by Alexa Davis
I turned my back to her and plunged the tool down into the top of my pumpkin. I cut a circle around the top and pulled it off. Scooping it out was my least favorite job and as I sat my tool down and started to lower my hands into the slimy insides, I felt my face draw up in disgust. I grabbed a handful of the guts. They felt like snot with seeds and as I pulled them out, I actually wretched a little bit. I thought I’d hidden it well until I felt Karli bump me with her hip.
“Step aside, big guy, it looks like you need help.” I took a step to the left and watched in morbid fascination as she picked up a spoon in one hand and the pumpkin in the other and began furiously scraping. She didn’t seem to mind the slimier guts clinging to the back of her hand and squishing through her fingers. She tipped the pumpkin almost all the way over above the newspaper that covered the table. A pile of pumpkin guts appeared and Karli left them there and used the spoon to scrape even more. By the time she was finished, the walls of my pumpkin were completely smooth
“Thanks, babe. If you want, I can help you carve yours when I’m finished here.”
“I’ll let you know if I need help,” she told me with a wink as I reached across her for the black marker the staff left there with the carving tools.
I carefully drew myself a pattern and then started cutting. I worked steadily until I heard the sound of the whistle that signified putting your tools down. I stood up and tried to work the stiffness out of my neck and shoulders and then I looked over at Karli. She was looking at my pumpkin with a smile on her face.
“I have to admit, I thought you were crazy for using a drill, but that looks fantastic.”
“Right?”
She laughed. “You’re welcome.”
“Sorry, thank you. But look at it! Have you ever seen a more perfect spider?” I’d carved out an intricate design that signified a spider’s web and then, just off to the side, crawling toward the center of it, a gigantic spider.
“Never,” she said. “What do you think of mine?”
Karli’s was a rose, or some kind of flower. It was off-center and there was one spot that looked like it was supposed to be a rose petal, but had broken off and fallen inside. It was cute, and she looked proud of it. “I think it’s almost as pretty as you.”
“Almost?” I leaned over and kissed her on those sexy, soft lips.
“Yeah, almost. Nothing else even comes close.”
“Okay, ladies and gents, it’s time to judge these pumpkins!” I held onto Karli’s hand and watched as the judges walked table to table and wrote something down on the little pad they carried as they looked at each pumpkin. When they got to mine, I smiled and automatically tightened the muscles in my chest and arms.
I felt Karli poke me. She leaned in close and said,
“Stop trying to cheat; they’re judging the pumpkins, not the hot bodies.”
I smiled at her and looked around at the other people in the contest and then I whispered, “If they were, who would win?”
She picked up a towel, wiped her hands on it, and then hooked her arm through mine as she said, “Tricky Nicky Storelli, hands down.”
********
I won the pumpkin contest and I got to leave with the most beautiful woman there. I felt like one lucky son of a bitch.
On the way back to my house, we picked up Chinese food and I saw Karli send a text to her dad. I hoped that she was telling him she wouldn’t be home tonight because ever since she left my bed on Monday morning, I’d been craving her like a drug.
As soon as we walked into the kitchen from the garage, I saw the note from Kevin written on the chalkboard and my mood and the entire evening started to unravel. Karli looked at the chalkboard and said,
“Aw, he left you a note.” It said, “Hey, Bro, spending time with Elaine tonight. Didn’t want you to worry.” There was a smiley face then and underneath that it said, “Your dad came by.”
I didn’t know if it was Kevin thinking I would worry about him or my father coming by that set me off. I wasn’t Kevin’s fucking guardian and the idea of it made me feel like I was having a hard time breathing. My whole life, I had only me to worry about and suddenly, I was a guardian and a boyfriend. I was not sure why that was just now setting in and why it felt so suffocating all of a sudden. Wasn’t this what I wanted? Wasn’t this all about changing my life? Maybe it was just too many changes all at once.
“Nick? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Am I fine?
