The days by his side

by M. C. S

  “Don't talk about her like that,” I gripped my fist and clenched it, as I could not reach his face and hit him with a punch, that was the only way to show how angry I was.

  “Can you let me go, you're hurting me,” I let him go. “Dude, what happened to you?” he asked, running a hand over his fist.

  “Just don´t want you talking about Elle.”

  “Why, are you in love?” How insistent Marcos was.

  “No,” I said quietly, I had no reason to be nervous. “She's a nice girl, and she's being nice to me than you all were, so when you talk about her, call her Elle.”

  Marcos did not take long to leave. He didn't like when I talked to him that way, mostly because he knew he could not fight back. That was the advantage of having a secret that could totally complicate someone's life.

  Elle

  8th Day

  I woke up moody and unwilling to go to school but having a mother like mine meant that I had to improve my mood instantly. I tried to persuade her in every possible way, but my attempts were all in vain. My mother would not let me stay at home if it was not for an illness.

  I arrived at school and sat in my usual seat. Benjamin came in with that silly smile, which I sometimes hated. I did not answer when he called my name, and Ben did not insist. I had still tried to process everything that was said yesterday in my mind. I could not accept the fact that Benjamin lied about the accident, and especially that he put his father’s freedom at risk because of a friend who did not give a damn about him.

  What I hated most about this whole story was the way he talked about his ex-girlfriend. I thought that for Ben she was just a bitch that left him. But the way Ben spoke of her only showed me that he was still attached to her yet. Which was bad for me, and I believe for him too, since despite not saying, he feels sad about her rejection.

  I pretended to be asleep during the first two classes. It was teacher Carlos's class, so he would not mind me sticking my face in the desk.

  At school, there is a tree in the yard which is often disputed by who will spend the break under its graceful shade. I had succeeded in getting there first. Some students came to me, insulted me, and asked me to leave, but for the first time I used the fact that they were afraid of my mother in my favor. I said that if they did not leave me alone, I would talk to my mother. This method worked perfectly. No one bothered me anymore until Ben and Carla showed up. I wanted to be alone, and it was becoming impossible with them trying to figure out what was going on.

  “What happened?” Carla asked worried. She knew every gesture of mine and was aware that something had happened.

  “She doesn't want to talk to me today,” Ben said to Carla, trying to know if she knew why I was like this.

  “Then you’d better get off,” Carla was straight, as only she knew how to be with Ben.

  “I don't, get off you,” he replied.

  “The friend is mine; you are fucking shit.”

  “Seriously? Are going to continue with this?” I finally decided to say something.

  “So, who are you going to talk to?” Carla pushed me. This was not a choice I wanted to make. What I wanted was just to be alone.

  “Carla, please, I don't recognize you.”

  “Just tell me what this asshole did to you.”

  “This asshole did nothing, beautiful.”

  “Don't beautiful me,” Carla looked at Ben with a look of full contempt.

  “All right, ugly,” I couldn't help laughing because I was still trying to figure out what I saw in Benjamin.

  “Elle, I can't believe you're laughing at this.”

  “Ok, I already stopped,” my lips twitched, suppressing a smile.

  “And so?” Carla insisted.

  “And so what?”

  “Will you open up to me or what?” Benjamin stared at me as Carla persuaded me, trying to figure out what really happened. Ben was afraid I would tell everything.

  “I need to talk to Ben,” Carla had a half-open mouth as if she did not believe that I would rather talk to Ben than her. “Please.”

  “Fine, but whatever this asshole says to hurt you, don't hesitate to call me.”

  “I don't hurt girls, dear Carla, they usually do this to me,” Ben defended himself, and Carla shrugged.

  She left us alone but was still a little unwilling. I knew that later I would have to come up with some bullshit excuse for her. And, I would have to be very convincing.

  “Are you mad at me?” Ben asked as he adjusted his chair to face me. I hated this thing of his to want to talk looking in the eye.

  “A little, to be honest.”

  “And what did I do to you? My story has nothing to do with your life.”

  “Say you,” I whispered. “I still can't process the fact that you fooled your parents.”

  “Yeah, I know, I'm a bad son. Maybe someday I'll tell them, I just don't think it needs to happen now. I'm sorry if I let you down as a human being.”

  “I couldn't have expected anything more from you. I always knew who you were.”

  “You're wrong, Elle, the part you know about me is just what the others say, I have a lot of qualities too, I hope you have noticed some, besides me being handsome,” Ben smiles, and I blush because I really agree with the last word he said.

  “Asshole!”

  “This is not a quality.”

  “But it fits you well.”

  “Come on, Elle, I don't want you to think I'm a monster. I just want you to talk to me. Seriously, you're the only person I have around as a friend right now. I need you close to me.

  “Fine, I need you around, too,” I confessed, timidly.

  We had arranged to go to the mall in the afternoon. I liked to see Ben’s disposition to leave home. Carla was not very happy to have him as a guest, but her mood improved after she invited Fernando, and he accepted her invitation. A couple’s program where our partners wouldn't know was a couple’s program, she said.

