by M. C. S
“It's all right.”
The silence extended; the plate stood untouched on the table. The lump in my throat kept me from having lunch. Maybe that was not the confession Ben really wanted to hear. Maybe it was too much for him. It did not take long for him to call Marcos, and he coming to pick us up. He noticed the tense mood that hung between us. I thought about the idea of leaving by bus, but I did not want to leave Marcos and Benjamin alone, I did not want to give Ben a break to tell him everything I said to him.
“What happened here? Did someone die?”
“Shut up and take us home.”
Marcos, as an obedient person, did what Ben asked. He knew his friend was not kidding. At no point Ben looked at me. When Marcos parked the car in front of Ben's house, I left quickly.
“Don't make me run after you!” I stopped before I reached the corner.
“How can you be disdaining yourself?” I finally looked back. Marcos took his wheelchair out of the trunk. He put Ben sitting on it; he came to me.
“I spent two years of my life wondering why it had to be with me, spending two years of my life muttering, and then seeing that it came to nothing, so all I have to do is accept and scorn,” he shrugged. “Marcos, it was a pleasure. And thank you.”
“For what? Why did you screw my car? You're welcome, man,” Marcos got in the car and drove on.
“Elle, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you confess and then not want to accept it. Seriously, I can't believe you already loved me. It was not meant to be even a friendship.”
“Didn't you want to be my friend?”
“It’s not that. If not for your mother... I do not believe that one day I will have to thank her,” Ben said to himself. “Anyway, if it weren't for your mother, we would never have spoken.”
Ben approached, gently touched my hand, his was hot until he pulled me into his lap. He looked at me with tenderness and admiration. I knew that look, the same one I would looked at Ben several times, finally being returned equally. I wrapped one of my arms around his neck and rested my hand on his chest.
“I'm in love with you,” he said again, as if to convince me. He slid his finger to my lips as he stared at him, but his gaze suddenly went in another direction. “Damned, Elle! Your mother is there!”
“Ben, I can't believe you're doing this.”
“This time is serious,” he said, holding my face and slowly turning it to the side. The worse was that this time he wasn't kidding.
I was quick to get up from Benjamin's lap and meet my mother. I looked back just once, whispering for Ben to go home. He kept stopped at the same spot, and that was a good sign, meant he would not come to my mother and open his mouth to say anything that would further compromise me. She was with her arms folded, frantically tapping her foot on the floor.
“What part of going straight home didn't you understand?” she asked me, scowling.
“I’m sorry.”
“How many more times will you use I’m sorry?” she tried to mimic my tone in the last words. I opened my mouth to try to give a plausible answer, but Mom interrupted me. “You're not obeying me anymore. What is going on? Is it Benjamin? Is he influencing you?”
“Benjamin is not doing anything.”
“Benjamin is not doing anything,” she imitated me. “And that little scene I saw now?”
“It wasn't a little scene,” I said, feeling offended that she treated my almost perfect moment like a little scene. Mom invited me in, I nodded, relieved that we would not continue this conversation on the street.
She sat on one couch and I on another, crossed her legs, watching me silently from the other side.
“Elle, once I was your age,” she started a little awkwardly. “I don't know exactly what's going on between you and Benjamin..."
“Nothing is going on.”
“Seriously? I thought you were going to kiss in the middle of the street.”
“We’re just talking.”
“What a closer way you have to talk. Which one has difficult in hearing?” I opened my mouth to try to defend myself, but she interrupted me. “Where were you coming from, Elle?”
“From Ben's house,” I lied, and my mom smiled, that was not a good sign.
“I saw when Marcos brought you,” I got caught in a lie. “I need you to tell the truth.”
“I went to have lunch with Ben in a restaurant,” I confessed, no longer wanting to extend the conversation.
“Without my permission?”
“I know I shouldn’t.”
“Still you went and still had Marcos's company? Marcos is not a good person. Elle, I already taught those two. Even not wanting, we got aware of things. I don't know how much you're letting Benjamin get involved, I'm sorry, but you are not the kind of girl he would date.”
“It's a pity that my mother thinks so,” I answered, upset.
“That's not what I meant,” she got up from the couch and came to sit beside me, sorry for what she said. “Benjamin likes those more uninhibited girls.”
“I know what kind of girl Ben likes, but he's different. I'm sure he doesn't look at people the same way as before.”
“I just hope you won't be disappointed.”
“I will not,” I said in a whisper.
“Benjamin wasn’t a good student.”
“Mom, that's enough,” I tried to say in a calm voice, but I am sure she would not give up until she convinced me Ben was not the right guy.
“Do you know how many times his mother has been to school? How many red grades he has taken? How much money Benjamin's mother spent on private tutors, so he didn’t fail and loose the year?”
“And what does his report have to do with me?”
“Benjamin doesn't take anything seriously.”
“He took Jessica seriously. It was she that wasn’t worth,” I tried to defend myself.
“Are you getting to the point of comparing yourself to her?”
