by Iva Kenaz
“Talitha, listen to me! Don’t you think that I also feel awfully guilty about what we have done? I was not aware of that horrid plan, I promise you! I had nothing to do with it. Yrsa was the one who lay with my man after I fell asleep. I wish we had gone further away into the forest, like you did. I’m so sorry about it all.”
The despair in her voice stings my heart. She is being honest, I can feel it.
“Please come with me to the mount! Otherwise, they will kill another man.”
That captures my attention utterly. I look up with a warning glance.
“Who would they kill?”
“I don’t know. Edana has stumbled upon a man below the mount this morning. He claimed that he came for you. She wanted to kill him nonetheless, but I begged her to spare his life and let him talk to you first. He refuses to talk to anyone but you. He’d rather die than disclose why he has come.”
Nathaniel! A thrill of joy and fear runs through me. Nathaniel, in Edana’s hands. I panic. I hesitate over what to do with the dress and in the end I decide to leave it on the shore beneath the heavy stones that I've hastily picked, and stay dressed in my underskirt and vest. I follow Rita’s pace and align with her at a place where the stream can be easily crossed. I jump onto the big rock that separates the two shores and hurry towards the Cursed Mount.
*
All sweaty and distressed, I reach the mount to find…
Nathaniel, tied to a tree the same way he had tied me before. His eyes eagerly lock with mine and for some incomprehensible reason I can sense that he actually trusts me. The shock from seeing him again makes me speechless. Edana presses a dagger against his neck and judging from his bleeding forehead; he has most probably been assaulted and ensnared by her.
“Do you know this man, sister?”
Her voice is menacing. I turn to her and my worried expression wanes. I want her to see that I still disagree with her ways. That I have disentangled her manipulative games and am not going to let her wrap me into her sweet webs any more.
“Who gave you permission to call me sister?”
The roughness in my voice surprises me, but Nathaniel seems elated by it, for a faint smile has crossed his face.
“Why have you captured this man?”
She hisses at me.
“Who is he?”
I turn back to Nathaniel, unsure what to say. Now he is the frightened victim depending solely on my choice. How odd. We have exchanged our roles, the parts we play, and the dark side of me actually enjoys the moment. However, I like him too much to see him suffer the same lot as the men before him.
“He is from my village. We hardly know each other.”
I suppose that I'm not lying - only withdrawing some parts of our back story. His eyes show me gratitude.
“So, you don’t know why he has come?”
“I honestly have no idea and even if I knew, it would be none of your concern. If I'm not mistaken, I'm not part of this group. I never have been.”
I remain firm. I'm done being the naive girl who lets others trample all over her. I'm strong in my position and won’t fear someone like Edana, a woman who finds pleasure in manipulating others. I have no respect for her. Not anymore. Edana senses my animosity and seems to be amused by it.
“Alright, have your talk.”
She tickles Nathaniel’s throat with the dagger threateningly.
“But be aware that whatever you have to say will not spare your life.”
Finally, she waves at the other women to come along with her and thus gives us some privacy. I notice that even Geira has joined us this time, and seems to be fully aware of what is going on around her. Perhaps she has finally recovered from the trauma? Nonetheless, her strained face still withholds a terrible grief, a grief that I have never encountered in my life. As soon as they all leave, I become more timid, and turn to Nathaniel rather hesitantly. After all, I'm not sure why he has come or if I can trust him. The first thing that comes to mind is how he found us. Luckily he starts talking without me having to ask anything first.
“I know what you have done, Talitha. Our village is familiar with the rumour that goes around, the one about the devious rituals. The survivor is outraged; he wants to see you dead.”
I can’t force a word out, although I wish to vindicate myself. I feel both ashamed and furious. I don’t understand why I'm repeatedly being misunderstood. And mainly by people I care about...
“Listen to me, Talitha, I don't care about these women, I care only about you.”
His words make me recover from the shock, but then distrust washes over me. I'm not going to let anyone fool me again, not even him.
“Why? Why would you care about me?”
He takes a deep breath and seems disappointed as he contemplates his answer.
“I owe you a life. Not only because I have done you so much harm and misread you so severely, but also... if I were in your shoes, I would have never spared the life of my captor.”
He sounds guileless, yet I remain cautious, lest he has some devious plan after all.
“You don’t owe me anything, Nathaniel. We all do what we have to do.”
I sound very cold, I'm aware of it, but I simply can’t help myself. I have felt cold inside since the incident with the men, and even more so now, knowing that everybody blames me for it. I pause for a while, contemplating whether or not to ask what I dread the most.
“Is there still a price on my neck?”
“Yes, but don’t worry about that. I couldn’t care less. My father is dead and the promise I was given was fraud anyway. I can’t explain how sorry I am for what I have done to you and how I have behaved…“
I don't wish to reconcile, the memories cause me only pain.
“What is it you wanted to tell me?”
“I came to warn you. The man you lay with believes that you attempted to murder him, but did not succeed like the other women. He described you in detail and now they know that you're still alive and even worse – they think that YOU established this camp on this mount, or as they call it: “The Camp of the Cursed Witches.”
