“‘Way cool,’” murmured Joe close by Rachel’s ear, but she brushed past him into the dining room, feeling anything but. In fact, her cheeks were flaming.
There ensued a good deal of chair scraping as people found their places around the table, and Rachel continued to glare at Joe in outrage. Their interaction was obscured by the spilling of a glass of milk by one of the children and its subsequent cleanup.
“So, Rachel,” Jim Marzinski said heartily once they were all seated, “tell us all about finding the baby.”
“Yes, yes, tell us!” was the answering chorus.
Rachel, still out of sorts over the mistletoe incident, was making a project out of heaping her plate with mashed potatoes. Joe, maddeningly irrepressible, grinned at her from across the table.
“Sure, go ahead,” he told her.
Rachel, at first uncomfortable at being the center of attention, became more at ease as she related how she’d been coming home and heard the baby’s cry, and then how the neighbors had pitched in to help, and finally how the HSS social worker had never shown up, so that she and Joe had had to take on the responsibility of Chrissy.
“You forgot the part about the Santa Claus stopping by,” Joe supplied.
“Well, yes, there was this Santa—” And Rachel was suddenly struck with the thought that there had been another Santa, as well, the one at the store where she’d bought the printer paper earlier that night.
“But whose baby is it?” asked one of the older kids, the one that Rachel thought was named Paul.
“Well, it’s not the baby Jesus,” said nine-year-old Mary Grace, kicking Paul under the table.
“I know it’s not the baby Jesus,” Paul said, kicking her back.
“You two stop that,” ordered Lois. “Anyway, you may never know whose baby it is.”
It was at that moment that Rachel chanced to look at Gina, who was pushing food around on her plate but didn’t seem to be eating any. Before she could process the girl’s expression, Mary Marzinski touched her gently on the arm.
“I’m sure you can borrow any necessary baby items from one of my girls. And I have some things here—extra bottles, diapers and so on. Please make sure that you take anything you need before you leave today.”
“Thank you, I will. But the baby will soon go to a good foster home. I hope to hear from the HSS people today, and then I’ll get back to a normal life.”
“That would be nice, wouldn’t it?” Joe said affably.
One of his brothers-in-law passed him the green beans and winked. “A baby sure can put a damper on things, can’t it?”
“Jackson,” said Lois, who was very pregnant and, if Rachel remembered correctly, was Jackson’s wife. She dimpled at her husband. “You love babies.”
Her husband reached over and caressed her cheek, an open display of tenderness and somehow very touching. “And I love you. But life isn’t the same after a baby arrives, that’s all there is to it.”
“It’s better,” Jenn said, curving an arm around her own son.
“Yeah, well, there’s never been any shortage of babies around this house, that’s for sure,” boomed Jim, and everyone laughed.
Tonia, another of Joe’s sisters, turned to Rachel. “Maybe someday you and Joe will have babies of your own,” she said brightly.
This was too much. “We just met,” Rachel managed through a mouthful of mashed potatoes, but too late she felt the toe of Joe’s shoe nudging her ankle under the table.
“That’s right,” Joe said pleasantly. “We just might.”
While everyone was exchanging meaningful but pleased glances, Joe said, “I think I’ll get some ice.” And he got up and went into the kitchen.
“I’m so glad that our Joey has found someone at last,” Mary, his mother, whispered as she stood up to fetch the fruit compote from the sideboard.
From where she sat, Rachel could see Joe in the kitchen, and he placed a forefinger across his lips, signifying that she should remain quiet.
And so, though she didn’t quite understand why, she did. Maybe it was because she was feeling comfortable in the midst of all these Marzinskis, and maybe it was also because no ghost of Christmas past was able to penetrate that tight, glowing family group of which, it now seemed, she was a part.
Chapter Six
“You never should have started it.”
