by Vera Quinn
“We both fought it, and I finally couldn’t be around Jilly anymore alone. Our feelings were too strong for each other, but I promise you I only kissed Jilly a couple of times, and it felt so wrong in one way but so right in others and I had to stay away from her.” He takes a breath.
“That is when Jilly started sneaking out of her house with him and lying to her parents. By then we were at the last few months of our senior year. Jilly wanted us to move away and be together, but I turned her down and told her it was not right.” Brody paused. I give him a sympathetic look.
“It sounds like a tough choice. Were you in love with Jilly?” I see a sad look take over Brody’s expression.
“I was, but it would have torn our families apart, and I couldn’t do that. I love my parents, and it was not something they could have accepted. No one here could have, and I would not take Jilly away from her family. Jilly will always hold a special place in my heart, but I am not in love with her anymore.” Brody looks at me, and I give him a small smile.
“Rebel was pulling Jilly closer to him, and then he would push her away. When he pushed her away, she would cry on my shoulder. Hell, we were kids. We didn’t know where we were going or what to do with our raging hormones.
“I tried to shield Jilly from the bad that was coming from Rebel going wild but it still hurt her, and I am not placing all the blame on Rebel. It was all of us.
“Rebel and Jilly finally started having sex and neither one of them thought about protection. Jilly would have had to have her parent’s permission to get on the pill, and I don’t know if they used any other protection or not. Rebel was jealous of us, and Jilly always ran to me. They ended up breaking up, and she didn’t tell him she was pregnant right away. By the time Jilly went to tell him he was already fucking someone else, so she didn’t tell him. Then it was a lot of other girls and women. This is a small town, and it was all thrown in Jilly’s face.
“We graduated she took off to college. I went to Oklahoma to get situated. I couldn’t stay around home and not spill. I felt guilty. She didn’t even wait until after the summer. I tried to help her but she told me to stay away, and I was too much of an ignorant ass not to tell her parents or Rebel.
“Rebel thought when Jilly took off that she went to be with me. It finally weighed on me so much I called and told Rebel, but by the time he contacted her she’d had a miscarriage, and she had met Kevin. He helped her through it all.” I thought about it for a while.
“Is that why Jilly can’t get pregnant now? Did she have complications?” I see the sadness in Brody’s eyes. He finally sits down beside me. I reach out and touch his arm. Trying to give him some comfort.
“Yeah. I don’t know exactly what happen but Jilly was hemorrhaging, and they had to do a hysterectomy. It nearly broke her. She would have been a great mom, and she is.
“Did you know that she and Kevin foster children from time to time? For some reason, they have never adopted. They attempted to a couple of times, but it just never happened for them.”
I see that Brody is still haunted by his past with Jilly and Rebel. He lost both of his best friends at the same time. Jilly is still his friend but not close anymore. My heart goes out to him, but there is something else he is not telling me about him and Rebel.
It seems if he finally told Rebel about Jilly being pregnant that he and Rebel would have already worked through their problems since they are still close to the same people. I wait but Brody doesn’t seem to be sharing anymore.
He’s watching me and waiting so I guess it my turn to share. Making new friends is having to retell everything. With Jilly, she had a front seat with all my ER visits, but the little I have told was hard enough, hoswever, I said I would. It’s time to let it out and let it go. I will never forgive Kendall, but I can move on from it.
It’s my turn to get up and pace. I start from the beginning. Running over the events in my mind and still feeling the pain they left on my heart.
“Growing up, my family was like most families in our neighborhood. My mom and dad both worked and we always had food on the table and we lived in the same home, but we just didn’t have money for a lot of extras. Don’t get me wrong, we had what was important, each other and plenty of love. God, my parents loved each other. When we were walking in town or anyplace they were always holding hands or standing close to each other.
“We went to church every Sunday as a family. They always kissed each other goodbye and said they loved each other and they did the same to me. When I got old enough to realize all families did not act like that, I wanted it. I wanted a love like that with a man someday.”
I take a deep breath and try to calm myself so I can finish. I still miss my parents so much. “Everything in my life was completely normal. No child abuse, my parents loved each other and me, and I wasn’t a rebellious teenager. I got good grades in school and I wasn’t the most popular girl, but I had friends.
“Then when I started high school, I met Kendall. He was one of the popular kids. His family was very well known in my hometown, and I never understood why he asked me out. I couldn’t date until I was sixteen but he came to my house and visited and we did things together in a group.”
Now that I think about it I never really fit in with his friends. If I am going to get this out, I have to keep going.
“When I turned fifteen, and all my friends were dating, my dad sat me down and told me, first, I had to get my permit to drive and when I turned sixteen my license and a part-time job. If I did these things, he would consider letting me date at sixteen. I did just that, and after I had been working about two months, he said I could go out with Kendall. I had to keep my grades up and work enough hours to pay for gas to get to work in my mom’s car and any extras I wanted. I know he was trying to teach me responsibility, but at the time, I did not like it.”
I look at Brody, and he is patiently listening. I am trying to work my nerve up to the hard part. “My dad didn’t have the money to buy another car, so I drove mom’s and started saving for my own car, but Kendall said I didn’t need a car. He would drop me off and pick me up, so I didn’t have to work every weekend. I see now he was being too possessive, but back then I thought he was being a good boyfriend.”
