by Cydney Rax
“You sound angry. And if you think caring about our child is overreacting, then I’m beginning to question your parenting skills.”
“Don’t even try it. I got experience in this type of thing.”
“And I don’t? Is that what you’re trying to say, Rashad?” When Nicole realized that the volume of her voice had increased, she told herself to calm down. She never wanted to be perceived as crazy. But recently it had been tough to control her emotions. For the past few days, her husband had taken to sleeping in their second master bedroom.
Hmm, he wants me to chase him. I can do that, Nicole had told herself.
So she’d gotten dressed in a sexy red negligée. She’d tiptoed down the hallway to the bedroom. She’d knocked on the door and twisted the knob. Rashad was resting on his stomach with his back turned. Nicole tried not to burst out laughing. Playing sex games was fun to her.
She stood next to the bed and tapped him on the shoulder.
He turned over and squinted.
“I’m sorry, sir, did I wake you?”
“Sir?” he asked.
“C’mon, just play along. Um, I was just passing by and you looked so damn sexy, and so alone in that big bed of yours. May I join you, Daddio?”
Rashad sat up in bed. Much more alert. She crawled onto the bed beside him. But when she tried to place her arms around him, Rashad claimed he wasn’t feeling well. His back hurt. His sinuses were bothering him. And he didn’t want her to catch what he had. So he asked her to get out of that bed and return to their room. She refused. She argued. And she was downright shocked when he physically pushed her off of the mattress. She plummeted to the floor with a thud. She sat there on the floor for the longest time, expecting him to beg for her forgiveness. To prove to her that he really cared. When he did no such thing, she finally pulled herself up to her feet. She went back to their room. She stared at the ceiling all night, and her mind began to wonder, plot, and scheme.
And now here she was. Waiting in front of the church that she hoped would restore good memories to her husband.
Nicole changed her voice to a sweeter, calmer tone. “Rashad, baby. I know you accuse me of overreacting a lot of times. There’s a reason for it. My explanation has to do with the love I hold in my heart. Because when it comes to my family, I’d rather overdo it and be wrong than to underdo it and be sorry later.”
“That’s cool, but use your common sense. I won’t be able to up and run to see what you’re yelling about every time you get scared and nervous.” He knew his reply sounded lame under the circumstances, but he had to wait till he had found other living arrangements for himself before he could drop the news.
“If you’re not willing to rush to my side when I need you, then why’d you even state your marriage vows?”
“Huh?”
Here was her chance to say how she felt. “We made promises to one another, Rashad.”
“Oh, alright, so you’re telling me that your interpretation of the vows is that I’d up and run to you every time you scream?”
“Well, yeah. Because you are the protector of our family, Rashad. In big or little things. And I am your partner, here to help you protect our baby. When I said my wedding vows, remember I also promised to be the best mother I could be to your children.”
Damn, this is awkward. He cleared his throat.
“Um, and I appreciate that, Nicky. But you get too scared over petty shit that you should be able to handle. And now you’re losing a day of work when you could have just had Nadia watch Emmy. You told me you don’t even have any more sick time.”
“I know, right,” she replied. “And all of that brings me to this.” She paused. “I have no idea what is going to happen when I have to start missing more days . . . because of me having to go to the doctor again in the future.”
“Go to the doctor for what? Because of Emmy?”
“Because of me. Your children. All our children.”
“I only have one baby with you.”
“I know that, but—”
“Nicole, are you trying to tell me you’re pregnant?”
“I-I don’t know what I am just yet.” Then she started pacing. He followed behind Nicole, holding Emmy. “I just don’t feel right, Rashad. I’ve been vomiting. My stomach’s all queasy.”
“Nicky, please don’t play.”
“I’m not playing.” She came to a stop. “If I was pregnant, how would that make you feel?”
Rashad wanted to explode. The timing couldn’t have been worse. But would another baby make him change his plans of leaving her? He’d already filled out an application to lease a two-bedroom apartment and he was waiting to find out if he’d get the unit he requested.
