The days by his side

by M. C. S

  “Take your pity and stick it in the a ... I don't need your pity.”

  Three days of suspension was what I gained. I lost some points with my parents, and due to my bad behavior, I had to have a forced therapy afternoon with my aunt. She quickly showed up at my house after my mom called her saying I had an outbreak.

  Lying in my bed, and with my aunt sitting in a chair beside it, I had to answer her questions.

  “Ben, what's happening to you? Verbal violence?”

  “She asked for that. I don't like people feeling sorry for me or throwing it in my face.”

  “Your mother said you went into a student's room, shouting her name. Scandal, Benjamin? What were you thinking?”

  “Don’t know. I was still a little agitated because of the day before.”

  “A little bit agitated?” auntie frowned. She was disappointed to me; her look of disappointment was telling so.

  “I was worried about Elle, I just wanted to know if she was all right, but I was still mad at her. I didn't want it to look like I was worried about her, but I went there and screwed up, messed up, lost my mind, so I guess it looked like I was worried about her. Can you follow my reasoning?” she nodded. “And the headmistress started talking nonstop, and the rest you already know. Now Elle must be thinking I made a scandal because of her, I didn't want her to know that I was worried. Do you understand me?”

  “I'm trying,” auntie patted my hair. “Benjamin, sleep. You need to rest. Tomorrow try to reason ... Right, please.”

  Still 21st Day

  The first visit I received the next day was Fernando's. I do not remember having invited him, but I did not send him away either. I have not forgotten the last conversation we had here at home. At school we would rather ignored each other. So I did not know why he was here. Maybe Carla had made him come, but Carla was the last person to worry about me. They have not been communicating much since I played the gossipy cupid just to get rid of him.

  “Dude, what was that yesterday? You looked crazy.”

  “What? Did you come here to finish trampling me?”

  “Sorry, said by accident. Just got worried.”

  “Carla sent you?”

  “No,” Fernando put his hand behind the back of his neck, releasing his nervousness. “She and I don't talk much. You know since when...”

  “You can throw it in my face, I know I flinched.”

  “You keep doing this.”

  “You too. You have a beautiful, nice girl, ok, she's a little stressed out, she's super in love with you, and what you do is run away. Dude, go invite her out. I don't know, you don't look like you drink or go to parties, but you can call her for an ice cream or a movie.”

  “She and I are just friends.”

  “She and I are just friends,” I imitated him. “Never a girl like her will give you moral again.”

  “You are offending me. I already said that we are just friends.”

  “Elle and I were just friends too and look what we got. Looks like she is in love with me,” I vented, just for venting and also because Fernando had a crush on Elle. What to do? I cannot be good all the time.

  “Is Elle in love with you?” Fernando asked incredulously, disappointed.

  “Yeah. I thought she was a smart girl. It was hard to believe, but then I put the pieces together. The way she looks at me.”

  “Which way?”

  “What? I'm not going to show you. I won't look at you the way she looks at me.”

  “Then I'm the asshole,” I smile at his boldness.

  “A look of wonder. Her exaggerated shyness when she's with me. The constant redness of her face.”

  “Isn't it because she's a shy person?”

  “But she acts more naturally when she's with you and Carla.”

  “I haven't noticed yet. And you?”

  “What about me?”

  “Are you finally going to admit you're in love with her?”

  “I am not.”

  “What are you afraid of? Just because she isn't the kind of girl you used to date?”

  “It never crossed my mind.”

  “An accident does not completely change a person. I know the fame you had. You're ashamed to admit your feelings for Elle.”

  “Don't come play my aunt. You are not a shrink.”

  “But I am a good observer. The guys at school may not be interested in Elle, but the guys from outside may. When she shows up with someone, you cannot regret.”

  It was late afternoon when I decided to take my anger out on my guitar. A gift I got from my dad to replace my old piano. It had been a while since I played. I thought I would not know what it was like anymore. Mom interrupted me, telling me that Elle was looking for me. I resisted the temptation not to let her in because I was threatened by my mother, but I also had to get some points back with her. And damn it, I wanted to see Elle!