Karli looked like she was about to say something else, but her phone started ringing. It was the theme to Rocky.
“Shit. It’s my dad. If I don’t answer, he’ll just keep calling. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, take it.” She started to walk toward the dining room and I said, “Hey, Karli, what’s my ring tone?”
“Eye of the Tiger” was still playing loudly, and she looked at her phone nervously before saying, “Peter Pan.” She put the phone to her ear then and went into the dining room. I heard her say, “Hi, Dad, what’s up?”
Theme songs were part of my life. Martin taught me years ago that you should take a lot of time picking out your song. Not only the beat should matter, but the words should represent your personality.
Karli obviously looked up to her dad. He was her hero, so “Eye of the Tiger” was fitting. I wondered how much thought she had put into mine. My father used to call me Peter Pan. He always told me I’d never grow up. I hated that song the first time I heard it because of that. I walked over near the dining room and heard her saying,
“I’m twenty-two years old, Dad. You can’t keep telling me what to do and who I’m allowed to do it with.” Obviously, he wasn’t buying that she was spending all of this time at Michaela’s house.
“What? Are you kidding? Did you really just say that?” She had her back to me, but I could visibly see her whole body tense.
“You can’t honestly believe I pick my men with the sole purpose of pissing you off in mind. That’s a bit narcissistic, Dad, even for you.” She took the phone away from her ear and pressed the end button, hard.
Her shoulders slouched forward. I tried to quiet the selfish thoughts in my own head and did what a real man was expected to do. I went over and put my hands on her shoulders. She leaned back into me, and I wrapped my arms around her stomach and held her close.
“He’s such an asshole sometimes. I can’t get him to even acknowledge Kevin, and yet he’s all over my life.”
I couldn’t argue with her assessment of him. I thought he was an asshole most of the time, too. “What did he say?”
“He can’t wrap his head around the fact that I’m a grown woman and capable of making my own decisions – and even my own mistakes. It’s nobody’s choice but my own.”
I was the one that tensed now. All I really heard her say was “mistake.” I turned her so she was facing me. “You think I’m going to turn out to be a mistake, Karli?”
“No! Of course I don’t think that. I didn’t mean you. Dad just makes me crazy sometimes. When telling me what to do wasn’t working, he started telling me that I’m messing you up. He says you’re too close to your title fight to get involved in a relationship and basically, if you lost, it would be my fault.”
“It kind of sounded like he was also saying something about you picking losers just to get at him.”
There was a flicker of something in her eyes and I wished I knew her better. I wished that I could read her. “You were listening.”
“I just heard the end of the conversation. But it does kind of make me wonder.”
“It makes you wonder? Are you fucking kidding me? You chased me, Nick. You were the one that wouldn’t leave me alone. I finally embrace my feelings for you, and now you’re going to run scared on me?”
“I’m not running, Karli. We’re just talking. Why are you getting so defensive?” The real question here was what the fuck was I doing? I’d just spent the last three hours having the most fun out of bed I’d ever had with a wo
man. Why was I trying to screw that up?
She put her hands on her hips and as I looked at her, my inner voices were dueling with one another. One of them wanted her badly enough to tell me to shut the fuck up. It was telling me, “You’re steps away from having this sexy woman back in your bed and you’re overthinking it. You don’t overthink things. You’re practically famous for your impulsivity. Hell, you barely think it over once before you do it. What the fuck are you doing?
The other voice was telling me I was making a fool of myself. Karli thought of me as Peter Pan, a boy in a man’s body, and I was the expert on doing things to piss Dad off… Is that what she sees in me? Is she using me to somehow get back at Charlie for this crap with Kevin?
“I’m defensive? I guess maybe you’re right. I am. It’s because I don’t understand where this is coming from. We had a great time tonight, didn’t we? I thought things were going well and then…what is it, Nick? What’s going on in your head?”
I tried to stop myself but again, I couldn’t. “Is this…” I motioned my arm between her and me. “Us…are we about pissing off Charlie?”
