by Erin Osborne
“Okay. I’m goin’ to get Alice ready and head that way. I won’t tell the guys here anythin’. As soon as I get there, we’ll call Gage and have a meet with just him. The three of us will put our heads together and figure this shit out before your fight tonight. I hate to say it, but you might have to lose this fight Shadow,” Pops answers as I hear movement from his end of the line that tells me he’ll be heading out as soon as we hang up. This is why I’m glad Pops found me that day so long ago and has had my back ever since.
“Thank you doesn’t even begin to cover what I owe you for everythin’ you’ve done for me,” I say before hanging up the phone and grabbing my shit to get on the road home. Renee and Dylan need me in case those assholes make their way there. I’ll do what I have to in order to protect them.
Walking in the door of the house, I see Darcy and Renee sitting in the kitchen talking while Dylan sleeps on the couch. The movie he was watching continues on quietly as if he were still looking at it. I make my way over to the table and kiss the top of Renee’s head before stashing my bag in the closet by the door. I’m going to need it shortly so there’s no point in putting everything away. By the time I get back for a drink and to talk to my girl, Darcy is saying goodbye and making her way out the door. I follow her to make sure that no one takes off after her before once again making my way to Renee.
“Shadow, babe, you’re scaring the shit out of me. What’s going on?” she asks, reaching over to hang on to my hands as she pleads to hear the rest of my story.
“I didn’t want to ever tell you this because I don’t want to face the judgement or the possibility of you leavin’. Today that choice was taken away from me though. I’m so sorry Renee. If you want me to walk away and leave Dylan and you alone, I understand. It will kill me, but I’ll do it,” I answer, holding on tight to her hands so that I’m grounded enough to talk. My emotions are already getting the better of me and I haven’t even told her anything yet. “Anyway, remember what I told you about my mom and why I left the house when I was younger? Well, what I didn’t say is the man that my mom was goin’ to pimp me out to wasn’t goin’ to take no for an answer. I ended up grabbin’ the closest thing to me as a weapon because I wasn’t goin’ to be able to fight him off any other way. I ended up killin’ him with the hammer that I kept under my bed. It was an accident and I got scared I was goin’ to jail. So, I ran. Today I found out that the guy I’m fightin’ tonight is somehow related to that guy. Some assholes came into the gym and threatened me, told me to lose the fight tonight. If I don’t, they said they’d come after you,” I say, looking down at our entwined hands as I wait for Renee to say something.
“Shadow, you were a kid. You didn’t mean to do what you did, and I don’t hold you responsible when it was your moms’ job to protect you. She didn’t do that, so you took matters into your own hands. Now, we’ll take care of whatever happens as it comes. I’m not going anywhere, James,” Renee answers, using my real name instead of my road name. It’s so good to hear that fall from her lips.
I look up at her and take a minute to just stare at the amazing girl sitting beside me, willing to take on the role of a lifetime when the shit is falling all around me. As we wait for Pops to arrive, I tell her about calling him once I was off the phone with her and that he’s on his way here to help me figure this shit out with the club. Then I tell her that I don’t want her alone for the time being. There will always be at least a prospect with her and Dylan. It doesn’t matter if I’m home or not, we’ll have more protection here. I just have to get Gage on board with that.
“What about tonight?” she asks, knowing that I have a fight soon.
“Gage will tell me what to do. I hate the idea of havin’ to lose a fight on purpose, but I’ll do it for you and Dylan. I don’t know what Gage is goin’ to do with me bringin’ this trouble to the club. I can only hope that he lets me stay in the club,” I tell her, showing my second worst fear in this shitstorm.
“I may not know Gage really good, but I don’t think he’s going to kick you out. They’ll have your back just like they always do. I’m sure they might be upset that you didn’t tell them in the beginning, but they’ll get over it,” she says, placing her other hand on my arm to try to get me to calm down and relax a little bit.
