by Erin Osborne
“Okay. I’m going to leave you two and get my sister ready to come home. Thank you, Shadow,” she says, grabbing her purse and keys from the table by the door. “If you need anything, give me a call.”
“We’ll be fine, Melissa. Go get Renee and bring her home to her son,” I say, turning toward the TV to see a cartoon playing quietly.
Dylan and I spend the afternoon on the couch. He won’t let me out of his sight. While I would normally be put off by having a little kid following me around, right now I feel nothing more than that this is what I’d be feeling like if he was my son. Dylan is an amazing kid and I can’t believe that I spent over the last year without him in my life. But, we have things to do so I can’t sit here and think about everything that’s been going on. We need to go get some food in the house so I can eat while I’m training.
“Little man, you ready to head out?” I ask, wondering how the hell I’m supposed to go out with Dylan when I only have my bike here.
Dylan runs to the front door and grabs his sneakers off the mat and brings them back to me. I help him get his shoes on while grabbing my cell to call for one of the SUVs to be brought to me. We’re sitting on the porch when I see Mike and Gage pull in. Gage walks over to me after telling Mike to get in the truck so they can head back to the clubhouse.
“You good here?” Gage asks, putting his hand out for Dylan to give him a high five.
“Yeah. Just gotta do some things and I need the SUV while I have Dylan,” I tell him, standing up to make my way over to the SUV with the car seat Melissa left in my hand.
“How’s she doin’?” Gage asks, walking behind me.
“She’s okay considerin’ everythin’ that she went through. I know she wants to come home, so I’m goin’ to do what I can to help her out,” I say, putting Dylan in the seat and fastening him in.
“I’ll call you if we need you for anythin’ comin’ to the table. Other than that, we’ll figure shit out to work around you. You gonna need anythin’ while you’re here?” Gage asks, leaning against the SUV as I close the door on Dylan.
“Yeah, I gotta get with the girls about helpin’ out if I have to go to the gym or somethin’ while I’m here. I don’t want to leave them alone for any reason. My gym is almost an hour away so I really want the girls around when I go back into trainin’ mode next week,” I tell him, stepping away from the passenger side so I can get in and go to the store.
“I’ll give them a heads up and you call them when you can,” he says, walking to his truck and leaving me to go about my business for the day.
Dylan and I make it to the store with no issues. Placing him in a cart, we make our way through the store as I grab meat, vegetables, and other food that I’ll need to eat as I bulk up a little more for the upcoming fight and training sessions. Dylan is being so good and I decide that I need to reward the little guy for sitting in the cart and letting me do what I have to do. So, we make our way over to the toy aisle and I walk up and down as I wait for him to get excited about something. The second we get to the trucks, Dylan sits up straight and his eyes get huge at all the different trucks sitting on the shelves. I grab one that he seems particularly excited about and place it in the cart.
“Ready to head home little man?” I ask as Dylan turns around in the seat and stares at his new toy waiting for him.
Dylan nods his head as he continues to stare at the toy in the cart. It’s like he’s afraid that it’s going to disappear if he takes his eyes off of it for a second. I want to laugh at his reaction because I remember being the same way as a kid. While we stand in line at the checkout, I see a few bags of chips and other snacks that I know Renee eats once in a while. So, I throw them in the cart too. This way she’ll have something close by when she gets hungry. I don’t anticipate her really being up and coherent for the first few days after she gets home. She’ll still have to take her medicine until she feels she can start to wean herself off of it.
As soon as we’re cashed out and I’ve loaded Dylan and all the bags into the SUV, we make our way back to the house so I can do what has to be done before Renee and Melissa get back. I’ve already called a store for a small hospital bed to put in the living room. Renee isn’t going to want to be stuck in her bedroom all alone, so I’ve taken the chance of getting this so she can see Dylan and watch TV with him or just watch him playing on the floor in the living room. It may not have been the best decision without talking to her first, but I made a judgement call and she’s going to have to deal with it.
