by Linda Ford
The hotel might have provided her with independence but at what price? Why did it feel as if she’d sold herself to a hard taskmaster? Would it be any worse to let Jake order her around? Take care of her?
But she’d promised her father. He’d always valued her independence.
She sighed. What did she want?
The answer was easy. She’d said it to Jake several times. She wanted acceptance.
God accepted her just as she was.
Jake’s family accepted her.
She jerked up straight and stared ahead. “Oh Daddy, how could I have been so blind?” she whispered. “It wasn’t my independence you valued. It was me. “
Perhaps, if she gave him another chance, Jake would learn to accept her as well. Not as a responsibility, but as an equal. She chuckled softly. Now that was a goal worth working for.
She prayed for a long time, wanting to be sure the step she planned wasn’t simply a reaction to a hard day. She searched the Scriptures for guidance. When she read Galatians chapter two verses eight and nine, “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast,” she knew she’d found her answer. God didn’t need her to prove anything. Nor did she need to prove who she was to Jake.
She laughed. Maybe taking care of people was Jake’s way of showing love. She could live with that as long as he could accept her as an equal.
She retrieved paper, pen and ink from a drawer and wrote a letter to her grandparents. She’d mail it in the morning. And then wait to hear back.
Chapter 11
Jake picked himself off the ground and dusted his clothes.
“He’s too much for you, huh, boss?” Zeke kept all expression from his face, and his voice flat, but Jake knew the men got a degree of pleasure out of seeing the wild horse toss him in the dirt. Probably figured it was fair payback for the way he’d driven them the last few weeks.
They’d ridden to the farthest corners of the ranch, searched every gully, every copse of trees, every bluff to make sure all the cows had been gathered in. They’d spent many a night camping out. Usually a night under the stars mellowed him out like nothing else. But he rose early every morning, itching for something he couldn’t scratch. He’d rouse the men and head out on another hard ride for some obscure reason.
Trouble was, no matter how hard he drove himself, it did nothing to ease his frustration. No matter how hard he worked, how fast he rode, how many nights he spent out under the stars, he couldn’t escape the accusations Hannah had flung at him. Nor could he stop dreaming of her, thinking he saw her at odd moments, wishing she were close by.
Three days ago, he’d decided they’d buy a bunch of wild horses from a trader to the west. It had been a challenge to trail them home and Jake had accepted no slacking from any of the men. “I paid good bucks for this bunch of knot heads and every one of them is going to be driven into the corrals and broken.”
“You hiring someone to break ‘em?” Zeke asked.
“I’ll do it.”
“Yes, boss.”
But the first bronc proved to be difficult.
It took all afternoon, but finally Jake managed to stay on the animal and prove who was boss.
He limped into the house for supper. He washed up and strode into the dining room. The table was set but neither his mother nor Sarie were around. He followed the sound of their voices across the living room to the room his father had used as an office. Jake had never been able to persuade himself to use it. Instead, he’d put a desk in his bedroom where he kept the ranch records.
He ground to a halt and stared at his mother up a ladder holding a piece of fabric to the window. Sarie stood at the other side of the window holding the end of the fabric. “Mother, what do you think you’re doing? Get off that ladder before you fall.”
His mother shot him a startled look then turned back to Sarie. “It’s perfect. What do you think?”
“Sure will freshen up the place.”
“Mother.” Jake strode across the room, intending to lift her from the ladder.
She waved him away. “In a minute.”
“Mother, I insist you get down before you fall.”
She finally faced him. Not that he much cared for the gleam in her eye. “You insist? You think you can order me around like I’m one of the hands? Last time I checked, I’m a grown woman in charge of all my faculties. I will decide when I’m done here.” And she turned back to pinning the fabric.
He backed off. “What are you doing in here anyway? No one comes in this room.”
“It’s a lovely room. I’m tired of it being wasted. If you don’t want to use it as an office I’m going to fix it up as a small sitting room. I thought I’d put my sewing materials in one corner.”
“Mother, I don’t want this room changed.”
“I intend to make new drapes and change it to suit my needs unless you want to use it as an office.” She turned, waiting for his response.
He shook his head and backed away.
Mother lowered the fabric. “We’ll finish later, Sarie.”
Sarie nodded, sent some sort of secret message to Jake’s mother and then slipped out of the room.
Jake stood rooted to the floor. His father had spent his last days here, confined to a bed in a now bare corner. He could feel his father’s presence, recall the combination of fear and determination he felt as his father prepared him to take over. The room made him feel trapped. With a muffled sound, he broke free of the spell and headed for the door.
His mother descended from her perch and caught his elbow. “Jake, sit down. I want to talk to you.”
He blinked. It sounded like an order. He sat on the nearest leather chair and his mother sat facing him in the matching chair.
“Son, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I realize we need to make some changes around here.”
The ranch was as successful as it had been when his father was alive and his mother well cared for. No one had a reason to complain. Nor to want to change things. “Everything is just fine.”
