by Linda Warren
“Okay, baby girl, time to gather up the photos and go to bed.”
Leah was surprised that Eden obeyed, but then she figured Eden didn’t defy her father too often. Only when it was important, and Leah had a feeling she knew when those times were right.
Eden hugged her dad and then paused, glancing at Leah. “I never know whether to hug you or not.”
Leah tried to stop her racing heart to reply. “Always hug me. It means the world to me.”
And just like that her daughter reached out and hugged her, and Leah held on with all her strength, never wanting to let go. It made her realize just how valuable each moment was.
After Eden left, Falcon scooted closer to Leah. “I had no idea she had those albums in her suitcase.”
“Do you think it means she’s starting to forgive me?”
He shrugged. “I don’t think it’s so much forgiveness, Leah, as it is adjusting. She’s had so many years without you and now that you’re in her life she’s not quite sure what to do.”
“Is it the same for you?”
His gaze met hers. “Yeah, something like that.”
She fingered the collar of his pajamas. “I can’t get used to you in these.”
A smile split his face. “I thought I never would. I couldn’t walk around in my underwear anymore with a little girl around.”
She batted her eyes. “You look quite charming, sir. Like a father in an old sitcom.”
“Being a parent changes a man.”
“It’s a change for the better.”
Falcon swung his long legs off the bed, as if the moment was getting too intimate. “I’ll take that as a compliment, ma’am. Now it’s time for you to go to bed.”
She ran her hands up her arms. “Can I ask you a question first?”
“Sure.”
“When we were teenagers, did you marry me because you loved me or because I was pregnant?”
His eyebrows knotted together. “What kind of question is that? You know I loved you.”
“In my heart, I guess I did, but you didn’t say it often and I said it all the time. And when I got pregnant you didn’t say, ‘I love you so let’s get married.’ You said, ‘We have to get married.’”
He sighed. “Why are you bringing this up now?”
It was going to be hard to explain her feelings, but she had to do her best. “You and Eden can’t understand why I didn’t come home and I’ve explained my reasons several times. Guilt for leaving was a big part of it, but I think a part of me thought after so long that you didn’t love me anymore. And that maybe the love was all on my part.”
“Leah...”
“I’d never felt real love in my life and making love with you seemed to say ‘LOVE’ in capital letters. But at times I’ve wondered and I think that doubt made me insecure to come home when I wasn’t well.”
Then he did something unexpected. He sat beside her, so close she could smell a whiff of tangy soap, sending a charge of excitement through her. He leaned over and kissed the softness of her neck, her jawline and then the corner of her mouth. “You were the only thing I thought about day and night,” he whispered. “I didn’t look at other girls. As far as I was concerned there were no other girls. You were my girl and my life and I thought I showed you that in every way. If you had doubts...”
The excitement quickly turned to desire and she touched her lips to his, wrapping her arms around his neck. She needed to kiss and hold him and a whole lot more. He deepened the kiss and for a moment they were lost in the flames of bygone days when nothing mattered but the two of them. Memories like wispy puffs of smoke surrounded Leah. She felt his love again for the first time, and she had to wonder if he felt it, too.
“Dad!” Eden hollered from her room.
He drew back slightly, his breath a wave of delicious heat on her skin. “I’m always going to love you and I’m always going to want you. That’s just the way I am, but we have to take time now to get to know each other once again and to build a future that we both want.”
“Does that mean you’re always going to resent what I did?”
“No. It means we have to take time to adjust and not let our emotions cloud our judgments.”
“Dad!” Eden hollered again.
Falcon got up and went into his daughter’s bedroom. Leah curled up in bed, not knowing what to feel or what to do. She just had this feeling that Falcon was never going to forgive her.
* * *
FALCON AGONIZED OVER his talk with Leah. They couldn’t go back as if nothing had happened, and sex wasn’t going to solve their problems. He had to remind himself of that from time to time. But he missed that intimacy with her.
He didn’t understand why he couldn’t say, “I forgive you,” and they could move on. It wasn’t as if he loved someone else. He’d waited almost eighteen years for Leah to return and now he was as conflicted as Eden.
The relationship between Leah and Eden had changed and he was happy about that. After the ice was broken, so to speak, his daughter seemed to have a need to tell her mother about every little thing in her life and Leah listened avidly. Then Eden discovered she could wear Leah’s clothes and shoes. Thus began an adventure like he’d never seen. He always worried about Eden developing her feminine side, but with her mother it became natural.
Then Leah showed her how to use makeup and he hardly recognized his daughter, who always wore jeans and boots and maybe a little lip gloss. She was turning into a woman right before his eyes. A part of him longed for the little girl who slept on the floor at the foot of his bed. But Eden was happier than Falcon had ever seen her.
They had the house to themselves, since Alma had gone to visit her sister, who’d just had knee surgery. Leah wanted to do everything for them, but soon found she couldn’t. Somehow it was important to her that she cooked for them. She had dizzy spells, so he and Eden chipped in and made it fun for her. But Falcon worried Leah was getting worse. While she was playing games with Eden sometimes she had to stop because she couldn’t see.
