Like it matters now, she thought. It was over, he didn’t love her and that was that. She laid her head back against the tub and closed her eyes, wishing she could change it from happening. A stray lonely tear slid down her cheek. She already missed him so much. Oh Quinn, I love you.
* * * *
Quinn paced the living room. He hated that he wasn’t out there helping Derek look for her. But he couldn’t take the chance that she would come home and he wasn’t there. He could leave a note. But there was no way that he could possibly put down on paper the turmoil that he was experiencing right now. She was out there somewhere, pregnant, hurting, and probably crying her eyes out and it was all his fault. And he knew it. The phone finally rang and he jumped for it.
“Hello, Annie?”
Derek sighed on the other end. “No bro, sorry. It’s me. I was just checking in. Any word yet?”
“No, damn it. Where could she be?”
Derek knew that Quinn was aware he didn’t have the answers. But the whole situation was just so frustrating. He had already apologized to Quinn earlier for causing all of this. But Quinn wouldn’t let him take the blame.
Quinn hated what had happened. He knew that if he had only listened to Derek, or if he had only trusted Ann, then none of this would have happened. And he knew that was the worst part about it.
“Derek, did you check the hotel?”
“Yeah. I don’t know where else to look man, I’m sorry. I haven’t seen her car and no one’s seen her either.”
Quinn fought the knot in his stomach. What if she was really gone? Like for good. “Derek, you said you two have talked, that you’re friends right?”
“Yeah, why? What are you thinking?”
Quinn could barely say the words, scared that saying them would make them true. “You don’t think she left for good do you? I mean, she’ll be back right?”
Derek listened to his brother’s tortured voice. The truth was that about an hour ago Derek had wondered the exact same thing. But he didn’t want to worry Quinn anymore than he already was. “Her clothes are there, she left with nothing but her purse. Where could she go?” But as soon as Derek said it, he knew he shouldn’t have.
“She’s been working, she has no bills. She’s saved up money. Oh God.” Quinn sat down on the couch in his living room. “What if she really left me?”
Derek hated to hear the pain in his brother’s voice. “You can’t think like that, Quinn. She’ll be back. She loves you.”
Quinn hoped to hell that he was right. But he knew there was a chance, and a big one, that she wouldn’t be back. He had seen to that by treating her so badly and using the words he did, just to hurt her. “Just keep looking. Please.”
“Sure man, call me if you hear from her, okay?” Derek hung up and turned his truck around, preparing to make another run around town.
Quinn set his phone down. He was numb. He kept replaying their argument earlier. He remembered, just like she was standing before him, the pain in her eyes. The pleading in her voice when she tried to explain things to him. When she had tried to tell him that she loved him. That she couldn’t help it, because it just was.
“Oh God.” He loved her and he hurt her. He could almost hear her gut wrenching cries echoing through the house. He caused her such pain. How could he have done that to her? And the baby. Dear God, the baby. She was pregnant. She shouldn’t be upset.
“Please come home, Annie.” He said aloud to no one but an empty room. “Please, just come home.”
* * * *
Ann got out of the tub and dried herself off. Marilyn had been kind enough to lend her one of her night shirts. It was huge on her, but the cotton was soft and felt soothing against her now clean skin. She applied lotion from the little mini bottle that the hotel provided and ran the tiny black comb, also provided by the hotel, through her hair. It took forever to finally get it all combed and tangle free, but finally she was ready for bed.
She wondered how she could even think to sleep in a bed without Quinn ever again. She loved the warmth of his body as he held her close. And when he would make love to her, it was so amazing. She wished she was with him now. She wished this horrible day had never happened. But what she really wished was that he would love her, just as she did him.
Lying in bed, she curled on her side. Instinctively, almost out of habit she reached her hand over to lay it on Quinn’s chest. It was a habit that she had become accustomed to every night. She saw the phone and willed it to ring. Wishing upon every star in the sky that Quinn would call and tell her it had all been a lie. That he didn’t mean those things and that he loved her.
She closed her eyes and tried to keep the tears at bay. “I love you, Quinn.” She whispered the words before she drifted off to sleep.
* * * *
Quinn awoke to the smell of coffee brewing in is kitchen. He jumped from the couch and ran into the kitchen. His anticipation quickly turned to disappointment, because he only saw Derek standing there.
“Sorry, man. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Quinn stalked over to the cabinet that held the coffee mugs. “You shouldn’t have let me sleep at all.”
Derek shook his head. “What can you do? All you can do now is wait.”
“I want to be awake if she comes home. I don’t want her to think I’m sleeping like a baby when she’s been off somewhere hurting,” Quinn pointed out.
Derek nodded his agreement. “Listen, I need your keys to the Roadhouse. A couple of your employees called last night. They need their paychecks.”
“Oh shit.” Quinn turned to face him. “I forgot. Yesterday was payday. I was so upset by, well by what I thought, and I just totally forgot about them. Damn!”
“Don’t worry about it, man. Love does crazy things to people. Just give me your keys and I’ll take care of them.”
