by Gia Riley
“Lemon, what did the doctor say that upset you?”
With her blond hair sticking to her wet cheeks, she’s barely able to whisper, “I need to go to therapy.”
They weren’t the words I was expecting her to say, but I realize they’re ones I was hoping would at least get mentioned. She’s not equipped to handle this baby on her own, not after a good portion of her life being spent with Rusty and Trey and God knows what else.
Still, no matter how much I agree with the treatment plan, I have to make it seem like I wasn’t thinking the same exact thing as the doctor. I realize it’s time to pull some skeletons out of my own closet as I gently ask her, “I was in therapy, Lemon. Do you think I’m crazy?”
She swallows hard before saying, “You’re so strong, Noelle. I never would have guessed.”
“Strength isn’t one particular thing, Lemon. It’s something you gain little by little until you have enough to keep putting one foot in front of the other without feeling like it’s impossible. It’s looking out your bedroom window and seeing the sunshine when your world is covered in thick, black clouds. It’s accepting your weak moments and believing they won’t always define you—that someday you’ll be so much bigger than every one of them.”
“And you got to that place? Therapy worked for you?”
“I’m here with you, aren’t I?”
“You are.”
“The thing is therapy will never take away what happened to you. No matter what preconceived notion you have about it, everyone has a different experience because we all carry around different baggage.”
“How does it work if it’s always different?”
“Because your journey to the finish line will always be uniquely yours. Nobody can ever take it away from you.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever had something that only belonged to me. Not even my body.”
Lane cringes as she says it, but her honesty is the only way she can do this. I’m already proud of her for realizing something so profound all on her own.
“Lemon, some really terrible people took away your control. Now, your baby needs you to do whatever it takes to get your life back.”
“And then I’ll be free?” she asks, with newfound hope and determination.
“You’ll be so full of light that you’ll finally understand the darkness.”
“Lemon.”
She raises her head and stares at my outstretched hand like she desperately wants to latch on and never let go. Her world may be upside down and backwards right now, but despite all the background noise in her head vying for the chance to speak, I want her to find her own voice. Not the voice of Trey or Rusty.
My real sister is lying dormant inside this shell of a body that’s too thin, too fragile, and all too familiar with heartache. Her hope’s been held captive by her pain long enough for her to see the real sunlight and never confuse it with the bright lights of Lola’s again.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, and for a minute I think I’ve lost her completely. But after one last moment of reflection, she places her tiny hand in mine and lets me help her off the floor. “I got scared.”
“Let me take you back to the doctor. It’s time you took your freedom back.”
“I don’t remember a life without them. When I close my eyes, I still feel Rusty touching me. I can hear Trey’s voice reminding me I’m still his, even though he’s behind bars. I can’t get either one of them to shut up.”
I pull her against my chest, wrapping my arms around her, as I try to make up for ten years’ worth of affection she missed out on. My voice is scratchy when I tell her, “I won’t let them hurt you ever again. You’ll go to treatment and find your strength. As soon as you do, you’ll come back to my house and we’ll take it from there. This isn’t me walking away from you or trying to get rid of you. I just miss you, Lemon. And I want my sister back.”
“I miss you, too, Lane, so much. It means a lot to me that you think I can do this.”
I wish I could tell her I haven’t once doubted her, but even when she’s agreeing to go back inside, I still worry she’ll change her mind at any given moment. It doesn’t stop me from continuing the fight though. Not when she has more to lose and so much left to gain. “We’re the one thing Mom and Dad got right. We’re not going down without one hell of a fight, you hear me?”
She nods against my chest and, after another minute or two, she’s strong enough to let go of me and lead the way back into the office, all on her own. I couldn’t be more proud of her, but no matter how strong she’s being, I can’t risk leaving her alone again. This time, I sit with her in Dr. McHugh’s office, ready to answer any questions and offer her as much support as she needs from me.
As the doctor scribbles notes on Lemon’s chart, I break the ice with the question I’m sure we want the answer to the most. “Where will Lemon go for treatment?”
Dr. McHugh sets her black-rimmed glasses on top of the desk. With her hands folded overtop the paperwork, she says, “Lemon tells me she’s been staying with you here in the city, and after a thorough examination today, I’m comfortable with allowing her to continue that arrangement until we get her into an inpatient facility. I think both you and Noelle have proven your willingness to see this through.”
“Thank you, but how long does this sort of thing usually take to coordinate? We’re in this every step of the way, but I don’t think waiting is going to do her any good.”
“I have the nurse calling three different places right now. Each one comes highly recommended. Placement can be immediate if they have the space, or it could take a couple days, even weeks to find the right location for her. It depends on the severity of the case sometimes.”
“And how would you rate Lemon?”
“Given her pregnancy and history, I’d say she’s urgent.”
Just when I think we’ll be playing the waiting game and working against the clock, the nurse hurries back in the office with a few papers in her hand. Dr. McHugh takes one look at the one on top and smiles. “Turns out having friends in high places has its benefits.”
She jots down the address of where we’ll be taking Lemon, who’s still quietly sitting with her head down in the chair beside me. I hate seeing her so defeated.