Anne was now confined to bed until the baby was born. But she and Leah talked every morning on the phone. Callie and Lissie came to visit and meet Eden. There was a tense moment when Eden realized these young girls, her age, were friends with her mother. But the girls were very friendly and soon Eden warmed up to them.
The days passed quickly with numerous doctor visits, and soon it was the end of October. Leah and the baby continued to do well. He thought it might be good for Eden to go home for a while and that was met with a frown. No way was she leaving her mother now. Each day they drew closer.
Leah’s headaches and dizziness grew worse. One night she woke him up.
“Falcon.”
He instantly sat up. Since the birth of Eden, he’d been a light sleeper.
“What?”
“I have a terrible headache and when I try to stand up I’m so dizzy I’m afraid I’ll fall. Could you please get me the Tylenol out of the bathroom?”
He didn’t flip on a light because he knew it would hurt her eyes. The moonlight streaming through the windows provided all the light he needed. He got the medication and brought it back to her with a glass of water. She quickly took it and lay down.
“Is it bad?”
“The worst.”
He went back to the bathroom and fixed a cool washcloth and crawled into bed. He gathered her into his arms and placed the washcloth over her eyes.
“Take a couple of deep breaths and relax.”
“I can’t. The pain is so bad.”
“Shh. The medicine will take effect soon.”
“I’m afraid the tumor is growing like Dr. Morris predicted.”
“We’ll call him in the morning,” he murmured and kissed the top of her head.
He held he
r until she drifted back to sleep. A delicate scent of flowers reached him and he sucked in the fragrance like a dying man. She smelled so good and her skin was soft and yielding against his fingertips. Heat radiated from his skin and desire uncurled in his stomach. God, he wanted her, but tonight was not the time.
By morning, Leah was better and decided to wait for her regular visit with Dr. Morris. But in the days that followed they both knew Leah was getting worse. Dr. Morris scheduled an MRI without contrast to check on the tumor. The tumor was now growing, as they’d suspected.
Dr. Morris had them register at the hospital in case of an emergency. He wanted to be prepared and so did they. They soon found out that Leah’s insurance would not cover pregnancy and that meant they would have to pay out of pocket for that and the hospital wanted a deposit. Then Falcon remembered that he’d never taken Leah off his insurance policy. He called Quincy to pull the records to find out for sure. Thirty minutes later Quincy called back to tell him Leah was still on the policy and it included pregnancy. It was a big relief.
The days ahead were rough as Leah continued to have problems. One morning he woke to find her in the bathroom throwing up. He immediately got a washcloth and held her trembling body as she retched.
“Go away, Falcon. I don’t want you to see this.”
“Hey, we’re in this together for better or worse.” He sat on the floor holding her, making sure there was no blood in the vomit. He flushed the toilet and continued to hold her, wiping her face until her trembling subsided. Then he picked her up and carried her back to the bed.
“Falcon...”
“Shh. Just get some rest.”
“It’s too soon. I can’t have the surgery now. The baby is only ten weeks.”
Falcon worried about that, too. They may have to choose between Leah’s life and the baby’s. And he knew without even asking her what her choice would be. And in that moment, some of that deep resentment that he still held started to dissipate.
* * *
ANNE HAD DELIVERED a healthy baby boy two weeks ago and Leah still hadn’t seen him. She was happy for her friends and hoped they would bring the baby soon to see her because going out was out of the question. Her health was deteriorating and she held on to Falcon and Eden just as hard as she could. She didn’t know how she ever thought she could handle it alone because the pain was debilitating. They didn’t seem to mind cleaning up her vomit or holding her while she cried. She worried now that she was going to lose the baby. Soon she knew Dr. Morris would push for the surgery and she had to be strong to resist. The baby needed more time and she needed more time with her husband and daughter. She had another difficult decision, but this time she knew she would not make it alone. She’d given up on Falcon forgiving her. Now she hoped that somewhere in his heart he could accept her into his life again. By his caring actions she knew that was a possibility and she would accept anything he offered. She loved him that much.
Eden was subdued about the whole thing. She wanted her mother to be healthy, but she didn’t want Leah to be in pain. What she’d feared was happening: they were watching her suffer. She spent most days going through the photos. She pulled two photos out that she wanted to keep. One was of Eden in her red boots and dress and the other was of Leah and Falcon the day they’d gotten married.
They looked so young and they were without a clue of what was to come and all the heartache they would suffer. And it wasn’t over.
* * *
ANNE BROUGHT THE baby over and Leah was besotted with the chubby cheeked infant. As she held him, she had to wonder if she would see the child that she carried. Every day was a blessing and she counted it as such.
Thanksgiving Day dawned wet and dreary. The Rebel family was coming and Eden was beside herself. Leah was nervous because she hadn’t seen them in years, but it was a holiday and she hoped she was well enough to enjoy it. Alma was cooking turkey and dressing and Kate was bringing food, too. Falcon and Eden had never spent Thanksgiving away from the ranch and Leah tried to get them to go home for the holiday, but they refused.
