by Alexa Davis
“Have?” It didn’t escape my knowledge that she was still talking in the present tense. If she still had another job, maybe that meant that she had doubts. I didn’t want to be the only person putting my all into this! I wanted everyone else to have as much faith as me.
“Well, I haven’t worked there for a while.” Her face heated up as she defended herself, which clarified my biggest fear. “But I haven’t exactly quit either, so... yeah.”
With that, a pregnant pause filled the air, neither of us knowing exactly where we stood. I wanted to demand to know what was holding her back, why she was so scared, but I didn’t want to freak her out, either.
Eventually, she broke the awkwardness of the moment by standing up and smiling sadly at me. “Well, I guess I better go. Kyle is waiting outside for me. But I’ll see you Thursday, okay?”
I nodded, keeping silent as she walked away, but my mind was in turmoil. I didn’t want to admit Michael might have a point, but it was becoming clearer by the second that he just might. I was going to have to meet with the accountant myself to try and get my head around the money stuff. It wasn’t my area of expertise, but I’d been wrong in knowing nothing about it, letting other people have the information I so desperately needed.
That was going to have to change if I didn’t want to lose everything.
I would do that first and speak to Michael afterward. He was going to need time to cool down, anyway, and I wanted to go to him when I was fully in the know. It didn’t help me at all when he had information and I didn’t. I couldn’t let that happen again.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Lila (Thursday)
I bit down on my nails as I watched Kyle playing the piano across the room. I was supposed to be writing the damn lyrics that I still couldn’t quite get my head around, but my mind was somewhere else entirely. I’d gotten a few bits down, the odd start to something that could become a song, but I was nowhere near refined with it.
I just couldn’t get that argument out of my head. Michael’s words kept spinning round and round in my mind:
“Kyle, then. He’s just the piano player; we can get that without him. It’s Lila who has the real talent.”
This wasn’t good, not at all. This was our dream sinking down the toilet, and I felt terrible for knowing that without telling my brother. I wanted to talk to him, to let him know, but I couldn’t bear to rip that shine away from him.
“Are you hanging out with Xander later?” he asked me over the twinkle of his keys. He had a massive grin on his face, still floating on air and thinking that everything was going to be all right. Eventually, I was going to have to crush that dream.
“Yeah, I am.” I’d been texting him all week long, acting like everything was all right, but I wasn’t sure that I’d be able to keep up that facade to his face. The weights were piling down on me, and any minute now, I was going to crack. “I don’t know what we’re doing yet, though.”
“You could hang out here; we could all have dinner together. I’ll do my best not to monopolize him this time.” He smirked at me, and I tried my best to match his expression. “Before then, we could take a look at new apartments. Have you seen anything yet?”
“No,” I whispered, that ice cold claiming my heart once more. If this studio deal didn’t work out, then we’d be back to struggling to pay each bill. I would have to go back to the diner with my tail between my legs. “No, I haven’t yet. Maybe we should hold off looking.” I couldn’t stand for him to get his hopes up just to have them dashed. “Maybe we should get this album done first.”
Kyle stopped playing and turned to look at me with sadness in his eyes. “Are you still worried about writing that last song? I can help you with the lyrics, if you like? I’m not necessarily great with words, but I can have a go.”
“No, no, it isn’t that.” I sighed deeply, knowing that if there was ever a time to be honest it was now. “Look, when I went back into the studio on Monday, I overheard a conversation that... that... Well, that I didn’t want to hear.”
“Has Xander done something?” His eyes narrowed, his gaze turned sharp. It was almost as if he’d been waiting for something like this to happen. “Has he hurt you? What’s going on? I thought that you’d been strange since Monday. Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“No, no, it isn’t that. Xander actually defended us.”
“From what?”
I stared into his eyes for one last second, wanting to absorb the way that he looked when his dream was still alive. I was about to rip that from him, and I hated myself for it. “Apparently, the studio is dying.” My eyes were already welling up. I wasn’t going to be able to get through this anytime soon. “I overheard Michael yelling at Xander, telling him that the place was running out of money and they needed to cut artists.”
“Shit.” The penny dropped, and the light flew away from his expression. “Shit, okay, that’s scary. Do you think we’re going to be cut?”
I couldn’t stand to tell him that our names had been mentioned specifically, or more like his name, so I shrugged and answered in a blasé way. “Well, I guess we were the last ones in, so it makes sense for us to be the first out.”
He sat back in his seat, his face turning pale. He was nodding for too long, worrying me. “Okay. Well, we’ll be okay, won’t we? We’ve been through harder times than this... If anything, at least we’ve managed to pay off some of our bills in the process.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s one silver lining.”
“Oh, God,” I cried at a knock at the door. “That’s Xander.” I looked back at Kyle, wondering if he was going to be able to face this. “Shall I send him away?”
“No, no, let him in. I’m okay.” He smiled thinly at me. “It’ll be fine.”
I felt awkward as I swung the door open and strange as Xander leaned down to kiss me. I had no idea what was going to happen next and that had me anxious.
