What could possibly go wrong?
Chapter 14
‘Are you not talking to me, then?’ Pippa ignored Jason’s comment and continued mixing the batter for the peanut-butter cake she was trying out. ‘Come on, Pip, I said I was sorry.’ He slipped his hands onto her waist from behind and tried to nuzzle into her neck. Pippa shook him off almost instantly and went to the pantry. She didn’t actually need anything from in there, but she had to get his hands off her. She was still fuming about how he behaved at the weekend. It was times like this that she was overcome with feelings that she tried so desperately to hide. Not just from others, but from herself, too. She had made the decision that she was going to stick by Jason and have a future with him, not go back over old ground all the time. But when he got underneath her skin, she struggled to stick to her decision. It wasn’t as if she had a choice, though. If she wanted this baby and the family life she was so desperate for, she would have to learn to brush off moments like the weekend. She needed to pick her fights and this one wasn’t one worth choosing. Knowing that didn’t stop the frustration building up inside, though.
‘What more can I do?’ His voice was a little more urgent now; a cross between desperation and frustration.
‘Nothing,’ was her chosen reply.
‘Nothing? So, what? I just wait until you decide you can talk to me again? Is that it?’ Frustration had clearly won the battle. ‘It’s been three days!’
Pippa spun round to face him. ‘Yes, Jason, that’s exactly what you do. Because, what else can you do? Can you change what you did? No. Can you turn back time and not do it? No.’
‘Oh, for crying out loud. So I went for a few drinks with my mates. Big deal.’ He had taken his suit jacket off when he returned home from work that evening and removed his tie. He actually looked scruffy rather than the usual relaxed look. Or was that just because she was angry at him?
‘We were supposed to be celebrating… together!’ she added, as she saw Jason’s mouth open to reply. ‘But instead, you chose to go and get drunk with your friends and not even tell me. I had to call you to see where you were. I was all dressed up…’ she could feel the anger beginning to bubble up. Jason’s face softened as he saw how worked up Pippa was becoming. He moved closer to her and tried to pull her in for a cuddle. ‘Don’t,’ she said, looking away.
‘Pip, stop it. Come on.’
‘You promised you would cut down on the drinking. You know it makes you unbearable to be around.’
Jason shifted uncomfortably on his feet. ‘Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.’
‘I can’t be around you when you are like that. We’ve got a baby on the way and you should be trying your hardest to make things good at home, not go out your way to piss me off and create tension.’ Times like this she felt like his mum and she hated that.
‘Pip, I know! Alright? I said I’m sorry. What more do you want?’ He exhaled and walked to the window, saying quietly, ‘Jeez, bloody baby stuff is getting on my nerves already.’
Pippa went to retaliate but chose not to. If she did, then this would all blow up into a huge argument and she might say or do something she would regret. She just needed to knuckle down with work, get herself some independence and make sure her baby was safe and loved. Whether Jason was a part of that plan in the long run, she wasn’t so sure any more, but right now she needed the support. He turned back from the window, having calmed himself a little, and walked over to her, seemingly testing the water with a smile. She sighed and let him wrap his arms around her as she buried her face into his shoulder. She could feel his hands rubbing up and down her back, squeezing her harder the more she relaxed. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said gently. ‘I shouldn’t have been an idiot. Let me make it up to you?’
She nodded without lifting her face. It felt so nice to be held. Jason hadn’t held her like this for ages. It was all arguments and rushing around and being stressed from work; he never had time to just hold her without knowing it was going to lead to something. This is what she missed. The intimacy. The feeling of being wanted. The love.
‘How about I take you out for dinner tonight? Your choice?’
‘I don’t really feel like it, to be honest.’ She wiped the tear from her eyes and turned back to the cake mix. She felt exhausted from the tirade of emotions he frequently unleashed in her. It was draining being his wife sometimes.
‘Come on, please? Let me make it up to you?’ His hands were back on her waist.
She didn’t have the strength to continue going round in circles with him so she nodded. ‘But first I need to finish this cake.’