  I acted naturally as if nothing had happened. I tried to notice something about her that showed she really liked me. I saw nothing, as this time we were completely uncomfortable in each other's presence.

  By night, my parents went out after my aunt convinced my mother that it would be okay with me despite my outbreak the day before.

  “Marcos, I need you. Now!” I hung up the cell phone without waiting for his answer. From the tone of my voice, I am sure he would come as soon as possible.

  “I was with a girl,” Marcos said, as soon as he entered the house.

  “I did her a favor.”

  “Why that tone, Ben? Everything that happened is past.”

  “For you it is, for me it will always be the present,” I pointed to my legs. Marcos turned his face, hated to face the truth head-on.

  “We were good friends. Almost like Batman and Robin.”

  “Batman and Robin no, man.”

  “All right then. How about Dean and Sam Winchester?”

  “Ok, but I'm Dean. He was always the coolest and also the most handsome...”

  “You can stop it, Benjamin. I'm just trying to say that we were great friends. Almost brothers.”

  “Wait, did you say Benjamin?” Marcos rolled his eyes, a sign that he was already starting to get nervous. “You never called me Benjamin before, I don't think we're the same anymore.”

  “Why did you call me here, besides pissing me off?”

  “I need a favor.”

  “Shoot.”

  “I want you to go upstairs to my parents' room and get some four bottles of wine, two glasses, and ice too.”

  “So we have begun to understand get along?”

  “No, the drink is not for you.”

  “Who is it for, then?” I shrugged. “Don’t tell me it's for you and the fre…” I scolded him with my eyes. “Elle. Since when does she drink?”

  “Since today. Go there and do what I'm asking.”

  “Fine, but I want a bottle,” I nodded and smiled.

  A good friend would say: No Ben, I won't get the drinks for you. I was alone, Marcos knew that. What could an easily-drunk guy like me do after a few glasses of wine?

  It was after ten at night. My eyesight was still good despite the dizziness. I could clearly see the time in bright red amid the darkness of my room on the display of my stereo. I turned up the sound on the last volume, not worrying about the neighbors. The only neighbor I wanted here at my door asking me to turn down the volume was Elle...

  I anxiously waited for her to appear. Let her mother tell her to come here and ask me to turn the volume down, but Elle did not show up. I picked up my phone, searching for her name in my address book. I called Elle, who did not take long to answer.

  “Hi!”

  “Hi, beautiful! I really wanted to hear your voice. Could you call me an asshole? I like it a lot when you call me that.

  “Benjamin, are you drunk?”

  “Listen,” I ignored her question. I put my cell phone next to the stereo, waiting for the sound to come out clearly, and for her to understand my message, while Ed Sheeran di
d the singing job for me:

  Give me Love like her

  Cause lately I’ve been walking up alone

  Pain splattered teardrops on my shirt…

  Maybe tonight I’ll call ya

  After my blood turns into alcohol…

  All I want is the taste that your lips allow

  My, my, my, my, oh give me Love...

  As soon as the song ended, I waited a few minutes until Elle appeared. I knew she would come.

  “You left everything open,” her hair was messy, stuck together with the sweat on her forehead, seemed to have run a small marathon until you got here. Elle was furious. “Someone could have come in.”

  “And?”

  “And hurt you.”

  “And?”

  “I wouldn’t like that to happen.”

  “Great, go on, I’m enjoying this.”

  “I worry about you,” Elle got close to me, taking away the glass from my hand. I pull the glass, putting it close to my chest.

  “No. Take one for you if you want,” I dared her.

  “I don’t want.”

  “Come on, Elle. We need to talk. Neither of us will have the courage to make some confessions without some alcohol to command our brains.”

  “I don’t drink. And I don't know what you are talking about.”

  “Drink for today.”

