by M. C. S
I deviated from some students along the way, begging Carla not to leave in the meantime. I arrived in time for her not to do that.
“Hello!” I greeted her. I was sure I saw Carla rolling her eyes. She instinctively looked down and her face showed that she did not like my presence there. Or rather, she did not like me.
“What do you want?” She asked, with a pissed voice.
“Good morning, hello. How are you doing, Benjamin? I'm fine, thanks for caring,” Carla faked a laugh.
“What do you want with Elle anyway?” I looked at the girl a little puzzled. I did not like the way she pronounced the question.
“To do the English assignment. What more could I want with her anyway?” I replied. Carla was suddenly silent. The attention of her eyes now shifted to a boy who entered the school.
He was a skinny guy with a pimply face, his brown hair was badly combed, and I could clearly see his dental braces as he smiled at Carla.
“So that's the kind of guy you like?”
“Go to hell, Benjamin!” She snapped, heading towards the boy.
I shrugged and followed my path to the classroom. Elle was already there, with her traditional ponytail, her huge glasses covering most of her face, and her unmistakable sweet scent all over the room, breaking into the classroom.
She was writing something in her notebook, did not notice when I arrive or pretended not to see when I arrived. I headed for my seat. I took an eraser from my bag and threw it at her. She looked at me instantly. Her mouth was open with indignation. Elle made an unfriendly face to me.
“Good morning! Take it for me,” I said.
“Why don´t you come and take?”
“Is it a challenge?”
“Who knows?”
“I thought we got along yesterday.”
“Until you start throwing things at me.”
“OK! Don´t do it anymore. Now, take it for me.”
Elle got up from the chair, leaned down and grabbed the rubber. Her thin body made her younger, but her mentality had proved otherwise. Sometimes I felt like pulling out a little bit of the teenager that had hidden inside her.
She didn't have to act rationally all the time. It is part of adolescence to be reckless, even if you make a mistake, or you get it right or learn from it later.
But the girl in front of me got offended by everything. She handed me the eraser. I held her fragile, delicate hand for an of split-second, but Elle released it with a bump. The girl fixed her glasses with her forefinger and returned to her seat. The bell for the first-class filled the silence that was formed between us.
Elle
Acting like an idiot in front of Benjamin was becoming routine to me. Maybe I should have held his hand longer and not let go the way I had. Ben did not speak to me after that. Occasionally, I looked at him for I could not help, even fighting against my conscience. I am sure if I kept doing this, Ben would soon be aware of my interest in him.
When the break bell rang, I went to him.
“Aren´t you coming?” I asked, wanting to keep him closer for a moment.
“No, you're such a boring,” I definitely did not like what I heard. Some things Ben should keep for him.
“Great! Go to hell!” I left Benjamin with his inflated ego and went to meet Carla.
“You are the second to tell me to go to hell today. Am I managing that bad?” I heard him scream behind me.
I spotted Carla talking to the guy she had shown me. She was so happy in his presence that I did not want to be a nuisance to her. I walked to the cafeteria, bought my lunch, and returned to the classroom.
I checked the time on my cell phone. I only had a few minutes left, as I spent most of the break in the cafeteria line. Great! Benjamin is still here.
“Shit,” I mumbled.
“Watch your mouth, huh, girl!” Ben let out a giggle. I sat in my seat. “Aren't you going to offer me?”
“No, this must be as boring as me,” I showed him my snack.
“That was the worst comparison I've ever heard,” Ben approached and patted my desk. I smiled. He was never tired of acting like an idiot. I split the snack in two, got one half, and gave him the other. “Did you wash your hand today?”
“No, I washed it yesterday,” I allowed myself to get into play.
“Still on time, if it was the day before yesterday, I would have to refuse,” Ben blinked and took a bite of the food. “This here is very good, but next time be sure to buy chicken. It is my favorite.”
“On it, I won't forget.”
“Friends again?” he reached out to me.
“I didn't know we were friends, but that's fine,” I shook his hand, and this time I released it more softly.
“Now you are smelling cheese.”
“Why? What was I smelling before?” I asked without first filtering through my brain.
Ben looked at me confused, making me embarrassed. I was saved by the bell, literally. Break end bell rang at that moment, making several students return to the classroom and Benjamin to his seat.
What was I smelling before? I thought outraged at my lack of common sense. What did I expect him to answer?
In the bedroom, I observed a picture of Ben and his ex-girlfriend on the desk. This was the third time I had been in Ben's room, but only now I noticed it. I grabbed the frame and observed the picture with Ben still standing hugged to Jessica Monteiro. A beautiful brown-eyed blonde girl with a slightly rounded face and a slender body that many girls longed to have. But her character was not compatible with her beauty. She was snobbish with most of the people at school and displayed Benjamin as if he were a trophy. A trophy she decided to forget on the hospital shelf a few years ago. I heard she broke up with Ben a month after he came out of his coma.
After seeing this picture, I wonder if he still loves her. For to keep her where it is, clearly visible to his eyes despite what Jessica did, she must mean something to him still.
“Did you like the picture?” Ben asked, looking away from the computer screen.