“You’ve tried very hard to take your father’s place. But you’re not your father.”
His gut twisted.
“Nor do any of us want you to be. Seth is dead. You are now owner of this place. Don’t you have things you want to do differently?”
Jake hesitated. “I thought of buying a bull from a different breed. Bring in a new blood line.”
“Why haven’t you?”
His father’s orders had kept him from doing so. If you run the place just like I have, you won’t have any problems. But he didn’t say it aloud.
“Jake, I’m as guilty as you are of trying to keep the past alive. Maybe more so.” She ducked her head. “I’ve used you. Created headaches when I didn’t have them in order to-” She fluttered her hands. “I’m not even sure why I did it. The headaches were real at first, sometimes they still are. But they guaranteed I’d get your attention. Then I used them to get my own way.” She shuddered. “I can’t believe how shallow I was.” She sat up straighter. “Hannah made me see how important it is to stand on my own two feet.”
Hannah. Her independence had come between them. Now it had spilled over to his mother.
“Jake, I want you to understand the promises your father exacted from you on his death bed have been fulfilled. You have taken care of me and your sister better than he could have imagined. You have cared for the ranch as well as he did if not better. I am hereby releasing you from your promises. I want to be free to move on with my life, and I want you to know you’re free to do what you want both with your life and this ranch.” She took his hands. “You need to find someone to share your life with. Go find Hannah. Persuade her you love her and want to share your life with her.”
“It’s not that easy.” He bolted from the room and raced for the barn to saddle his horse and ride from the yard. He bent low over his horse’s neck and rode like fury until he re
ached the top of a distant hill and drew to a stop, staring out at the landscape though in truth seeing nothing.
His mother had released him from his vow to his father. Said he’d completed it. But was it that easy? He groaned. Hannah was right. He was used to being in control. Could he suddenly let people around him make their own decisions while he stood back? What if they made mistakes? Wouldn’t that be his responsibility? What had Hannah said? Just accept people as they are—flaws and all. He did that. Or did he? By wanting to take over their choices was he saying he didn’t accept their way of doing things?
He grunted. Everything he’d done had been to help those he loved. Be the man his father expected him to be. Was he just a shadow of his father? God forbid. “God,” he groaned. “What do You expect of me?”
I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.
He let the words of Scriptures wash over him and through him until he felt cleansed and free. Yes, free. God loved him despite his failures or his successes. With an everlasting love. Could he do any less for his family? For Hannah? How wrong he’d been to try and force her to give up her dreams. She’d never be the sort of woman who contentedly let someone else make all her decisions. He chuckled. He didn’t want her to be. He wanted to share his life with a woman who was his equal.
He could not ask her to give up the hotel. In fact—he reined his horse toward home—he’d go to town and give her a hand fixing up the place. If she’d give him a second chance, they’d find a way to work things out so she could keep her hotel.
*
Hannah opened the letter from her grandparents in the post office, read it quickly and laughed. She’d asked permission to sell the hotel, but they’d written saying they hadn’t found what they wanted in California and would come back and take it over themselves. They were arriving tomorrow. She tucked the letter into her pocket and returned to the hotel.
Jake had once offered her a job as companion to his mother. She was prepared to go to the ranch and ask if the offer still stood. But she didn’t have time to dwell on the future right now. The hotel demanded her complete and immediate attention.
The next day she hurried to the train to meet her grandparents, laughing as her grandfather hugged her right off the ground. Her grandmother kissed her soundly on both cheeks.
“So you’ve decided you don’t want to run a hotel,” Grandfather said. “I expect you’ve found something else you’d rather do.”
She tucked an arm around each grandparent. “I think so.”
Her grandfather squeezed her arm. “I hope he’s worthy.”
Grandmother and Hannah looked at each other and laughed.
“I want to give him a chance to prove it,” Hannah said.
“Do I sense a problem, dear?” Grandmother asked.
“He thinks I’m too independent.”
Grandfather snorted. “I guess it’s up to you to prove him wrong.”
“I hope I can.” She hugged them both a little closer. “It’s good to have you back.”
She let them enter the hotel first and waited for their response to the changes. She’d told them about the fire but wondered if they’d approve of how she’d fixed up the place.
They glanced around. “The rug?” Grandmother asked.
“Ruined.”
The older woman nodded, went as far as the dining room for a look and then returned. “It looks fine. We couldn’t have done better ourselves.”
Hannah gave them one of the bigger rooms upstairs until she could move out of the quarters on the main floor. She left them there to rest.
Part way down stairs she saw the door fly open. Jake stood silhouetted in the opening. Her heart finished descending without her then bounced back to her chest to shudder with surprise. She’d been planning to visit him, beg, if necessary, for the offered position. She hadn’t expected him to show up in town, brandishing a paintbrush in one hand. Her brain had turned to stone, her tongue refused to work. Finally one thought surfaced. “What do you want?”
He waved the paintbrush. “I’ll help you fix the hotel.”