Quinn grabbed the Roadhouse keys off of the kitchen hook and tossed them Derek’s way. “Thanks. Look, give them something a little extra. Their job isn’t easy with the clientele we get, the least I could do is pay them on time.”
“Sure, I’ll throw in a couple of dinners at the restaurant, too.” And Derek walked out, leaving Quinn alone.
Quinn sat there and drank his coffee. He glanced over and saw his Stetson on the hook behind the door. Ann loved it when he wore that hat. He would wear it every day, every minute, every second if she would just come back. He would do anything to make up to her what he did. The things he said he could never take back. But he would apologize until the day that he died for hurting her.
And their baby. He never thought much about having children. But knowing that she was carrying his was causing this ache in his chest. It was a good ache. Like an ache that embraces you and holds on so tightly while it loves you senseless. He took a couple more swigs of his coffee and headed back to the bedroom. He needed a shower and a shave. He couldn’t look like hell when she came home. Because she had to come home, the alternative was something he could not fathom.
* * * *
Ann woke up with a killer headache, which she expected from all of the tears. It still sucked because on top of losing the man that she loved, having to go to the home that she was sharing with him and move out, now she had to deal with the onset of a migraine.
She got dressed in yesterday’s clothes and picked up the room the best she could. Marilyn and Norman had been so nice and generous she couldn’t bear the idea of her leaving them a mess to clean up. She closed the door and headed to the lobby to check out. But when she got there, the door was locked. She was about to knock when she looked up and saw a note taped to the inside window:
Dearest Ann,
We’re not here to see you off. Which means we
aren’t there to collect your room fee either, OOPS!
I guess we goofed.
Seriously though, dear. You are a sweetheart and
it is obvious that you needed a safe and quiet
place to be alone with your thoughts last night, so<
br />
I hope you found that here.
Take care of yourself and don’t take no crap from
that man that has you so worked into a tizzy!
Good Luck,
Marilyn & Norman
P.S. See, you didn’t get killed in the shower or see
any dead bodies.
Chapter Fifteen
It was after five o’clock, and Quinn was getting more scared as the minutes ticked by. He should have already been at the Roadhouse by then, getting ready for their busy Saturday night. But he wasn’t leaving. Ann knew that he was supposed to be there and that was what was killing him. Was the fact that she hadn’t come home yet a sign that she wasn’t come back at all? He would have continued to ponder that if he hadn’t heard her key hit the lock.
Quinn jumped up and made his way to the door. He didn’t get there in time to open it, because now she stood in the doorway, facing him. Her face was covered in shock and she turned white as a sheet as she stared at him.
“Quinn, I…I’m…” She burst into tears and turned away. She obviously hadn’t expected to see him there. She started to walk back outside when his arms encircled her and held her tightly against him.
“Please don’t go, baby.”
Ann swallowed the lump in her throat and leaned against him. “What do you want?” She asked him, the fear evident in her voice.
“I’m sorry, Annie. God, I’m so sorry. Please let me explain. Don’t go, just stay and let me explain.”
Ann listened as he whispered in her ear. His voice was strained. She turned her head to look up at him and saw that he had been crying? “Quinn, are you okay?”
That was it. He couldn’t hold back anymore. He hurt her horribly and she was so good and so caring that she was worried about him. He swung her around to face him and before he could give her a chance to pull away he held onto her in an embrace that was pure possession.
“I’m so sorry, honey.” Quinn whispered in her ear. “Please forgive me.”
She started to cry and looked confused. She pulled back, but only slightly to look up at him. “What…why did…I thought…I don’t understand.”
Quinn placed a gentle kiss to her forehead and lingered there. “I know, honey. I know how confused you must be. I screwed up bad. Come inside. I’ll explain everything. Just please come inside and sit down with me.”
Ann didn’t answer as she walked past him and into the house. She sat nervously on the couch. Her expression was one of wonder and confusion. He hated that he was the reason that she looked that way.
Quinn sat next to her. He picked up her hand and laced their fingers together. “I’m sorry, Annie. I didn’t mean any of the horrible things that I said to you.” He hesitated for a moment. “I love you.”
Her mouth dropped open in shock. He knew she was in disbelief of what he’d just said. The cute, dazed look in her eyes also told him that she was lost in her thoughts. He was about to say it again when she started to speak.
“Did you just say that you love me?”
Quinn released his hand from hers and brought his hands up to frame the sides of her face, gently caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. “I did. I love you. I love you so damn much, Annie. I was lost last night when I thought you weren’t coming back.”
Ann listened to him intently. He was still talking, but she seemed to have drifted off to some far recess of her mind. As if analyzing everything before responding. “You really love me?”
She began to cry, but he quickly nodded to her, indicating that he did. He really did love her. “Oh Quinn. I love you so much. I’ve been so afraid to tell you.”
Quinn hated her tears, and wished he wasn’t the cause of her pain. “I know, and I’m sorry for everything that I said to you yesterday. Please believe me, I’ll do whatever it takes, if you’d give me another chance.”
Ann leaned into him and buried herself against his solid chest. “Anything. I’ll do anything for you Quinn.” She looked up at him. “You really love me?”
He hated the doubt he saw in her eyes. “I swear I do, honey. Please don’t doubt that. I love you.”