I know the next part is going to be painful. “We went through the rest of school that way. Kendall and I didn’t have the same friends, and soon my friends came around less and less. I was still around them at school, but we didn’t hang around each other away from school. Graduation came, and that’s when Kendall and I started making love, or I thought it was love. My part time job became a full-time job until I could enroll in the college at home. Before that could happen my mom had a stroke in her sleep and died.”
I go to the window and look out. It is so quiet in this neighborhood.
“I’m sorry about your mom. It had to be hard. Why didn’t you go to school right off?” I look at Brody and I guess it is hard for someone who had a full scholarship to understand we just didn’t have enough money.
“I received some small scholarships, but there just wasn’t enough money. I put in for grants and was going to miss the first semester and then pick up a full schedule the next one. Kendall talked me into it. He said it made no sense to try to work and go to school for a couple of classes when I could just save my money and go full time the next semester.
“We planned on getting us a place of our own since he started school and was working full time for his dad.” I hesitate and then start pacing again.
“My mom died the September after I graduated. Dad fell apart, and I have to give Kendall credit, because he took care of both my dad and myself. Just when I thought things were getting back to normal, dad began to lose weight.
“By the time he went to the doctor, the cancer had already spread. Within six months he was gone, too. I was devastated. If it hadn’t been for Kendall moving in and taking over, I don’t know what I would have done. I couldn’t even function.
“My par
ents had planned ahead and our home was paid off when my dad passed. They both had burial policies and life insurance. Kendall took care of the paperwork, and that’s why he was on my checking account where the money went after I took care of their estates.
“Lucky for me the house was set up to go straight into my name. It took me a little while to pull my life back together but by that time the rest of my friends had been scared off by Kendall. He told me his woman was not waiting tables anymore, so I quit my job. Then he hit me with wanting to start a family while we were still young. My mind was still in a whirlwind from everything, and I was so grateful for everything Kendall had done for me, how could I refuse him?
“He was the perfect boyfriend except for his possessive side. We had our first home, he had a great job and had started his education, and I wanted what my parents had, so I agreed. It only took me a couple of months to get pregnant and we were so happy. It seemed like my life had turned a corner.
“Kendall lavished me with attention, and he took care of me so I knew he would be a great dad. He wasn’t real close to his family so I thought we could make our own family and everything was perfect, until it wasn’t.
“The day finally came to find out the sex of our child. Kendall just knew it was a boy because his family always had boys first. I thought he was a little over the top with the boy thing, but I really thought he would be happy with either. When they told us Shelby was a girl he lost it. He scared everyone in the office. He said the baby wasn’t his and he wanted a DNA test, and he wasn’t raising anyone else’s bastard child.
“I was so embarrassed. He left the office, leaving me sitting there wondering what in the heck just happened. I left with my head down so I wouldn’t have to meet anyone’s eyes.”
I feel the tears running down my face. I thought I couldn’t cry over this anymore, but apparently, I was wrong. Brody gets up and takes me in his arms and hugs me. I cry on his broad shoulders and his arms around me feel so good. I know I owe it to him to finish. I agreed to it.
“He came back, but everything changed. He was cruel to me, and he started staying out late and cheating on me. The first time he laid his hands on me was the day I went into labor. He backhanded me into the counter and later that night I went into labor. I called him, and he wouldn’t come to take me to the hospital, so I called a cab.
“A woman answered his phone that night, and I knew everything I had been hearing was true. That’s the first time I met Jilly. We had a DNA test which proved Shelby is Kendall’s. His parents pressured him into coming back, and I paid for it every day. The rest you know.
“I can’t go back through every blow or shove. Walking on eggshells to keep him happy. I did find out from his mom that the reason Kendall decided it was time for us to have children was because on the birth of the first son to each of their boys, Kendall’s dad would build them a beautiful home and deeded them land. That is also when they moved up in the company.
“Their business is family owned and operated. The Giles family is very wealthy and each generation is expected to make sure their legacy is passed on to the next. Kendall is the youngest of four brothers, and there has not been a female child in that family in three generations.
“Mrs. Giles took a real interest in Shelby and Kendall could not stand it. He’s afraid Shelby will get part of his inheritance. Kendall doesn’t even like children. He’s never even held Shelby.”
That’s all I can say. It breaks my heart that Shelby’s dad doesn’t love her. “I think that is the reason he signed all the papers, but if his mom gets wind of it before the judge signs them I’m not sure how she will react.” Brody hugs me close and then he kisses the top of my head.
I step back out of his arms. I am not ready for this. I just wanted some comfort, if just for a little while. I am still standing close to Brody. Close enough to smell the fresh scent of his soap and it smells really good. No cologne or imitation smells, just all Brody. Then he takes me back in his arms suddenly, and I’m stiff at first, but I finally relax some.
