by Susan Stoker
He’d cheated on me when we were dating, but I’d foolishly believed he’d change, and forgave him. But Tariq was always going to be who he was, and he didn’t apologize for it, either. He’d come home from the trip and before I let him say a word, I announced we were getting a divorce.
His gaze left mine and dropped down to his expensive Italian shoes. “I can’t be with just one girl, Nene,” he said, using his nickname for me that I tolerated, but never really liked. “I tried, but I ain’t built that way.”
It was a bullshit excuse, and I told him so as he left.
We never had kids, thank God. He wanted them, and I did too, but things got rocky a while back after he’d torn his ACL and couldn’t play the rest of the season. A baby would only make the strain on our marriage worse. If I got pregnant, I’d never leave him, and deep down I knew I needed to. We weren’t meant for each other.
I was a fool, but not stupid.
I knew the night of the drunken texts wasn’t the first time Tariq had been unfaithful, but hearing he’d been a club regular for years… I felt shattered all over again. Who else knew? Were the other players and their wives laughing at clueless Courtney, who was too dumb to know her husband couldn’t keep his dick in his pants? That he’d willingly pay to fuck other women, rather than sleep with his own wife?
What did Julius think of me?
He’d been so angry on my behalf when I’d broken down and showed him the texts. He’d been the one to suggest Kyle McCreary as an attorney when I told him I’d asked Tariq for a divorce. He’d said I deserved so much better than Tariq.
Julius was right about that.
I deserved a guy who I could trust, and those were apparently in short supply these days.
Sunday afternoon was spent in the gym, where I could send his calls rolling in to voicemail while I tried to climb away my feelings on the stair machine. I knew I couldn’t avoid him forever. He was my friend, and I wasn’t going to throw our entire friendship away over what he’d kept from me, but I wasn’t happy, and I needed to get the point across.
My legs were rubber as I got home and dragged myself into the shower. Afterward, I cinched my hair up in a towel, pulled on a pair of old cheerleading sweats, and started thinking about options for dinner. I didn’t have the desire to order out, but was feeling too lazy to make something—
A knock on my front door made me nearly jump out of my skin.
I treaded slowly to the door and raised up on my toes to look through the peep hole, but I already suspected who it was. I sighed loudly as I opened the door and glared up at him, only to have the air cut off in my lungs.
Julius’s suit was midnight blue. He had a simple white dress shirt beneath the coat and a gold-striped tie. I still wasn’t used to seeing him in suits, and this one… he looked amazing in it. Every bit the man who’d given me the best orgasms of my life, and hadn’t asked for anything in return.
Well, that probably wasn’t true. He was likely here to ask my forgiveness.
“I’m not ready to talk about it,” I said flatly.
“You don’t got to. We can talk about whatever you want.”
He stepped into my apartment without an invitation, and I pushed the door closed behind him with too much force. It shut with a loud bang.
He gave me a once-over. I had on old sweats and no makeup, but, of course, he looked at me like it didn’t matter at all. His gaze settled on the towel wrapped around my hair. “Better get a move on,” he said. “Our reservation’s at six-thirty.”
My jaw dropped to my knees. “What?”
His dark eyes sharpened, studying me. “It’s Sunday. We got a date.”
I took a step back. I didn’t like being so close to him or smelling his cologne, but I couldn’t outrun the reminder of Friday night. I could still feel the cold leather of the table against my heated skin. I still felt the lingering pleasure he’d given me, and he hadn’t even needed to take his clothes off to deliver it. What would it be like if he had?
Wait, no. I didn’t want to think about that. I scowled. “Are you shitting me?”
“We made a deal.”
“No. It’s off.” He’d lied for more than a year.
One step was all it took, and he was right in front of me, so close my breasts would brush his chest if I took a deep breath. His eyes were soft and warm. “I know you’re mad. You got every right.”
I was defenseless against him when he was wearing armor made of fine blue wool and gold silk. I stood like a statue as he hesitantly moved in, setting one hand on my waist. The warmth of it seeped beneath the cotton of my shirt.