“You kind of made a pretty couple,” I said, a little jealous.
“We were top,” he laughed softly. “Until she kicks me off for being paraplegic.”
“I wonder it was like that,” I said, wanting to rag on her.
“Do you know what excuse she gave me?” I stare into Ben's eyes for a few seconds until I fulfill my blushing ritual. “I'm in college, I don't have time to have a boyfriend.”
“What did you say to her?”
“Pretty, if you're doing this scared to change my diapers, don't worry, I've got hotter nurses than you to do that.”
“Benjamin, you're disgusting.”
“That was exactly what she said to me.”
“No, it was not,” Ben nodded. “Aren't you upset with her?”
“I cried until the next day.”
“Do you cry for love?” I asked, curiously, for I did not know this side of Benjamin, in fact, there are many sides of him that I do not know yet.
“Come on. I'm disgusting, but I'm also a sensitive guy. I loved that motherfucker.”
“What a dirty mouth.”
“And pretty,” He said.
“Benjamin, please.”
“Stopped already.”
“Do you still love her?”
“No! My heart is empty,” he answered but did not convince me. If he did not love her, there was no reason for the picture to be there.
“Hope you find someone soon,” my voice got all cramped.
“I” m not searching for, Elle.
“It’s a pity,” I whispered.
“What did you say?”
“Did you really use diapers?” I asked, tried to change the subject.
In an empty heart, it was easier for love to get in. But you never know how love comes in, and who will be the one who will make it spring up. Love is weird, but I really wanted Ben's love for me.
5th Day
W e had a few days left to finish the assignme
nt but had not made any progress. Either I got distracted by shamelessly admiring Benjamin, or sometimes he would say a lot of bullshit, making me leave.
Today he wanted to distract me by insisting to do it at the square in the neighborhood. For sure, I declined his offer. Not that I did not want to go out with him, but I do not think I was very skilled at driving a wheelchair. I was also afraid that something bad would happen along the way. I was not prepared to deal with Ben outside his house. If something happens, here he has Mrs. Laura, and sometimes his mother, and outside he would have only me, whose surname could be clumsy.
“Please!” Benjamin knew very well how to use the most abusive tactics to convince anyone. It was the thousandth time he repeated “please”.
“All right, we´re going,” I snorted, for I could no longer stand that puppy dog face. “And what do I have to do? Is there anything you need to bring?”
“For now, just go to the kitchen, and ask Laura to get the backpack I asked her to prepare, with snacks inside,” I looked stunned at Ben.
“Have you already prepared everything?”
“I knew you´d agree.”
“You are unbelievable. Have you talked to your mother?” Of course he had not. The expression on his face betrayed him.
“She wouldn't let us. Mom only comes in by night. We just need to get back before her.”
“It’s already five, Benjamin!”
“Ben,” he corrected me. “If you don't hurry, in a while it's going to be half past seven.”
I ran into the kitchen. Mrs. Laura was focused on cleaning the closet. I cut her off when I bumped into a chair. She turned towards me.
“Hi!” I greeted her, since I had not seen her yet.
“Hi, Elle! The backpack with the things Ben asked is there,” she pointed out to the table. I took it and put on my back. I felt a slight backache for its weight, I think Ben put a lot of food for just a few minutes that we will spend in the park.
“Did you check if Benjamin didn't put any dead mice in here? That would be so him.”
“Don't worry, I already checked,” she gazed me with a different glow in her eyes. “I was so glad Mrs. Ana finally let Ben out without her, and that decision came from Ben,” I nodded and my hands sweated cold, I think no one in this house is aware of Ben's ride besides me and Mrs. Laura. I am sure it is not just for them that he was lying.
“No one is aware of the ride!” I walked into the room furiously.
“Keep it down,” Ben said, with some tension in his voice.
“Why are you lying?” I asked, wanting to understand a little bit the boy in front of me.
“If I had asked my mother, she wouldn´t let me.”
“Why Benjamin?”
“Why doesn't matter. If you don't want to come, I'll go alone,” and he went, left me behind as if he really did not need me.
“Benjamin!” I shouted. He was already in the kitchen.
“I'm leaving, babe,” he said to Mrs. Laura, who stopped her duties to kiss Ben on the head.
“Behave huh, and you take good care of him,” she said, pointing at me.
“It´ll be easier for me to take care of her,” Ben left the kitchen, down the ramp, and I continued to chase him. I waved at Mrs. Laura and finally reached the gate.
Dark clouds dotted the sky. The air was warm as I walked beside Ben. The square was not far away, we would spend about ten minutes to get there. What worried me at that very moment was that the sky was turning into a heavy gray. It was a sign that it could rain at any moment. The wind shook my hair, warning that it could be cold too. I shuddered and regretted not bringing my coat. I tried once more to convince Ben not to go, he answered me with a:
“Bla bla bla bla.”
“You’re so childish.”
“And you are so old. I think you need to do an exorcism and get the old lady out of you.”
“Ra, Ra! Very funny.”
