Exasperated, I rest my embroidery on my lap and meet her gaze. "I know. Everyone has drilled it into me since I was old enough to talk. I'm not going to do anything to ruin myself." Technically, not true. I believe by most definitions of the term, I've come very close to ruining myself for good. It's far too easy to get carried away with Benedict, though he does manage to stop us in time.
Sometimes, I'm disappointed by that. But I try not to think about it too hard.
"There's no stain on my reputation," I assure her.
"How would you know if there was?" she demands.
I set my embroidery aside, using the motion to cover up the panic rising within me. She doesn't know anything, does she? I don't see how. We've been careful at every possible turn. No one knows about us. We always make sure people don't see us, and we never take risks unless we're certain no one is around.
"You need to tell me the truth if something has happened, Catherine," Mother says firmly.
"I would, but nothing has." Why is this happening now? "Has Father mentioned why the marriage negotiations are lasting as long as they are?" Hopefully, changing the subject will work. That way, I can avoid having to lie.
"There have been some complications with Lord Dewsbury," she admits.
"Oh?" I risk picking my embroidery back up now my hands are steadier and less likely to give me away.
"Don't ask me about them, your Father hasn't shared what they are. I suspect there are problems over your dowry. That's normally the case." She sighs. "Have you drunk today?"
I shake my head, too taken aback by the about-turn in her questioning. I want the subject to move on from my unofficial love life, but I thought it'd come from me changing it.
Mother rises to her feet and exits the room. She comes back in a couple of moments with two goblets and hands one to me.
"You should be careful and make sure you're drinking regularly," she scolds me.
"I am doing. I just hadn't yet today," I assure her.
"Hmm. You've been looking a bit pale recently..."
"We're vampires, Mother, we're always pale. I think it's the lack of sunlight." I've seen humans, and their skin tone looks much healthier than mine.
"Which is exactly why you should be drinking blood. Your Father pays more than you care to think about for this vintage."
I take a sip of the blood, not wanting to comment on how much Father pays. It's probably too much. It doesn't taste any better than the normal stuff the court serves. Blood is blood, at the end of the day. I don't have any problem with drinking it, but I also don't spend a lot of time working out what the differences between the different vintages are. I'm sure it's something to do with where it comes from.
Perhaps Mother is right, though. As soon as some of the blood is gone, I feel fresher than before.
"You look better already," Mother says.
I smother a laugh. She's only seeing what she wants to see, but I know I can't say that to her. My parents are far above me in the pecking order, and I know I have to obey them or risk being thrown out of their home. I'm not sure what I'd do if I'm cast out. If I spend any time in the sun, I'll die. And that's without all the other complications which come with being a vampire out in the open. In a lot of respects, it doesn't warrant thinking about.
"I promise to make sure I drink more," I murmur, knowing it's the only way I'm going to get her to drop it. I don't want to be lectured to about blood. It's happened far too many times in my past as it is. Since the moment I could eat, more or less.
"Good." She rises to her feet, apparently done with all the things she wants to talk to me about now.
"You're going so soon?" I ask, unsurprised but feeling like I should voice it anyway.
"Yes. There's another ball tomorrow night. Make sure you dance with some different men this time."
I frown. I thought I'd been doing all right with spreading my time with the various different men of the court, but perhaps not. It's unfortunate I won't be seeing Benedict until tomorrow. I don't want him to think I'm ignoring him when I dance with other people. Once my parents retire for the evening, I can dance with him.
"Why don't you provide me with a list of acceptable partners, and I'll be sure to only dance with them," I suggest, hating myself for even thinking it.
Mother purses her lips. "I'll have it delivered to your room later today." She doesn't say anything else, and sweeps out of the room, the train of her gown rustling against the floor as she leaves.
I sigh heavily and set aside my embroidery. There's no chance of me going back to it now. How am I going to balance my parents' wishes with seeing the man I truly want to spend my time with? For the first time in the weeks since I started spending time with Benedict, it feels impossible to continue our affair.
I should have listened when my mind screamed about how hurt I'd end up after all of this.
Chapter 8
I try to catch Benedict's eye. I'm not su
re what I'll do when I manage, but I need to somehow get a message to him so he knows I'm not purposefully ignoring him. Well, I suppose that's not right. I am avoiding him, but not because I want to.
How did this get so complicated? I never intended for any of this to happen.
"Lady Catherine, may I have this dance?" Thomas, an heir to one of the dukedoms, asks.
"Of course." I plaster a fake smile on my face, resigning myself to the fact I'm going to spend one more dance away from Benedict.
As the music begins, we bow to one another, and flow into the practised moves. Thankfully, it turns out this is one of the dances where we change partners regularly, allowing me to avoid too much time with Thomas.
"You've been avoiding me." His voice sends a shiver down my spine.
He's gone before I can respond. Taken away by the steps of the dance. But that's all right. It means no one will notice we're having a conversation.
"Mother is suspicious," I whisper when I pass him.
He nods ever so slightly. Not enough to arouse any notice.
"I'll find you when they're gone," he says the final time we dance around one another.
I have no time to answer as I move on to the next partner in the dance. A lightness creeps over me as I realise he's now on the same page as I am, and isn't going to think I suddenly hate him.
The dance ends, and I curtsy to Thomas, before moving away to circle the room. I have to turn down the next man who asks me to dance, as he doesn't appear on Mother's list, but I soon find myself swept into another dance by someone she does approve of.
With every turn of the room, I check for where my parents are. My heart sinks every time I notice they're both still in the room. I'm not sure why they bother sometimes. Neither of them takes part in the dancing. All they seem to do is drink and talk, both of which they could do in far more comfort if they stay in their rooms.
It takes five more dances for them to disappear, along with a lot of the older vampires. It's become somewhat of a tradition that anyone under a century old stays to dance more as dawn rises. There are no windows in this part of the den, so we won't face any risks from sun exposure, which is always a positive.
First Bite: A Bite Of The Past Prequel Page 3