by Laila Lalami
His expression veered from sleepiness to astonishment. He sat up and fixed me with his blue eyes. Do you know that the viceroy offered me five hundred pesos for you? And do you know what I said? He raised his eyebrows in a challenge. I said no.
He looked as though he expected me to congratulate him for this refusal. I opened my mouth to say something, but could think of nothing to say—nothing to say, at any rate, that would not sound argumentative or disrespectful or even amusing to him. If I said, But you promised me, he might reply that I was questioning his word and a quarrel would erupt. If I said, I have waited long enough for my papers, he might ask me what was the rush and what plans I was hiding from him. And if I said, You do not have a bill of sale any longer, he would have simply laughed and replied that it would take only one or two Castilian witnesses to produce a new bill of sale.
I reclined against the back of the sofa, sinking in the overstuffed damask cushions, the room around me fading into a blur of colors. This was not supposed to happen, I thought. Tenochtitlán was supposed to be a new beginning for me. Instead, and almost without my realizing it, Dorantes and I had slowly reprised our old relationship. Once again, he was standing in the sun and I had to retreat in his shadow. Once again, he was the speaker and I was the listener; he was the decider and I was the supplicant. Once again, he was the master and I was the slave.
An Aztec servant came in at that moment to announce that some gifts from Hernán Cortés had arrived. Bring them in, then, Dorantes said. The servant opened the door wide and in walked a pair of greyhounds. They were both male, brindle in color, eight to ten months old. Swiftly they walked around the room, tails wagging, sniffing at our hands and legs and at all the furniture. In disbelief, Dorantes stood up. What am I supposed to do with dogs? he asked. The servant did not reply, for a gift from Cortés could not be returned without causing some offense.
It was the first time I had seen greyhounds in New Spain. Their narrow faces reminded me of the sloughis of Barbary, which are used for hunting hare, but their color was similar to the dogs that the Capoques kept as companions. The two memories, one of Azemmur and one of the Land of the Indians, combined in such a way that they produced in me an even deeper melancholy.
The servant left now and Dorantes sat down again. He was expecting me to say something about his refusal of the money, and my insistent silence struck him as ungratefulness. Now he pressed me for some acknowledgment of his fortitude in facing down the viceroy. With his elbows on his knees, he asked: Who would refuse an offer from Mendoza?
No one.
No one in his right mind, he said. Now he stood up again and went to the glass doors. The dogs followed him there, but he ignored them. With his back still turned to me, he asked: Is there another slave in New Spain who can claim to have been invited to the tables of both the viceroy and the marquis?
No.
Or to have received Communion from the bishop himself?
No.
Or to stay at the viceroy’s guesthouse?
No.
Is there another master who allows his slave to go about as he pleases on the streets of the capital?
No.
So why do you want to run off like Cabeza de Vaca? Be patient, Estebanico. The two of us will have more adventures yet.
He returned to sit on the sofa. The dogs came to sniff his hands, but he shooed them away with irritation and turned to his side. A moment later, he was asleep.
THE CURTAINS WERE DRAWN when I walked into our room, cloaking it in a blue darkness. I made my way to the bed on the tips of my toes in order not to rouse my wife. The softness of Castilian bedsheets had eventually tempted her and she had begun to use the mattress. But she was not asleep; she sat up now, in her white nightdress and with her black hair loose on her shoulders. What did Dorantes say? she asked.
Nothing, I replied. In my shame, I could not bear to look at her. I sat down on the edge of the bed and slowly unbuckled my shoes. I felt a great heaviness all over my body; all I wanted to do was lie down and go to sleep and never wake up again.
He made up another excuse?
Slowly, I unbuttoned my doublet. Each gesture demanded great effort.
Why? she asked. Why do you keep believing him?