“Just let me comfort you. You’ve been through so much for someone so young. Just let me be here for you.” I look up at him, and he is so damn sexy. My body reacts to him, and I don’t know what overcomes me when I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him lightly. That’s all meant to do, but it feels like so much more. I am on feeling overloaded. I start the kiss, but Brody consumes when he takes it over. The taste of us together is the most erotic thing I have ever tasted before. Brody and I step back from each other, and I automatically panic.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” Looking in his eyes, I see he looks amused.
“I’m not sorry. I have been wanting to kiss you since the first night I met you. I can tell you my imagination did not do you justice.” I look closely at Brody to see if he is teasing me, but he looks totally serious.
“You imagined kissing me?” I ask in disbelief.
“Babe, I have imagined a heck of a lot more than that, but you feel so much better in my arms in reality than any dream.” Has he been dreaming about me?
“So you’ve been dreaming of me?” He nods yes. “I’ve dreamed about you, too.” I know my face is red because it feels heated. “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.”
“What I am feeling right now is anything but sorry, still, I have more to tell you if you are done?” What else could he have to say?
“Go ahead. I’ve told you everything. Are you going to tell me why you are warning me about Rebel?” I knew there had to be more to the story.
“Yes, but I need to let you go. You need to sit down to hear this, or I should say, I need to sit while I tell you.” I back away from him and sit on the sofa and pat the cushion so he’ll sit down. He does, but he scoots away so he can see me.
“Jilly isn’t the only woman to come between me and Rebel. There was this woman named Selena. She went to school with us and when I came back to town after the Marines, we started dating. We actually were living together in my house next door.
“I loved Selena, and for a while, I think she loved me, but we had different interests. I was starting my business bounty hunting, and you know how I am out of town a lot. It was even more back then. I had to establish myself and make connections in different areas of the United States. It’s the only way to build a dependable reputation, and I thought she understood I was doing it for our future, but she didn’t get what my full intentions were with her. I have to say it was my fault for not communicating with her and letting her know I loved her.
“One of her friends hung out at the Demented Revengers clubhouse, and Selena started going to their parties with her. She started hanging around Rebel and his club brothers. She denied it to me, but I knew it was true. Rebel told me himself and warned me if she kept going to the parties eventually someone was going to fuck her. We fought about it, and she moved out when I was gone.
“I was taking on a partner so I could be home more. She wanted Rebel but by the time she moved out she was pregnant with my child. I never thought she would get rid of our child. Rebel told her he would not raise anyone else’s kid, so she had an abortion. Rebel swears he didn’t know she was going to do it. She called him from the clinic to pick her up, and she thought he would claim her as his ol’ lady. After she recuperated he kicked her to the curb, but I will never forgive either one of them. Rebel knew I loved her.” He looks at me for understanding, and I take his hand and try to make him see he has it.
“Brody, I understand you think Rebel should have done something, but really Brody, what could he do? Did he have sex with her? I mean the abortion was her choice.” Brody looks shocked at my words. I raise my hand so he’ll let me talk. “Look I don’t agree with her decision, but it was her decision. It’s not something I could do, but apparently, Selena didn’t think that way. Would you have turned her away if she had been anyone else calling you for help?
“All I’m saying is think about it. I have been around you and Rebel for the last few m
onths, and I don’t think either of you would not have taken that call. I’m not taking up for either of them because it is not my place to. It had nothing to do with me, but I would not be your friend if I did not point that out. I try not to judge anyone without being in their shoes. I’m sorry for your loss. I can tell it hit you hard, and the child is one that you would have wanted and loved. I can’t even wrap my mind around not having Shelby.” I move closer to him and hold his hand. He pulls me even closer.
“I don’t know if he fucked her. He says he didn’t. She says he did. I was pissed at the world afterward and I mourned my child, and I know it was Selena’s choice, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I just don’t trust Rebel like I used to. He walks a fine line with the law, and I never know which side he is on.
“You need to be very careful Gracie. That clubhouse can be wild. Men fuck women right in the middle of the club. One or two men on a woman or a couple of women on a man. I don’t take you for that type of woman and Rebel is not going to stick with just one woman.
“There it all is. I have warned you so do with it as you want, but I will not make the same mistake twice with a woman. I want you, and that is as blunt as I can be. I know Rebel wants you too so I am letting you know you have choices.” I look at Brody’s face and if I thought he was trying to deceive me about something he told me I could argue with going behind someone’s back but he looks like he is genuinely concerned for me when it comes to Rebel.
“Brody, I just came out of a bad relationship I have been in since I was fifteen. I mean, sure the first year we spent in front of my parents, but still, I have never had but one man or boy in my life and it ended dreadfully. I don’t even trust myself right now when it comes to relationships. I have to be honest with you; I am attracted to you, but I also feel an attraction to Rebel even if he does infuriate me. I need friends right now, so I can concentrate on Shelby and myself.
“Please, don’t take this the wrong way because I think you are hot but more importantly, I trust you. I just need time, and there is no way I would play you or Rebel. I am so grateful to both of you for watching out for us. I just need time to heal and trust my judgment again. I really screwed up in the decision-making category in my life.” I hope he understands. “If it hadn’t been for Jilly I don’t know if I would still be alive right now.” Brody sits back and pulls me next to him and puts his arms around me and we sit side by side that way.