by Alexa Davis
She nodded, sitting down on one of the barstools and resting her chin in the palm of her hand. “Yep, I came home to find them in the kitchen, a few hours after you and Max left.”
I swallowed hard, searching the stems and blossom for a card or note of any kind, but came up empty. No note, and they had been in our apartment; this isn’t good.
Our firm was just scratching the surface of Brandon’s criminal empire; we had no idea what they were capable of, or willing to do to people who crossed them. It was clearly a power play; he wanted me to know the kind of access that he had to her, and me.
Shit.
I swallowed hard, forcing a smile when I turned back to her. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the flowers weren’t from me. I wished they had been; Vanessa deserved to have someone treat her nice like that. Brandon must have sent them with one of his goons while I was gone. They knew where I lived and had gotten into the apartment without a key.
The thought of what could have happened to Vanessa made my blood run cold. I couldn’t let that happen; I’d never forgive myself.
She wasn’t safe here.
A lump started rising in my throat as I realized the safest thing for me to do was sever ties with her completely, at least until this got taken care of. Once Brandon and his crew saw we weren't connected, maybe that would help them lose interest in her. If they couldn’t use her to hurt me, then that would make her less appealing to mess with.
I cleared my throat and prepared for what I knew was going to be one of the most difficult conversations I’d ever had. I had to end things with her and send her back to her parents’ house. She wouldn’t like that, and after everything and how close we’d become, it felt like I was not only letting her down but betraying her. “Vanessa, we need to talk.”
She cocked an eyebrow and smiled nervously. No conversation that ever started like that ends well, and she and I both knew it. “Oh?”
I cleared my throat and came toward her sheepishly, starting out by saying, “These last few months living together have been great, and I love spending time with you, but I don’t think it’s going to work out.”
Her jaw dropped slightly as she stared at me in shock. I could see the hurt and confusion in her eyes, this declaration coming out of nowhere. She blinked, processing that information. “What do you mean?”
I sighed, wishing there was some way I could make this easier. I cared about her so much, and it was killing me to break her heart. “I mean, it’s time for you to move out,” I responded flatly.
“I’m sorry, I’m just still a little confused. Did I do something wrong?”
“Not at all,” I told her. “I wanted this to work, but it isn’t, and we got to move on.”
Her lip quivered as she fought to hold back tears. I could only imagine the hurt and confusion she must have been feeling as the world came crashing down.
“I thought we were getting along fine,” she argued stubbornly. “This doesn’t make any sense to me; the other day you were all snuggles and wanting sex, we slept together in the same bed for crying out loud, and now it’s over just like that? What happened to being able to stay here for as long as I needed until I got on my own two feet?”
“Things have changed.”
“Could you explain that to me?” she shouted. “I don’t think it’s fair that you can make a blanket decision like that without talking to me.”
My cheeks grew hot with anger, not at her, but at the situation that was completely out of my control. “It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I don’t care if it doesn’t seem fair to you, but I have to do what’s right here.”
“And that means kicking me out of your apartment?”
“Yes.”
“You know, Adam, you invited me to live here in the first place. If you didn’t think it was a good idea, then maybe you should have thought about that before I showed up with all my stuff.”
“Then I guess I’ll know that for next time.”
She huffed jumping down from the chair she was sitting in a glared at me angrily. “Well, that’s fine – if you don’t want me living here anymore, then fine, consider me gone. I’ll pack up my things and be out of your hair by dinner.”
“Vanessa…”
“You know what’s really sad?” she started icily. “I really liked you. I thought we could turn into something special. I was an idiot for trusting you.”
She stormed off into her bedroom and slammed the door behind her. I could hear her crying from the other side. I felt terrible. Nothing about this was what I wanted. I enjoyed being with her, but I had to do what’s best for her – I had to keep her safe.
If she thought I was protecting her, she’d try to logic me out of it. I’d fold like a house of cards because, let’s face it, I didn’t want her leaving in the first place. I had to be convincing so that she doesn’t come back. I could be the bad guy. I’d do that for her. If it meant keeping Vanessa safe, then I could live with knowing she would hate me.
Over the next few hours, she packed her things and brought them out into the living room before loading them in her car. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t speak to her out of fear that I would be making the situation worse. There were so many things she didn’t understand, and I couldn’t explain them to her. All she knew was I was being a total jerk and pulling out of every promise I ever made her.
I figured the best thing I could do was give her privacy and the space she needed: let her hate me for a while.
Good. The farther she stayed away from me, the less likely she was to be put in danger again. As long as Brandon thought we were together, he’d keep sending people. How long would it be before things escalated and she got hurt because of me? I couldn’t let that happen.
When I thought about the other night and holding her as we slept in the same bed, it made me almost cry. All I wanted was to hold her and protect her, from this and anything else that came our way. If there was any way that I could shield her from Brandon’s retaliation, I would have happily done so, but I didn’t know what else to do. A clean break was the safest thing for her, so I had to be an adult and do what’s best. She’d become part of me, and now that she was leaving it was like that was being taken away from me, as well.