Handing the papers to Lemon, she tells her, “They’ll take you today. I’m sending you home with a list of what you can take with you and what you’ll need to leave at home. They’ll be expecting your arrival.”
Lemon holds the paper between her fingers and simply nods. She’s hearing what the doctor is saying, but I can tell she’s already having second thoughts about agreeing to go through with this.
As much as I want to make this happen for her, she’s the only one in control from here on out. She’ll make her own decisions, and hopefully they’ll be ones she can live with. Because if she’s not careful, she’ll be taking all of her failures to her grave, never even having a fair shot at redemption.
“Good luck, Lemon.”
“Thank you,” she says, though still in a daze.
The entire walk back to the condo, she stays close to me, and each time I glance down at her, her eyes are busy scanning over each face that passes. She’s so focused on making sure she doesn’t miss a single one that she almost walks right into the side of a cab waiting at the intersection.
“That’s him,” she says in a wave of panic, her legs giving out as she falls to a heap on the edge of the sidewalk.
I grab her under her arms and turn her toward me. “Who is it?”
She looks back at the cab that’s pulling away and starts shaking in my arms. “Rusty. He’s been following me. I knew I felt him, Lane. I tried to convince myself it was just my imagination, but I’m positive that was him in the back of the cab.”
Noelle reaches in my pocket and pulls my phone out, scrolling through the contacts until she comes to Reed’s number. I don’t even need to tell her what to do; that’s how in tune she is with my thoughts—and hell if it doesn�
��t make me feel better that she trusts Reed to keep us safe.
While she handles the call, I tuck Lemon against my side and we keep talking the half block back to the condo. People see all sorts of things in the city—hell, there’s a Naked Cowboy and Sesame Street characters roaming around Times Square on any given day, and a giant bronze bull on Wall Street. Pretty much wherever you go, you’ll see something a little outrageous or unexpected, but no matter how odd all those things are, Lemon still gets a couple of strange looks as she walks down the sidewalk with tears streaming from her eyes.
“We’re here, okay? You’re safe and nobody’s going to hurt you.”
Nodding, she eases her grip on my hand a little bit when she sees Reed’s waiting for us as soon as we walk into the lobby. Staying close but far enough away that he doesn’t scare my sister any more than she already is, he gives her a warm acknowledgement and a silent hello. He may not have heard the details of her past, but he’s able to read between the lines well enough to figure out she’s dealing with some pretty heavy shit.
“We’ll all go upstairs and have some lunch. Then you can get your stuff together and we’ll get to the center. Okay?”
“I don’t have much to pack,” she says, like she’s ashamed she stole a bunch of shit and then left it at home.
Wanting her to go into treatment feeling like she’s fully prepared, I pull her in the opposite direction, away from the elevators and toward the row of boutiques lining the other side of the corridor.
Reaching into my back pocket, I hand Noelle my credit card. She looks at me like I’m crazy, mostly because she’s made it clear she doesn’t want my money. This is the one time I’m going to insist. If Lemon sees she’s okay with it, she won’t be as hesitant to buy what she needs and maybe a little something she wants.
Noelle listens when I tell Lemon, “Go do some damage. Noelle will help you pick out some clothes and shoes. I need you to help her pick out a couple things, too. She’s stubborn and doesn’t always listen to me.”
Lemon’s eyes light up when she realizes she can go in every single store and not have to worry about price tags or how she’s going to pay for it. “You’re serious?”
“Completely.”
Even though she hasn’t looked at a single item, she still says, “Thank you.”
Noelle smiles like she wants to kick me in the nuts, but still manages to give Lemon a sincere smile as she walks her into the first store.
“You’re a good guy, boss.”
“Lemon says she saw Rusty out front. She lost her shit on the corner.”
Like he already pictures me arguing with him, he stands a little taller when he suggests, “I think it’s best if I take Lemon to the center by myself. I can do a lot more if I’m protecting one person instead of three.”
“You think she’s in danger?”
“I think anything is possible—especially if that’s his baby she’s carrying.”
I run my hand through my hair, pissed that he’s probably right. I should know better than to take Rusty lightly; he’s never been one to go down without a fight. Now that his baby and girl are on the line, it’s a brand new ballgame. “You’re probably right.”
“I think it’s a good idea for you and Noelle to stay in tonight, too. Until I have time to get back and figure some shit out.”
“You’re probably right about that, too. I just feel like shit that she’s been here for almost a week now and it’s been nothing but drama. There are about fifty places I want to show her in the city and we’ve barely made it out of the condo.”
“There’ll be plenty of time for all that, boss. But you can’t show her anything if you’re both in the hospital or dead.”
Reed always did have a direct way of putting things into perspective. I’m so close to having Lemon back; I’m not about to risk her safety or Noelle’s. That’s probably why I tell him, “We’ll hang with Easton and Lark tonight. She hasn’t gotten to see Lark much either.”
“Thank you.”
“How did shit get so fucked up, Reed?”
“It’s called life, brother. I wouldn’t have a job if it weren’t a crazy-ass roller coaster ride.”