“Oh, hi, Xander, why don’t you come in?” We hadn’t made any specific plans for the day. He’d just said he would come over and we’d go from there, so it would be weird not to let him in. I just needed to keep acting normal.
As he walked into the living room, my heart pounded so hard I could feel it in my throat. If I was freaking out and unable to act naturally, I had no idea what Kyle would do. What if he was only trying to be nice before and actually he didn’t want to be around Xander at all? What if I’d made a huge faux pas letting him in? Maybe I should have made some sort of plan in my mind so we could just go.
“Hi, Xander. It’s good to see you again,” Kyle said, sounding natural.
“You, too, at the piano as always. What are you working on today?”
I moved into the kitchen to make some hot drinks while I steadied myself, half listening to them talk as I did. Things seemed to be all right, they were talking about music, planning the damn last song as they went.
I was starting to think that maybe we could just overcome this entirely, while we waited for something to happen either way, then I heard the next dreaded words leaving Kyle’s mouth. “So, Lila told me that things aren’t looking good. What’s going on there?”
My heart stopped dead in my chest. How could he just attack the awkward topic like that? I’d wanted to ask Xander about it again for days, but I couldn’t think of the right words for it. I was only able to ask in the studio because I was in so much shock. I grabbed the mugs quickly and raced back into the living room, my brain whirring desperately, trying to find a way to make this all right again.
“Yeah, well, I had a bit of a spat with Michael.” Luckily, Xander didn’t sound too pissed off by this direct question, which was a good thing. “But I’ve been talking to the accountant for days, and I’m working on a plan. Please don’t worry about your future. I know for certain that you and Lila are safe.”
Was that because we were hooking up? I didn’t want to keep our dream alive based on my sexual prowess. I didn’t want Xander to get into financial trouble over us, no ma
tter what else happened.
“Oh, right, because we would understand.” It seemed like Kyle was possibly thinking along the same lines as me. “We were the last ones in.”
Xander stood up, smiling, and patted Kyle on the back. “You guys do not need to worry, trust me on that. I haven’t ever had the pleasure of working with two such lovely people. You two are going to make me enough money to never have to worry again.”
Kyle laughed happily, totally falling into Xander’s promises, but I felt a little strange about it. How could he be so sure that we’d be a success? How could he be so frivolous with his money? I needed to get out of the room, to take some time to adjust to all of this, and there was only one way that I could think of to deal with that.
“I’m going to make some lunch,” I told them both. “Why don’t you guys work on the music a little more?”
“Sure, sounds good.”
As I flicked the oven on, I took some deep breaths and tried to steady my nerves. Maybe I was overreacting, acting totally crazy and freaking out over nothing. After all, Xander knew what he was talking about. He’d been working in the music industry long enough to figure out what he was doing and know what would work.
He wouldn’t throw his company down the toilet for me, would he? He wasn’t that naive. He’d probably been in all kinds of relationships before, I had no idea what we were really; maybe I should just accept it that we were talented.
Why would he want to get rid of Kyle anyway? Even if someone else could play the piano, no one could do it like him. It would be much more likely that he’d get rid of me first. Anyone could sing; there would be other people who could write songs much better and far quicker than me. I was making a mountain out of a mole hill.
By the time I actually took food out to the table and we all sat down to eat, I found myself much more upbeat. Things would work out. We would find a way to make things work even if this plan didn’t pan out. Kyle and I had been through worse; we could get through this as well.
“So, are we going to spend the rest of the day writing these lyrics?” Xander smiled happily at me. “Kyle told me that you were struggling, so why don’t we work together to get it done?”
That sounded nice. Maybe I’d spent too much time piling the pressure on myself. I was struggling, but I’d been too proud to ask for help before. Now, I needed it more than ever before. Plus, maybe it would be fun to work on it as a team.
“Yeah, okay.” I smiled slowly. “That sounds good. You two can be my employees for the day. I can boss you around, demand drinks and snacks, and then you can give me ideas, too. Maybe I’ve been looking too hard for inspiration, when all I needed was some manservants.”
“What have you gotten us in for?” Kyle shook his head at Xander. “Rookie mistake. She’s gonna take that power and run with it.”
“Not when she hears all the awesome ideas I already have.”
As the two boys started batting ideas around the table, I grinned happily to myself. This was awesome. I was the luckiest person alive to have these amazing people in my life. As I sat back and took a swig of my drink, I felt like everything was right with the world. Finally, after years of having it hard, things were going well, and I honestly couldn’t see anything getting in the way of that.
Every time I was scared that things were going downhill, something pulled them right back up again. Xander had this magical knack of making everything work out.
I felt like this could possibly be the start of my happy ever after.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Xander (Friday)
Even though I hadn’t seen Michael since our big fight on Monday, I couldn’t help but hold out hope. I’d been angry, and so had he, but we were like family. We got over stuff like that. Usually, we had our big blow outs then the following day, it was all forgotten. Sure, this one had felt different, but I could get past it. I felt like we could work things out, why couldn’t he?
I ordered my usual coffee and sat at the table I always did, just waiting for him. It was pretty obvious that he wasn’t coming, but I needed him all the same. I couldn’t stand this anymore, it was ridiculous, so I pulled out my phone to call him.