  I picked up Ben at his house, Carla and Fernando would wait for us in front of the mall, once they lived in other neighborhoods.

  It was more than half an hour since we were at the bus stop, and that was making Ben becoming frustrated, but who after all liked to be waiting at the bus stop?

  Two buses had already passed and none of them were suitable for wheelchair users. Ben wanted to leave, but I convinced him to stay after telling him that Carla and Fernando were already waiting for us. I'm sure he was convinced especially after I said Carla's name.

  I signaled the bus to stop as it approached. The exchanger with a bad mood stamped on her face helped put Ben’s chair in the elevator. It took longer than expected for the elevator to go up, and I could not hide the fact that I was worried about that situation. When I asked for the third time if everything was working properly, the exchanger told me to stop busting her balls, and that if I wanted to do it better. Ben sent her to hell, attracting some prying eyes, to make my vexation even worse, for the bus was crowded. Ben set up his chair and I stood up, irritated by the way people looked at him.

  “Sit, Elle.”

  “Where?” Ben did not answer me, he just grabbed me around the waist, pulling me, and I fell into his lap. My face flushed as I noticed that more people were still staring at us. “Why did you do that?”

  “First, with you on my lap, I can hide my face. I don't like how people look at me, it's embarrassing. And second, I don't like to see you standing, boys should give their places to girls, but as I can't give mine to you, it is fair enough that you sit here with me,” I understood that as one of Ben's qualities. He was kind to girls.

  It was almost forty minutes in that disconcerting scene for me. I didn't look straight into Ben's eyes for a minute.

  We met Carla and Fernando at the entrance. I had never spoken to Fernando before. Like me, he was quite shy. She offered to help Benjamin with the chair, but Ben, I do not know why, was rude, refusing his help. I did not want to believe that he was jealousy because of Carla. How I wish
I did not believe it.

  After much insistence from Carla, we decided to watch a romantic comedy, not just to be romantic but to bore the boys. In the ticket line, I could not help noticing a blonde girl staring at Ben. He, Carla, and Fernando were waiting for me a few inches from the line. I was so distracted by the scene that the attendant had to ask twice which movie we were going to watch. I bought the tickets and walked to them. I looked back at the blonde and then at Ben. The bastard was flirting with her.

  Carla poked me in the elbow as she noticed my sudden change of mood, I smashed the tickets and put them in Carla's hand, which looked at me terrified. I went to Ben and pushed the chair with no delicacy into the room where we would watch the movie. He grunted that it was still more than half an hour before the movie began, and that the door was still closed, and I replied that I did not mind waiting.

  Carla took me unwillingly to the restroom, and Fernando stayed with Ben.

  “You're calling attention,” Carla said as she straightened her hair.

  “Doesn't that girl see that we're in four, and that one of us could probably be his girlfriend?”

  “And of course, she could also see that since he's giving conditions, that means he's single.”

  “He's not giving conditions,” I crossed my arms, angrier.

  “I see. Elle, put a smile on your face before Ben realizes you're falling for him.”

  “I'm not falling for him.”

  After we saw the film, we went to the food court. Although we had popcorn and soda during the session, Carla liked to take advantage of that time away from her parents to blow off steam. It was a quiet Monday and the food court was not very full, it was empty enough for me to locate the blonde who flirted shamelessly with Ben. I ordered my lunch and Ben’s at Subway. As I walked to the desk with the tray in hand, I saw Ben spin the chair and go to the table where the blonde was.

  “He said we don't have to wait for him,” Carla said and then took a bite of her hamburger.

  “What?” I asked, not believing in what I had heard.

  “He also said you can eat his lunch because you're too thin.”

  “Fernando, you weren't supposed to say that.”

  I could not believe Ben had traded our company for that graceless girl. I was visibly annoyed, ate my lunch in less than five minutes, and then ate Ben's lunch too, so tomorrow I could tell him that he no longer he had to worry about my thinness. We left the food court and went home. I thought about calling Ben to come with us, but Carla forbade me, saying that it was too much humiliating for me.

  At night I tried to resist, but not enough. I was worried about Ben. And the feeling that he could not have gotten home okay, it was eating me up inside. I took my phone and typed the text:

  — Have you arrived home?

  I waited for Ben's answer, but it did not come as soon as I imagined. I kept the phone in my hand until I fell asleep.

  I woke up scared in the middle of the night with the noise of the message coming. I looked into the phone's display and did not leave unnoticed that it was after two in the morning. Ben had finally answered me the message.

  — I’m fine, princess.

  — And why you didn’t answer before? I was concerned.

  — Concerned about what? Sure, it's the first time I've been dating a girl after the accident, but it wasn't too bad, it was actually great. — It was unbelievable that Ben was really talking about it. I tried to think it was another boring joke from him.

  — I'm not interested in how your fucking date was like.

  — Are you suffering from bipolarity? Because if that's your case, you have to let me know so I can deal with your sudden mood swings.

  So, for Ben I was bipolar now, besides hinting that I was skinny? I wanted to scold him with all the bad words I knew, but I did not want to let my jealousy show up either. I would have to be careful with the words:

  — Do you know what I don't understand? How did your girlfriend manage to spend six months with you? When you open your mouth only shit comes out. Seriously, how did she stand it? It must have been because of the money.