“You're leaving me with no way out. Ben isn’t that bad. It isn’t a school curriculum that will define his character. If he was so bad, why didn't you choose someone else to partner with me?”
“Because I know the other students don't like you. I know a lot of them play stupid jokes with you,” so my mother knew. I never complained with her. I just ignored the insults in silence.
“Did you see me suffering and never did anything?”
“Of course I did,” I stared into her eyes, puzzled. “My fight with the principal was because of this, Elle. I went to ask for providences, and she asked me for evidence. Martha never liked me, so she didn't mind many of my complaints. I only put you along with Benjamin because I knew he wouldn't behave in the wrong way. Angela taught Benjamin private lessons before he returned to school. She talked to me a lot about him, Benjamin's mom was playing rough with him, and she wanted to see a change. So I figured he wouldn't bother to pair you up. I did not expect to reach this point.”
“There is no point. We were just talking.”
“Why do you blush when you talk about him, and only get defensive? We can talk about it, Elle. But you can't keep putting Benjamin in the first place. You can't lie to me. You have to prioritize the studies.”
“I still prioritize studies.”
“Every day you go to Benjamin's house. You have to decrease these visits.”
“I don't go every day. It’s been three days I don’t go. I'm grounded, don't you remember?”
“And will for the rest of the week, until you talk to me again without being ironic.”
“But, mom!”
“No, but, Elle. Go to your room!” I did what she asked me. I did not want to extend the subject Benjamin any further. I knew that if I wanted to get out of this, I would have to behave, not that I was up to do something, but going straight home meant a lot to my mother.
At night, Benjamin decided to give the air of grace by sending me messages. I thought he had already forgotten our conversation, which would be much better for me than facing the
post-embarrassment of having declared my almost unhealthy love even without knowing it. But as I decided to kill some of the old Elle from inside me, I was really willing to go through with it.
— Good night! Did your mother hit you? — A rush of anger surged through my face; how could Benjamin think that?
— My mother never hit me. — I answered, followed by an angry face.
— Oh! Never! I see! Your mother. — I realized the acidic irony in Benjamin's message.
— On the other hand, you look like to be hit a lot when you were a kid.
— A little bit, actually. Not that I deserved it.
— I bet you deserved every blowing with the slipper.
— Now it's serious. Did your mother get heavy with you? I was worried. Still am, actually.
— She's a little mad that I disobeyed her, but soon it will pass.
— Can we see each other normally then?
— Only at school for now.
— Only at school?
— Yes. She increased my punishment.
— For how long?
— She didn't set the time. I think until she decides that I've been punished enough.
— Only at school is bad. I wanted so much to hug you. And ... Kiss.... That's, if you want. — I swallowed hard. It was still hard to assimilate everything that was going on. I still was not convinced he was in love with me. — Elle, you can answer. Are you still there ???????? — Ben sent another message, interrupting my thoughts.
— Yes.
— Yes. So you want to kiss me.
— No, idiot. Yes, I’m here.
— Are you serious, Elle, so much drama for a kiss? You should act in Mexican soap opera. Too much drama is in your blood.
— And what's the matter with Mexican soap opera?
— Besides the characters spend 99% of the soap opera crying? None. Do you watch Mexican soap operas?
— Sometimes. And I believe that for you to know that actors spend 99% of the soap opera crying, you must watch too. — I retaliated.
— Got me in my own words. Congrats. Elle?
— Yes?
— Just we won't do like them... Taking too long to be together? — My heart fluttered at the thought. I had no reason to wait anymore, as we now share the same feeling.
— Hope not.
— Just waiting for your yes. Yes, Benjamin?
— Yes what?
— Wanna date me? — My cell phone went down as soon as I read the message. Being asked to date by text was not an idea in my head, like being left alone without giving the first kiss. But since this idea came from Ben, it did not seem so strange at all. Still in bed, I reached out for the phone. I typed the one word message:
— Yes.
— Too bad I couldn't be there to see you stutter when you say yes.
— Think on the bright side, you prevent me from having a heart attack.
We kept texting late into the night. The last time I looked at the time on my cell phone was already one in the morning. Not only did Benjamin talk a lot in person, he could do it through messages as well. Which was positive, as it filled my silence with his words. As soon as he noticed that it was late, he said goodbye:
— Don’t forget that from tomorrow on, we will be dating.
26th Day
As soon as I set my foot on the school gate, Carla pulled me by the arm and dragged me to the restroom. After my messages with Ben, it was her turn. I could not sleep and would not let her sleep until I vented everything to her. As soon as we arrived in the restroom, we hugged and shouted hysterically. Carla did a funny dance, twirled, until someone stepped in, interrupting our moment of happiness.
We turned toward the mirror, hunting some invisible spine in our faces. The girl looked at us and also approached the mirror, took a lipstick from her backpack and passed her lips, while Carla and I impatiently waited for her to leave to celebrate again. It was a few minutes of waiting until she was kind enough to leave us alone.