I lay down on the bed next to her and closed my eyes. The image that came to me was of the shard of clear glass, lying under a thicket of green cactus in the Land of Corn. I had been a free man then, roaming the world that God had made, providing solace to other people and receiving sustenance in return. But somehow I had started a chain of events that had led me to this city, this little room, this very bed. And not only had I lost my freedom once again, I had lost my wife’s, too. A horror. An unbearable horror.
Listen, Oyomasot said. She put her hand on my face and kept it there until I opened my eyes. Listen, my love. The more you ask him, the more he will want to hold on to you. What you want is not something that can be asked for, it can only be taken.
On the nightstand was a pitcher, another one of the gifts that had been sent to us by a nobleman after we had entertained him with our stories. Oyomasot poured me a glass of water, wiped the bottom with her palm, and handed it to me. Drink, she said, drink, you are burning up. I took a sip, turned to my side, and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
When I woke up, hours later, the first thought that occurred to me was that I had lost everything. I had lost the rustling of the Umm er-Rbi’ River, the view of the eleven minarets, the noise of the souq, the taste of figs eaten right off the tree, the pearls of dew that woke me when I slept on the rooftop of our house on hot summer nights. I had lost, too, the endless expanse of green wilderness, the taste of deer I had hunted, the sound of drums around the campfire at night. I had given up my right to go where I pleased, my right to work as I wished, my right to worship as I wanted. I had sacrificed my wife at the altar of my ambition. I had willingly walked back into darkness.
Everything was lost.
But a voice inside me said no—not everything.
I still had one thing. My story. I had journeyed through the Land of the Indians and had witnessed many things that my companions had preferred to revise, embellish, or silence. What had been changed, perverted, or left out was the heart of our history, the part that could not be explained, but could only be told. I could tell it. I could right what had been made wrong. And so I began to write my account. For every lie I had heard about the imperial expedition that had brought me to the edge of the world, I would tell the truth.
23.
THE STORY OF THE GUESTHOUSE
On a cold evening in winter, I walked into the ferran around the corner from the grand mosque. The neighborhood’s bread trays were stacked in four neat columns along the far wall, each tray bearing a mark that identified its owner in some way: a small design carved on the handle or a colorful fabric for the bread. Orange flames rose inside the gaping oven and, even though I stood by the door to the street, I felt their heat. As I said my salaams, I noticed that the apprentice, a young boy of perhaps twelve or thirteen years of age, was new. Is Mohand not here today? I asked him. But the boy did not answer. He put a fresh loaf of bread on his peel and slid it deep inside the oven, placing it in a row next to the other loaves. Again I asked him about the baker. Where is Mohand? The apprentice turned toward me and, as he did so, his hand brushed against the edge of the oven door. His wails of pain were loud—so loud that they woke me.
For a moment, I was unsure if the cry I heard was an echo from the dream I was having. No, the sound came from inside the house. Beside me, Oyomasot had not stirred. Another moan of pain tore through the silence. I pushed back the covers and rushed to the door. The hallway still smelled of the roast chicken that had been served for dinner, in celebration of the Christian feast of the Nativity. At the other end of the house, the dogs were scratching at the kitchen door, begging to be let in; I had forgotten to tether them for the night. Then Dorantes’s door opened and he stepped out in his nightclothes. He stood
, silhouetted against the candlelight from the bedroom, looking like a man who had gotten lost on his way home. When he saw me in the hallway, the confusion on his face gave way to relief. Tekotsen, he whispered. Tekotsen is in labor.
I nodded and turned around to get Oyomasot.
The labor lasted all night. I went out to tether the dogs, but they kept barking and jumping and running around in circles, as if they sensed what was happening inside, so I relented and brought them with me into the living room. I found Dorantes sitting by himself, wrapped in a Spanish blanket. If it is a girl, he said, I will name her Pilar. Or maybe Ximena. My aunt is named Ximena.