She shook her head, confused. “But why did you get so angry with me when you found out that I loved you? You acted like you…” She couldn’t finish the words. It was too painful to remember the hatred she saw in his eyes.
“I acted like an asshole. That’s what I acted like, and I’m so sorry.” He held her closer to him. Needing to feel the sweetness of her body snuggled against his.
“You acted like you hated me. Why?” She shouldn’t ask, she should just be happy that they were together and that he loved her. But she needed to know.
Quinn closed his eyes and relished in the feel of her warm body. “I didn’t think you were in love with me. I thought it was Derek. I thought you were in love with him.”
That got her attention. She pulled away and stared at him. “Derek? Why on earth did you think that?”
“I sensed your distance and sadness. I knew something was going on. I tried to talk to you, but you would never tell me what was bothering you.” He took a breath and took her hands in his. “Derek was getting worried about you. He wanted to tell me how important it was that I get off of my ass and tell you how I really feel about you. He said that you were feeling insecure.”
Ann dropped her head, not wanting to look him in the eye and admit to him how she had lived in fear for the past two months thinking he could never love her. “I thought that you would get tired of me. I fell for you so hard, so fast. I fell in love with you in under a week.” She laughed at the ridiculousness of her statement, but continued more seriously, “I didn’t think that I could make you happy.”
“Do you know how crazy that is? I’ve been in love with you this whole time. But I’ve been holding back, I didn’t want to scare you away.” They both laughed a little. “We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?”
“I still don’t see why you thought I fell in love with Derek,” she wondered, needing to have all of her questions answered.
He was going to have to tell her all of it, he just hated that they were going to have to relive that pain. “When Derek was trying to tell me that you were upset and he knew why, he was trying to help me, help us. But all I heard was that he knew what was bothering you. That you had confided in him and not me. And that cut deep, but not as deep as why I thought you had confided in him. I figured, why I don’t know, that you confided in him because you had developed feelings for each other.”
Quinn shook his head. Hearing himself say it aloud now sounded so ridiculous. If only he had stopped to think yesterday, he would have known that Annie never would have done that to him. Not to mention his brother.
“Quinn, that’s crazy.”
“I know that now, but see when he was trying to talk to me I wasn’t listening. Somehow I got the impression that he was trying to tell me that you two were together and that I was out of the picture.”
She still didn’t understand. How could he think that? “But when you came home, I told you that I loved you.”
“No, honey. You told me that you loved someone and that you weren’t sorry for it because you couldn’t turn off your feelings.” He pulled her closer and brought his mouth within inches of hers. “I thought you were trying to tell me that it was Derek that you loved. My heart broke when I thought you loved someone else. So I lashed out. I was angry and hurt. That’s why I said those things. But I swear to you I didn’t mean any of them, honey. Please believe that I would do anything to take away the pain that I caused you yesterday.”
Ann brought her lips the final distance to meet with his. Kissing him, she tried to not cry at the joy she was feeling . “I love you, Quinn. I could never love anyone else. You’re everything to me.” This time she did cry, overcome with raw emotion.
“Annie, don’t cry. Honey, please.” Quinn began to kiss her tear streaked cheeks. “Baby, you have no idea how much it hurt me to hear you cry yesterday. I wanted to go to you a
nd hold you. But I was hurt too, and I couldn’t. My pride wouldn’t let me.”
“Just hold me. Hold me and don’t let me go.”
Quinn did just that. He held her tight against his body and rocked her. He didn’t want to stop, but he knew that he had to call Derek. “Honey I have to call Derek. He was worried about you too.”
“Oh God, Derek. I slapped him, hard. I have to apologize to him.”
Quinn just shook his head. “No, it was mine and Derek’s fault. We are both at fault for what happened yesterday, you did nothing but get hurt. But never again. If you give me another chance, I promise I will never hurt you again.”
She smiled at him. Her first genuine smile of over twenty four hours. “Of course I’ll give you another chance. Quinn, I love you. I prayed for this last night. I went to bed and wished that you would love me and want me.”
“Damn, I’m so lucky. Thank you, Annie.”
“Thank you? For what?”
“For everything. For giving me another chance that day in my office,” he winked at her, “for loving me.” He placed his hand to her stomach and said, “and for our baby.”
Her smile quickly left her face. Why did he think she was pregnant? “Baby? Quinn, I’m not pregnant.”
“Honey, it’s okay. Derek told me,” he assured her.
She looked at him confused. “He told you what exactly?”
Quinn cocked his head at her, wishing she would trust him enough to tell him and be as happy as he was. “He told me about the test he found in the employee bathroom trash at work. It’s okay, honey. I’m so happy. We’ll be fine. I’ll take care of you.”
She pulled back further from him, needing him to see the seriousness on her face. “Quinn, listen to me. I am not pregnant.”
He shook his head. “But the test that Derek found said it was positive.”
“Quinn, I am one of six women that work at the restaurant. Someone may be pregnant. But it isn’t me.” She said the words slowly, making sure he heard every word. “You know that I’m on birth control.”
Intimate Persuasions Page 14