by Alexa Davis
“So, what do you recommend?” Lila buried her head into the menu, doing her best to ignore the atmosphere. “Have you been here before?”
“The… the Carbonara is great,” I wasn’t even sure what I was saying, I was just speaking for the sake of it. “The Calzones are, too.”
I needed to pull it together, to keep my cool. As someone came over to take our order, I did my best to get back in the zone. I ordered a good wine and managed to just about get some food organized without totally falling apart. I was a mess, and I felt like Lila could see it.
“What did you think about the contract?”
She glanced down at her hands, as if she needed a list to remember what she had to say about it all, but unfortunately, nothing was coming to mind. “Actually, this is embarrassing.” Her whole face flushed red to highlight her point. “Kyle gave me a load of questions to ask, but I can’t remember any of them.”
“Oh, it’s a shame he isn’t here,” I lied through my teeth. “But maybe we can set up an official meeting with Kyle and Michael later in the week?”
“Sure.” She let out a deep breath and her shoulders relaxed. “Yeah, that sounds good. It was too much pressure for me, anyway.”
As she smiled up at me, looking up from under her eyelashes, my whole chest warmed up. There was something there, something behind her gaze, and it made me feel all kinds of things. My heart fluttered, electricity zinged right through my body, and it was so difficult not to lean across and kiss her right now. There was an intense chemistry between us, sizzling and darting, and if I didn’t break it soon, we wouldn’t be able to resist it.
“And, here are your drinks.”
Luckily, the waiter did it for me because I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to do so. This was going to be a very long evening.
***
We were laughing, exchanging funny stories, and connecting in a way that I’d never experienced before. I didn’t know what to do. After our tiny bit of talk about the contract, which hadn’t landed us anywhere, work hadn’t come up at all. This was more date-like than any real date I’d ever been on, and it was driving my emotions crazy.
“So then, he fell right off the stool and the old woman screamed.” She was so adorable as she laughed that my heart melted. Her whole face lit up and she looked even more beautiful, which I would have thought impossible right up until the moment it happened. “It was hilarious.”
“You guys are awesome,” I mused as we stood up from our seats, the night coming to a very sad end. “I’m so shocked that you haven’t made it further before now.”
She remained silent as we strolled outside, clearly thinking over things. But as the fresh air hit our faces, her lips loosened once more. “You know, this might be the wine making me say things Kyle told me not to, but we do want to sign your contract. We know it’s not designed to screw us over, and if I’m totally honest, we want to work with you.”
Thank God. I mean, I guessed as much, she never would’ve called me otherwise, but it felt good to hear her say that. “You know, I opened the record label because I love music, not because I’d ever want to screw anyone over. I know that’s what a lot of people do, but not me. I just want to get good music out there – and that’s what you and Kyle offer.”
She stepped closer to me, and the electric atmosphere intensified. I became overwhelmed with feelings, certain we were about to kiss. I didn’t even care that it was probably very wrong, this was too tempting, too difficult to ignore. I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to.
But then she shook her head, a little too violently, and she broke the moment. “Thank you,” she rasped, clearly drained by the feelings zinging through her, too. “I do appreciate that.”
“You know, you guys should come in on Thursday and record some more songs.” I gulped down my pride, trying to get things back on track. Lila hadn’t kissed me; she was the one being smart here. I was the one who was a slave to my emotions.
“Are you sure? That would be awesome!” She sounded excited, but as our eyes connected, I could see a sorrow there. She wanted to kiss me, she had feelings for me, as well, but she was trying her best to do the right thing.
And she was right. I did have my rule. I shouldn’t be getting involved with anyone I worked with. I needed to keep my head on straight.
“Yep, I’ll set it up.”
All the way back to Lila’s apartment, I tried to keep my inner turmoil under control. If we took that step, we’d potentially damage her career before it even started, which wasn’t what I wanted at all. But if we didn’t, I felt like I might just damn well drive myself insane.
Did I have to like her so much? Was it so impossible for me to switch these feelings off?
We said our goodbyes, and I made the driver wait while I watched her walk inside. I acted like it was all for her safety, but that was pointless since she was way more accustomed to this area than me. It was all about watching her leave, knowing she could never be mine.
Still, she had what it took to be a star – of that I was totally certain. I had the feeling that she was going to take the world by storm, that they wouldn’t know what hit them. It was going to be hard to watch others get to know the secret that felt like it was just for me, but it would make Lila happy... and that was all that mattered.
Chapter Fourteen
Lila (Wednesday)
Okay, it was something more than just waking up to no piano music. Today was totally different; it was warm, there was a beautiful new melody floating through our apartment, I’d had the time of my life last night, and I still woke up feeling like crap.
I didn’t want to admit it, especially as we were recording in the morning, but my throat was bad. This was the worst time for this to happen. I was sick. I was going to have to play it down so I didn’t put Kyle off doing anything. This was our one shot, and I didn’t want it to be my fault that it didn’t happen.
