‘Imogen, try to see it from my point of view. I have the neighbours on my case all the time asking where you are and why they never see you come over any more.’ Her voice was quiet and she was still clearly uncomfortable with being out in public and talking about something so personal.
‘And whose fault is that?’
Her mum exhaled heavily. ‘You just want to hurt me, don’t you?’
‘What?’ Imogen’s voice rose an octave the more upset she got. ‘I can’t believe you. Why can’t you just be happy for me?’
‘Because, Imogen, I want you to be normal. To have a normal relationship – with a man – and have children, so that I can be a grandma.’
‘You will be a grandma! In case you haven’t noticed, there’s a baby in here.’ She pointed at her stomach. ‘Actually, there are two babies in here!’
‘Two!’ Her mum gasped.
‘Yes, mum, two.’ She threw up two fingers in exasperation. ‘Twins!’
‘Do you know what you will be doing to those children?’
Imogen saw red. She no longer felt the yearning to have her mum around; she couldn’t even bear to be looking at this woman right now. ‘How dare you?’ Her voice was calm and steady. ‘These children will be loved a hell of a lot more than you have ever loved anyone.’
‘Oh don’t be so dramatic, Imogen. I do love you! You are my baby. But I just cannot get on board with all of this.’ She waved her arms about to highlight her words. Imogen turned to walk away, but she had taken just a few steps when her arm was pulled back. ‘Don’t walk away from me, young lady.’
She snatched her arm back, losing her balance at the sheer force she used. She stumbled and her mum reached out to help her, but she screamed, ‘No! I don’t need your help,’ a little louder than she had meant.
‘Imogen, look what you are doing to yourself. It’s that woman. Ever since you started,’ she seemed to be searching for the right words to use and settled on, ‘messing around with that girl, you have turned into a rude, disrespectful, horrible person.’
‘No, you’re wrong,’ she took a step closer to her mum, pointing at the ground. ‘Ever since I’ve been with Alice, she has made me a better person. She loves me for who I am. She doesn’t try to change me. She is the most caring, supportive, beautiful person, inside and out, and I would do anything for her.’
‘You can have all of that with a man, you know! You just need to find him. Get yourself out on the market again. We can sort the whole baby situation. I’ll be around to help and –’
‘No!’
‘Imogen, come on.’ She was pleading with her now. Desperation laced every word.
‘No, Mum. You’ve had your chance to be involved in the babies’ lives, but you’ve blown it.’ Her hands were shaking with anger, but she was determined not to let her mum see that she had got to her.
Imogen thought she would feel sad or upset but, actually, she felt empowered. She didn’t need the kind of negativity in her life that her mum brought. Alice was right; she should’ve made this cut a long time ago. ‘Do you know what, Mum?’ her words were laced with sorrow. ‘I’m done.’
‘What do you mean, you’re done? Don’t be so dramatic, Imogen.’
Imogen stopped again, having already started to walk away. She turned slowly and stood, with every ounce of confidence that she didn’t feel, and said, ‘I’m done with all this. You, me, all your nasty messages. I’m done. And you know why?’ Her mum looked uncomfortable and shuffled on her feet to try and hide it. ‘Because I don’t need you. I have Alice and I love her and nothing will change that. You can’t change me, this is me.’ She jabbed herself hard in the chest. ‘And I am about to become a mum to our babies – mine and Alice’s – and if you don’t like that, that’s fine. But it’s going to happen. So you can carry on being negative and stressing about it, I don’t care. Because no one else matters. They are my family now.’
And with that, she walked away. Head held high and heart racing, but with a big fat smile on her face.
*****
‘Imogen, what’s wrong?’
‘We need to talk.’ She stormed into the office where Alice worked and walked up to her desk. Her heart still pounding and her eyes feeling fuzzy.
‘You look awful, is everything okay? Is it the babies? What’s wrong?’ Alice’s face was contorted with fear and she was now standing up, leaning on her desk with her hands.