“You see, I lied about what happened here in the forest to save myself. I lied that you killed Daniel and I killed you instead. They don't care about my life though; I mean nothing to them, although they might plot how to get rid of me later. What I'm trying to say is that there is a price for all of you. They are going to arrest or slay you all very soon, most likely tomorrow morning.”
He pauses before he continues speaking. It seems that he needs to gather up some courage first. He looks down and the scar on his forehead wrinkles.
“I have a horse, some savings too. We could escape together, somewhere far, far away from this God-forsaken land.”
I can tell that he is nervous.
“I would like to repay you, somehow...”
I'm touched by his offer, but can’t be sure if he is being sincere.
“How can I trust you after all that has happened?”
“I suppose you can’t. At least not until they arrive.”
The last words he utters make my heart ache. I touch my chest, since it starts to harden, not only because of the ghastly news, but also because I have just pictured the face of the man to whom I gave my virginity just a few days ago, the man who wants me dead now. I lock my eyes with Nathaniel’s and give him a quiet warning:
“If you betray me, may God forgive your soul, for it would be the most vile betrayal of all.”
His face seems innocent and I can sense that he did mean what he has just said, yet I retain my distrust and block away the fervour that he has awakened in me. Edana disturbs us.
“Are you two love birds finished?”
She turns to me with an arrogant grin. Quite a change after the affable smiles that she has been fooling me with for so long. She probably expects me to inform her about what we have spoken about, but I have decided not to say a word. Her grin wanes as her l
ips drop. For a while it looks like she is about to start crying, but she actually bursts into laughter.
“Do you think I'm so foolish, Talitha? Of course I overheard you talking!”
I give her an angry frown. She scrutinizes me.
“And I'm not at all pleased by what you have caused us!”
“Even though it may cost my life, I could never regret that you didn’t kill that man.”
She reaches for her dagger and the silent threat in her face makes me frantic. I stop her hand mid-motion and give her a persistent look.
“If you still need my help, you will let him live.”
Edana hesitates, but finally tucks the dagger back into her belt.
“Then you must be ready to face our Mother of Darkness.”
I freeze as my vow dawns on me. What have I done? Have I just risked my soul for the life of a man I hardly know? The man who wanted me dead some time ago? I must follow her nevertheless. There is no other choice, because for some strange reason that man is rooted in me. No matter where he goes or what he does from now on, I know that I will never be able to get rid of him. Our souls must have quietly made an oath in some other lifetime or in a world beyond.
*
I stand by the dark altar and draw my breath. I’m afraid to speak, I’m afraid to react in any way. I can only focus on the devious presence that is emerging from the dark.
“Although our clans have shared animosity, identical blood runs through our veins, Talitha. We arose from the same stream of life. There is no reason for us to dwell in the rooted hatred; we must restore peace within our kin. And the Mother of Darkness is the bridge.”
“I have no idea what you're talking about.”
“Oh you do, you know you do. We have all buried her in our hearts, under that pile of filth and dirt men have been feeding us. She’s the primordial goddess, the one who doesn’t fear darkness. She gave me strength to start a new life, to build this camp and now she will help me get my revenge on those who caused the horrid lot I and my sister had to bear.”
Her words make me hesitate, whether the Mother of Darkness isn’t just the danger that Edana can’t yet face, or if she could really be the one we all emanated from. If it is so, though, then how could she support Edana in her madness? If she’s the real mother to us, she can’t let Edana’s power spread beyond her control.
“The Mother of Darkness, our only goddess is the real God, Talitha. My guardian has accepted her, and so have I. Now you must do the same.”
The thought of such forceful belief aches and hardens my heart. Had she answered the questions about God that I dared asking before, would it feel so wrong? Had there been no Holy Father, but only Holy Mother, then what would be the point? Isn’t the world made of the ever struggling dualities that ultimately learn to become one? I sense Algíz’s voice trying to reach my inner hearing. It whispers quiet, unclear answers to my questions, yet it can’t seem to reach my cautious mind. Something has been blocking it.
Edana gently lays her fingers on Sorcha’s scarf that still decorates the altar.
“Sorcha has predicted that I will align with my power here on the mount. Now, her presage is finally coming to life. All the sacrifices have been made and the men have been slain, now it’s time to summon the dead slaves.”
I shiver as I realise how similar her words are to those in one of my dreams.
“Sorcha told me that in order to re-join our kin, one must release the hatred and animosity that keeps our spirits in the darkness. And I understand now what I must do. I'm aware that only revenge will ease the pain, only revenge will chase all the demons away.”
I watch her frenzied face and worry that the revenge might in fact release the demons she fears.
“What part do I play in this madness?”
She turns to me, her eyes flaming through the humid chill.
“You remember the marshes attached to this forest on the north side? I know you have been there, where the brave warriors, our fallen ancestors, wait.”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Fear has blocked my throat. Edana continues.