“Excuse me? Please, tell me you’re kidding.”
“You told me that you didn’t date fighters and gym rats any longer. Why the sudden about face? I should have asked you then, that day…but I was just so thrilled that you wanted me that I was blinded by that.”
“And suddenly, you’re not any longer? Why is that, Nick? Is it because the thrill of the chase is over and now you’re feeling a little claustrophobic and you’re ready to move on?”
“No, that’s not it at all.” Is it? I really didn’t fucking know. It was like I was in such a panic mode all of a sudden that I had no control over what was coming out of my mouth. “You sat there and watched my fight, and then you watched the groupies swarm all over me. Nothing changed between the night before when you gave me an absolute, unequivocal no and that afternoon when all of a sudden you wanted to be with me…except that maybe you were a little more pissed off at Charlie.”
There was fire in her hazel eyes all of a sudden. “I don’t do things just to piss my father off, Nick. I’m a little more mature than that. From what I hear, that’s your specialty.”
“Is that what Ethan told you?” Now I was jealous of my brother and angry with him all over again. Jesus, what is wrong with me?
“No. You told me that yourself. Ethan is too much of a gentleman to gossip about you behind your back. As a matter of fact, he sang your praises to me, and that’s part of why I decided to go out with you. I trust him.”
“Oh, you trust him, but not me.”
“I’m going home.” She picked up her bag off the counter next to the uneaten Chinese food. I should have left it at that, but I felt compelled to make it even worse. She was almost to the door when I said, “I have one more question.”
“I can’t wait to hear it,” she said, sarcastically.
“Why Peter Pan? Do you think I’m never going to grow up?”
“Jesus, Nick, it’s only a song.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Why did you pick it?” She was silent for a long time and then she said,
“Because I guess I knew all along that you were going to fly away as soon as you could.”
I watched her slam the door behind her. Only then did I let myself process the fact that I’d pushed away the only good thing in my life and for no fucking reason other than I was afraid.
I was afraid that in a matter of weeks, a woman came along and not only changed the way I felt about things, but the way I did things, as well. I was afraid that my life was going to change…and that was as stupid as fuck. My life sucked. Why the hell wouldn’t I want it to change?
Chapter Twenty-Four
KARLI
It was a long ass week and by Friday night, my head wouldn’t stop throbbing. I couldn’t quiet my thoughts, no matter how hard I tried.
Tuesday night when I left Nick’s house, I was furious with him. By Wednesday, my heart hurt so badly that I was afraid I’d break down in tears at the sight of him, so I told Dad I was sick and couldn’t go into work. I could tell he wanted to question it, but since he was already on my shit list because he fucked Kevin’s mother and denied his own son for nineteen years, he must have decided that it wasn’t a good idea. He just kissed my forehead, then told me to get some rest and call him if I needed anything.
Once he went to the gym, I finally let myself have a good cry. I told myself that was it, I wasn’t going to waste any more tears on Nick, but I knew I’d be dangling on the edge at least for a while.
Thursday, I had class all day, so I didn’t go into the gym at all, and Friday, I went in the wee hours of the morning and took care of business before Nick got there.
He didn’t try to call or text, and I tried to convince myself that was a good thing, but I was losing that battle, too.
I got lucky in the fact that Michaela’s dad had her working at the resort nearly every night, helping get ready for their big, annual Halloween bash, so I didn’t have to explain it to her yet. I had no idea how to explain it. I wasn’t even sure what had happened myself. Last time I had talked to her on the phone, she could tell that something was wrong and asked about it, but I told her the same thing I’d been telling Dad – I just wasn’t feeling well.
Kevin came by to see me a couple of days when Dad was at work. I think I felt sorrier for him than I did for myself. He wasn’t going into the gym at all. Dad continued to refuse to acknowledge him as his son and as much as I was pissed off about that, Kevin was hurt. He was also stressed out. He was lying to his parents and told me that Nick had been snapping his head off over every little thing, so he felt like he was just in the way there. I didn’t have any good advice for him. I’d been a big sister for about five minutes, and I was already failing miserably.