Lemon and Noelle come out of the first store with a bag that doesn’t look like it’s holding much. I take it from them and point to the next store. “Give that one a shot.”
This time, Lemon goes in a little more excited, her eyes brighter as they take in all the colors and patterns on the racks. We keep this up until they’ve hit all five stores and my hands are full of bags.
“Did you get everything you need?”
“Yeah, but I’m glad Noelle was with me. I got stuff I’ll be able to wear, when I’m fat and all.”
Smiling, I tell her, “You won’t be fat. Maybe you’ll be one of those girls you can’t even tell is pregnant from behind. Then she turns sideways and you think she might topple over.”
Lemon gets quiet and Noelle gives me a quick shake of her head, my cue to change the subject. “I ordered food while you were shopping. Should be here any minute.”
“Do you have a bag I can borrow to put my new stuff in? I promise I’ll give it back.”
“You can have any of the luggage in the closet.” Lemon starts to walk away and I remember I put it all on the top shelf to get it out of the way. “Don’t climb up the shelves, Lemon!”
“I’ll get it,” Reed offers before I have a chance to help her.
I practically jump headfirst onto the couch, wishing I could take a nap. Of course, just as I get comfortable, the doorbell rings. “You’re kidding me.”
“I’ll get the food,” Noelle says with a laugh.
Groaning, I stand back up and grab a stack of plates. As I spoon a little bit from each box on my plate, I do the same for Lemon and Reed. They come out of the bedroom together, a comfortable conversation between the two of them.
“Reed said he’s taking me.”
“He is, if you’re okay with it.”
“No, I’m glad. I don’t want you or Noelle anywhere near Rusty. I figure if he’s going to come after me, he’s going to do it no matter what. At least this way, you two won’t be in the middle of it.”
“And you really think that was him out front?”
“Yeah.”
“What do you think he wants?”
She pauses then says, “If I’m not with him, he doesn’t want anyone else to have me. Plus, his ass will be on the line if Trey ever finds out about this baby. There’s no way I can possibly keep a kid a secret for the rest of my life. It’s only a matter of time.”
“What are you saying, Lemon?”
“I’m saying Rusty wants me dead.”
“What if sending her with Reed was the wrong decision?” I ask Noelle as I stand in the foyer, staring at the closed door like Lemon’s going to walk back through it any minute.
Noelle wraps her arms around me from behind, her cheek pressed against the middle of my back. “They’ll be okay. Reed kept me safe; he’ll do the same for Lemon.”
“I hope so because no matter how hard I try to forget about Rusty, I still feel like he’s up to no good again.”
“Until we have reason to believe that’s true, you need to let Reed do his job. Plus, once she’s at the treatment center, they’ll have security on her twenty-four hours a day. There’s no way Rusty can get to her.”
I unhook Noelle’s arms from my stomach, pulling her around to the front of my body where I can get lost in her sweet, coconut scent. “You’ve been amazing this week, Noelle. When you agreed to be mine, you didn’t sign up for any of this bullshit. Yet here you are, giving everything you have and asking for nothing.”
“You’re wrong,” she tells me. “When I agreed to be yours, I agreed to take on the good and the bad, the pain and the happiness. Nothing you can say or do will ever make me run from you.”
“Even though you ran away from Lola’s?”
“Okay, I lied. Cheating on me will make me run. It’ll also make me k
nee you as hard as I can in the crotch so you never get hard again.”
“Why do I get the feeling you’re completely serious?”
She stands on her toes and brings her lips so close to my mouth all I want to do is shut her up with a kiss. But I let her talk because it’s hot as hell when she gets all territorial and crazy.
Whispering against my mouth, she says, “Because you should never underestimate a woman, especially me.”
“Never?”
“Never, Lane. I’ll love you hard, but I’ll hurt you even harder if you try to fuck around on me.”
“Baby, you are more than enough for me, but if you keep talking like that, you’re not going to be able to walk for a week.”
“I piss you off that much?”
“The opposite. You turn me on that much.”
Smiling, she says, “I knew you liked it rough.”
With both my hands on her ass, she jumps onto me and latches her legs around my waist like a little monkey. “We’re wasting time with all this talking.”
“Do you want to get drunk or screw first? I think after all we’ve been though, we deserve both.”
“Baby, I want to get so lost in you I never find my way back out. But I’m determined to get you out of this condo for a little while.”
Kissing my neck like a woman on a mission, she reminds me, “Reed told us to stay here until he was finished with Lemon.”
“You’re right. Maybe we can see what Lark and Easton are up to.”
She slides down the front of my body, making sure to touch me in all the right places. “Ah, so I was aiming too low. It’s the foursome that rocks your world, not a threesome.”
“You’re never going to let that go, are you?” I ask her as I grab my phone.
Laughing, she pushes me against the wall, her no-nonsense attitude reappearing. “I don’t know, Lane. I’m starting to think you really are warming up to the idea.”
While she’s trying to seduce me, and her guard is completely down, I smack her ass so hard she yelps and runs away, straight into the bedroom. Even though I want to join her, I quickly type out a text to East.