Renee has no clue the effect she has on me. Just from one simple touch I can feel a calmness and peace begin to settle over me. I’ve heard the other guys say that their girls are the light to their dark and I never understood that until I met Renee. The more I got to know her, the more I can see the lightness radiate from her like a beacon calling to me when I can’t see an end in sight. Because I’m the guy that fights his demons alone, not bringing another soul in to help me fight my battle. Until today. Today I bring in a whole lot of other people into my shame and guilt.
Renee goes up and takes another shower to get ready for tonight. I told her that Melissa was on her way to get Dylan for a few days. I think it’s best that he’s not here until we know what’s going on. Renee doesn’t want to see her son go, but she’ll do what she can to ensure his safety. I can’t say that I blame her either. Especially considering that I feel like Dylan is my son. I want to be there for him, guide him when he needs it, and show him what it takes to be a man. The feelings for Dylan and his mom crept up on me and I can’t seem to stop them from growing every single day I get to spend in their lives.
Just after Renee gets out of the tub, and I’m sure that she’s going to be okay, I hear a knock on the door. I pull my piece from my back and make my way to the door. Dylan is still sleeping on the couch, so I don’t have to worry about him seeing my gun; it’s the last thing I want. After looking through the peephole, I open the door to see Pops and Alice standing there. He wasn’t kidding when he said he’d be right here.
“Shadow, it’s good to see you. I wish it were under better circumstances, but I’m glad you called me,” he says, pulling me in for a hug as Alice watches on. “I called Gage on our way here and he should be pullin’ in any minute now. It’s goin’ to be just us until he knows what’s goin’ on. Renee know yet?”
“Yeah. I told her as soon as I walked in the door. Made sure Darcy got out okay and then we had a talk. She’s not pissed or upset about it. In fact, she wants to stand by my side and help me through this,” I tell him, wanting him to know that I have someone else on my side.
“Knew she’d stick around. That’s a good girl if I ever saw one. The girls have been talkin’ nonstop about her for months. They’re happy that she is startin’ to let them back in,” he says, pulling Alice through the door in front of him so we can shut it.
I lead them into the kitchen and tell them to get comfortable as I go up to help Renee get downstairs. She’s still not comfortable using the crutches and I don’t want to see her take a fall down the stairs. So, I help her down by walking in front of her and carrying her crutches. She says that she can walk down them as long as she has her boot on. I’ll let her do it as long as I don’t see any pain cross her face. There’s no point in her hurting when I’m right here.
“Hi Pops. Alice,” she says, taking a seat at the table after checking on her son.
“Hey sweetie!” Alice says. “It’s good to see you again.”
“You too. Do either of you want anything?” she asks, wanting to be a good hostess.
They both decline anything as we wait for Gage to show up. I can feel the nervousness ratchet higher throughout my body as the wait lingers on. Renee senses my tension and places her hand on my thigh. I look at her and offer a small smile as the rumble of a bike begins to get louder. Gage is here and my fate will soon be decided. I stand up and make my way to the door to see Dylan stirring on the couch. He can always hear a bike and runs to the window to see who it is.
I open the door just as Gage goes to knock on it. He’s surprised by my sudden appearance before him, but I can’t wait any longer to see what’s going to happen. Not only is my position in the club at jeopardy, but the safet
y and lives of Renee and Dylan are at stake here. Gage needs to be brought up to date and make the final decision about what’s going to happen with everything. Even if that means we need to have an emergency church to bring it up in front of anyone.
“So, what’s the urgent matter that needs to be discussed?” Gage asks, stepping through the door just as Dylan sits up on the couch and looks at us.
Renee gets up and grabs her crutches to make her way over to him while I lead my President over to the kitchen table. Pops and I share my story with him while Gage listens carefully. Alice, Renee, and Dylan are doing their own thing as Pops does most of the talking. I can’t manage to do much at the moment other than let my nerves run riot and make all sorts of scenarios play out in my mind.
Once Pops is done explaining my past in great detail, the same detail that I gave him once upon a time, Gage sits back and takes a few minutes to himself. I’m not sure what’s going through his head right now. His face is a blank mask as I sit and wait for the outcome.