She put her key on the kitchen counter and slammed the door behind her on the way out. As it echoed through the apartment, it felt like something inside me died. When I heard her car starting up in the parking lot, I grit my teeth together with rage. I was so angry this was happening. I hated that this guy was able to get under my skin like that and take her away from me. He was ruining everything.
I grabbed the vase of flowers off the table and threw them against the wall, smashing them into a thousand pieces. It exploded against the paint with a satisfying crash, but it didn’t relieve the ache that I was feeling. Water and shards of glass splattered all across the floor with the green stems and white roses landing chaotically in the mess.
I breathed out a huff of exasperation and balled my hands into fists and set them on the table. The apartment would feel so empty and quiet without Vanessa living here; it made me want to scream. I would make Brandon pay for this; he shouldn’t have made this personal.
Now I had a personal vendetta against him, and I would not rest until I saw his smirking, arrogant face locked up behind bars.
Chapter 32
Vanessa
Sunday
I stormed out of the apartment with my suitcase, fighting off tears after Adam kicked me out. My hair stuck to the wetness around my eyes, and I wiped it away before he could see. Every nerve inside me was tingling with rage.
How can he go from hot too cold in the blink of an eye like that? Something must have happened while they were out; one of his buddies convinced him to call it off. Either that, or he was just being a jerk.
Sniffing back a sob, I threw my suitcase in the back and climbed into the driver’s seat. I drove the only place that I could think of: my parents’. Part
of me was still in disbelief that such a thing had happened, the action came out of nowhere. I’d had a completely wrong idea of him and everything that was happening between us.
As I drove across town, my thoughts flickered back to the passionate night we’d shared a few days ago. His body pressed against me, kissing me deeply on the mouth, and then pulling me into bed with him and his arm still wrapped around me tightly. How could that not be love? It made me sick to think I’d let him touch me and do those things knowing it was all fake.
I’d actually tried to comfort him because I knew he was stressed at work. Comfort him, when he was the one pulling off the cruel charade. The whole thing was a joke and ended up being a colossal failure.
Did he know this was going to happen? Was he planning to kick me out even then when we were having sex? Jerk.
My chest was convulsing slightly as I tried not to cry, focusing hard on the road ahead. The route unwound itself before me like I was on autopilot, and before I knew it, I was pulling into my parents’ neighborhood. As I parked in the driveway and the cut the engine to the car, I sat there for a minute quietly.
What am I going to tell them?
I took a deep breath and opened the door, walking up the sidewalk to the house. I knocked on the door and tears started streaming down my cheeks. The tears stung my eyes and stuck the matted hair against my cheek. A worried voice in the back of my head wondered if maybe I should have called them first and let them know what was happening before I came, but it was too late for that. By the time Dad came to answer the door, I was practically sobbing. My eyes were red and puffy, and I could barely breathe.
When he saw me in the doorway, his initial response was complete alarm. He and Mom both stared at me in fright while they processed what was happening and then swooped down to wrap me in a hug.
“Vanessa? What’s going on here, sweetie?”
“Everything fell apart,” I blubbered miserably. “Can I move back home?”
“Of course, you can!” Mom cooed against my hair.
She put her arm around me and walked me up the stairs to my room while Dad silently went outside and started bringing in my luggage.
“I’m going to make you some tea,” she offered warmly. “That always makes me feel better. When I get back, we can talk about it if you’d like, or I can just give you some quiet time.”
I nodded sadly, wiping away the tears that continued to flow and sat down on the edge of my bed. As soon as my body hit the mattress, I wanted to curl up into a little ball and cry myself out into the pillow. It’s like I was a child being sent up to my room because I wouldn’t play nicely with the other kids. It was the same hopeless, childish sorrow that was all-encompassing. “Thanks, Mom.”
She smiled weakly and patted me on the hand before walking back outside and heading down the stairs. I sniffed, laying back against the mattress, and buried my face into the pillow. My heart was broken about everything that had happened, and I was devastated. Meghan was right: I shouldn’t have let myself get attached to him.
Why did he have to be so sweet and wonderful while it lasted? I bawled to myself quietly. The tears were coming freely now, and I wasn’t even attempting to hold them back. The cathartic warmth and support of my family let the whole thing come unhinged.
Dad slowly began lugging my suitcases up the stairs and set them in the hallway. I felt a wave of emotion coming over me, filled with love and gratitude that I’d been raised by such a kind and supportive father. When Mom came back with a mug of tea, I sat up on the bed and thanked her.
She didn’t speak or expect anything of me as she sat down on the mattress and rubbed soothing circles on my back. It was something she’d always done, instinctively, since I was a child. I took the cup from her and sipped carefully at the sweet peppermint elixir. It was hot, but not enough to burn my tongue, so I drank it gratefully and looked back at her with teary eyes.
