by Lexie Bean
Coming Out With Care, an e-care package full of essays, a guided journal and coloring page, playlist, and more to support your journey with a young person who recently came out as anything under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella.
www.mykidisgay.com/coming-out-with-care
Gender Spectrum, offering resources for individuals, schools, and workplaces to make their spaces more gender inclusive.
www.genderspectrum.org
Lighthouse, a directory of LGBTQIA+ affirming therapists and healthcare providers for all ages.
www.lighthouse.lgbt
PFLAG, connecting parents of LGBTQIA+ people for events, advocacy, and support groups. In the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, there are two active chapters: PFLAG Keweenaw and PFLAG Marquette.
www.pflag.org
Trans Youth Equality, offering workshops, summer and fall camps, support groups, and other forms of advocacy for transgender children, youth, and families. They also partner with educators and service providers.
www.transyouthequality.org
If you’re an adult concerned with the safety of a child in your life and you don’t know what to do, educate yourself on the options immediately. In a vast majority of cases, children will not call a number for support the way that Rowan did. More likely, they will decide it’s normal, deserved, or dissociate completely. Many will repeat it into their adulthoods, and may ormay not receive help then. For immediate guidance call the following number,
STOP IT NOW!
1-888-773-2362
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
In January 2014, Ilona, forever smart, loving, and dear, texted me, “You need to write a children’s book.” I sent her the first draft of The Ship We Built later that day.
In the making of this novel, bless those who helped me find the infinite ways to define a friendship, a relationship, a ship. Emily C and the Hungarian language for giving me a new relationship with the moon; Laura G for giving me a new relationship with everything. Andrea Gibson for teaching me the moon and streetlight are the same in “Birthday;” that icicles can heal wounds in “Maybe I Need You.” Thank you to my first muse, Altató by József Attila, found on the street in Budapest. Paavo P, the first person to say “You are a boy, and I’m glad you met yourself.” Adam A for saying “Nobody can do what you do.” The Argentinian soccer team that gave me a toilet paper bouquet on a hard day; Lila L, Daniel L,David Tiselj’s Shipwrecks-Co, Shelby Z, who have taught me a great deal about ships. Thank you Michael A for teaching me about endings. Thank you Nathan Michaelson, Brian Cari, Joe Karabatakis, Nick Bunker, Justin, Evan “Barty” Sachs, Jake Kosinski, and Yorrick Detreköy for offering what became the afterword and offering your understanding of a past few know.
Thank you, Susan Shapiro, Susan Rice, and Max the cat for helping me find this beginning. Charlotte Sheedy and Kelsey Klosterman, and the rest of the Charlotte Sheedy Literary Agency team for your incredible trust, the beautiful dimension and humanization you brought to a too often untold narrative. Madison B and Kelsey A, extraordinary librarians, and Futaba S, who at the earliest stages encouraged me to tell the truth even if it gets dark. Thank you Sean S and Linus I for reminding me that Rowan’s story doesn’t need clarity to have hope. Thank you a million times over to Nancy Mercado, Rosie Ahmed, and the team at Dial Books for Young Readers at Penguin Random House for asking all of the right questions. Thank you for reminding me that no matter where the balloon lands, there is always someone listening.
Thank you to those who gave this piece so much love and encouragement when it was only notebook pages, giving me permission to let it become something bigger. Namely, Sarah C, Davíd Z, Kali C, Lena A, Rena B, Shoshana G, Zettie S, Tanya S, Maya S, Aaron K, Sawyer D, Lisa N, Alison K, Kevin D, Annie F, Chloe G, Daniel L, Alex V, Charlie P, Tom R, Amanda H, and Chris S. Angie Chen, who helped me piece the notebook pages together. Alison Bechdel, who now has all of those pages.
Gratitude to those who have lent their creative genius into creating many mediums of The Ship We Built leading to now. An animated short, thanks to Rosalie Eck and Harry Rubin-Falcone, that premiered at the Locomoción Festival de Animación in Mexico City. An art book of collages, mostly featuring artwork from the Big Questions series by Anders Nilsen, gifted to me by Sky S, and Wings. Strings. Meridians. by Tara Jane O’Neil. And eventually sweet Noah Grigni, who illustrated the insides and outsides of this very book in your hands. Thank you to THE STUDIO readers for the screenplay-in-progress, Paige, Rachel Burkhardt, Roseanne Almanzar, Lucas Van Engen, Adam Dulin Tavares, and Joslyn DeFreece, who was the first person to embody Rowan. Robert R, who has seen nearly every version of the story. Ally Sheedy, for your familial warmth, for continuing to write a million more drafts with me. You give me so much joy.