“But,” he said on a low voice, “I held up my end of the deal, and now you’re gonna hold up yours, Court.”
My voice faltered. “What are you gonna do? Make me?”
He was prepared for that. “I can be persuasive.” A light smile tugged across his lips. “If that fails, I got other ways.”
“Other ways?” I repeated.
“We have a verbal agreement and I’m betting my attorney agrees.”
It was clear Julius was kidding, but my eyes went down to slits. “Keep Kyle out of this—” Except I was a hypocrite now, wasn’t I? I’d gotten Kyle involved with my fake date scheme, trying to force Julius into action.
His other hand rested gently on my waist, and I allowed him to hold me. I told myself it was because I was too tired from my workout to move, and not because I liked the feeling of his hands on my body.
“No,” I said. “I’m not going.” On the ridiculous date, or leaving his hold?
Julius’s expression sobered. “You don’t want to, I’ll give you an ‘out.’ You let me say my part about Tariq, and when I’m done, I’ll go.”
“I told you, I’m not ready to talk about it.”
He looked almost pleased with my answer. “Okay. So, put on that red dress and let’s go.”
My face heated with annoyance. It’d probably match the dress perfectly. “I said no—” He picked me up like I was nothing, squeezing a gasp from me as he put me over his shoulder. “What the hell?”
I bounced against him as he marched toward my bedroom, and could feel the vibrations of his deep voice through his back. “I said I’d tried to persuade you.”
“Put me down!”
We made it through the doorway and he did as I asked, dropping me gently onto the edge of my unmade bed. I glared up at him.
“I didn’t make my move when I should have, but no more. You’re gonna let me talk about this, or put on the dress.” His eyes were desperate. “Pick one.”
“Fine,” I said in a huff. “I agreed to dinner, so I’ll go, but don’t expect me to say anything.”
“You’re gonna go the whole night without a word?” He couldn’t have looked more skeptical if he’d tried.
So, I could be a bit of a talker, but if needed I could be—oh, shit. The whole night. I’d forgotten the final term of our deal. Date. Red dress. Night in his bed. There was no way I’d stay mute through all that, but his dubious expression made me desperate to try.
He’d stayed quiet for more than a year. Couldn’t I be silent for one night?
I gave him a hard, determined look before launching to my feet. I pulled the towel off my head, shoved it in his chest, and pushed him toward the door. “I’m changing, so get out.”
Chapter Eight
Courtney
Candles flickered on the tabletop and added to the subdued lighting of the Italian restaurant Julius brought me to. It was a white tablecloth kind of place, with a fancy wine list as long as a novel, and tables tucked into quiet alcoves to make it feel intimate.
Our little table for two was romantic as fuck, and if he’d brought me here last week, I’d have climbed over it to get on him. But everything was different now. His withheld secret was a wall too tall for me to get over without his help.
So far, so good. I didn’t talk during the ride here. I’d sat in the passenger seat of his Range Rover wearing the red dress,
and tried not to think about what we’d done on Friday night.
He’d told me the truth, when he could have continued to keep me in the dark. It was doubtful I’d have figured it out on my own. Why had he told me? It would have been so much easier for him if he hadn’t.
The only time I spoke was to order my drink and then dinner. Julius bypassed the wine list. The front for his illegal business was a wine club. It had been the first thing to make me question his story because Julius didn’t even like the stuff.
When I didn’t talk, he didn’t either, but he acted as if it was no big deal. He was comfortable with the lack of conversation, but it drove me insane. I made it until the salads were delivered, and then… I pathetically broke.
“You knew my husband was cheating on me,” I blurted out.
Julius stopped mid-sip of his cocktail. He lowered the glass slowly and looked at the ice cubes floating inside, resigned. “It’s worse than that.”
Oh my God. My hands curled on the armrests and I dug my fingernails in. “How the hell is it worse?”