“To be quite frank, I don’t know what I feel right now.”
“What do you mean?” she cried. “I thought you’d be happy.”
“I-I wasn’t expecting this.”
“But you could handle it, couldn’t you?”
“Why would I want another—?” He stared at Emmy, who had begun toying with his ears. She laughed and squeezed his ears between her plump fingers. His precious little girl meant the world to him. He wiped his forehead, which was suddenly beaded with sweat. “Okay, so you may be pregnant. If that’s the case, what could I do about it?”
“Nothing at this point. I just wanted to see you in person and let you know what was up.”
“Is it mine?”
“What the hell you asking me that for? Are you crazy?”
Alarmed, Emmy wildly squirmed in Rashad’s arms. He told her, “It’s alright, baby girl. Daddy’s here. Daddy got you.”
Nicole felt that if Rashad had kicked her in the stomach, it would have felt great compared to the question he just asked.
“Why’d you ask me to come here, Nicole? To this church?” he asked. “Why didn’t we just meet at the crib?”
“I-I just thought it would be nice to come back to—”
“The scene of the crime?” he barked. “I know you. And you don’t do anything without thinking about it carefully before you do it. This is a safe place for you, right? What type of person do you think I am?”
Nicole said nothing because she already knew the type of person he was. She’d gone through his cell phone last night while he showered. She reviewed his call log and noted unfamiliar numbers, but that didn’t mean anything to her. She then looked at his web search history. She noted the saved links for the Web sites of several apartment complexes. As she pondered what it all meant, her gut felt hollow and her heart grew frightened. She found it hard to sleep well last night. It was part of the reason that she’d called in sick. “Rashad, I think you are the type of person who might go postal. I felt better talking to you about this in public.”
“You got it all wrong, Nicole.”
“Why are you calling me that? I am Nicky to you. Call me Nicky Eason.”
“What difference does that make?”
“You just don’t understand, Rashad. I feel like from the beginning you haven’t really given me a fair chance. And you’re not taking me serious. Maybe you feel like we married too quickly and that I wasn’t ready to be your wife.”
She hesitated, almost appearing as if she really was afraid of Rashad.
“Go on and say what you want to say. Now’s your chance.”
“Okay, alright. I-I’m beginning to question my skills as a wife . . . as a mother. It’s nuts. I don’t like feeling this way. I want my happy back. It’s too soon for it to be gone.”
“Finally, the truth comes out. These tactics you’re pulling have nothing to do with the baby being sick, or you being pregnant.”
“But I could be—”
“You’re not pregnant, Nicky. If you thought you were, you’d just buy an over-the-counter pregnancy kit. So just stop it with the BS and let’s get to the root of the problem. You feel insecure and it causes you to act like you do.”
“What else am I supposed to do? I-I love you, but I’m not feeling your
love anymore.”
He handed their daughter back to Nicole.
“There are some things I’m not feeling anymore, either. Take the baby. I’ve got business to take care of. That’s all I have to say. Get some help, though. Some psychological help. And when you’re better, I mean, really, really better, then we can talk. I’m out.”
“No. Wait, Rashad.”
Her cries were met with silence. He calmly returned to his vehicle, started the ignition, and drove away without a second thought.
* * *
On the same day that Rashad met up with Nicole, Alexis stopped by Kiara’s office. Kiara was busy preparing a financial report to justify several new positions that she wanted to add to her communications department.
“Hold on a sec, Alexis. Let me type something real quick. Our VP is really getting on me about this additional funding I’m requesting. So I really gotta break it down to him in terms he can understand.”
“I won’t be long. But let me know if you need anything. I can pull up old data if you need me to.”
“I might take you up on that.” She sighed. “Have a seat. I’ll be right with you.”
When Kiara finished her document, Alexis casually asked if she would bring Jazzy over to her apartment after work.
“Hayley wants a playdate with her baby sis. They can hang out for an hour, then you can go back home and get your daughter ready for her bath and bed.”