“Little man, you ready for me to start makin’ some lunch while we wait?” I ask, standing behind the couch as I watch Dylan playing with his toys on the small carpet.
He nods his head and I go into the kitchen to make some chicken nuggets with fries while keeping an eye on him. As I wait for them to cook, I clean up the kitchen a little and then start moving the furniture around to accommodate the bed. Dylan starts watching what I’m doing, abandoning his toys for the time being.
Just as the timer goes off, and the doorbell rings, I finish moving things so that the bed will fit and Renee will still be able to maneuver her wheel chair once we get to that point. I tell the delivery men where I want it and then go back in the kitchen, with Dylan, to make him a plate and get him fed. Dylan sits at the table and I join him with my own plate of food. Today has been a busy day, but I’m sure this is nothing compared to what it’s going to be like for the next few weeks.
Renee
I’ve had nothing but time to think since Shadow left so that my sister could come help me. I’m thankful that he left and didn’t try to stay and help me get dressed and things so that I could go home. It’s been awkward enough just having him here while I’ve been lying in this hospital bed. So, having a little bit of time to myself is a blessing.
The entire time, I’ve been thinking about the accident and what I remember about it. It’s like my car just kept accelerating and nothing I did would stop it. There was an elderly lady in the road and that’s what made me panic to the point that I decided taking on a tree would be a better option than taking her life. After that, I don’t remember much until I woke up here.
Shadow has been by my side since I woke up. He hasn’t left me alone at all. If he had to leave, then one of the old ladies was here by my side. Darcy has been here the most, I’d have to say. While I’m glad that they’ve all been here for me, I don’t know what Shadow thinks is going to happen once I get home and heal. I doubt he’s going to be the man that gets me to change my policy of not giving anyone a second chance. That doesn’t just pertain to the opposite sex either. It’s my rule in general. Darcy, Harley, and Riley haven’t done anything to me, but they’re attached to the man I’ve been trying to avoid more than Kim is. It’s not fair, but it’s what I’ve had to do to protect my son and myself.
Just as I decide that I can’t keep going down this same path of thinking; I have my reasons for acting the way I do and I don’t know if I can change it now, my sister pokes her head in the door. She’s trying to be positive and not let me see her reaction to my injuries, but she’s not doing a very good job of it. There’s shock, pain, sadness, and anger flashing over her face as she takes my appearance in. Melissa was here to see me shortly after I woke up, so I don’t know why she’s shocked, but she is. Personally, I think I look better than I did before.
“Hey sis!” she says, closing the door behind her while trying to be upbeat. “You ready to get outta here?”
“I’m more than ready. How’s Dylan?” I ask, my son always the first thing on my mind.
“He’s good. Shadow was going to take him to the store so they could get some groceries and things he’ll need while staying there,” she tells me, grabbing my clothes so she can help me get dressed. “Have you filled out your discharge papers yet?”
“Yeah. The nurse left not long ago. I’m ready to go as soon as I get dressed,” I respond, wanting to get out of here and home. I’m tired of lying in a hospital bed and not being able t
o see Dylan every minute.
Dylan and I haven’t ever spent any time apart before now. This has been extremely hard on me because seeing him on a phone isn’t the same thing as being able to wrap my arms around him when he’s hurt or upset. It’s still going to be hard to do that for a little while, but I’ll be able to be in the same room as him.
Melissa gets me dressed as carefully as she can. Thankfully, she brought me a dress that buttons up the back so that she has room to slide it up my legs and then button it up after putting my arms through the holes. I’m sitting up in bed when the nurse comes in with the wheelchair. I groan when I see it because I don’t want to be in one. But, I know that for the foreseeable future that’s going to be where I’m sitting so I can get around.
“Here we go, Renee,” the nurse says, putting the brakes on so that I won’t fall if it decides to move when I’m getting in it.