In the dark, the living room seemed bleaker than ever. I put fresh logs in the fireplace and started a fire. As I worked, the dogs stood on either side of me, and when I sat on the armchair they came to lie at my feet. In just a few weeks I had grown attached to them. Whenever the weather allowed, I took them to the lake, around which they could run free for a while. I enjoyed these walks, for they gave me a good pretext to be out of the guesthouse, where there was constant talk of the future. I needed some time to myself to consider how I might solve my predicament.
Dorantes spoke again. I remember the day my brother Diego was born, he said. I was thirteen. I was with my tutor in the study when one of the servants came to inform me that my mother had gone into labor. My father was in Extremadura that week. Of course, I sent for the doctor, but the doctor was not home either, and the servant had to go looking for him. I was sick with worry; I felt I had been left alone to shoulder the heaviest burden in the world. But in the end, it was the laundress who delivered Diego. I remember she came out into the hall to show him to me, all wrapped up in his linen sheets. He was so small. I was afraid I might break him if I touched him.
What if it is a boy? I asked. What will you name the baby if it is a boy?
Dorantes seemed on the verge of saying something, but in the end he did not reply. He fell asleep after a while and I think I did, too, because the next thing I remember there was a creak as the door opened. It was already morning and the first rays of sun filtered through the windows. It is a girl, Oyomasot said with a smile.
Though my wife looked reluctant to give up the baby, still moist with afterbirth, Dorantes stood up to receive her. How beautiful she was. A round-faced girl with a tiny mouth and long-lashed eyes that surveyed our messy world with astonishment. I kept my gaze averted, but I knew that, like Oyomasot’s, it was filled with envy.
Now, with his child in his arms, Dorantes sat down by the fireplace again. Good morning, he cooed. Good morning, little lady.
The girl would be named Ximena María, but everyone would call her María la Mestiza. She would be held and kissed and nursed and swaddled and sung to for days on end, but by the festival of the Resurrection, Dorantes would send her to live in a Spanish convent ten leagues north of the city.
IT WAS AN EARLY SPRING that year. The clouds disappeared almost overnight and the warm weather made the orange trees in the courtyard erupt with early buds. Dorantes had reluctantly begun his preparations for the journey to Seville when Viceroy Mendoza sent word that he wanted to see the two of us. I wonder what he wants, Dorantes said as we walked from the guesthouse to the palace.
At the gates, Dorantes stopped to check that his breeches were properly tucked in and as my gaze fell I noticed on the ground a wooden charm in the shape of a hand. How odd, I thought as I picked it up. Had it been made in Tenochtitlán or had it been brought here from somewhere else? It looked just like the amulets my mother used to wear, except hers were made of metal rather than wood. I pocketed the little charm, thinking it a sign of good luck.
We were ushered into the viceroy’s private office, a high-ceilinged room where plumed statues of Aztec warriors watched us from each of the four corners. On the walls were portraits of King Carlos and Queen Isabella, and a painting of the Prophet Jesus with his apostles. The viceroy was sitting on an armchair, his leg in the lap of an Indian servant, who was tightening the buckle of his shoe. The heavy rugs that covered the floors muffled any sound we made when we entered the room, so that neither Mendoza nor his servant heard us. Dorantes had to clear his throat before the viceroy noticed us. He waved the servant away and stood up. Ah, Capitán, he said. It is so kind of you to come.
Thank you for inviting me, Dorantes said.
But I hear you are already leaving us? the viceroy asked.
In a few weeks. I am returning to Seville.
Might we not be able to convince you to stay with us a little longer?
Your Highness is much too kind.
The journey to Castile is long.
Indeed it is.
Mendoza’s voice turned grave. And longer yet is the effort to get a grant from His Majesty. It can take years. A decade even. But if you stay in New Spain and serve the Crown in a different capacity, your efforts will be rewarded. I am preparing an expedition to the Seven Cities.
On hearing this name, a feeling of dismay brimmed up within me. I had heard about the Seven Cities months earlier, but thought them nothing more than a legend, the kind of story that could be used to entertain children on a cold winter night. In the eighth century, some people said, when the Moors conquered the kingdom of Portugal, seven bishops fled the continent with their followers and sailed westward across the ocean. They reached a vast, fertile island, where each of them founded a city. These cities prospered so much that they came to be called the Seven Cities of Gold.