“I’m sorry to do this to you, Mom. I really thought things were starting to work out for me.”
She scoffed, wrapping her arm around me in a hug and said, “Honey, you don’t need to apologize! We just want to help you in any way we can.”
I nodded slowly, looking down and the mug cradled between my hands. The ceramic mug felt warm and comforting between my fingers as I gazed at the clear green beverage. “I’m not really sure what happened,” I told her honestly. “Things were going so well, and then out of nowhere, Adam came home from one of those Men’s Club meetings and said I had to move out.”
She frowned, the skin between her eyebrows puckering with confusion. “That doesn’t sound right.”
I chuckled dryly in agreement. “No, it doesn’t.”
Mom cleared her throat and asked, “Honey, this seems like more than just being kicked out of your apartment. Was there something going on between you and Adam?”
I nodded, resting my head against her shoulder. “I fell in love with him,” I told her. “He was nice to me, and everything was good. I thought we were going to be together, but then he just…stopped. It doesn’t make any sense.”
She nodded thoughtfully and ran her fingers gently through my hair. “We’re you sleeping together?”
“Mom!”
“I’m not trying to pry,” she insisted gently, raising her hands in mock surrender. “I’m just trying to understand how serious it was, so I can help you figure out what happened.”
I swallowed hard and nodded, unable to look her in the eye out of shame and embarrassment. There was no point in lying about the nature of our relationship, but I didn’t want to discuss that with her. Still, I understood where she was coming from and needed all the information if she was going to advise me on how to proceed. “Yes.”
“Hmmm… And you weren’t fighting or anything?”
There was no judgment in her tone, only sadness and confusion at seeing me so unhappy. She already knew part of it; I’d told her about my feelings the other day, but she didn’t know the whole story. I could tell from the look in her eyes that she was heartbroken for me. Like any mother, it was difficult to see her child in pain, and she just wanted to make it go away. I really was in love with him; he could have been the one. I’d never let anyone get that close to me before, which made the end of it all the more painful.
“No, nothing like that,” I said while still struggling to hold back tears. “We were laughing and kissing all the time. I don’t think we ever fought.”
I wheezed, panting out sobs as I cried against her shoulder. It hurt to breathe; it hurt to think.
Mom sighed, rubbing her hand up and down my arm as a way to comfort me. She was thinking carefully about everything she knew about Adam and what I’d told her since moving into his apartment. “Well, how did it start?”
I shrugged. “We started talking at the Christmas party and just hit it off right away. After I moved into the apartment, it just sort of happened. We liked being with each other, and he made me laugh. Adam even helped me get that job at Frank Howell; did I ever tell you that?”
She shook her head and smiled weakly. “No, I don’t think you ever did.”
“Well, he did,” I offered with a sniff. “He was wonderful. I didn’t want to get swept away with it, but I did. I fell in love with him, and I thought he loved me back. We were sleeping together and laughing together and having the perfect situation. Then he came home this morning and just dropped the bomb out of nowhere that I had to leave. There was no warning or lead up of any kind.”
“I’d say he was just being a typical man that didn’t want to have any strings, but that doesn’t sound like Adam. He’s a good kid, and I’m sure there has to be a logical explanation.”
“I don’t care; he’s still a jerk,” I sobbed bitterly. I was hurt and confused, and I didn’t want to play devil’s advocate just yet. We’d been so close to having something beautiful, and then it disappeared in a flash. I was mourning the romance that never happened, the relationship I’d been hoping might come out of our love affair
. Now it all seemed stupid because he was never mine to be missing in the first place.
He wasn’t mine, but I had given myself to him.
“Okay, dear,” Mom calmed me with a hush. “You don’t have to talk about it anymore if you don’t want to. I’m always here.”
I finished the tea that was in my cup and set it on the nightstand before climbing back into bed. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” I told her quietly. “I just want to get some sleep.”
She nodded, standing up and tucking me in with the blanket around my shoulders. For the first time since I was a child, I actually appreciated the gesture. It made me feel safe, loved, and protected.
“That’s fine,” she responded. “You get some rest and if there is anything else I can do, you let me know, okay?”
I didn’t answer.
As she picked the mug up off the nightstand and brought it with her out of the room, she turned out the light and shut the door so I’d have some privacy. I was still shaking from the tears and flood of emotions that flooded through my body, so I switched to breathing through my mouth and tried to calm down. With the room dark, I snuggled in around the pillow and pulled the blanket up the way I liked it. Soon the pillowcase was damp from my tears, and I was crying all over again, mourning the love that never happened.
How could I be so stupid? Why did I let myself become so dependent on him in the first place? Damn Adam Hillis and his charming manners. It was all a lie.
I closed my eyes, and all I could remember was him kissing in the shower. There was so much passion in the way he touched me. I could still feel the taste of his kisses on my tongue and the warmth of his hands against my skin. It wasn’t about that, though. It was about how he looked at me like I was some kind of princess and how he spoke my name like a caress.