As the phone rang and rang, my heart fell with disappointment. Wasn’t what we had so much more than one stupid fight? Weren’t the years that we’d known each other much more important? I was even starting to think that maybe I should just fire someone to bring him back to me. Not Kyle, of course, I’d been serious when I said that to him, but someone. I hated to admit it, but Michael was right about one thing: we did need to start making some more sensible choices in the future.
Still, if he wasn’t going to talk to me, then there was no way I could tell him that. There wasn’t any way that I could swallow my pride and apologize.
After attempting to call three times, I sighed deeply and gave up. I would just have to leave a message instead. Maybe I would get to the studio and find him there anyway, and everything could get back on track.
“Michael,” I started in a tone of voice that was a little too serious for my liking. “Michael, it’s Xander, we need to talk. I think that you know that as well as I do. Things got a little out of hand on Monday, things were said that probably shouldn’t have been, but we need to run this business together.” I paused, allowing my eyes to slide shut for a moment before saying the words that almost got stuck in my throat. “I need you. Please, just call me so we can sort this out. We’ve been friends for far too long to throw this away over one silly fight.”
I hung up, gulped down my drink, and stood up to leave. I knew that today was already going to be terrible because Aiden was back in for more recording, and I wasn’t sure that I could handle him alone. If Michael wasn’t there, then maybe I’d just cancel Aiden and spend the day doing something else, something more productive. Anything other than sitting around and wondering how to get my friendship back on track!
Unsurprisingly, as soon as I got into the studio, I found myself very alone. There was no sign of Michael, and it didn’t seem like Aiden was around, either. I put in a call to his manager and rescheduled him coming in. If I was going to end up firing him, then there wasn’t any point in recording anymore. There wouldn’t be a follow up album, anyway!
Then I sat in the office for a while, just thinking things through. I hated having to crush the dreams of anyone. It didn’t make me comfortable at all, but if I didn’t then I wouldn’t be able to help anyone, least of all myself.
Shit, maybe my business sense wasn’t what I thought it was, after all.
“That’s it.” I jumped up, determination racing through me. I wasn’t going to sit around her being miserable, I was going to head to the orphanage to spend some time with the kids. I wanted to talk to Jo anyway, to see how the inspection had gone. I would much rather be there than here.
***
“So, it went well then.” I grinned happily at Jo, glad to hear that things were good. “And they’re happy with all the expansion plans.”
“Yep!” Her face was glowing, and she looked on top of the world. “Thanks to your donation and the funds raised at the fundraiser, I could show them all kinds of impressive stuff. They were so pleased with how things are going.”
I was over the moon to hear that. This was such an important place, not just to me, but to loads of kids, too. It needed to be the best that it could possibly be, and even if I lost everything else, I’d be glad to know that I had helped others. The necessary reforms were happening, and I had been a part of that.
“Well, all the kids seem a lot happier here than when I was younger, so you must be doing something right.” I knew that it was a different time, but Jo had made some great steps forward, too. She needed some recognition for that. “You should be very proud.”
“Oh, speaking of the kids, Sadie has been asking for you and Lila. Would you like to hang out with her for a bit? She warmed to the pair of you. Honestly, I was quite worried about her before you came along.”
&nbs
p; “I would love to, thank you.” The idea of spending time with Sadie totally beat recording with divas all day long. “Show me the way.”
While the other children played their noisy games, I sat quietly with Sadie in the corner, drawing and reading books. When I was growing up, I had always been one of the loud ones, playing the craziest games. I had never taken the time to notice the shy ones in the corner. That was wrong of me, but I was young then. Now, I could make up for it, even if it was in the smallest way possible.
“So, how was the inspection?” I asked her with a smile while we colored. “Was Jo freaking out?”
“Scary,” she admitted, but without any fear in her tone. “Better than adopt day though. They liked us all.”
God, the dreaded adoption visits. I recalled them well. When I was a baby, couples never seemed to want boys so I got left behind, then I became too old. People only wanted the sweet babies. I wanted to act up whenever they came in, but I never did. I always still clung to that tiny piece of pointless hope.
I hated thinking about Sadie in that same boat. I mean, I couldn’t understand why no one had picked her up yet, but there were always reasons. If there was some complication in the beginning of her journey into the care system, then maybe she was overlooked. Now, most people would see her as too old.
“Ah, well, I bet you did well,” I smiled thinly. Things were much better for the kids here, but it seemed like there was always going to be negative sides to it. Much as I wanted to, I couldn’t fix everything. “Jo is certainly happy with how you all behaved.”
“Where’s Lila?” she eventually asked, just as I thought she might. If she remembered me, she would definitely remember Lila.
“Oh...” I was about to launch into an explanation of where Lila might be, but before I could get there, Lila shocked me by entering the room totally unexpectedly. “Oh, there she is.”
“I hope you don’t mind me joining you.” Lila sat by my side with a massive smile on her face. Her cheeks were adorably flushed, as if she’d been rushing around, which somehow managed to make her even more beautiful. “I went to the studio, but it was closed, so I assumed you’d be here.”