Mendoza had all of the gold of Tenochtitlán, I thought, and yet he wanted more. In my younger years, such greed would have seemed ordinary to me, desirable even, but nowadays I found it only distasteful and destructive. It was greed that had led me to leave the notary’s life for the trader’s life, it was greed that had convinced me to sell men into slavery, and it was greed that had led the three hundred men of the Narváez expedition to perish in La Florida.
Do you remember, Mendoza asked, the story you told us some months ago?
Dorantes and I glanced at each other. We had told many stories of our adventures at the dinner parties to which we had been invited and some of these stories had acquired a few embellishments along the way. So we could not be sure which one the viceroy had in mind.
With a smile, Mendoza said: You said that the Indians in the permanent settlements north of Nueva Galicia often spoke about cities that shine brightly in the sun so that a visitor, standing from afar, must look away from the light reflecting on their gates or risk blindness. These must be the Seven Cities.
Your Highness means to send an expedition?
Yes, but it is a small one. Two friars, some horses, a detachment of Amigos. Nothing too large or complicated. A man of your experience should not find it too difficult.
It is not difficult, Dorantes said cautiously, and I would offer to go were it not for the fact that our ordeal in La Florida and beyond has left me with no desire to explore new lands. Have you considered Capitán Castillo?
Indeed I have. But—how shall I put this?—he seems to me to be a little soft. He was, what, eighteen or nineteen when you left Seville? He has spent nearly a third of his life with the Indians, and it seems to me he is far too biased in their favor.
I know not what to say, Your Highness. Castillo is a faithful servant of the Crown.
Oh, no doubt. He is a good man. I just do not believe he would be appropriate for the mission I have in mind. I thought you would be better suited.
Your Highness flatters me. But, as I said, the thought of exploring new territory is not one I can contemplate for myself at the moment.
Perhaps we might come to a different understanding, then? I am told that the Indian women you brought with you have finished their Christian instruction. They will make appropriate guides for this mission. But I would also need someone who can help the friars and horsemen cross the northern lands in safety, someone with the kind of power you wielded when you lived among the savages. A sort of ambassador, if you will. Someone like your E
steban.
I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand. Was this the stroke of good fortune promised by my discovery of the khamsa? Could it be that the very thing I had once dreaded might allow me to return to freedom?
But Dorantes replied: How generous of Your Highness to think of him. But Estebanico has been with me for ten years now and I am so attached to him I have never considered selling him. As for the women, they are needed to attend to my household, and I prefer for them to stay here in the capital, where they might be able to receive further guidance from the church.
As you wish, the viceroy said. But know that His Majesty will look most kindly on those who serve him in his hour of need.
Mendoza walked us out to the palace courtyard. When they saw him approach, the sentinels straightened up and clicked their heels. A group of swallows were taking turns swooping down into the water fountain for a drink. The sun was high in the sky, and the viceroy tilted his face toward it, soaking up the warmth. Another beautiful day, he said. Then he added, almost as an afterthought: Do you remember Doña María de la Torre? The kind lady in the black silk dress at the banquet last week? She inherited an encomienda from her husband—quite large, fifteen hundred Indians. I would be most pleased to make introductions.
IT WAS A WARM EVENING in summer. Castillo and I were sitting in the patio, under the canopy of white bougainvillea that grew on the gallery rails. From the city square came the faint sound of music, fiddles and drums played for the entertainment of passersby. But the house was dark and quiet; the servants had not yet begun to prepare dinner. Castillo had just returned from a walk to Lake Tezcuco with Doña Isabel, a lady he had met at one of the viceroy’s dinners. Now he slipped off his black shoes and white hose, and vigorously rubbed his left foot between the toes of his right, satisfying an itch or a rash. How I hate wearing socks, he complained.