“The restless undead/unliving army waiting to be resurrected. Waiting for revenge, just like me. Together we shall wake them and let them haunt the minds of all the men who have ruined our lives and banished our spirits into the dark! And now is the perfect timing, now when they could also help us stop the filth that plans to attack us. If there is any justice in this world, then this prophecy must unfold. And that’s where you come along, sister. I can’t open the gate alone.”
She walks closer to me and her sweaty palms tightly squeeze mine.
“Only a sorceress can awake the spirit warriors.”
My laughter shatters the quiet. I can’t help it; the distress has been released uncontrollably.
“Don’t be silly, Edana. I can’t wake the dead!”
Her face is stern as her hands let go of mine.
“Then your friend dies.”
The dreadful fear comes crawling up my spine again. I must save Nathaniel, but I simply can’t do what she asks of me. Not only because I don't know how to, also because I would never consent to such insanity. I weigh my words this time. There must be a way to reason with this woman. She must have a weak spot.
“Why would you want this, Edana? What have they done to you to make you hate them so much? I know, you don’t want to talk about your past, but I think that I have the right to know, and even more so now.”
Edana paces back and forth nervously and finally makes a decision.
“Alright. I will share my story with you, but on our way, we don’t have much time, we can’t afford to hesitate.”
She throws a dark cape over her head, such that I have never seen her wearing before. I recall the dream I had where a woman in a dark cape prayed over this altar and placed a dead newborn onto it. I don’t have time to disentangle it. I must follow her, because I can’t be sure what she would do if I didn’t succumb to her disturbing plan.
*
As we walk past the camp, I notice that Nathaniel has been surrounded by the three licentious sisters, confronted by their vile voracity. They touch him all over his body and kiss him, although he doesn’t cooperate. I catch his eye. I can tell that he is tempted by the lust that fills the air, although he despises their nasty ways. I'm trying to deliver a silent warning and can only hope that he receives it: That he will restrain himself, and in the case that he cannot, that he at least survives the infernal game. I then turn to Rita, who has been watching me. I think she understands the plea in my face. Not all these women are forsaken to me; I know that some of them are just like me – flies trapped in the web of a sly beast. I send them a quiet forgiveness, aiming it to their minds and hearts as I lock my eyes with each one of them. Somewhere deep inside it feels like a goodbye.
*
Edana and I have been walking for two days now. We passed some familiar places, but also corners of these lands that I’ve never seen before. Edana has been the leader, because she claims to know a shortcut to the ancient battle fields.
She has been trying to convince me that the Mother of Darkness is the key to the true belief, but the more she insists, the more I’ve withdrawn. One would think that we could have established some deeper connection on the way. I felt quite the opposite though. She claimed that she’s my friend, but I sensed that she was rather my enemy, and though she tried to be nice to me, she established only more repulsion between us.
I wished to hear her true story the whole time, but only now, at the end of our sullen journey, she has finally begun to sincerely open up.
“Geira and I have been very close since I witnessed her birth. Our mother almost died that day and so did Geira. She was always so fragile, not only physically, but mentally as well, far too sensitive for this cruel world. I have always looked after her, helping her whenever I could. As we were growing up, the village leader’s son grew fond of Geira. She despis
ed him, but was afraid to tell him how she really felt and so with time, she had unwillingly lead him on. Nonetheless, his father considered our family too poor and insufficient for his son and so he had him married to another girl. Geira also got married relatively young, even sooner than I.
I was not able to conceive a child, but Geira gave birth to a son. Her fragile body could hardly handle one child and she almost passed away while giving birth. From then on, she and her husband had to withdraw from pleasure. The village leader soon died and his son took over. He had set his mind on Geira again and had grown sly in his attempts to get her. Geira’s husband was too afraid of him and so they suffered the intruder for many years. One day, a day after Geira’s son turned five years-old, the locals prepared a big celebration to welcome a newborn into the world– the village leader’s first born son. Strangely, his baby boy died during the celebration. The village leader got mad and very drunk. At one point he attempted to rape Geira. And that’s when she finally burst out and claimed that under no condition she would ever want to be his! A tense atmosphere filled the room at that moment. Everything fell silent and then the village leader uttered:
'How dare you insult me in front of everybody like this you ugly scum! Watch carefully, for I will kill you twice!'
None of us could have imagined the hell that would ensue. Geira’s body weakened due to the growing fear. She fell to her knees and begged her husband and the men in the room:
'Stand up for me, for Christ’s sake! Someone stand up for me! I have a son to raise!'
“And that beast brought three weapons and encouraged her to choose one. She could not react, struck by a suffocating fear, and so he chose one for her. I was frozen to the ground. I simply could not comprehend the frightful reality. He chose a piercingly sharp hook as a weapon and used it to beat her five year old son, that poor innocent child, until he died. Blood gushed all over the room and screams filled the air. Geira has never uttered a word since; for that was really the first time she was killed. The second death awaited her the next morning. They cut her back open the previous night and were going to skin her alive the next day. No one, no one dared to kill that devil! Only I have...I made sure that he suffered a long and painful death.