“Um, Alexis. How do you know Hayley wants that? Did she tell you?”
“In so many words, yes . . . When we’re at home, she kisses Jazzy’s baby picture and says, ‘Love you’.”
“I see. That’s so sweet.”
“Yeah, so what’s your answer, Kiara? Are y’all coming or not?”
“This is an odd request, and normally I’d turn you down, Alexis, but sure. Why not?”
“I really appreciate this. As the mother of a baby, I know doing unscheduled stuff in the middle of the workweek can be hectic.”
“That’s true,” Kiara replied. “But the girls need to bond. We’ll pop by, say, around six.”
“Great, see you then.”
Alexis left work and rushed to pick up Hayley from the day-care center. Then she got home and tried to spruce up her place before Kiara arrived.
Before she knew it, the doorbell was ringing, Hayley was screaming, and Alexis felt ready to pull out her weave.
But she answered the door with an amused smile.
“I swear to God, kids are in control. Not parents. Kids.” She warmly invited Kiara and Jazzy into her home.
Kiara walked in with a dazed look on her face. Alexis’s place was meticulous and stylishly decorated.
“I can’t believe I’m here.” Kiara wanted to say that she had never visited a side chick’s house before.
“Um, yeah. It’s my first-ever apartment. I have a long way to go. As you can see, I only have a few nice pieces, and of course, I’ll need a lot more furniture than what I have, but that will all come much later. I’m in no hurry.”
Kiara nodded. “Well, do you. You don’t have to entertain me. I always have a magazine stowed away in Jazzy’s tote that I can read.”
“While the sisters make a big mess as they play and have fun, us two can just sit and talk, okay?”
Kiara said, “Why not?” and Alexis went to grab Hayley. She settled the kids in her daughter’s bedroom, where there were lots of dolls and stuffed animals lying around to entertain them. Alexis made sure the door of Hayley’s room stood wide open. Then she dragged some dining room chairs into Hayley’s room and offered her visitor a seat. Kiara thanked her and rested her leather handbag on the back of the chair.
They watched the girls hug each other and were warmed by their obvious affection for one another.
“You just never know about life,” Kiara murmured as she tried to relax. “I’ll have to admit something to you. When I first walked into your apartment, all I could think about was whether you and my ex had—”
“No, we did not. Not at all. Please don’t think anything like that. What we did way back then was wrong, but it’s been over. We are just friends right now.”
A year and a half ago, when Kiara had first found out that her administrative assistant had been sleeping with her husband—and they’d even had a secret baby together—she’d almost lost it. The betrayal caused her incredible pain. She wanted both of them dead. But as time went on, she’d learned to forgive and move on. But just because you forgive someone doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten the pain they caused.
“You and Rashad are just friends now? That sounds just like something a married man would say—‘It’s nothing, she’s just a friend’—but he’s steadily trying to get in that so-called friend’s panties. I really hope that’s not you.”
“I told you I have somebody. You’ve met him.”
“Having someone and even meeting the wife hasn’t stopped some chicks from sleeping with a married man. It’s sickening.”
“I understand that, but, Kiara, I’m faithful to my man. And more importantly, he’s faithful to me.”
“You never know.”
“You may not have known, but I’d know.”
“You’re so naïve.”
When Kiara noticed that Alexis grew stonily quiet, she decided to lighten up.
“I’m glad you believe that you and your man are faithful to each other. What I think isn’t important. How is Varnell Brown, by the way?”
“Working like always. He’ll be by later tonight.”
“Good. I’m happy to hear that you two are still going strong.”
“Me too. Relationships can be hard.”
“Cosign.” Kiara laughed. “If I never get married again, it’ll be fine. I just want a happy life for me and the kids.”
“Oh, but I didn’t hear you mention Eddison. Are y’all still good?”
“Um, yeah, we’re great. He is busy himself tonight. Family issues that he has to deal with. But he’s still my prince.”