Joe chuckled and rounded the corner onto the bridge to the island. “What, you mean you don’t like being almost engaged to me?” He glanced over at Rachel, who was leaning forward so that her breasts strained against the fabric of her bodice. He wished she wouldn’t sit like that; it made it almost impossible for him to concentrate on his driving.
Rachel closed her eyes and looked as if she were praying for patience. “Of course I don’t like it. You didn’t mention, when you insisted that I come to dinner with your family, that you expected me to put something over on them.” She leaned her head against the window.
“During the carol singing around the piano, Elliott asked me why I hadn’t given you a ring for Christmas.”
Rachel’s head jerked up, and her eyes flew open at that. “I hope you set him straight. Who’s Elliott?”
Joe supposed he couldn’t blame her for being confused. Sometimes even he had a hard time recalling who matched up with whom. “Elliott is Jenn’s husband. I mumbled something.”
“What do you mean you mumbled something? ‘Something like, I’m saving it for New Year’s.’”
Rachel blew out an exasperated breath. It ruffled her bangs into a little frill on her forehead. Her profile was outlined against the blinking lights at the marina below the bridge.
“You should have told him the truth, Joe.”
“It was so pleasant to be able to actually enjoy myself at a family gathering without everyone hassling me that I let him go on thinking what everyone was thinking. They all say you’re smashing, by the way.”
“I’m not any such thing.”
“You’re exactly the kind of woman I’d choose if I were choosing,” he threw in, just to see what the effect would be. Rachel rolled her eyes.
“So why don’t you go and choose one? Just not me. What happened to that schoolteacher?”
“She wanted to get married so she could quit teaching school and never see spaghetti in the shape of Os or tie a kid’s shoelace again.” Noting Rachel’s disbelieving look, he said, “Yes, she actually told me that. She clearly didn’t like children, so I only went out with her a couple of times. Rachel, what don’t you like about me?” He meant to tease her, but she looked at him seriously.
“You’re very nice,” she said slowly.
“I’m glad you think so, but do I look funny? Smell bad? Why is it that you’re always trying to get rid of me?”
“Because I never wanted you in the first place. You just sort of…sort of…arrived.”
“And it’s a good thing, too,” he reminded her with relish. As he turned into the Elysian Towers parking lot, Rachel began to gather up the baby’s things. Chrissy was asleep in her borrowed car safety seat. She’d eaten her fill only half an hour ago and promptly fallen asleep.
“I’ll carry Chrissy,” he said as they got out of the car.
Rachel seemed to be thinking. “You know, Joe, I won’t hold you to your promise to help me tonight” she said.
“Don’t be silly. You can work, I can deal with everything else. Hey, do you think there are any new developments about the baby?”
“I don’t know.” Rachel stalked ahead of him past the manger scene with its plaster baby now firmly in place and into the building where she was greeted with familiarity by the doorman, who watched with interest as Rachel punched the elevator button.
“Ms. Hirsch, you gonna keep that baby?”
“No, Sherman. I’m waiting for the Department of Health and Social Services to be in touch. They haven’t sent anyone around today, have they?”
“No, ma’am, they sure haven’t. Mrs. Rink wanted to know where
you and the baby went. Said she’d been ringing your doorbell and phoning and you weren’t to be found.”
“Great,” Rachel muttered under her breath.
“Want me to call and tell her you’re back?” Sherman picked up the phone on his desk.
“No, Sherman, I’d appreciate some quiet around the apartment for the rest of the evening.”
Sherman shot Joe a wide-eyed and knowing look. “Heh, heh, guess I understand.”
Rachel was in the elevator before Joe could make any remark at all. She was thin-lipped and silent as they exited the elevator on the eleventh floor.
“Listen, Rachel, that guy doesn’t know anything about what’s happening upstairs, if that’s bothering you.” He shifted the carrier containing the baby to the other hand and reached for the diaper bag so she could get out her keys.
She brushed his hand away. “Everybody and his brother seems to think that we’re having a fling.” She found the keys herself, went inside and waited until Joe was inside before closing the door with a little more force than was necessary. She almost slammed it, in fact. Joe stood there and thought about what he should do. Finally he decided to let her go on talking, which, he also decided, she might have done anyway.