If I wasn’t already so hurt, I would have been overwhelmed with sadness at his expression. He looked crushed. “I took his money.”
I closed my eyes, which were burning with tears. Maybe I’d been wrong. Maybe this was too much to overcome. Too much damage for our friendship to survive.
“I’m a proud man, but I’m not too proud to tell you it made me sick. Fucking sick to my stomach about what he was doing, and that I let the asshole get away with it.” He plunked his drink down on the table and the ice sloshed in the glass. “It’s a shitty excuse, but my club went through some scary shit last year. Legal stuff. I was worried if I cut Tariq off, he’d fuck everything up.”
Julius leaned forward across the table and his gaze was focused. “Now, me? I don’t care about me. I can handle my problems. But the folks who work for me… they’re good people. I didn’t want none of them dragged down if the club fell.”
That sounded like typical Julius. He’d fall on his sword before he let anyone else die by it. I stared at the empty appetizer plate before me on the table, unable to look my friend in the eye.
“You should have told me,” I choked out. “You’re my best friend, right? I thought you were in my corner. I mean, you helped me through this whole thing… but you didn’t say a goddamn word.” My throat grew scratchy as the emotions welled up. “I can’t handle any more lies, Julius. I won’t deal with another guy who breaks my trust.”
“I know. You deserve a hell of a lot better. I made a huge mistake, but you can trust me, I swear.”
I didn’t know what else to say. “You should have fucking told me.”
“Yeah. I’m so sorry.” His sincere tone drew my gaze up like it was magnetic. “I’ll make it right if you’ll let me. Please tell me you can get past this. Maybe not tonight, but eventually. I gotta know. If this is the end, I wanna get it over with.”
I swallowed a breath. The end? I was angry and hurt, but he knew he’d fucked up. He was trying to apologize, and I believed in second chances. Didn’t I?
You gave Tariq one, and look how well it turned out. It wasn’t fair to compare them, though. Julius was nothing like my ex-husband. I knew in my heart Julius was a good man, and I couldn’t stand the idea of losing him.
“It’s… not the end.”
Relief poured through his handsome face, and I fought back the next swell of emotions. I wanted to forgive him. It was in my nature to be forgiving, as long as there was regret. It was something Tariq had never shown me. Guilt? Sure. But he didn’t apologize. His only regret was at getting caught. Losing me felt like failure, and my ultra-competitive ex-husband didn’t like that.
“Is that it?” I asked. “You didn’t tell me the truth because you thought Tariq was going to fuck everything—”
“No.” Julius cut me off, but his eyes shifted away. He was nervous about something.
“Tell me the truth,” I demanded. “No more secrets.”
His gaze settled back on mine, and he looked like a man who was heading for his doom. “I didn’t say nothing because I thought you’d forgive him again and I’d lose you.” He made a face. “Not like you were mine, but I couldn’t stand you being with him while you knew he was running around with girls on the side.”
“I wouldn’t,” I said, but it came out weak. I had taken Tariq back before. Julius was right to be concerned I’d do it again.
“I was scared, okay? I didn’t want to hurt you. I should have thrown his ass out a long time ago. I’m fucking sorry I didn’t sooner.”
I straightened my posture in surprise. “You threw him out?” Julius’s friendship with Tariq had fallen apart, but I assumed it was the divorce and how Julius had sided with me. “Is this the reason you don’t talk to him anymore?”
He blinked slowly. “I don’t talk to him because of the way he treated you. He’s a selfish piece of shit, and he ain’t worth my time. If I wasn’t in love with you, I’d have stopped being friends with him a long time ago.”
My heart lurched to a halt. The sound in the restaurant dropped out altogether. “What?”
It rolled out of his mouth casually, but dropped on the table like a bomb. “I think you heard me.”
Love… Words were a jumbled mess in my head. I couldn’t sort them out into sentences that made any sense, so I uttered the only thing I could remember how to say. “What?”