*****
‘Okay, hear me out before you say no.’
Ellie looked at her sister suspiciously. ‘Why do I feel as if I am not going to like what you are about to say?’
‘You will, it’ll be fine. Just hear me out before you answer. Listen to the whole thing.’ Ellie nodded her acceptance of the terms and made herself comfortable on the stall she was sitting on, propped up against the serving hatch in the café. There weren’t many people in at the moment, so Ellie had been chatting to her sister on and off all morning.
‘Okay, so, I was thinking that whilst you are up here and you aren’t sure how long you’ll be staying… it would be good for you to make some friends. People in a… um… similar situation to you. So,’ she held up her hand to stop Ellie from talking, ‘I was thinking you might like to join the pregnancy club thingy here at the café I run every week. Other pregnant mums get together to chat, share tips, tell their stories: sort of a mummy community. Then you might feel a little better about everything and you can see that it isn’t as scary as you think. They’re a great bunch and my friend is starting too, so you won’t be the only new- comer.’
There was a pause and Ellie asked, ‘Are you finished?’
Zoe nodded, a huge excitable smile spread over her face.
‘Okay. I’ve listened, I didn’t interrupt… but, no.’
Zoe’s face dropped. ‘What do you mean, ‘no’?’
‘I’m not up for it, Zo. Why do I want to sit around with a load of pregnant people talking baby stuff?’ She dismissed it with her hand as she ate her sandwich.
‘Because YOU are pregnant, Ellie. It would be nice for you to chat to other people in the same situation as you.’ She swung the tea towel over her shoulder and crossed her arms.
‘But they’re not in the same situation, Zoe. How many other people get pregnant by their best friend on a one-night stand that went horribly wrong?’
‘You aren’t the only person in the world this has happened to, Ellie. Stop being so dramatic.’
‘Maybe not, but I am not interested in making small-talk with people I don’t know about something I don’t care about.’ She shrugged it off. Why Zoe thought this would be something that Ellie would entertain, she didn’t know. It was stupid. The whole situation was stupid.
‘Something you don’t care about? Ellie, that’s your baby inside there.’ She pointed to Ellie’s stomach, as if she didn’t know what she was talking about. ‘Is this what it’s going to be like all the time now? Chris isn’t an arsehole, he will stick by you.’
‘I know he will. It’s fine. Just leave it.’ She picked up and flicked through the magazine on the counter, not taking in anything, simply scanning the printed material.
‘Well, it is hard to just leave it when you are always so stroppy about it all. Maybe you two should meet up again and sort out a plan? Instead of you always running away from it all like you always do. You haven’t got to do this all alone; there are people around you who want to help.’
Ellie rolled her eyes. ‘We have sorted out a plan. We are going to bring this baby up and just stay friends. It’s all going to be hunky bloody dory, okay!’ Except she wasn’t okay because she didn’t want to just be friends. And this fact annoyed her more than anything. But she’d be damned if she was about to tell anyone how she felt about Chris. She caved and gave in to the idea so that Zoe would get off her case – she wasn’t
in the mood today. ‘Okay, fine, let’s do the mummy club thing.’
Zoe squeaked and clapped her hands together. ‘Really? That’s great news – you and Chris are going to make amazing parents! And I was hoping you would agree to the group. Pippa is starting too. We could have a special cake offer just for then – I’ll talk to Pip – and you will get to meet some lovely ladies.’ Ellie could see that Zoe was running away with ideas already.
‘Can’t wait,’ Ellie said, with more enthusiasm than she felt.
Zoe huffed. ‘Well, can I just say that I am loving your mood swings right now – you’re lucky you’re giving me a niece or nephew because, in all honesty, that’s what keeping me from slapping some sense into you.’
Just as Ellie was about to drink her tea, her phone rang. She glanced at the flashing screen and saw Chris’s name. Every part of her body tingled with apprehension as she contemplated answering. Would she always feel like this every time he rang, because she wasn’t sure she was up for that.