Jazzy burst into a wild yell. She rolled around on the floor like she was sweeping the wooden surface with her body. Kiara shook her head in amazement. “This little mama is always doing something to almost give me a heart attack. I can’t take my eyes off of her for one second.”
“Tell me about it. If we didn’t have the support of our men, our lives would be so much tougher.” Alexis paused. “And maybe it’s completely none of my business, but our boy Rashad is still feeling you big-time.”
“He’s what? How do you know that?”
“Um, I just do.”
“I thought you and him didn’t hang out anymore.”
“Oh, we don’t. Believe me. It’s only regarding Hayley. I told you, I have a man. A very decent man. Um, not to say Rashad isn’t decent.”
Kiara suddenly sprang to her feet. She grabbed her handbag off the chair. “I don’t like how this conversation is going.”
“He still cares about you, Kiara. That’s all I want to say. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“But why do you care about him caring about me? I don’t get it.”
“She shouldn’t have him. She never should have had him. She doesn’t deserve him.”
“Why did I agree to this, again? I-I gotta go. I feel like this whole thing was a setup.” Kiara reached for Jazzy and scooped her up in her arms. The girl was getting heavier. Kiara struggled to hold her. Jazzy squirmed and made protesting sounds like she wasn’t ready to go just yet.
“Oh, Kiara. I’m sorry. This meeting was for the kids. These girls love each other and want to be around each other.” Alexis pleaded with her boss. “I’m sorry for overstepping boundaries. I should keep out of your personal life.”
“Did he put you up to this?”
“Rashad wants you back. And my guess is that he’ll do anything to get you back.” Alexis shrugged. “Some men find it hard to let go, even if they are the ones who filed for divorce first. It’s like a game. A plea for help. I swear to God, if you had wanted to
reconcile and not go through with that divorce, you two would still be together now. And the psycho bitch probably would be on her way back to Alabama. Or maybe she would have hooked up with her ex again.”
Kiara felt conflicted. She didn’t want to talk about Rashad. She wanted to forget, not remember. Thinking of the bad times caused too much pain, even to this day, if she let it. And she thought maybe it was the reason why he constantly implied that Eddison was on the down low.
“That man will do anything to get me back. And to be honest, I’m not sure if I appreciate his tactics. They are questionable. He may call it love. But I call it narcissism. After every bad thing he’s done to me, why would I still have romantic feelings for him? So please do not try and make me love Rashad Eason again.” Kiara shrugged with a sober acceptance of where fate had led her. “Sorry, Boo. Those days are done. And so am I. Good night. See you at work in the morning.”
Alexis watched Kiara leave through the door. She could have kicked herself for allowing Rashad to make her part of his poorly thought-out schemes.
“I’m done, too.” She vowed to stay out of it and firmly closed the front door.
* * *
It was Tuesday afternoon. Rashad knew that each day his daughter Emmy was being cared for by Nadia, if he caught Nicole before she got off work, he could do what he had to do before she got home. Rashad placed a call to his wife and closed his eyes as he spoke to her.
“Hey, what’s up?” He paused. “What are you doing? I really need to see you.”
“Ooh, you need to see me? I hope it’s good news, like you won the fucking lottery or something.”
“Um, yeah. Anyway, something has come up and we gotta discuss it.”
“I’ll be there. Name the place.”
“Meet me at LA Fisherman on Highway Six,” and he gave her the address, then hung up.
Nicole had no idea what her husband wanted to tell her, but she prayed it would be to declare a truce. She hated fighting with him. She knew that the news of her possible pregnancy had thrown him for a loop.
But now Nicole was ready to play nice with him. She did as he instructed and was waiting for him at a busy crawfish restaurant when he walked in. She was seated in a booth, looking pretty and relaxed. The atmosphere was noisy, with fellow customers talking loudly over the sounds of hip-hop. People were peeling their mudbugs and munching on sweet kernels of corn and red potatoes. It almost seemed celebratory and party-like, but Rashad appeared somber as he sat in front of Nicole. At first she was smiling, but when she noticed his dry-ass expression, her heart began to beat wildly inside her chest.