“I'm so happy for you!” Carla said, letting happiness show in her eyes. “Elle and Ben, dating!” she turned her back to the mirror and leaned against the sink. “Really, nothing could make me happier. I cheered for both of you so much. More for you, actually, but since Ben is part of your happiness, I root for him too.”
“I hope you get right with Fernando.”
“I think not. He doesn’t want me,” I felt a bit of sadness overwhelm me, the way the words came out of Carla's mouth.
She has never had a problem getting rejected by a guy before, and it is not just because she is beautiful, of course that is part at the beginning, but my friend is a nice girl. Always willing to help when someone needs something, is kind, sincere and a faithful friend. I do not know what Fernando’s problem with her is, but if it is not for Carla to be his, I hope she finds someone to make her forget him soon.
As soon as I arrived in the room I came across Benjamin, in his usual place. He sometimes managed to arrive first than me in the classroom. He gave a smile still with his head down, he knew it was me who was there. No one but me entered the room before the bell rang.
“Good Morning! Still remembering that you are my girlfriend?” he asked, lifting his head, he had a different brightness in his eyes.
“I don't think you will let me forget it,” Ben smiled, I looked towards the corridor, trying to see some student in our class. Ben picked up his cell phone, looked slightly at the display and set it on the table.
“We have two minutes,” he said, holding on to my waist, pulling me into his lap. I put my hand on his chest, trying to steady myself.
I dove into the immensity of his eyes, and Ben did the same, with an admiration I would never expect to come from him.
“Do not run away,” Ben said with his lips already glued to mine.
I felt his hot breath on my face. I decided to let it go, forgetting where I was in that moment. Ben put one hand on my waist while the other was on my nape. My hands were sweating cold, I put them on his face, touching his cheek gently, trying to believe it was real. Ben and I... That's when I felt it. It was real. I closed my eyes as his lips molded on mine, soft and smooth, no hurries. My heart smiled as I felt his kiss. Sweet moment, painting the sometimes torturous place for me into something divinely beautiful. I got drunk by his perfume, I had never felt such intensity. His lips dropped from mine as soon as the bell for the first class rang. I hurried to my seat as the classroom quickly filled with students. I could still feel Ben's lips on mine. I looked at him from the corner of my eye, gave him a shy smile, he retributed the gesture and soon whispered something:
“Tomorrow, do not take so long to appear,” I turned my face, feeling him blush. What was going on in Benjamin's head? I would not be kissing him in the classroom.
I opened my notebook in the lesson of the day. I put it on my lap and grabbed my cell phone, used the notebook as a shield. I put him in silent mode and texted Carla to tell her what happened. She answered me with the smiling emoticon, and then warned me that she was taking English class, i.e., class with my mother, so I knew I could not keep texting her.
The cell phone vibrated before I put it in my backpack. Benjamin had sent me a message.
— Have you finished passing news to Carla?
— Can't you be cute all the time?
— So you think I’m cute?
— Rarely.
— Yes. I am really rare.
— Convinced too. — As soon as I finished sending the message, I felt a presence in front of me. The little teacher of philosophy seemed huge when she was exercising her power in the classroom. She reached out to me to hand over the mobile phone. I struggled a little, but I knew that was the right thing to do.
“Take it later with your mother,” she said, returning to teaching. But before that, a buzz of laughter and evil comments formed.
“Hey! Shut up! “Shouted Ben. The teacher looked at him for the aggressive tone used. “I want to study,” he completed using a passive t
one of voice. He smiled at the teacher and winked at me. I turned my attention to the class, thinking that I had lost a few more points with my mother. Nothing that could erase the perfect moment I had just experienced this morning. I froze in my heart.
M aybe that was the day I had least paid attention in a class. My thoughts were still focused on Benjamin's lips on mine. I wrote his name on mine in my notebook at least ten times. I closed the notebook and put it in my backpack as soon as the break bell rang. I got up from my seat and came across Benjamin reaching out his hand so I could hold it.
“Ben, don't make me embarrassed, this is not the place,” I said in a lower tone. He shrugged, and we headed for the break together, no holding hands.
We met Carla in the hallway, she gave me a mischievous smile like a curious child. I walked behind Ben, and Carla came to my side, so Ben could not read our lips.
“Was it good?” Carla asked quietly, her hand hiding her mouth. The noise in the corridor favored our secret conversation. I nodded. “Does he kiss well?”
“I liked. And there's no way I can know,” I made her a number one, trying to remind her that Ben was the first guy I had kissed. But something was telling me that he would be the one that stuck his mark in my heart.
Ben had been first served in the cafeteria. Carla and I were still talking in whispers about the kiss as he approached, faking a cough, and extended the snack for us.
“Lots of subjects, huh?” Ben said with a smile that he knew he was the subject.
“Did you buy it right?” Carla asked, taking the bag from Ben's hand. Along with the bag, he also handed the money to Carla, and mine.
“We don't need you to pay for our snack,” Carla and I talk simultaneously.
“No need to throw stones at me, I just wanted to be kind. If you don't want it, I do,” Ben answered, pretending to take the snack from our hands.
“We can accept it for today,” I winked at Carla.