‘Aren’t you going to pick up?’
She snapped her attention to Zoe. She really didn’t want to answer. To have to pretend all was fine and she was loving life. Urgh!
‘Look, I’ll go make myself busy, you speak to Chris. Just… you know… be nice. Don’t take your bad mood out on him.’ Zoe raised a knowing eyebrow and then glided off into the kitchen.
Ellie picked up her phone and swiped to answer, taking a deep breath and, using her breeziest voice, she said, ‘Alright Chris?’
‘Yeah I’m okay, how are you?’ He sounded strange already.
‘You know… feeling fat and trying not to pee every two seconds.’ She cringed. She was trying to be cool about things, but she was just making it awkward.
‘You weirdo,’ he replied, and she could hear the smile on his face. He chuckled down the phone and Ellie filled with fondness as she smiled.
‘I’ll always be weird, Chris. That’s why you love me.’
‘I love you in spite of that.’ Normally a comment like that would be funny, but now, everything seemed different. They seemed different.
There was a long silence, which felt as if it lasted a lifetime. Finally Chris said, ‘Els, when are you coming home? I hate that you are so far away.’
‘I don’t know, soon maybe.’ She played with the edge of the magazine page on the counter, rolling the paper between her fingers,
‘Just a maybe?’
‘Come on, you’ve been without me for a lot longer than a few days.’ She realised that she really liked having him so concerned about her. It made her feel important. As if she was someone worth worrying about. He was sweet.
‘Yes, true, but this time is different.’ There was a long, awkward silence following his comment as the pair of them thought about just how true that comment was. ‘You are so far away and so much is happening and I want to be there for you. It’s just…’ he trailed off and Ellie waited for him to talk. To say anything. Finally he said, ‘Just know that I am always here for you.’
‘You know you mean the world to me, right?’ As she said the words her heart was pumping so hard.
‘As do you to me,’ he replied.
But she couldn’t. As much as she wanted to declare her love for him and they live happily ever after, that just wasn’t going to be their love story. Instead she said, ‘We’ll sort something out. But right now I’m tired. Not used to having all this time off work – I’m sure it’ll drive me mad soon, but right now, got to say, I’m loving the chilling.’ She laughed nervously. ‘I’ll speak to you soon?’
It was a question but not one she actually wanted answering. Her life was majorly fucked up and she didn’t have a clue as to what she was going to do about it. She had some serious thinking to do. She exhaled. ‘Bye Chris.’
She heard him exhale too. But then silence, before he said, ‘Yeah, okay, see you, Els.’
Chapter 15
Imogen looked at the leaflet again and read out the swirly letters under her breath: The First Time Mums’ Club. It sounded like exactly what she needed; a chance to meet others going through the same as her. Alice had given her this leaflet the other day when she had got in from work. ‘I think you’ll love it,’ she had said, ‘It’s a great way to make some friends before the baby comes. Plus, it’s at that nice café we went to. They hold it there every week, apparently, and Jules at work says her friend went to it and loved it.’
Imogen had agreed straight away. Whilst she had her friends, no one else seemed to be interested in having babies. Imogen had longed for a baby since she was little. She was one of those children who knew, growing up, that she was born to be a mum. When she met Alice, everything fell into place. She had stumbled from one relationship to another, with both sexes, never feeling fulfilled, and then along came Alice with her gorgeous long, dark hair and deep-chestnut eyes and she fell in love. When Alice had expressed her desire for children, too, Imogen felt her life was complete. But it had not been an easy ride.
But, here she was, carrying their first child and about to embark on a new journey as a mummy. Dreams really can come true.
‘Hopefully you’ll meet some lovely ladies and you will feel a bit more supported,’ Alice had said. Imogen knew what she actually meant, though – if Imogen made some friends then maybe she wouldn’t be so fussed about her mum. She could read Alice like a book, but she did appreciate the sentiment and knew she was only trying to help.
