by Alexa Davis
She was surprisingly hot, actually. She would’ve been causing a stirring in my underwear if it wasn’t for the fact that she had a daughter. Maybe I’d even be considering slipping out of my funk and trying to hit on her…but kids were not my thing.
Our eyes met, just for a second, before I forced myself to drag mine away. She had a lot of boxes, and I really didn’t want to get involved in helping her move them. I wasn’t feeling neighborly enough for that, so I slid the door closed quietly and made my way into the kitchen. Almost idly, I grabbed myself and Lark a beer. I wasn’t much thinking about what I was doing because my head was filled with her. The stranger, the beautiful red head with a young child…
“Did you solve the mystery of the noise?” Lark yelled from the other room. “Should I be worried? Is it a serial killer on the loose?”
“New neighbor, actually,” I declared as I sat down next to him. He took the bottle of beer from me and gave me an inquisitive look as if he wanted to know more. “A woman.” That was about all I could give him.
“Oh yeah?” He managed to sound mildly interested. “Hot? Age? Single?”
“Oh my God, are you serious?” I laughed and shook my head. “How the hell am I supposed to know that just from a sighting?”
“Well, you must know if she’s hot…and you just take a look at her ring finger. If it’s empty, she’s game.”
“Unbelievable,” I muttered. “Lark, you really are something else. She was good looking, judging by the split second I looked at her, probably about our age, too. I didn’t get a chance to look at her finger since she was moving boxes…”
“Wait.” He dropped his controller and turned to face me. “She was moving, and you didn’t offer her help? That’s, like, the perfect way in!”
“Maybe, but don’t forget my leg.” I pointed down to remind him of the injury that I’d sustained during my time as a Navy Seal. “I’m smack in the middle of physical therapy. I need to be careful if I don’t want to mess it up again.”
“Yeah.” He pursed his lips thoughtfully. “I suppose.”
I could almost see the cogs in his brain reeling, wondering if he should offer her help. I didn’t know the woman at all, and I certainly didn’t begrudge my friend any action, but the thought of him going over there to see her filled me with a sick sense of dread. I needed to put a stop to it before he left me here, alone and lonely.
“She has a kid,” I spit out, knowing that would instantly kill the dream. “So, there’s that, too.”
Lark’s face fell, and ice cold relief flooded through me. He’d dated a woman with children before, and it was safe to say that things did not go well. He had vowed to stay away from anyone with children in the future, even declared that he wouldn’t have kids himself, but I wasn’t totally convinced that one would stick. Still, at least it kept it away from the red-haired stranger from across the hall.
“Oh well, never mind.” He slumped back into his seat and grabbed the controller again. He flicked the same shooter game on, and I joined in. “So, how are things with your leg?” he asked awkwardly. He knew better than anyone that I didn’t really like talking about it. I saw my injury as a weakness and that was the one thing I really hated, so it was brave of him to ask.
Luckily, I wasn’t in a terrible mood today so I could answer honestly. “Yeah, it’s okay, man. I mean, sometimes I get annoyed that it isn’t healing quicker, but you know how it is.”
“These things take time,” he replied wisely, as if he knew. “At least it’s progress.”
I didn’t bother to answer him. I got the impression that it wasn’t a point that needed answering, so we both returned to focusing on the game. At least this was something that Lark loved to do – it meant that we could still hang out.
A lot of my friends were gym buddies, obsessed with building up their bodies, so while I couldn’t do that, I didn’t have anything in common with them or any way of hanging out with them. It was annoying, but what could I do about it? I had to be happy with the good things that I still had, it was the only way that I could keep on going.
“Julia keeps asking about you,” Lark commented idly a little while later. “She wants to know if you ever want to go out again.”
I rolled my eyes, but kept my distain to myself. Lark had only been trying to help when he set me up on a double date, but it was way before I was ready for it. I wasn’t in the best place mentally since I’d just lost the job that meant everything to me, through no fault of my own, and the union was doomed from the start. I had been miserable, snarky, unpleasant…not to mention the fact that there just wasn’t a spark there. It was awkward from the moment we were introduced and throughout dinner, that only got worse.
It made things worse that Lark and his date, Mel, had their tongues down one another’s throats all night long. To me, it simply highlighted everything that was missing. Everything that I wanted: the passion, the desire, the intense, overwhelming lust. I missed that feeling – that made me feel like a true man. So much of me had been stripped away since I lost my identity.
I had no idea why Julia would ever want to see me again; it was utterly insane.
“Hmm, just tell her that I’m still not dating.” I didn’t want to be an asshole and to hurt her feelings, but she wasn’t getting the point. “Maybe try and make it obvious that I’m just not into her.”
“She is hot, though…” Lark tried to argue with me.
“She is, but she’s not for me.”
In all honesty, I’d always thought that “the one for me” would have revealed herself by now. I’d assumed that by the grand old age of twenty seven, I would have some idea what I wanted, but everything was gone – there was no career, no great love, just a leg that didn’t work properly. That wasn’t going to change while I was stuck in this rut, either, but I needed to be patient or I’d never get out of it.
“Now, stop trying to distract me with all the awkward questions and let me kick your ass, please!”