“Well, that’s a lot to take in,” my Prez finally says, leaning back in his chair as he continues to think over what needs to happen next. “Shadow, we all have a past that we’re not proud of. Why didn’t you tell anyone before now what happened?”
“I’ve always kept my demons buried as deep as I could. When they make their way to the forefront and I think about that time in my life, I figure out the best way to handle them. Alone,” I say, knowing that this isn’t the end of the talk.
“Now you have a family at your back and we’re goin’ to get you on the other side of this. We’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that you’re all safe. Shadow, what are your thoughts about throwin’ the fight?” he asks, getting right to the heart of the matter as he sits forward and leans his elbows on the table in front of him.
“I don’t want to throw the fight. I’ve never had a loss I didn’t deserve. But I don’t want these assholes comin’ after Renee and Dylan just because I didn’t do what they wanted me to do. So, I think that I’ll throw it to make sure that there’s not a bigger reason for them to become targets,” I respond, letting the frustration fill my voice.
“Who’s to say that it’s goin’ to make them not come after them? Do we really know for sure that they’ll back off if you really throw the match?” Gage asks, letting my other thought come out in the open.
“We don’t know. But I’m not willin’ to risk them,” I say firmly, making my final decision.
“Listen, Shadow, don’t throw the fight. We got Renee and Dylan. I mean he’s leavin’ soon anyway. We’ll send Mike with Melissa to make sure that they get home in one piece and then stay with them. She lives close to Butcher’s club, so I’ll reach out and see if they can help out with protection,” Gage says, standing up to signal the talk is over. “Now, we’ll bring this up in church to get the guys on the same page. I’m gonna make sure everyone is ready for tonight. We’ll all be there like any other night you fight. The only difference is all the girls will be with us.”
Pops and I walk Gage to the door and watch as he gets on his bike and leaves the house. It’s time for me to get ready to leave. I have to be at the gym in a little bit, so we’ll leave in the next hour or so. In the meantime, I have to shower and make sure I have everything in my bag to go. So, I leave Renee with Pops and Alice and go about my routine on fight night.
There’s been three fights so far and I’m next. Instead of being out in the fight area with the rest of the crowd, Renee and I are in the locker room. Gage, Tank, and Wood are standing guard so that no one can come in. A few guys from the other clubs came out tonight because of the threat against Renee I received earlier. I’m so nervous about tonight, but Gage and Tank had another talk with me and I’m more confident in the decision to fight my own fight and not worry about the repercussions. Renee has been by my side through it all.
“Baby, you need to calm down. It’s a fight like ones you’ve had before,” Renee says, sitting down on the bench so she’s not on her foot right now. “Shadow, there’s a threat against us that’s going to happen whether you win or lose tonight. Be the man that captured my attention so long ago and don’t backdown from this asshole.”
“Renee, you don’t understand what these men could do to you. Or Dylan. If I can protect you by losin’ a match, then I’ll do it. I won’t put you in harm’s way. Doc, you just let me back in and there’s no way in hell I’m losin’ you already,” I tell her, crouching down in front of her so that I can see her face and let her see how honest I’m being with her right now.
“James, I know you will do everything in your power to protect us. If that means that we have to stay at the clubhouse for a while, then that’s what we’ll do. Kim and the girls explained what a lockdown was and I’m good with it,” she says, shocking me again as she places her hand on my cheek.
I can’t help it, I lean into her touch, needing her brand of calm right now. Yeah, I need to be amped up and ready to fight, but with all the other thoughts swirling through my head about her and Dylan, I can’t get where I need to be. If I can’t find a way to get there, I might just end up losing this fight.
“Doc, you have to know that I want to do right by the two of you. I’m not gonna fuck up again and I’m in it for the long haul. But I can’t win this one,” I tell her, pulling away from her touch.
“If you intentionally lose this fight, James, then you’re not the man I thought you were. You will have our backs, that I can be certain of. It’s not like I didn’t hear you driving by the house to check on things while we weren’t talking. So, I’m going out with the girls while I send your boys in here. Do what you gotta do and you fight for us. Show them that we’re not scared of their threats,” she says, standing up, placing a kiss on my cheek, and turning to walk out of the locker room.