“Don’t the members of your family think it’s a little odd that they’ve never heard mention of a girlfriend before and then suddenly I show up at Christmas dinner?”
“They heard of you at Thanksgiving.”
“But it wasn’t even me you told them about.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Don’t be surprised if they ask you what you think of the new school lunch program.”
Rachel realized that her mouth was hanging open and quickly shut it. “Joe, don’t you think it’s presumptuous to force me into playing a part for which I wasn’t at all prepared? A schoolteacher? That’s pretty far-fetched. You may be great at handling condo crises, Joe Marzinski, but that doesn’t give you any right to create a crisis for me. To play havoc with my life.”
Joe went into the bedroom and set the baby down in the middle of the bed. “It doesn’t seem like much of a life to begin with,” he said good-naturedly.
When he looked up, he was stunned to see that Rachel’s face had been drained of all color. Her eyes were big, the pupils dark. Yet there was a luminosity about her, and a steeliness overlying what he thought was a rare resolve, and he sensed something terrible, too. He didn’t know what that was all about. But he wanted to. He desperately wanted to.
“My life is okay,” she said, almost whispering. “My life is better than I thought it would be.”
“Rachel, look, I think I said something that maybe I shouldn’t have.” He made a move toward her, hoping to assuage, but she jerked away before he could touch her.
“You’re always saying something you shouldn’t have,” she said, disapproval inherent in her tone.
In that moment it occurred to him in a flash that Rachel was hiding something. He didn’t know why he felt that way, just the overwhelming certainty that she had created a fortress out of her reserve and her aloofness, a fortress that was meant to wall her off from all hurt.
His mind flooded with the possibilities. Had some guy dumped her recently? That would go a long way toward explaining why she didn’t let him get too close and why she’d left New Jersey and settled in here. It would also account for the fact that there wasn’t a man around, even though Rachel Hirsch was the kind of woman who would normally attract men in droves.
He needed time to consider this. “I’m going down to get the portable crib,” he said. He strode from the room, displaying a false sense of purpose. Sure, he had to get the crib. And sure, he wanted to get away from Rachel for a minute so he could think things over undisturbed by her tantalizing sexuality and her hurt-little-girl eyes.
But most of all, he needed time to absorb the knowledge that he was utterly dazed by what he was feeling for her. And to decide if his feelings were a good enough reason to stick around long enough to try to crack the mystery.
RACHEL SANK DOWN ON THE BED beside Chrissy, who was sleeping peacefully.
“I don’t know what this is, but I don’t need it,” she said out loud.
Not that the baby heard her. Or if she did, she didn’t respond. Babies were sweet, but they weren’t much good as sounding boards.
For one wild moment Rachel had the idea of phoning Mimi in Singapore. She wanted to talk things over with someone, and Mimi had been telling Rachel for a long time that she should get on with her life. Mimi herself, at seventy-five, always had a man on hand. She believed them to be useful for many purposes, such as handyman chores, errands and, on occasion, sex and intimacy.
It was this last one on which Rachel differed from her grandmother. “I don’t want to go to bed with someone unless I’m halfway serious about him,” she’d told Mimi not long ago. It wasn’t as if there were any suitors at the time, but Mimi had been hopeful on her behalf and had, in fact, tried to set Rachel up with a boat captain who lived on the mainland. His name had been Buford, and after the dinner that Mimi had arranged in order to introduce them, he had noisily sucked the food out of his teeth, blissfully unaware that Rachel was repulsed. Rachel had nixed Buford forthwith.
“You can’t have perfection,” Mimi had cautioned sternly, but Rachel had wondered, Well, why not? She’d certainly had perfection before with Nick, and she wasn’t interested in lowering her standards.