‘The babies are fine.’ Alice’s face noticeably relaxed a little. ‘Please, it’s important.’ She didn’t feel confident any more. Every ounce of confidence had seeped out of her during the walk from the lake to here. She had expected her mum to at least try to follow her, but she didn’t. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or sad that her mum clearly didn’t care. Her voice broke as she added, ‘please.’
‘Of course. Come through.’ Alice looked at her colleague, who simply nodded, silently agreeing to cover her desk. She walked Imogen through to the back room. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Alice, it’s all messed up.’ The tears were already falling. Alice immediately moved forward to hug her, but Imogen stepped back. ‘No, I don’t deserve a cuddle. I haven’t been honest with you.’ The guilt weighed her down. ‘I should’ve told you about everything before.’
‘What do you mean?’ Alice took a step backwards. She looked a little frightened.
‘I’ve just been to see my mum.’
‘Oh shit. Why didn’t you tell me?’ Her face softened now that she knew it wasn’t anything about their relationship, which Imogen had guessed was her first worry.
‘Because it was a last-minute thing and I was hoping to be coming to you with better news. But it’s all just gone wrong.’
‘What do you mean? Is she ill?’
‘No, she’s not ill.’ She laughed a little. Not a genuine, happy laugh, but a what is happening laugh.
‘Well, what? Imogen, I don’t understand?’
‘Mum’s been texting me… a lot.’ She moved about on her feet as she spoke, feeling jittery because of the adrenaline.
‘I know, we spoke about this.’
‘No, after that. After I said I wasn’t speaking to her any more. I was, I have been.’ She felt ashamed.
‘What?’ It came out like a whisper, which made Imogen feel even worse. ‘And you didn’t feel like you could tell me this?’
She stopped moving and looked at Alice sadly. ‘I wanted to, I really did.’
‘But…?’
‘It’s not that easy, Alice.’
‘Oh, because I’m so unapproachable. Imogen, I’ve done everything for you, my whole life is for you. Why would you keep something like this from me? I thought we spoke about it, I thought we agreed.’ The hurt on her face was more painful than anything Imogen had felt before. She felt like a monster.
‘Alice, please, try to understand.’ She moved towards her but Alice now backed away. ‘Listen, she’s been texting for ages, but her last one seemed a lot nicer. I thought she was coming round to everything.’
‘I don’t understand.’ Alice sat down on the table opposite to where Imogen was standing.
‘She’s been sending me nasty messages, basically telling me…’ she hesitated. How could she say this to Alice? Not telling her was strictly because she didn’t want Alice to hear these horrible things. She exhaled in defeat, ‘I didn’t want to tell you because she’s not been very nice about us.’
‘She never has, what’s new?’ Alice said, almost under her breath.
‘She’s been trying to get me to leave you, telling me I have brought shame onto the family. She heard about the babies and flipped.’
‘Are you serious?’ Imogen nodded, ashamed. ‘Why didn’t you feel like you could tell me, Ims? I’m supposed to be your wife. Have I ever given you reason to think I’d go mad at you?’ Alice had softened a little and seemed more sad than angry.
‘I was trying to protect you.’
‘By making yourself ill over it?’
�
��I know it sounds stupid. I was trying to do the right thing, honest.’
Alice stood up and closed the gap between them, throwing her arms around Imogen and pulling her close. ‘It’s okay. I know you were. I just wish you’d have been honest with me. You really frustrate me sometimes.’ They stood for a moment in the embrace. Alice was stroking the back of Imogen’s head and she silently sobbed into her shoulder. After she had calmed a little, Alice said, ‘So why were you meeting her after she sent you all those horrible messages? It doesn’t make sense.’
There was a knock on the door and one of Alice’s colleagues walked in holding two mugs of tea. ‘Sorry,’ she grimaced as she saw Imogen’s tear-stained face. ‘I just thought you might need these?’
‘Thanks.’ Alice took the mugs and closed the door again with her foot. She passed a mug to Imogen. ‘She blatantly just wanted to have a nose. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was lying on the floor out there with her ear pressed up against the gap underneath.’