I coughed and sputtered into the living room, but luckily, Kyle was too lost in the music to notice the signs of my sickness. He’d been asleep by the time I got in last night, so I imagined that he had millions of questions for me, but the music was more important at that moment. He was in his happy place, and that was all that mattered. I watched him for a moment, a smile on my face, until finally my stare became too much for him. He must’ve been able to sense me, even though he was trying not to.
“How’s it going?” He glanced up at me happily, a light shining behind his eyes. “Do you like the new song?”
He was almost laughing he was so overjoyed. That was what I wanted, to see my brother loving life. That was what I was afraid of losing with this stupid viral infection.
“I do, I do.” I nodded slowly. “I think it’ll be great for us to record tomorrow.” I cringed while I waited for him to digest that statement. I wasn’t sure if he was going to be pissed off by me acting on behalf of both of us. I hadn’t wanted to turn Xander’s offer down, especially not when I was flying so high from such a wonderful evening, but now I was feeling the sting of that choice. It might not have been the wisest idea.
“I hope you don’t mind. I didn’t sign anything obviously. I just told Xander that we want to discuss each term of the contract, but he invited us in tomorrow.”
“So... it was just Xander?” I knew what he was implying – he’d suggested it the second that he saw me in that red designer dress that I’d been sent to wear. He felt like Xander had an interest in me other than the music.
And while I knew deep down that he was right, that was obvious from the looks we’d shared at dinner and from the moment we’d almost kissed, I didn’t feel like that should impact what was happening here. We’d resisted, we hadn’t overstepped that boundary, so I knew that we could do it. We could be just work together; there didn’t have to be anything more.
“Michael wasn’t there?”
“No.” I shifted my gaze toward the ground, feeling my face heat up brightly. I was embarrassed about the things he thought, never mind
what had actually happened. “No, it was just Xander. But we talked about the contract, I said we had questions, and that our feelings were generally positive.”
“Okay.” He nodded slowly, furrowing his eyebrows at me. I wasn’t sure if that was distrust or just confusion in his eyes. “Okay, that’s fine. So tomorrow we’re going to record, and we can go through the finer points then.”
“Yep.” I needed to change the subject quickly. Any minute now, I was going to open up and spill my guts. I didn’t want to tell him that I’d laid awake for most of the night thinking about Xander. I wasn’t prepared to let him know that my interest in that man was highly inappropriate. That information was just for me, a secret that I wasn’t willing to share. “So, the new song… where did that come from?”
“I can’t take full credit for it. I got the inspiration from the music store.” He grinned happily, his mind right back where I needed it to be. “But I’m going to spend the rest of the day changing it and making it my own. I know we have a few songs now, enough to get us through tomorrow at any rate, but you could sit with me and get some lyrics written if you want?”
I couldn’t believe how far I’d come; it wasn’t long ago that I was too scared for anyone to hear me sing. Now, I’d sung at a benefit, I’d recorded in a proper studio, and I was writing music with my brother. It was a complete turnaround that I loved. It made my life that much more exciting.
“Sure,” I said, before bursting into another round of coughs. “Although maybe I’ll just have to write, not sing. My throat is scratchy, so it might be a good idea for me to rest it before tomorrow.”
“That cough is bad.” He eyed me nervously. “Are you sure you don’t want to sleep the day away? Maybe that’ll help you feel better tomorrow. We don’t want it to get worse before recording.”
“No way, I can’t waste this day!” I insisted sharply. I was pissed off enough that I didn’t feel well – I didn’t need to add guilt into the mix, too. “I’ll just go to sleep early tonight. There’s so much we need to do.”
“Well, before you get carried away, I’m going to take you out for some breakfast, nothing pricey, before you lose your mind. Just a little treat. I think you need a bit of pampering, so why don’t you go and have a shower, then we can go out?”
Half of me wanted to argue and say that we shouldn’t, but the bigger part of me needed a treat. Plus, I was touched by Kyle’s kindness. He was often sweet to me, considerate because he was the only one I had, but every so often the music would consume his mind completely and I’d be forgotten. That meant every time he did something nice, it made my heart melt.
“Okay,” I rasped happily, giving in without a fuss. “Sounds good. I’ll go and get ready now.”
As I raced into the bathroom and hopped into the shower, my mind wandered all over the place. After my dinner date with Xander, my head had been everywhere. I’d wanted to kiss Xander so badly, and he knew it. We both wanted to take things further, and it’d killed us not to.
It was the smart thing to do, but that didn’t stop my imagination from thinking about where things could’ve gone. I knew it wasn’t right, but the thought of having his hands all over my body drove me wild. His lips, those fingers, that body... It was all so wonderful, all things I hadn’t even realized I needed in my life.
It was wrong, it was so taboo, and I wasn’t sure how long I would be able to keep away. I’d never been so tempted by anyone before, and I was finding it difficult to control. I’d have to, it was the only way... But, God, it’d feel so good to give in to that.
“Lila, are you ready?” Oops, Kyle is starting to sound annoyed. I must have been in here for ages. “Come on, let’s go.”