  I hope I did not get too hard on Ben, but I wanted to offend him. I turn off the cell phone, was not interested in his answer. I tucked the pillow under my head and slid into sleep.

  9th Day

  As I turned on my cell phone in the morning, I noticed that Ben had not sent me any messages in reply. Which I did not know if it was good or bad.

  I was already in the classroom when Ben entered. I bowed my head as he passed me. I think he was determined to switch places. I regretted sending the message, after all there were not kind words.

  I heard Ben's chair spin and kept my head down. I knew Ben was behind me. If it was for him to offend me, then that he made it quick, before anyone got to the room. I was not good to refute.

  “I also said she was beautiful. Every day,” Ben said with his lips touching my ear. I felt a slight chill before he continued. “And the rest you'll have to find out,” and then Ben placed a kiss on my neck, then returned to his seat...

  A s I tried to summarize what I had understood about the Cold War, I looked sideways at Ben. He seemed very focused on what he was doing, more than I, actually. From time to time I put my hand around my neck, just where Ben had placed the kiss. I could still feel his soft lips touching my skin, could still feel the mixture of shame and surprise for his action. I did not expect it, not after the message I sent him.

  During the break, he did not say a word about the messages. He pretty much wanted to ignore the fact that I had offended him. He did not say much, which was unusual to happen. He did not try to say anything funny to Carla, but he was very comfortable with Fernando. Both of them had agreed something, I felt a little excluded for not being invited. Maybe this is a little punishment he is giving me.

  When the bell for the end of the break rang, Ben almost arrested me at the door. He backed up with his chair and apologized. I wondered if he had done it on purpose. His cynical smile proved that to me.

  In the last class we received one of the worst possible news. My mother postponed the presentation of the work due to the fact that it would coincide with the closing of classes. Ben snorted, rolled his eyes and was prevented by me from offending my mother, when I cast a glaring look at him, that he had better not do that. After what happened, we agreed to meet at his place later.

  Benjamin

  At today’s lunch, my mother was smiling all the time, so, I know she will probably spend the rest of the day like that, or maybe the whole week. She enjoyed as the house was gradually filling up. I invited Fernando to have lunch at my house and spend the rest of the afternoon here.

  These aren’t like your old friends, but it's better than nothing. Dad just said it as soon as Fernando turned his back towards the table.

  Despite of the nasty comment, Dad also seemed a little more excited. I heard him inviting Mom to come to dinner with him, and that was unusual. I didn't like it when she refused. She thought she had the obligation to stay here with me just in case I needed anything. Almost two years of this paraplegic condition were enough for me to learn to be on my own, but convincing Mom of that was impossible.

  After lunch, I invited Fernando to play videogame. I think this was the only activity we could do. He seemed a good person, and that was what annoyed me most about him. Maybe that is why Carla was interested in him, I definitely would not have a chance. I was not a good person.

  It was already the fourth round, and also the fourth I won. Let's say that with a limited life, I had plenty of time to practice.

  I looked now at the guy at the computer, looking for some website to download a movie. He seemed to be focused on his task, his eyes on the screen as he rolled the page. I struggled inside, a giant fight in my head, asking me to keep my mouth shut, but I decided to ask:

  “What about Carla? I hope I'm not being too invasive.”

  “Didn’t get it,” Fernando still staring at the computer screen.


  “She is beautiful,” I said.

  “Yes, she is not ugly. She is a good friend.”

  “How so, asshole?”

  “Did you call me asshole?” finally, he looked at me.

  “Sorry, it's because I spend too much time with Elle. I didn't mean to offend you, really. So, you only see Carla as a friend?”

  “That's what we are. Do you think I'm interested in her? No, wait. Are you interested in her?”

  “Don’t wanna talk about it.”

  “Thought you wanted. You started.”

  “Just wanted to know your opinion about her.”

  “Ok, I think I already did,” And turn back his attention to the computer, but promptly look back to me again. I wasn’t liking the way he was looking at me. Not at all. He narrowed his eyes behind the glasses like a crack. “Maybe you could help me with Elle,” I blinked twice, wondering if I really heard him right.

  “Elle?” I gave a short laugh. I could not believe in what I just heard.

  “Yes, Elle.”

  “Got it, asshole.”

  “Did you call me asshole again?”

  “Yes, but this time is for real.”

  “What?”

  “What do you want with Elle?” I asked, not understanding how the question came out so firmly, and with a huge urgency to be answered.

  “What do you mean...what...” he stuttered. “I want to know her better. I think we have a lot in common. Since I'm shy and you're her friend, I thought you could help me.”

  “No.”

  “What?” Fernando's eyebrows narrowed in puzzlement.

  “No, asshole.”

  “Can you stop calling me asshole?”

  “Not gonna help you.”

  “Why? Are you interested in Elle?” I stared at Fernando astonished. And that of people saying that I was interested in Elle was already starting to bother me. Cannot a guy be friend with a girl?