Fuck! She’s right. I’m not letting these assholes beat me before I even get in the cage. My brothers and I will protect her and Dylan as much as we can. I’m going to beat this motherfucker’s ass for getting in my head and making threats against my family.
“You got a few minutes. Ready to go?” Gage asks as Wood, Cage, Slim, Steel, and him make their way into me. Tank left to walk Renee back out to the rest of the girls.
“I got this,” is my only response as I finish taping up and getting my head clear.
“You’re gonna beat his ass, aren’t you?” Steel asks.
“Yep. Can’t let them win. Renee knows what has to happen and she’s ready,” I tell them, looking at them so they know I’m truly ready for this fight.
“Good. You got a good one there. Don’t fuck it up again,” Cage says, putting his hand on my shoulder. “She’s stronger than you think. You’ll make it through this shit and be stronger together. We all got your back. You just worry about beatin’ some ass and we’ll celebrate afterwards.”
We walk out to the cage as soon as my name is called, and I see that the guy I’m facing has to be related to the man that I killed when I was younger. I’ll never forget his face as he was coming after me. It’s the same face that’s staring back at me from the other side of the ring. There’s vengeance in his eyes and I know that he’s going to put everything he has into beating me. Except he thinks I’m going to cave to his demands. I look over to make sure the girls are surrounded and protected before the fight begins. Kim is standing next to my girl and they’re both watching me intently.
“You’re going down motherfucker! What you did will always come back to haunt you,” he says taunting me. “That pretty little piece you got will look good riding my cock when the fight is over.”
I let his words bounce off me as the bell rings and the fight begins. The asshole comes at me with lefts, rights, and kicks. I block almost all of them. He lands a few good hits and I let him. I want him to think that I’m going down. This continues on for several minutes before I snap and let the rage I feel out. My demons come out to play in a fury of lefts and rights. As soon as he’s down. I walk to the side and grab a pair
of brass knuckles that Joker is holding out for me. Taking one last look at Renee, I see her nod her head at me and that’s all the reassurance I need.
Walking back to the guy lying on the mat, I pull his head by his hair. “Your brother was a sick fuck. Don’t ever think you can threaten my family again. He got what he deserved and now you will too,” I tell him before starting to beat his head in with the brass knuckles I’ve slipped on my hand.
Once I start, I get lost in the pain, guilt, fear, and rage running through my body. It’s like I black out until I feel arms pulling me away from the body lying on the mat in front of me. I look down at him and see the blood pooling around his head, his face is completely destroyed, and I can guarantee a trip to the hospital in his future. For me, it’s still not enough. Not when he dared to utter shit about Renee. He’ll never get his hands on my girl. I’ll die making sure that never happens.
Cage and Tank lead me from the ring and back to the locker room to grab my bag so we can get out of here. As soon as we make it back to the girls, I see Renee waiting for me. I grab her around the waist and devour her mouth. At this point, I don’t give a shit who’s watching.
“So proud of you baby,” she murmurs against my mouth.
“Let’s get out of here,” I say, turning to look at everyone else surrounding us.
Before we can leave, Kim stops dead in her tracks and her face loses all color. Fox is right by her side and starts whispering to her. I’m not sure what’s going on, but we need to get out of here before anyone tries to come after us. That’s the only thing on my mind right now. My adrenaline is already running high and the thought that someone is going to ambush us as we leave is keeping it high.
Renee, myself, and the rest of the girls are surrounded as we make our way out of the gym to our bikes and SUVs. I make sure that Renee is locked in one of the SUVs before running to my bike. We all surround the cars as we make our way back to the clubhouse. Thankfully, no one follows us as we roar out of the place that just cemented my future. Not only am I never letting Renee and Dylan go, but I know that a shitstorm is heading our way. It’s just a matter of time before we find out what the fallout is going to be.