  “Do you want to get me drunk?”

  “Don't take it to this dirty side. I just want you to have fun.”

  “I can't drink, your condition is already deplorable, what if you fall?”

  “I won’t,” I went to the computer desk. I filled a glass and induced Elle to drink. The girl stared at the ground, resisting for a while, until she reached out and took the glass from my hand. Elle held the glass in both hands, watching the purple liquid until she took the first sip. She made a grimace but took another sip, followed by several more.

  We spent most of the night talking about our past, laughing for no apparent reason. Elle stumbled after she returned from the bathroom, I pulled the computer chair for her to sit.

  “Shit! My mother is going to kill me,” she said and laughed. I held her hand, supporting her to get up and sit on my lap. She wrapped her arms around my neck, looked me in the eyes, and with a courage only alcohol could give her. “What do you want me to confess?”

  “Your feelings about me.”

  “Ben, I'm not feeling very well. I need to lie down.”

  “Oh, I'm sorry, Elle, I shouldn't have given you drink,” I went to my bed. “Can you move to bed?” Elle stood up, stumbled back and forth until she threw herself on the bed. “Please don't puke there,” she laughed again. “Really, Elle.”

  “I don't feel like throwing up,” I moved from the chair to the bed, lying next to Elle.

  “My plan wasn't that. It was not for us to sleep.”

  “Don't you think we both were?” he said in a louder voice.

  “I didn't think about that. I don't even want a kiss from you while you're drunk.”

  “So did you want to kiss me?”

  “Maybe tomorrow.”

  “I will remind you.”

  “I'm sure you won't,” a smile brushed his lips, despite her condition, she knew I wouldn't do what I said.

  I watched as her eyes closed slowly, as she fought them not to close, but Elle was losing the fight against sleep.

  Before she fell asleep, I whispered something:

  “Elle, I think my heart is drunker than my brain,” I took off her glasses gently, right after she fell asleep.

  Elle

  22nd Day

  “I

  didn’t know that in the year 2016 mothers still come to pick up the daughter in the guy's house,” I opened and closed my eyes three times. I thought I was still dreaming. And in my dream, Benjamin was lying next to me, talking to me. I felt the pillow, feeling that it was much more comfortable than I remembered mine to be.

  ”Elle!” my mother's voice screaming for my name woke me up from my daydream. “I know you're there!”

  No! No! No! This could not be happening. My head was throbbing, and I still had a slight taste of alcohol in my mouth. I was smelling drink; the room was smelling drink. I looked around and finally realized that this was not my room. Two glasses were lying on the floor, and besides them, there were two empty wine bottles. I jumped out of bed, I was still a little groggy and regretted getting out of bed so suddenly. I held the nightstand, trying to regain my balance as Benjamin laughed at my pathetic situation.

  It was not a dream. He is really here. A few inches from me. I could touch him if I wanted to, but my reality was different. I had never slept with a guy before. I struggled a little to remember how I got into this situation.

  I remembered Ben's call. He was clearly drunk. I came to check if he was all right, if he would be hurt by his condition. I remember Ben offering me a drink. I just cannot remember how many times I refused; I do not think it was much. I never drank before, maybe that is the reason for my memory failure. Few moments ago, I was lying in the same bed with Benjamin. I feel less embarrassed to notice that I am dressed, but I wish I could remember every word spoken by me.

  “Elle!” mom called me one more time.

  “Ben, how long is she calling me?” Ben stretched his arm, reaching for the cell phone on the nightstand.

  “Well, now it's half past nine, the first time she called you was nine o'clock, yeah, I think it's been a while,” he answered in a quiet voice, then let a smile appear.

  “You're no good, Benjamin. She will kill me!” I screamed. I put my little finger to my mouth, biting my nail. Nervousness seized me. I already foresaw my mother's fury. I could even see the look on her face: united brows, red face and fury in her eyes. If I were to get her at the door, I knew I would be ashamed on the street. I decided to wait for her to leave and I would do the same once she was gone.