I’d been friends with Lark for long enough for him to know when a subject was done, and boy, was this one over! Playing mindless video games was all I needed right now. I needed to lose myself, to forget everything, and this was the perfect way.
“Bring it on!”
***
“See ya!” I yelled joyfully as Lark left my apartment. He had a face like thunder because I’d actually managed to beat him on one round. “We should do this again sometime.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
My booming laughter rang through the hallway as he jumped into the elevator. For someone who played competitively, he was a big baby when he lost. I loved it; maybe I needed to practice when I was home alone just to ensure that I got good enough to beat him more often. It was totally worth it when he got in such a pissed off mood.
Just as I was about to close the door behind me, her door swung open once more. I knew that I should slam mine shut quickly to avoid any more awkward confrontations, but there was something within me that stopped me.
I was more intrigued than anything else. I wanted to lay my eyes on her just one more time. I’d been thinking of her sweet heart-shaped face on and off through the evening, and I couldn’t resist looking at it again.
“Hang on, Meghan, I just need to…” She sounded stressed now, a little annoyed off that she’d been shifting heavy stuff all day long. The hero that was now buried deep inside me desperately wanted to leap into action, to help her, but I couldn’t ignore the desperate screams in my chest telling me that I would mess it up, that my leg would give way or I’d drop the box on her, making things a million times worse. The images became so stressful and vivid that I knew for certain there was no chance I could even begin to offer my assistance now.
With Lark’s words in my head, my eyes glanced down to her left hand the moment it came into view, and I was oddly relieved to see no ring there. I wasn’t sure why I wanted her to be single – it wasn’t like I could do anything about it now. After the whole debacl
e with Julia, I had vowed to myself that I wouldn’t date again until my leg was much better and my whole life was in a much better place.
If I was ready for that stage of my life to be reopened, however, this beautiful woman would be perfect. As she bent down to pick up that box, my mind instantly flew to the places it shouldn’t have gone.
Shit.
I slammed the door shut and rested my back against it, panting breathlessly. I needed to avoid my new neighbor if I didn’t want her to think I was weird. I needed to just pretend that apartment was still empty, that no one lived there, that everything was back to normal.
Chapter Two
Olivia
Friday
“Asshole,” I muttered angrily as the box nearly toppled from my fingers under the weight of him slamming the door. Not once, but twice my new neighbor had avoided helping me to move in, which was just insane. He was a tall, broad, very muscular man who was undoubtedly very capable of lifting these boxes for me.
It seemed that chivalry really was dead – or in New York anyway. Men from Pennsylvania would have jumped to help me; it was one of the great things about them. With a smile, too. They would have been all “Oh, anything for you, Olivia.”
Damn, I missed the friendly faces of home.
No, I shook my head rapidly. No, I couldn’t get sucked into that negative spin of thinking. This move to New York City was a good thing for us – it was an adventure, what we needed. Just because one man was an asshole it didn’t mean that they all were. That man didn’t represent everyone; he probably didn’t even represent himself. There was a chance that I’d caught him on a bad day and that everything would be better the next time I saw him…or maybe I was just being naïve.
“What did you say, Mommy?” Meghan giggled, which instantly brought a blush to my face. I was supposed be curbing the swearing now that Meghan was three years old and talking much more fluently, but every so often one slipped through. “Hole?”
“Nothing, sweetheart,” I garbled quickly. “Come on, let’s get in. It’s getting late now. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting hungry.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah! Hungry!” she declared gleefully. “I want food!”
Luckily, that was enough to distract her, but in her excitement she started leaping and jumping over all the unpacked boxes, giving me visions of them all falling on top of her. She was at that delightfully tiring age where she was into everything, on everything, and constantly in danger. It was absolutely exhausting.
“Get down from there, please,” I demanded wearily as I flopped down onto the mattress situated in the middle of the room. That was all we needed for tonight, I could continue with the unpacking tomorrow. “You can’t eat if you’re under all those boxes.”
“Do we have to take the van back now?” she asked as she climbed down in a surprisingly graceful way. “Can’t we keep it?”
“Unfortunately not.” I wrapped her up in my arms as she slammed into me for a hug. “I rented it, so we have to take it back.”
“Will we get a van of our own?”
I smiled to myself at the idea of owning a car in New York. Everyone knew that it was pointless in the city, that it was quicker to use public transportation, but I’d miss it.
Still, without a car parked right outside my door, I would get a lot more walking done which could only be a good thing. We were always being told to get more exercise, weren’t we? And I knew about that more than most being a physical therapist. Walking was great for maintaining health and getting over injuries… But knowing that information and actually acting on it were two very different things.
“I don’t know,” I said as I ran my fingers through Meghan’s hair. “We’ll see, we might not need one here. It’s different here to what we’re used to.”
“It’s louder,” she commented quietly.
“You’ll get used to that.” I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “Now, do you want to go and get changed before we go out and get something to eat? We can take a look around our brand new home, can’t we? It’s going to take some getting used to, living in the city, isn’t it?”