She took the rest of the steps. She couldn’t stop staring at him. “It’s all done.” She waved her hand to indicate the surroundings but didn’t take her eyes off him.
His eager expression flattened and he dropped his hand to his side. “Oh.” He seemed to consider the facts. “Guess I’m too late.”
“It’s done,” she repeated, unable to think what it meant that he’d come, offering to help.
“Well then. That’s good. And the business is doing well?”
“Yes.” She remembered she wanted to ask him about the position. “Jake, remember you asked me to be your mother’s companion. Is the offer still open?”
“Huh? Oh. No. She doesn’t need a companion.”
“I see.” She held her breath against the disappointment ripping through her chest.
“Hannah, I’ve changed my mind about a lot of things.” He stepped aside as one of the guests came through the door. “Can we go someplace and talk?”
She hesitated. Could she stand any more announcements from him? And yet she followed him outside, allowed him to take her hand.
He paused, glanced up and down the street then led her north to the church. “We can talk privately here,” he said.
They sat together on a pew. Lord, she prayed. Give me strength to accept this.
He took her hand and turned to look into her face. She kept her emotions buried. She would not reveal her pain, her weakness.
He studied her intensely. “Hannah, I’ve changed.”
She nodded, though she had no idea what he meant.
“You were right,” he continued. “I felt I was responsible for everyone. I couldn’t let go for fear something would go wrong and I’d be to blame. You see, my father made me promise on his death bed that I would take care of everything and do just as he would.”
Again she nodded, still no closer to understanding.
“I realize I have fulfilled my vow to my father. I expect it will take a little practice to actually live what I’ve decided but from now on, I’m determined to let people make their own choices.” He played with the collar of her dress. “If you want to run a hotel that’s up to you. I just want what’s best for you.” He sought her gaze, his eyes filled with longing and uncertainty. “I accept you, Hannah. Just as you are.” At her surprised blink, he hurried on, as if he felt he had to explain his whole plan and she let him. She had to know exactly what he had in mind before she spoke. “I don’t want to run your life, I want to share it. You see, it was your independence that attracted me from the first. It challenged my idea that I had to be in control. You taught me how to let go of my over-developed sense of responsibility. If you’ll have me, we’ll find a way to work things out so you can continue to run your hotel. I’ll even help you.”
Her whole being wanted to explode with joy. “I’ve let the hotel go.”
“Go? Where?”
She giggled. “Nowhere, silly. I’ve turned the ownership back to my grandparents. They take over tomorrow.”
His expression fell. “You’re going back East?”
She smiled at his disappointment. “I had hoped I could still be your mother’s companion, but you say the position is closed.”
He chuckled. “Seems you taught her the benefits of independence.”
“That leaves me without a position.” She lowered her head so he wouldn’t see the longing, the hope, or the beginning of joy in her eyes.
He lifted her chin and waited until she met his look. When she saw the way he studied her, his eyes dark with love and promise, tears stung the back of her nose.
“Hannah Williams, I love you. Do you care for me just a little? Do you think you could learn to love me?”
She whooped. “Jake Sperling, I love you so much now I can hardly think.” She threw her arms around his neck and raised her face for a kiss.
Epilogue
“You’re almost as beautiful as your grandmother was the day I married her,” Grandfather said, as he waited to escort her down the aisle.
She and Jake had decided it was best for her to continue living at the hotel until the wedding. Even though Hannah missed Jake when he had to be away, she appreciated the time spent with her grandparents. Their love for each other and support for her meant a lot. She kissed her grandfather’s cheek. “I wish Mother would have come, but I’m awfully glad you and Grandmother are here.”
Audrey peaked around the corner, giving them a commentary. “Mother and your grandmother have been seated.” She turned to her sons. “You two are next. Now remember what I said. No running. No yelling. Walk quietly up to Uncle Jake and stand at his side.”
“Yes, Momma,” Luke said, and took Sammy’s hand.
Hannah kissed them both on the cheek before they headed down the aisle. They made it half way before they broke into a run. Jake caught them as they reached the front and steadied them into position, their freshly scrubbed faces looking cherubic against the backdrop of a lovely floral arrangement.
Audrey went next, her pale pink dress swishing around her ankles as she walked. She took her place at the front and turned to wait for Hannah.
“It’s our turn, little girl,” Grandfather said.
She nodded and took her grandfather’s arm. Even though she was glad her grandfather was there, she couldn’t help but wish for a moment that it was her father escorting her down the aisle to her future.
She’d told Jake how she’d come to realize it was acceptance she longed for more than independence. She’d confessed she’d sold her prized possession, her father’s pocket watch. Jake had surprised her by presenting it as a wedding present. He’d bought it back for her. Oh, how she loved this man.
She met Jake’s eyes and forgot everything else as Grandfather escorted her to his side.
Pastor Rawson smiled at them and began the service reading Scriptures reminding them marriage was a holy institution. “What God hath joined together let not man pull asunder.” He then began the vows. “Do you, Jake, take this woman—”