“No more secrets.” He wasn’t fazed by my repeated response. His expression was intense and too powerful to be anything other than pure truth. “I love you. I have for a while now.”
Finally, my mouth and brain could get it together. “How long?”
“About seven years.”
“Oh my God.” Oh my God!
“You know when I knew? We were at some party. You were standing in a crowded kitchen by the keg. T had gone to the bathroom or something, and left you with me. You remember it?” He didn’t give me time to process his question fully. Was he talking about the night we met? Julius’s eyes drifted upward for a moment as he recalled the memory. “This guy comes in, wearing a dinosaur costume. Wasn’t Halloween. No clue why he was wearing it.”
“He and his friends always dressed up for the games,” I babbled, reeling from the revelation. “That way they’d get on the Jumbotron.”
“Oh, yeah.” Julius smiled. “People are giving him shit about it. Someone asks what he’s supposed to be, and he says he’s a lesbian. It was weird between you and me, cause we’d just met and T was MIA, so I was trying to make conversation, and asked if you thought the dinosaur guy looked like a lesbian. You said, yeah. That he looked like a—”
“Oh my God.” I blurted it out now, just as I’d done then. “Lick-a-lotta-puss. I was so drunk.”
His grin widened. “You went as red as the bow in your hair. It was so fucking cute, Court. I didn’t stand a chance.” The playful look faded back into his serious one. “But you were already with him, and I wasn’t gonna get in the way. I wanted you to be happy.”
It was a gut-punch right in my feels. What he wanted didn’t matter. He always put others first. The irony of it all was a hard lump to swallow. Being with Tariq hadn’t made me happy, but I suspected the opposite could be true of the man sitting across from me.
Julius was in love with me. Could I feel the same about him some day?
“Why did you tell me?” I asked. “I mean, about Tariq being a regular? I never would have found out if you hadn’t.”
“I want everything in the clear. Don’t want him to have anything to do with us.” His gaze clouded. “I know my club’s got a taste that isn’t for everyone, and what I do ain’t respectable. Still, the only time I ever felt dirty, was when he was there.”
His pained expression made me believe it, and what he was saying… he’d broken the trust between us to try to build it stronger.
“I’m sorry,” he started.
I shook my head. “No, I am. I’m sorry for what I said at the club, tha
t getting on the table was a mistake. I was lashing out—”
His shoulders relaxed with a sigh of relief. “You don’t got to apologize.”
“I do, because it was a lie and I don’t want to lie to you. Nothing we did felt like a mistake.”
Emotions swirled inside me, twisting me up and making it hard to find the courage to put myself out there. My heart was fragile now. Not quite done with rehab, although the beautiful man across the table was doing all he could to help. He’d do anything for me, including telling me a difficult truth. And he’d been brave enough to say he loved me, not knowing if I’d ever return that love.
I remembered how it felt when we’d connected for the first time in a kiss. Not a mistake at all. I stared at him and filled my expression with longing. “Being with you felt… right.”
He’d been fast on the football field, but he moved so quickly, it hadn’t registered he’d left his seat until his mouth was on mine. His hands tangled in my hair as he bent over my chair, kissing me and not giving a fuck who was watching.
It put our previous passion to shame. I gripped the lapels of his jacket, tugging him closer as his lips slayed me.
“Jesus,” I whispered, echoing his word after our first kiss.
He chuckled and dropped another kiss on my lips, although this one was tame. Restrained. He lingered for a long moment, giving me a silent promise of more… but later.
“Seven years catching up with me,” he joked.
“With us,” I corrected, giving him the brightest smile I had.
Chapter Nine
Courtney
We ate dinner like a pair of starving wolves, although I don’t think either of us was actually hungry for food. The faster we finished, the faster we could be alone and on to the final term of our deal. Would we go straight to his bedroom when we got to his place?
Nope. Neither of us could wait that long after the car ride to his apartment. It’d been so heavy with sexual tension, I felt like an overly wound spring. One touch and I’d explode.