Gratitude for the songs that filled the text; namely, Selena Quintanilla’s Dreaming of You album, and endless inspiration from the Alas, Alas album by Alas, Alas, “Favorite Tree” by Ilona Brand, and “Wrong-Righter” by Nicomo.
Gabrielle S, John T, Paul Aster S-T, and Cléa M, bless you for the dozens of kitchen table reads. Federico P for letting me read the entire freakin’ thing out loud to you early on. Troy S, Victoria C, and Sofie the lamb for letting me read to you later on. Oliver M, Collin M, Llewie N, and Michael G for letting me read to you at the very, very end. Dana L and Rae M for being real (s)heroes at checking-in. Michelle F and Marx for your informal writing residency from your comfy couch in LA. Erin Elizabeth Smith and the Sundress Academy of the Arts for your formal writing residency from your comfy cabin in Knoxville. David H for quieting my doubts, mango snacks, and your profound listening skills. Each of you gave me time, meals, questions, kindness, basic human contact, and all the kinds of fuel needed to write vulnerably.
Thank you to the wonderful hosts and friends of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan while I was doing additional research for this book. Thank you to those in the Midwest surviving, struggling, those who ran out of options, those who are doing their best, those who still let fear get in the way. Thank you for helping me to understand my own past of addiction, economics, and abuse. Adam R and Marissa Jayne W, thank you for carving out new lives for yourselves and your communities. Ted S, PFLAG Keweenaw and Upper Peninsula Rainbow Pride for your ongoing work despite pushback. Donna S, Stuart M, and Amber T for letting me into your elementary school memories. Brock R and Gray K for allowing me to message you the silliest questions at all hours. You are beyond generous. Anne Newcombe, RN, BS, BSN, MSOM, and Dr. Will Cantrell for the endless kindness and dinner that I will never forget. Donna A for your life lessons. Sarah C and the work of U.P. Kids. The Michigan Tech Archive for your knowledgeable staff and stained glass windows. The Michigan Tech Summer Youth Programs for introducing me to Houghton at a young age, and thank you to my mom, who enrolled me in the medical program and supported me in going back as an adult. Lauren, whose last name I don’t remember because we were in high school. If you’re reading this now, know that you’re the reason I went back.
Thank you, the balloon holders in my life. Starting with Mr. Rogers’ attaching “love” and “tenderness” to balloons to end “The War on Change” and the movie Up. István C, who told me over scrambled eggs on Ráday Utca about his own Balloon Mail Club in Hungary. Jamie F for sending balloon letters with me from a rooftop in Ohio, and Chloé R, who encouraged me to include it in this book. The Party City on 14th Street in Manhattan, where I bought balloons on one of the hardest days in my little life.
Lastly, thank you to the humans who inspired the names used within this book. Krystal Harris, my “gas station guardian angel,” complete with her song “Angel on My Shoulder” and nose ring that changed my lil’ queer ten-year-old life. Nathan M, Luke B, Jake B, who inspired the quiet knowing of Nathan Lucas. Jax J, who inspired the magic of a good neighbor. Brad Calcaterra for all of the life-saving wisdom of Mr. B, the irreplaceable ACTOUT / THE STUDIO community, and the source of “confident walks.” Sofie G, Mieko G
, Stephanie V Martínez, and Richard W, who inspired Sofie and the Gavia family’s generous hearts. No matter the weight of the world or circumstance, it is impossible for them to disappear. Elle N, Beck J, Beckett L, Rowan B, and my ten-year-old self, who added life to Rowan Beck. Thank you for being your own teachers, for letting your pain surface, for leading your own transformations.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lexie Bean is a queer and trans multimedia artist from the Midwest whose work revolves around themes of bodies, homes, cyclical violence, and LGBTQIA+ identity. Lexie is a Lambda Literary Award Finalist and passionate about creating honest and complex trans narratives that "transition and grow" alongside them. Their writing has been featured in Teen Vogue, Huffington Post, The Feminist Wire, Ms. Magazine, Them, Logo's New Now Next, Bust Magazine, Autostraddle, and more. The Ship We Built is their debut novel supported with residencies at the Sundress Academy, Paragraph New York, and the Santa Cruz Bookshop.
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