After cleaning the gym and taking care of a few bills at the crack of dawn on Friday, I had classes until noon. When I left school, all I could think about was taking a long nap when I got home. I was disappointed to see Kevin’s huge form sitting on my front porch when I drove into the driveway, but that disappointment was joined by a feeling of guilt as soon as I saw the suitcase and duffel bag next to him on the ground. He sat there and waited for me to make it up to the porch.
“Kevin? Are you okay? Did Nick kick you out?”
It still amazed me how a giant could have the face of a child. He looked so sad and my heart broke a little bit for him when he looked up at me with those big, blue eyes of his.
“I’m okay,” he said, obviously lying. “Nick didn’t do anything. I just can’t keep staying there, living off of him. I’m almost out of money, and I can’t keep taking my dad’s money and letting him think Charlie’s training me. I have to go home and figure this out. Hopefully, I’ll be back, but I have to figure out how to do that on my own dime and not Dad’s.”
I sat down next to him and dropped my backpack. “What about Elaine?”
He visibly winced. “I really like her. I feel terrible about leaving her, but when I explained the situation, she said she understood. I know it’s not possible to think she’ll wait for me. I haven’t even been able to figure out what she’s doing with me in the first place, but that doesn’t stop me from hoping still.”
I knew that feeling. I hadn’t spoken to Nick in almost a week, but I couldn’t let go of the hope that things would somehow work out, either, no matter how unlikely that was. I put my hand on Kevin’s big arm, and we just sat there for a while with neither of us saying anything until he finally broke the silence and said, “Nick’s miserable.”
I looked up at his face as he went on, “He goes to the gym, and he comes home and stalks around the house, or sometimes he’ll go out back and hit the bag on the porch for hours, like he’s trying to kill it. His phone rings constantly, and he doesn’t answer it. His dad has been by twice this week, but Nick won’t talk to him.”
I knew where he was going with this, so I said, “He’s the one th
at didn’t want me, Kevin.”
“Are you sure, Karli? I mean…it’s not my place to say this, but maybe he just doesn’t know how to have a relationship. His friend Jonah came by a few days ago. He wanted Nick to go out with him, but Nick told him he was sick to death of nothing but parties and skanky women who throw themselves at him.”
“I’m sorry he’s unhappy, Kevin, I really am. But Nick chased me relentlessly until he caught me and suddenly, he didn’t want me anymore. It was what I was afraid would happen all along. I just didn’t think it would happen so fast.”
“I know it’s not my business, Karli, but I think maybe he’s just scared.”
I nodded. “That’s understandable, but a grown man should know how to deal with those feelings without having a temper tantrum or a total meltdown. I don’t need a spoiled child in my life. I need a man.
“I knew Nick was still in the process of growing up when I met him, that much was obvious. I let my attraction to him cloud my judgment, and at the end of the day, I bear as much responsibility for the way I’m feeling right now as he does. Maybe, one of these days, he and I can work our way back to being friends, but I can’t see that we’ll ever be able to get beyond that.”
Kevin surprised me by putting his arm around me and pulling me in for a hug. He held me there for a second and then let go and stood up. He pulled out his phone and looked at the time. “I should get going; my flight leaves in an hour.”
“Do you want a ride to the airport?”
“Nah, I can call a cab.”
“I really don’t…”
My phone started ringing. I looked at it and saw that it was my Uncle Lenny. He was battling cancer and other than to go to his treatments, he rarely left the house. I usually tried to visit him once a week, but I’d been so busy, I hadn’t gotten over to see him. Feeling guilty about that, I said, “Hang on just a second, Kevin.” I pressed answer and put the phone to my ear. “Hi Uncle Lenny, I was just—”
“Is this Karli?” It was a young, female voice, probably one of his nurses.