The way down the hill was closer, making Ben's chair a little faster. I chose to guide it, but Ben refused accept my help. I tried to follow its rhythm, but was it my impression or it was going faster than usual? I found myself running, desperate after Ben. I shouted hysterically for his name as people passed us in horror at the scene. One teenager running after another teenager in a wheelchair.
“The chair is out of control, Elle!” Ben shouted while the chair shook between the holes in the sidewalk. Watching his body shake without being able to do anything. I could not reach him.
The descent ended in another street. Many cars were moving there at the time, making my heart race along with Ben’s chair. My body was sweating, I knew it wasn’t right that I left with Ben without a proper escort. My heart went to my throat when the chair moved a little further, almost over the curb edge, but at this moment he stopped it abruptly.
I put a hand in my chest and sighed in relief. I ran to him and as I approached, I struggled to catch my breath. Ben looked at my depressing situation, his eyes were playful and out of nowhere he started a burst of laughter, those that makes the belly hurt. He put his hand on his belly every time he looked at me, the laughter continued. And it was at this moment that I realized that his chair was not out of control, but that he had played a trick on me.
What a stupid joke! Could not Ben act like a normal person for at least a minute? What if something really had gone wrong? My heart was bleeding just thinking about that possibility. I let myself be overcome by anger and punched Ben in the shoulder, stopping his burst of laughter immediately.
“Why did you do it?” he asked, running a hand over his stricken arm.
“You scared me,” I said, my voice weepy.
“And you needed to hit me?”
“I was worried about you,” I twisted my body, turning my back to Ben. I felt his hand touching mine. His hand was hot while mine was cold for being so scared. Ben intertwine it between my fingers; slowly, I turned to look shyly at his caring gesture.
“You over reacted. You really enjoy doing a drama. I was just having fun.”
“And there's no other way you can do that?” I looked down at his hand and realized that he was still holding mine. Ben let go of my hand and was suddenly shy, tried not to look me in the eye and walked on. I followed him without saying a word.
The sun was covered by clouds, but that did not prevent the kids from coming to the square to play. Some people were working out in its facilities, some preferred to walk, and others walked their dogs.
Ben and I stayed under a tree. I sat on the floor while he put a song on his cell phone. He was silent, which was not usual for the Benjamin I met a few days ago. He seemed to reflect on something. Occasionally, he would look down and look at me interrogatively.
“Any problem?” I asked while making some notes in my notebook.
“I'm hungry.” I knew it was not hunger that puzzled Ben, so I let him think he was fooling me. I took a can out of my backpack, opened it, and handed him a sandwich.
“What bothers you, Ben?”
“The piece of lettuce that is stuck to my tooth,” he smiled, showing me, I couldn't help laughing.
“You’re hopeless.”
I felt a drop of rain fall on my face, which was expected, since everything indicated that it would rain. A drop followed by one and several more lately. I gathered our stuff quickly, and we went looking for a shelter from the rain.
We did not walk much, but enough to get wet. We stood under a red awning at a bike shop, waiting the rain to stop. Ben, predictably, made fun of the situation.
“How do you feel?”
“Wet.” I gave his shoulder a slight push. - It's getting late.
“I think we'd better call your mother and ask her to come pick us up. I don't think it will stop raining for now.”
“You can be sure this is not going to be a good idea,” Ben looked tired and bored. I did not like when he seemed bored in my presence,” but I don't think I have a choice.
While the rain was falling heavily and at a rapid
pace, Ben called his mother. Despite the sound of rain falling against the roofs of houses and shops, it was possible to hear her exalted voice. I back off, in a way not to embarrass him while his mother shouted on the other end of the line. Ben stopped talking suddenly, I guess he turned the phone off in her face.
He no longer looked like the same Ben of few hours ago, suddenly he was speechless, his sarcastic expression turned into something unconditionally sad. He stared at the floor, head down, his hands resting on his lap, and I felt a great urge to hug him, but my lack of courage prevented me from doing so.
Ben's mother arrived shortly after. That sweet lady I had met was not at all kind. She got out of the car and did not even bother to bring an umbrella. I could tell she was furious. With Ben? Not exactly. It was me she was angry with.
She activated the ramp and pointed into the car without saying a word. Benjamin, without questioning, got into the vehicle adapted to his condition.
Ana closed the door and stared at me with indignation. She was already wet just like me.
“Do you realize the harm your idea could cause Benjamin?” she asked me, sulking.
“It wasn't her idea, it was mine,” Ben opened the window, not caring with the rain entering in the car.
“Sorry, I shouldn't have gone out with him without your permission,” I answered.
“Don't apologize, Elle, I obliged you to come. Now get in the car.”
“No, thank you! I’d rather go walking,” I said, turning my back on them and heading towards my house.
“Elle, it's raining a lot!” Ben shouted.
I made my way, hurrying home as soon as possible. The rain was falling harder and harder, not giving a break. I did not know how my day could get any worse.
Near my house, a car rushed past me, giving me a mud bath. Everything was already bad, this guy had to make my situation even worse. I felt a great urge to curse him, but took a deep breath, I was already wet.
At home, I went straight to the bathroom, I was urgently in need of a hot bath.