She scurried off my lap and raced towards the one box I’d actually bothered to open which was filled with her clothes, and she tugged on a blue dress. I rubbed the sweat from my forehead and forced myself into a standing position. I was too tired to even think about getting changed myself, so it didn’t matter that I had no idea where my clothes were. This slightly sticky red tee shirt and jeans would have to do. Luckily, I didn’t have any nice neighbors that I wanted to impress!
We bypassed the elevator and walked down the stairs to leave the apartment, giving me the chance to see more of the apartment block. It wasn’t amazing, which was fair enough since it didn’t exactly cost me a fortune to live there, but it would do.
The money would’ve got me something so much better at home, but home was where I needed to escape from. I had to get away from the stifling atmosphere Pennsylvania gave me, which was how I ended up here.
“Do other people live behind all those doors?” Meghan asked me.
“Yes, they do.” I gripped onto her hand tighter, wondering about the lives of the people I now shared a block with. Were any of them like me, just trying to start again? Would any of them become my friends? I wasn’t sure New York City was a place to easily make new acquaintances. I’d heard that it was very unfriendly, which so far had been proven to me.
“That’s a lot of people.” She spun around as if she was dancing as she spoke and I felt jealous of her innocence. She was just floating through this experience, enjoying it for what it was; she didn’t share any of the burdens that I felt. I wished I could be that way, just for a moment.
“Well, there are a lot of people here.” More people than I was truly prepared for, I admitted to myself. I knew it was going to be a massive difference, but I wasn’t prepared for it to be so overwhelming. I hoped things would feel easier with time. I hoped that soon enough the city would feel like home.
“Nice people?”
“Sure,” I answered, before realizing that maybe I shouldn’t just give her the easy answer. She was going to have to be a bit more careful living here. “Well, at least, I think so.”
“So, some of them are horrible?” Meghan looked up at me curiously.
“Maybe.” I shook my head trying to clear the fog from my brain. Why did I start this conversation? I was much too tired for it. “I don’t know, I guess we won’t know until we meet them.”
“Will we meet all of them? Every one in the building? Will they become our friends?”
I didn’t get a chance to answer that because a couple passed us on the stairs, so we flattened our backs against the wall. The woman said nothing as she brushed past us, but the man gave us a little grunt. It wasn’t exactly a thank you, but it was the politest thing that had happened to me since getting to the city. I hoped that wasn’t a sign of how my life was going to be.
“Okay, come on.” As we got to the front door of the building, I held tightly onto Meghan and led her outside. “Let’s go and find the nearest take out place.”
As we walked down the street, Meghan kept waving to people on the street. A lot of them gave her a curious look, some of them ignored her, and only a couple of people actually waved back, which really got me thinking. A lot of behaviors that were okay in Pennsylvania were not going to be alright here. I would definitely have to sit down with Meghan at some point and explain that to her.
“What do you want?” I asked, trying to distract her from the throngs of crowds surrounding us. “Anything in particular that you’re hungry for?”
“Fries!” she answered without hesitation. Usually I wouldn’t be too happy about that because of the lack of nutritional value, but today I was too tired to fight. Meghan suffered with many food allergies, she couldn’t eat a lot as it was. If she wanted fries, then tonight she could have them. Tomorrow, when we were all moved in, would be a brand new day.
; “Okay, sure. Fries it is.”
***
“We didn’t explore much, Mommy,” Meghan whined as we stepped back into our apartment. “I wanted to see more.”
“I know you did, sweetie,” I answered wearily. “But there isn’t time today. We’ve only just moved in, and it’s late. There will be plenty more time for that, anyway. We’re going to be here forever, remember.”
She pouted out her bottom lip and folded her arms across her chest. I knew the only way to rectify that was by unwrapping the food, which was exactly what I did. As she sniffed the air and the smell pleased her, I could see Meghan regretfully coming around.
“Now, we do have a problem, though,” I told her with my head cocked to one side. “Where are we going to sit to eat? We have no chairs, no tables?”
“On the bed,” she giggled as a reply. “We can eat on the bed.”
“That mattress on the floor?” I acted as if I was horrified by the suggestion. “Are you serious? That’s absolutely insane.”
“No, look.” She hopped onto the mattress and sat with her legs folded. “It’ll be easy, we can balance the plates on our laps.”
“We don’t have any plates,” I replied with a chuckle. “But I suppose we could sit with the cartons on our laps.”
“Yeah, see!”
I sat down with her and pulled out all the food. We were making a mess, but it really didn’t matter. Everywhere was a mess! I didn’t want to deal with any of it until I slept. Luckily, I had the whole weekend to settle in before starting my brand new job.
New job.
When I thought about my new job, it sent a terrified shiver racing up and down my spine. I was excited, it would be a good opportunity for me, but I had those “first day of school” nerves. What if no one liked me? What if the patients hated me? What if I failed miserably?
“Are you looking forward to meeting Drea?” I asked Meghan to distract myself. The babysitter that I’d chosen for Meghan came highly recommended, but I was still a little anxious about handing over the responsibility of raising my child. It wasn’t a decision that I’d taken lightly, but it was the best thing for me and my daughter. I needed a career – we needed money to survive our new lives. It was the only way.