I jumped out and threw on the first clothes I put my hands on, not even caring what I looked like. I was excited to get out, to have my second meal cooked by someone else in as many days. It wasn’t often that happened, so I had to take advantage of it when it came around.
Kyle took me to a nearby cafe, one that sold very cheap breakfast meals. It couldn’t have been further from the place that Xander had taken me to the previous night, but I liked it just as much. Maybe even more. I felt comfortable here, like I fit in. Xander had gone out of his way to help me relax at that super fancy Italian place, but I didn’t totally settle the entire time.
“Does this place remind you of Gretna’s cooking?” Kyle grinned brightly, referring to one of the foster homes we briefly lived in. “All greasy and burned.”
“Ah, the memories...” I pressed my hands to my heart in a mock loving gesture, before falling apart laughing. Life with Gretna hadn’t been great, but we’d made it work because we had each other. We survived everything together. “What good times, greasy eggs, burnt sausages, undercooked bacon... A real English breakfast, she called it.”
“Why do you think you’ve never been to England!” Kyle exclaimed, causing me to laugh even more. “If that’s what they eat, then they can keep it.”
“Yeah, and that’s not even considering the constant rain!”
We placed our orders quickly, our minds both still firmly fixed on the past. It was as if now that good things were happening, we could look back on it more easily.
“It’s good that we’ve come so far,” he mused. “There was a time when it honestly felt like we were never going to escape.”
I nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. I could recall the hopelessness of our youth well. If I’d known then how my life would end up, I wouldn’t have spent so much time worrying. “Yeah, I mean, it’s great. That’s why the fundraiser was such a good cause for us to support. If things do happen for us in the way we’re desperately trying not to hope that they will, then we can do more.”
I thought about Xander and all the money he gave the orphanage. That was what I wanted to do, if I ever could. I wanted to give something back. It might not have been the best life ever growing up, but in all honesty if I hadn’t had it, I wasn’t sure what direction our lives would’ve taken.
“Oh, God, don’t say that.” Kyle squeezed the hard, plastic table so hard his knuckles went white. “I’m trying so hard not to think about what our lives might end up like. It’s too exciting for words – I don’t know if I can cope!”
I laughed loudly, trying to disguise my own nerves. “Well, at least we have each other to keep us grounded when we start becoming famous.”
“You’ve got no chance at stopping me!” he exclaimed teasingly. “I’m going to become an unbearable diva, just you wait and see.”
“I can see it now, headlines about your crazy behavior. It’ll be amazing!” There was no chance my quiet brother would be anything other than the good man he was, life had affected him too deeply for that, but it was fun to imagine all the same. “We just have to make sure we do well tomorrow.” I meant me more than him, I was the only with the struggling voice.
“Well, once we’ve eaten, we’ll get to work; then you are going to sleep early. It’s the only way you stand a chance in hell of not coughing your way right through the recording.”
I would do what he asked. I was taking this seriously; I just hoped that it was enough. Too much of this was depending on me, and the last thing I wanted was to be a letdown. “I will,” I insisted. “I need to be in top form, and I’ll make sure it happens. Don’t you worry about that.”
Chapter Fifteen
Xander (Thursday)
I had a bad feeling the second I walked into the studio. I just knew something was going to explode, and I was all on edge about it.
Michael hadn’t come into the coffee shop to have a drink with me, and the atmosphere was thick and tense. I had a feeling that I knew what was coming, and much as I knew that I’d brought it on myself, I was still anxious.
“What the fuck is this?” His temper boomed through the studio, setting me on edge. “How could you do this without me?”
I knew he’d be mad if he found out about me sending over the drafted contract without consulting him, never mind the
fact that I’d had dinner with Lila alone, but I wasn’t expecting it to be this bad.
“What are you yelling about?” I did my best to stall, but as he flew around the corner, his fiery temper hit me hard. His expression was dark, his eyes were blazing... I was in for it.
“You signed them? You signed Lila and Kyle without consulting me.”
I held out my hands in a surrendering gesture, and thankfully, it seemed to work. He stopped in his tracks and threw his hands on his hips while he waited for me. “I didn’t sign them. I just got a contract sent over to them. I thought that was what we discussed.”
“We did, but I didn’t expect you to go ahead with the deal without me. I know this is your business, but you’ve never acted that way before. We’ve always done everything together.”
Admittedly, that made me feel awful. He was right. I’d been so blinded by the way that Lila made me feel, I’d allowed myself to forget all about Michael. He’d been loyal ever since he started working for me; we’d become best friends to the point where we were almost like brothers. I could see why he saw this as a betrayal.
“I’m so sorry,” I told him sincerely. “It was never meant to hurt you. I guess I just didn’t think. They want to go over the finer points of the contract, so you can get to know it before that, anyway. Nothing has been formally done without you.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, still protecting himself from me, but his face softened a little. “I just hate finding out things from other people; it makes me feel like you don’t trust me,” he told me with a brutal honesty. “I want this, and I know that we have to act quickly, but still I’d much prefer to be in the know.”
I could see how I’d made him feel unimportant, which would never, ever be my intention. “Well, they’re coming in today to record, so we can talk through things then.”