Joe Marzinski certainly wasn’t perfect; far from it. On the other hand, his torso was perfect. So was his smile. His eyes, too, might be considered perfect by some, though Rachel considered them much too penetrating.
But he was too bossy and too intrusive by far. Perfect pecs and lats couldn’t quite make up for that.
YES, SHE WAS WORTH IT.
That’s what Joe decided after careful consideration of all Rachel’s attributes. First of all, she was a looker. He’d enjoyed walking into the family dinner with her and having everyone’s eyes open just the slightest fraction more as they took in her figure, her bountiful mane of blond hair and all the other things that were so attractive about her. Her mouth. Her eyes. Her golden skin.
Not to mention that she was pleasant to everyone and they had all liked her. They’d admired his taste. Even Gina had whispered to him, “I like Rachel, Joe. She’s very kind and sweet.”
Rachel certainly was that, even though at the moment she was acting as if she never wanted to set eyes on him again.
“I’m back,” he called out as he opened the door to the apartment. “Where do you want me to set the crib up?”
Rachel stepped out of her office. “In the bedroom, I guess. It’ll be easy to check on Chrissy at night if she’s in there. And by the way, I checked my phone messages. No one from HSS called.”
“If I were you,” Joe remarked over his shoulder as he took the crib into the bedroom, “I’d leave another message on their machine.”
Rachel was right behind him. “I did. Here, put that in this corner. That’s right.” She kept her voice low so as not to wake the baby, who was asleep in the middle of the bed.
Joe took his time setting up the crib. Rachel, in the meantime, busied herself with taking things out of the diaper bag and putting other things into it. He couldn’t figure out if she remained in the room because she wanted to speak to him or if she really needed to do those things. Chrissy slept soundly, her pacifier in her mouth, her little fists clenched close to her chest.
“I’d better put this formula in the refrigerator,” Rachel said. She went into the kitchen and he heard her let out a mild squeak of surprise. “Oh, Gladys Rink has brought over some eggnog and left it in the fridge. She has Mimi’s extra key. I keep forgetting that. Joe, do you want some eggnog?”
“After that huge dinner, no thanks.”
He heard her bustling around the kitchen and then she returned. “I’m glad you got the crib,” she said. “It’s a big help.”
“Thank Gracie. She was most generous.”
�
�Everyone in your family is. What they’ve done for Gina over the years was wonderful.”
“She and her sisters were good kids. Someone needed to help.”
Rachel turned to the baby and carefully gathered her up in her arms. Chrissy didn’t wake up, only sighed deeply. While he watched, Rachel lowered her into the crib and smoothed the little dress.
“What is the attraction of a baby?” he asked suddenly.
She looked at him blankly, as if he’d iost his mind. “She’s a baby” she said.
“No, I mean what is the attraction for you specifically? Why do you care so much?”
Rachel lifted her shoulders, let them fall. “She needs me.
Such a simple answer, but it told him so much about her. Women wanted to be needed. He wondered if she could ever be devoted to a man who needed her.
“Well,” Rachel said briskly as he followed her into the living room. “I’m going to get to work now,” she said. She shot him an unfathomable look. “You can go, you know.”
He had no intention of leaving. It was Christmas night, and the only options open to him were to go home to his own empty apartment, to drop in on his parents or to impose on the hospitality of one of his married sisters. And he knew that there was nowhere else he would rather be than in the presence of Rachel no matter how distracted she might be.
“I have no intention of going. I promised.”
She stood and looked at him for a while, and it was a look of annoyance overlaid with what he thought of as a slight amusement. He thought he knew what she’d say if she decided to comment, and that was, I won’t hold you to that promise. But she didn’t say that.
He plugged in the Christmas tree lights. “There are presents to open,” he said. “You wait any longer, it won’t be Christmas anymore.”
“They’re not for me. They’re for the baby.”
“There might be one for you in there.”
Reluctantly she sat down beside him. He handed her an awkwardly wrapped package; he hadn’t had much time to spend on wrapping things.
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