I’m grateful that even though there’s a huge gash in my left leg that it’s not bothering me too bad and I’ll be able to hop on that leg since I can’t put any weight on my right leg. But, I can have my clumsy moments so I’m worried that I’ll end up face planting if I try to do too much moving around. So, Melissa gets on one side of me while the nurse remains on the other so that I can have help if it’s needed.
Once I’m settled in the chair, my sister pushes me out to her car. I sit outside and enjoy the fresh air while she brings her car to the front patient loading area. There’s a couple off to the side of me that captures my attention. It’s an elderly couple and the man is making sure that his wife is warm and covered by a small, thick blanket as he pushes her outside for some fresh air. I watch as he lays his palm against the side of her face and looks down at the love of his life. You can see the love he feels for her shining from his eyes and etched across his face. The woman sits in her chair and looks up at her husband like he hung the moon and is the center of her entire universe. They come to a small pond off to the side of the hospital and he sits down on a bench next to her. Reaching over, he grabs her hand and holds it as they sit in silence.
A pang of longing hits me as I watch them. That is exactly what I want. I want a man that’s going to take care of me when I need it but let me be independent and do my own thing. I want someone that wants to be my partner, my best friend, and my lover all rolled into one. Dylan and I shouldn’t have to come second to anyone else. Lastly, I want a man that’s going to see me as his equal. I’m not someone that’s going to follow along blindly and let him take every single decision away from me. We’ll walk side by side in our life together. I don’t want to have to worry about some other woman becoming his focus or getting his attention.
I’m so lost in my own world that I don’t hear my sister pull up in front of me. I don’t hear her calling my name, and I can’t seem to pull my attention away as I watch the couple make their way toward me. Finally, she snaps in front of my face to get my attention on her so I can get loaded into her car. The nurse pushes the chair as close to the open door as she can before once again locking the breaks. Melissa stands behind the open door so that she can hold it in place while I try to get in the car without making a fool of myself.
“There you go. We’ll see you soon, Renee,” the nurse says when I’m finally sitting in the passenger seat.
“Thank you. I’ll be back in a few weeks for more x-rays and to set up a schedule for rehab,” I answer, fastening my belt before Melissa closes the door.
While I’m waiting for my sister to make her way around the front of the car, I don’t let my attention stray to the couple again. I’m already feeling so much turmoil knowing that Shadow is going to be close the next few months. Seeing what they have is just making the hurt in my heart start all over again knowing that he’s not someone I can make a future like that with. There’s always going to be the girls from the club around trying to get his attention and I’m not going to compete for it.
“You worried about going home?” Melissa asks me, putting the car in gear before pulling away from the curb.
“No. I want to go home. It’s just I know what I’ve always wanted when it comes to a relationship. I thought I found that with Shadow. He paid so much attention to Dylan and me. You know what it takes for anyone to get through my door and meet him. I can’t help but feel like Shadow is the one I would find that with. But, I know what I saw and you know I don’t give second chances. Now, I’m going to be spending the next few months with him in close proximity. I can’t open myself back up for that pain. And I don’t want Dylan to get more attached then he already is,” I tell her, looking out the window.
“I know what you told me you saw. But, you haven’t let Shadow tell you his side of the story. What if you’re throwing away what could be between you for nothing?” she asks, glancing my way before turning her attention back to the road.
“I don’t know if I can take that chance. We’ll see what happens I guess,” I respond, looking away again so she knows I’m done talking about this.
It doesn’t take long to make the trip home. I continue to stare out of the window so that I don’t have to talk about anything. The closer we get to home, the higher my excitement and nerves rise. I can’t wait to see my son and have him wrap his arms around my neck in greeting. But, I’m scared to see Shadow in my home. I have a feeling that he’s going to completely take over. While it may be nice for a while to have help, I’m sure I’m going to become frustrated and annoyed before too long.
“Here we are,” Melissa says, pulling onto the grass in front of my porch so I don’t have very far to go.