Leah made it downstairs, but she wasn’t allowed to do anything and she really didn’t have the energy anyway. Soon Kate Rebel, her sons, Zane and Grandpa arrived. She met Rachel, Egan’s wife, and liked her immediately.
Kate kissed Leah’s cheek. “I hope this isn’t too much for you.”
“No. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” And just like that the tension from the past disappeared.
Kate looked at her sons. “I expect everyone to behave and act like gentlemen today. This is a nice house and I want it to be that way when we leave.”
“Yes, ma’am,” echoed around the room.
“Where’s the TV?” Paxton asked.
“Right this way.” Eden led them toward the den.
“Wait a minute.” Falcon stopped them. “I want you to meet Alma. She’s the housekeeper and has been taking care of Leah.”
They shook hands with the woman and Alma fanned her face. “Oh, my, I haven’t been around this many cowboys in my whole life.”
“Ah, they’re just babies. I’m the real deal.” Grandpa thumbed into his chest.
“He is.” Eden winked at Alma.
The day turned out to be lively with family, and Leah enjoyed every minute. She didn’t know if it was the excitement or what, but she wasn’t dizzy and she could see fairly well.
The brothers watched football and yelled and screamed at the TV while the ladies fixed lunch. Grandpa did his best to impress Alma. They ate in the dining room and managed to squeeze around the table.
Eden was in her element with the uncs and Leah saw how much she’d missed them. It was a family day, like it should be, and Leah, for the first time, felt a part of the Rebel family.
THE DAYS OF DECEMBER seemed to drag as Falcon continued to watch Leah grow worse. She was now on bed rest because Dr. Morris was afraid of her falling. Headaches and dizziness were a daily thing and her eyesight continued to decline. Falcon was worried out of his mind because he knew Leah wasn’t going to agree to surgery until the baby was a little bigger.
She was now showing and it brought back so many memories of when she was pregnant with Eden. This time he was determined to be there for her every step of the way.
David came over and they talked about their options..
“How many weeks is she now?” David asked.
“Fifteen.”
“I think there’s a very good chance the baby will survive the surgery. I’ve seen it many times and there’s minimal risk to the baby. Dr. Morris will make the decision. He’s on top of this and he’ll not let it go one minute longer than it has to. I hope Leah accepts his decision.”
“Will there come a time when we have to choose between Leah’s life and the baby’s?”
David nodded. “Be prepared for that, but it’s probably a very slim chance.” He looked straight at Falcon. “How are you and Leah doing?”
“We’re getting to know each other all over again. I have to be honest, though, it’s hard after so many years apart and it’s hard for me to accept the reason for our separation. I’m trying, though.”
David picked up his briefcase he’d set on the floor. “I brought something over that you might be interested in.” He opened his briefcase and pulled out a huge medical folder with Leah’s name on it. “Years ago Leah signed medical release forms and asked me to get her records. She read some of it and gave it back to me saying it was too depressing. I’ve kept it at my house, but it really belongs to you and Leah. It’s interesting reading. It might open your eyes a little.”
“Thanks,” Falcon said and later carried the folder to his room. He would read it when he had time.
Leah and Eden were in Leah’s bedroom and Eden was prancing around in high heels. He stopped for a moment to watch his grown-up daughter. She
ruined the model-like walk by giggling. Since his wife and daughter were busy, he decided to take a look at the folder.
As he opened it he saw there were several folders inside the big one: one from the accident, one from rehab and another from plastic surgery and surgery to her legs. There were also pictures from the accident and he didn’t recognize the woman who was his wife. Her face was swollen, one ear dangled and an eye bulged out. Her face was covered in blood and his stomach cramped at the pain she must’ve endured.
He kept flipping through and reading. Notes from the doctors caught his eye:
Patient not expected to make it through the night. Patient a fighter, a survivor.
On and on he read and it was like a story of the time Leah had been away from them. When she woke up from the coma, there were more notes.
Patient awake asking for Eden. Patient calling for Falcon. She has no idea who these people are. A therapist has been called.
The therapist added more notes after Leah knew who Eden and Falcon were.
Patient in agony over leaving her husband and child. When it is suggested she call them, she becomes agitated saying she can’t go home until she’s well. Feels extreme guilt over her actions.
As he read through all the files, any anger or resentment or doubt that he’d harbored vanished. It was clear to him now. Somewhere in his mind he believed that Leah had forgotten about him as she enjoyed her cushy life in Houston. He could see that wasn’t true. He and Eden were always on her mind. Even though he felt she made the wrong decision, he knew Leah and how it must’ve hurt her not to come home. For the first time he could admit that.
He slammed the files shut. He had to talk to his wife.
“Dad, it’s Mama,” Eden screamed.
He jumped to his feet and ran to Leah’s bedroom. She lay on the floor curled into a ball holding her head, whimpering.
Kneeling beside her, he asked, “What happened?”
“We were having fun and her head started to hurt and now it’s really bad,” Eden replied. “Do something.”
Falcon lifted Leah into his arms and carried her to the bed.