  “Elle, if you don't show up, I'll jump the wall!” I tried to imagine how many people might be listening to my mother's scandal. I hope my neighbors don't connect this Elle to me.

  “Would your mother do that?” Ben asked, his furrowed forehead.

  “Yes, she would.”

  “Then I need to get ready,” Ben tossed the blanket on the floor, made a small effort, and sat down. He was shirtless, and I could not help but noticed his thin scarred body. The bones of his rib were clearly visible. Ben noticed my gaze on his back. He looked at me with a playful look. “My scars are still more attractive than Deadpool's.”

  “I didn't think...”

  “Elle, I didn't ask you for an explanation,” Ben interrupted me.

  We got distracted by the noise coming from the gate. I pictured my mother jumping through the gate. Yes! She would have that courage. I left Benjamin behind and ran toward the intercom. I pushed the button, left the house, and ran as fast as possible before my mother entered. She was already in the yard, looked at me horrified to find that I was really at Ben's house. She shook her head in disapproval. I held her arms lightly, fearing the worst. I guided her out in silence, slammed the gate, making sure it wasn't open. I bowed my head, not wanting to meet her eyes.

  “You're smelling drink. You look awful, Elle,” I ran my hand through my hair and noticed the tangle that was formed, looked at my feet, I was barefoot. I forgot for a few seconds about my mother, thinking that Ben saw me that way, felt embarrassed and at the same time relieved to have no one on the street to see me in this pitiful state.

  “Mom...”

  “Is that why you insisted that I leave?” mom accused me.

  “No. I really wanted you to have fun. What happened was just a mistake.”

  “A mistake, Gabrielle?”

  “Yes. Ben drank, called me, he was very drunk, I was worried, I went to see how he was...”

  “Benjamin has his parents to take care of him. I imagine you took advantage of the situation to get drunk as well?”

  “I didn't get drunk. Kind of.”

  “Did Ben
make you drink?” she crossed her arms and glared at me.

  “Of course not. We'd better discuss this in at home.”

  “Why? Are you afraid that Benjamin listen to my current opinion about him?”

  “Mom, don't do that. I finally met her eyes.”

  “I don't want you to spoil your life like Ben did with his. I don't want you with him.”

  “You can't do this to me.”

  “I can. I am your mother. Now go home, Elle!”

  “We just drank and slept,” I was still trying to justify myself.

  “I don't care, Elle. Now go home!” she said in a steady voice.

  “I'm waiting for you,” I answered in a low voice. I was determined not to leave my mother behind. I didn't want her to offend Benjamin. I knew my mother's evil skill to offend someone.

  “Elle, what is happening to you? Since when do you talk to me like that?”

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to. I just wanna go home, my head hurts.”

  “That is what drinking causes, that's one of the bad parts,” mom replied.

  We walked home quietly. Before I could finally take a shower, Mom gave me some more sermons. Mentioned the example of what had happened to Benjamin (as if I really needed her to remind me), and another long list of what alcohol does to people.

  As soon as I showered, I lay down and fade. I woke up by the noise of the message arriving on my cell phone. I mentally cursed the operator of my cell phone for sending me one of its promotional advertisements for its packages at such an unfortunate time. The urge to stay in bed was gone quickly.

  Starving, I went to the kitchen looking for something to eat, I hadn’t eaten anything yet. I felt my mother's cold gaze on me as I passed the living room. After the morning stress, I could finally feel embarrassed.

  While preparing a sandwich, I tried to remember what happened the night before. I put the cheese and ham on the bread, closed the sandwich maker and plugged it in. I tapped my finger on the table as I waited for the sandwich maker's light to turn red. I vaguely remembered Ben offering me a glass of wine, I refused, but soon after I accepted, I did not think I would get drunk so fast, nor did I expect that I would like the taste of the wine. But of course that wine was special, it must have costed a fortune.