“Um, sis, how am I going to get inside?” I ask, realizing that neither one of us thought about the stairs leading up to my door.
“Well, shit. I don’t know,” she answers, sitting in her seat and looking between the porch and me.
Before either one of us spends too much time thinking about a solution, my door opens and Shadow is next to me. His smell immediately engulfs me and my body becomes alert to every single one of his movements. He smells like leather, air, and something that belongs only to him. I never could get enough of it when we were spending time together. Now, it just reminds me of that time.
“I’ll take you inside,” Shadow says, leaning over me to unfasten the belt before hoisting me up into his arms as if I weigh nothing at all. “Dylan’s waitin’ for you.”
I smile as I look up at him. “Thank you for watching him.”
“Anythin’ for you. You should know that by now,” he says, walking up the steps and through the door he left standing open.
Looking around for my son, I see that the living room has been moved around. When I see a hospital bed against the wall, tears well up in my eyes. Shadow really thought of everything. Now, I won’t be stuck up in my bedroom all alone. I’ll be able to be around Dylan during the day. Maybe I can just stay out here all night long so I don’t have to have him carry me up and down the stairs every day. We’ll see how it plays out I guess.
“Mama!” I hear Dylan shout in excitement.
He’s sitting at the kitchen table as I’m put on the bed. Once he knows that I’m settled in, Dylan looks at Shadow before making his way to me. I thought he’d run and try to jump on me. Instead, he slowly makes his way into the living room and stops when he’s about a foot away from me.
“I told him that you were hurt and he’d need to be careful,” Shadow explains to me as he places a hand on my son’s shoulder.
Dylan looks up at his friend and I can see the love my son feels for this man plain as day. It hurts to know that I’ve put space between the two of them this past year or so. I hope that these next few months are good for Dylan and Shadow. He needs to have a male to look up to. No matter what happens between Shadow and me, I hope that he chooses to stay in Dylan’s life. We’ll just have to set some boundaries.
“You relax and we’re goin’ to start makin’ dinner soon. Is there anythin’ that you want?” Shadow asks, staying behind my son almost as if he’s a shield of
some sort.
“No, whatever you make will be good,” I say, knowing that I should say more. “Shadow, I want to thank you for everything.”
Shadow looks at me for a minute, but I can’t read the meaning behind it. Before I can try to decipher it, he puts the mask back in place and nods his head. I watch as he makes his way back to the kitchen to start dinner. I’m not sure what he’s making if he is starting it already, but I’ll go with it. Maybe he needs to put some space between us like I do. This feeling is crazy.
The rest of the night I spend laughing and talking with Melissa and Dylan. Shadow stayed in the background and lets us have this time. He sits at the table in the kitchen working on something, but I’m not sure what it is. When it’s getting close to the time to get Dylan ready for bed, I see Shadow putting his paperwork away and walk into the living room.
“I’ll get little man ready for bed, so you can spend time with your sister before she turns in for the night. Melissa, what time are you plannin’ on leavin’ tomorrow?” he says, scooping down to pick Dylan up over his shoulder.
“I’m going to head out around lunch time. That way you can run anywhere you have to before I leave. I’m going to leave packing until the morning. Thank you, Shadow,” she says, getting up to grab us a drink before settling in.
“Bring Dylan back down for a kiss before you put him to bed?” I ask, watching as my son hangs upside down from Shadow’s shoulder.
“Yep,” he says, turning on his heel and leaving the room.
I stare after him, wondering what’s changed in his attitude since I got home. If it’s something I did then I hope he’ll tell me so we can figure out what to do to get past it. Otherwise this is going to be a few long months of silent treatment and curiousness. And, I know that I put this distance between us. I’m the one that ran away and didn’t talk to him. But, with my history with the opposite sex, and some past friendships, I didn’t want to take that chance again. A person can only be burned so many times before you start to put your guard up even higher.