Alice pulled a face to pretend to be the colleague and Imogen smiled at her, recognising her attempt to lighten the mood and appreciating it. She took the mug and sipped at the sugary liquid. It tasted amazing and gave her the moment she needed to regroup. ‘I wanted to meet her because I thought I could make her see sense. She seemed to be easing up on the messages and I thought, if I just spoke to her, she would see how much I love you and accept the fact that we were together.’
‘I’m guessing she didn’t?’
Imogen shook her head. ‘Nope. She just tried to convince me that life would be better with a man.’
‘She’s unbelievable.’ Alice shook her head in disbelief.
‘I know. But I just basically told her that I loved you and that she wasn’t welcome if she was going to be so negative.’
‘You really said that?’ Imogen nodded, giving way to a little smile. ‘Who are you and what have you done with my Imogen?’
They both laughed. ‘I know. Get me, being all bossy!’
‘You couldn’t be bossy even if you tried, Ims, it’s just not in your nature. You’re too lovely.’
‘Well, I did. And it felt great.’
‘Did it?’ She looked shocked.
‘Well, for all of two seconds.’ She pulled a face ‘Then I felt scared, so I just walked away.’
Alice laughed but it was laden with love. ‘Well, what do you want to happen now?’ This was a huge question. Because the truth was, she wanted her mum to be around. But she knew that wouldn’t happen. But it was the one thing in her life that she was missing. Instead of saying that, though, she just shrugged. ‘You know, you’ll always have me, don’t you? I love you so much, Imogen, don’t ever lose sight of that. And whilst I understand why you didn’t tell me, please promise that in the future you will keep me in the loop? I am here to be your shoulder to lean on. Let me take the stress so that you can concentrate on being mummy and growing those beautiful babies.’
‘I promise.’ She took a deep breath. ‘There is one more thing I should tell you, though.’ Alice nodded. ‘I’ve been signed off work for a while now. The doctor said I was suffering from stress when I went to see him and he signed me off.’ She saw Alice’s face fill with sorrow. ‘I’m sorry! I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me. I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t capable of this pregnancy, and I am! I swear I just let things get on top of me for a bit, but I’m sorting it, I promise.’
‘Imogen,’ Alice tilted her face back up to look at her again. ‘You would never disappoint me. Ever. Okay? I love you so much and we are going to get through this and at the end of it all,’ she rubbed a hand on her tummy, ‘we will have these little people to love forever too.’
Imogen placed her hand on top of Alice’s for a second before Alice pulled her into a cuddle. ‘You are silly sometimes. But I love you.’
‘I love you too.’ She felt every ounce of her worries melt away into Alice’s arms. So long as she had Alice, she would be okay.
PART THREE:
Third Trimester
Chapter 31
‘It feels weird not being at Zoe’s – I feel like we are betraying her.’ Pippa looked around at her surroundings. The coffee shop they were in at the park was not as nice as Zoe’s. It had dingy wallpaper that was peeling at the edges and a weird smell coming from the far corner.
‘I know, I feel on edge, like I’m about to be caught doing something I am not supposed to be.’ Imogen looked nervously over her shoulder.
‘Oh, will you two give it a rest?’ Ellie sipped at her coffee and pulled a face. ‘It’s not that bad.’ Pippa raised her eyebrows at Ellie’s disgusted expression. ‘Okay, fair enough, the coffee isn’t great but we are doing Zoe a favour. She’s hosting that over-sixties lunch thing, so it wouldn’t be fair on us to take up tables. She won’t mind us being here. Treat it like we are scoping out the local businesses for her.’
‘Well, she hasn’t got anything to worry about, that’s for sure,’ Imogen whispered.
‘I cannot believe it’s nearly the end of April. This pregnancy is going far too fast for my liking.’ Pippa looked at her friends in disbelief. ‘You must be thinking the same, Ellie, you’re a couple of weeks ahead of me!’
‘Tell me about it! I have spent the last month walking around like an eighty-year-old woman – my hips are killing me! Maybe I should be at that OAP meeting today.’
Pippa’s phone beeped and she opened the message from Jason.
I’m here xx
Pippa frowned and then Ellie said, ‘What’s up?’
She spoke, not moving her eyes away from the text. ‘It’s from Jason, he says he’s here.’