She pushed the door of the café open and ventured inside. It was very quiet, with just one person sitting at a high table by the window and three people sitting around a table on the far side. She walked over to the counter and spoke to the woman whom she recognised from her previous visit.
‘Hi, can I help?’ Zoe asked.
‘Yes, I picked up this leaflet about a mums’ club group. Am I in the right place?’
‘You sure are. Please, take a seat with the other women over there. We are just waiting for a few more to turn up, then we will begin. Can I get you a drink to take over?’
Imogen nodded and asked for a cappuccino. Taking her drink along with her, she introduced herself to the woman on the table. ‘Hi, I’m Imogen. Do you mind if I join you?’
Two of the women smiled and replied with ‘of course,’ as they shuffled their chairs along. The other woman just looked at Imogen. No expression other than sheer boredom. She sat down and set her cup onto the table.
Around fifteen minutes later, the woman from the café joined the table and waited for the remaining people to sit down. The numbers had multiplied in that time and there were now numerous people crammed around a few tables that had been pushed closer together, although still separate.
‘Hello ladies, nice to see you and welcome to a couple of new faces I can see. I’m so glad you could come along today. I am sure you will all agree that parenthood is a scary concept, albeit exciting, and when I started this group I had thought that it would be a great idea to do something like this for our town so that we can make new friends and help each other along the way. Pregnancy can sometimes be a lonely place if you maybe have a partner who works long hours, or family who live far away, so we like to think that this is our little family. So, please, those of you who are new, do chat to everyone and listen to each others’ stories, because we are all in the same boat.’ Zoe grabbed her coffee from the counter. ‘I will check in with you all as I go round the tables and make sure I come and say hi to any new faces.’
Zoe walked over to the table that Imogen had sat at and pulled up another chair. She smiled at Imogen and she instantly felt reassured. ‘Okay, so let’s welcome this lovely lady to our group. Sorry, what was your name?’
‘Imogen,’ she replied, feeling numerous sets of eyes turn to look at her.
‘Hi Imogen. It’s so lovely to have you here. So that we aren’t bombarding you with questions straight off, I will start the ball rolling with introductions around the table, so that you know a little about us too.’ She sipped her coffee. ‘My name is
Zoe and I run this café. I am thirty-three years old and when I am not working, I love to read and watch soaps on the TV.’
There were some noises that suggested some of the women around the table also enjoyed watching soaps.
‘I am not pregnant, but I wanted to start up a group like this to help others, especially those who aren’t from around here, make friends and not have to go through pregnancy alone. I had wanted to start some sort of mummy group in the café anyway and this was suggested to me by a friend ages ago. The idea stewed for a while and then I took the plunge and did it.’ Zoe then looked at Imogen and gave her an encouraging smile.
A couple of the other ladies at the table next to them spoke up, saying their names and what their backgrounds were. Everyone seemed so nice and genuinely interested in listening to each other.
‘This group has been a godsend,’ one of the ladies was saying. ‘My husband works away in the army and my parents live back at home in China, so I didn’t really have many people around me when we moved here. I started coming to this group and I have made some wonderful friends – friends for life.’ She smiled at the group of women on her table and Imogen found herself smiling along. Just listening to these women was making all her worries melt away into her cup of cappuccino. She was laughing along and chipping in comments. She felt the most relaxed she had felt in ages. But then came the time when it was her turn to talk to the group. She felt her nerves creep back up. She wasn’t ready to tell this bunch of strangers her life story; hers wasn’t as lovely as theirs, what with her crazy mother. But she was never going to make friends if she didn’t try.
‘Hi everyone. My name is Imogen and I am thirty years old. I am a part-time teaching assistant at Riverside Primary, and I am about six weeks’ pregnant. Early days, but I was too excited, so I thought I would take the plunge and come to the group.’ She paused and looked around at the expectant faces. ‘That’s pretty much it.’ She gave a nervous laugh.
‘That’s great. I can see you’re nervous, but please don’t worry. We are all friends here.’ She smiled.
The First Time Mums' Club Page 11