‘Where, here?’ Imogen asked, pointing at the floor to indicate the café.
Pippa looked up and shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I’ll ask him.’ She began to type a response when Ellie suddenly said. ‘Oh wait, there he is!’
Pippa looked up and could see Jason walking past the café, a huge smile on his face. He wasn’t walking towards the café, though, he was strolling straight past. ‘I’ll go and let him know we are in here.’ She went to stand up, but Ellie placed her hand on Pippa’s arm to stall her.
‘Hang on a minute; did he know you were coming here?’
Pippa shook her head.
‘Did you arrange to meet here?’
Another shake.
‘Then why would he say ‘I’m here’?’
Pippa sat back down, confused. ‘I… I don’t know, actually.’
‘Look, he’s going over towards the toilets.’ Imogen was pointing out of the window.
‘Just wait and see where he goes.’ Ellie pulled on Pippa’s arm, so she sat back down in her chair again.
The girls watched for a couple of minutes and saw him go over to the toilets and wait outside. Pippa felt uncomfortable. Her heart was racing and she started to panic, although she wasn’t sure why. ‘This is stupid; I’m going to text him.’ She ignored the protests from the girls and sent a quick text asking what he meant. She then watched him out of the window, take out his phone and type a reply. Seconds later, her phone beeped.
Sorry, that wasn’t meant for you – I’m meeting the guys at work for a bite to eat. We just mess around with the kisses on texts. It’s a guy thing. Xx
‘What a load of bullshit!’ Ellie stated and Imogen shushed her, nervously looking over her shoulder at the rest of the coffee shop. ‘I’m sorry, but you aren’t stupid enough to believe that pile of crap, are you?’
Pippa looked over her shoulder and out of the window again. He was leaning up against the toilets, leg bent at the knee, with the sole of his foot flat on the wall, striking a very questionable boyband pose. He looked relaxed, almost happy.
‘He lied.’ Pippa said, almost to herself.
‘Yes, but the question is… why?’ Ellie sipped her coffee again and frowned. ‘Why do I keep drinking this?’ she pushed it away.
Pippa watched for what felt like hours, but it could have
only been about ten minutes. But nothing happened. He stayed up against that wall the whole time. Not moving at all. Just occasionally looking at his phone. Eventually, Pippa stood up. ‘I can’t take this any more, I’m just going to ring him and see what he’s doing.’ The girls didn’t argue, so Pippa took her phone and dialled his number. She watched him intently as she listened for the ring tone. It began and Jason moved instantly, lifting the phone into view and looking at the screen. Pippa was preparing herself to speak when she saw Jason put the phone back into his pocket.
‘The bastard just ignored you!’ Ellie squeaked.
Pippa watched in confusion and ended the call. Slowly she lowered herself back into her chair. ‘Why is he ignoring me?’ she asked, not taking her eyes off him.
‘I don’t know, honey.’ Imogen gently rubbed Pippa’s arm, but she hardly felt it. She felt a little numb, actually.
‘I’m going to try again. Maybe he didn’t realise it was me. I know he doesn’t like to answer anonymous calls, so maybe I withheld my number without realising.’ She didn’t miss the looks the girls gave each other but she didn’t care. She would give him the benefit of the doubt and try again. She listened and again, watched him acknowledge the fact that it was her and return the phone to his pocket, unanswered.
‘For fuck’s sake!’ Pippa hissed, slamming the phone down onto the table.
Both Ellie and Imogen watched her, eyes wide. ‘Jeez Pippa, I’ve never heard you swear like that.’ Ellie was almost laughing.
‘Why is he ignoring my calls? I don’t get it.’ She whipped her phone up and typed a message.
Why won’t you answer my calls?
She snapped her head back up to the window as she sent the message and silently dared him to ignore it. She was fuming. She watched him take the phone out yet again and read the message.
‘Come on, you bastard, reply.’ Ellie said, picking up her coffee and then spitting it back into the cup. ‘Urgh, Imogen, take this cup away from me!’ Imogen did as she was asked, laughing.
The First Time Mums' Club Page 23