I swipe my phone from the floor and turn to Devlin to find that he’s sitting up, his expression troubled as he watches me. His brow creases, and he says, “Did I just fuck this up?” He genuinely looks concerned.
I shake my head and quickly type, No. I climbed on you, remember? I tilt the phone to show him.
He scans the text. “True,” he concedes. “But I took it to the next level.” His eyes search mine. “Are you okay with what just happened?”
After hesitating, I type, Yes and no. It happened fast, and I acknowledge I started it. I frown, trying to sort out how to get across what I’m feeling in a text message. How do I tell him that the intensity of what I’d just experienced scares me? I also know that the next time he touches me, I’m going to want to go up in flames again. This thing we’d started tonight, it’s going to always be there between us—waiting for one of us to strike the match and start the fire.
When Devlin’s hand caresses my face, urging me to look at him, I lift my gaze from the phone.
He peers at me, and there’s a softness lingering in the depths of his gaze. “What just happened was something that I will forever hold onto. It meant something, and I think it’s frightened you.” He visibly draws in a deep breath before exhaling. “Charli, I’m not going anywhere. This can play out as slow as you want, or at whatever pace you wish. Just don’t…shut me out.”
My features pull into a frown. I’m not shutting him out. I turn to my phone, but Devlin touches my cheek to gain my attention. I watch his lips. “You don’t need to say anything. Nothing at all. We don’t even have to talk about it. I just want you to feel comfortable with me.”
A little part of me is relieved, because my emotions are all over the place right now. I also don’t want to say something wrong, and right now, he’s saying all the right things.
“Would you like to shower?” he asks. “It’s late, and I have some business to take care of.”
Someone else might take it as being dismissed, but I see it for what it is. I need time to process what we’d done, and he’s acknowledging it. Things are shifting back to normal, and I nod with a grateful smile. A shower would be nice, and I also want to check in with Keagan.
Devlin straightens his shirt and rises to his feet. “I’ll take you to the guest room.”
Fifteen
Devlin
I stand in front of the large windows in the master suite, unable to sleep while knowing Charli is down in the guest room. I’ve never wanted someone so badly before, and I’d had to jack off like a teenager in the bathroom after leaving her earlier. Sex has always come easy, and I’ve never felt emotionally connected to any of my partners, but Charli… The sounds she’d made, every move of her body, the way her back had arched… I’d been aware of it all while I was touching her body, and I’d enjoyed every second of it. Watching her come apart will be something I’ll replay in my mind over and over. I’m not a selfish lover, I’ll give pleasure knowing the favor will be returned, but tonight, none of it had been about me, and I’d been fine with that. This is much more than just attraction. I’ve known it from the very beginning, but tonight had brought everything into focus—especially seeing her uncertainty.
My gut tightens, and I rest my forearm against the glass, staring down at the city below. Earlier, something had stirred within me that I’ve never experienced before. I wouldn’t call it fear, but I am worried I’m going to somehow scare her off. When she’d writhed in my arms, I’d known she was right there with me, and she was wanting what was happening. But damn, afterwards, I could tell the intensity of our sexual attraction scares her. I have to admit, it’s caught me off guard as well. I’d known sex with Charli would be good, but after tonight, I would do just about anything to get between those slim thighs of hers. I want all of her—body and soul.
And that is just fucked up considering what kind of background I come from.
She’s my weakness, there’s no denying it.
It’s been drilled into me since childhood that I’m not supposed to care about anyone but myself, but Charli’s ripped those expectations to shreds.
“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath. Charli isn’t a complication I need in my life, but I can’t stop this thing from unfolding further. I can’t prevent myself from wondering if I can make room for Charli in my life. Could she have a permanent place with me? Would she even want to be mine?
I shouldn’t want any of this, but she makes me feel alive, she brings me…peace. The darker parts of me, they fall back when she’s around. She makes me want to be better. I’ve inadvertently given her power over me, and that’s something I’ve never done. Her feelings, her thoughts, everything she does—it matters.
I have a feeling that Charli just might be the downfall I’ve spent my entire life running from. Letting someone in means the damage is that much worse when things fall apart. Is she worth the pain she could bring forth? Because if I allow this to happen, and it crashes around me, I can’t guarantee the backlash won’t cause others their lives.
Sixteen
Charli
On Monday, I’m feeling strangely nervous as I ride the subway to work. Keagan is seated beside me, but he might as well not even be there with as distracted as I am with my thoughts.
Devlin had brought me home Sunday morning, placing a tender kiss on my forehead before telling me he’d pick me up tonight after my shift, and then he’d left. I long for him so much, and it’s unsettling how fast this has all happened. What are we doing? Will the lust eventually fade? Will he grow bored with me? There are so many questions floating around in my head, and I don’t have the answers to any of them. I naively thought that I could control the lust and my emotions, but after Saturday night, I know I can’t. Every time he lets me in a little deeper, I fall harder. How could hate turn to something like this in the blink of an eye?
Sometimes, I try to put things into perspective and tell myself that I’m only interested in him because he’s gorgeous and my deafness doesn’t faze him. But there’s more, and I know it. He fascinates me, and as much as I want to conquer my own issues, I also want to help him conquer his. I’ve spent my entire life trying to find something good in the worst of situations, and yet Devlin’s lived in that darkness with nothing to help ease him out of it. Deep down, I want to be his anchor, to help him realize all the things he’s missing, but I can’t do that without losing my heart.
These thoughts have been rolling around in my head since he’d brought me home, and I haven’t figured out what to do about it. He’s supposed to pick me up tonight after my shift at the library, and I don’t know what’s going to happen.
My phone vibrates in my hand, and I nearly jump out of my skin—bringing me back to the present. I peer at the new text. Even though he’s sitting right beside me, it’s from Keagan. You and I need to talk.
I glance at him, and when I take in his battered face, my heart stutters as it does every time I look at him and see the damage from Saturday night. He has a cut on his lip, and a bruise mars the side of his face. He’d gotten off lucky compared to Lance, but thankfully, Lance will make a full recovery. He’s going to be sore for a while, but he hadn’t been seriously injured.
He and Keagan had given the police the descriptions of the attackers, and now I’m relieved Keagan had sent me away. It had happened so fast that I don’t recall what the men looked like. All I’d been able to concentrate on was trying to stop it. If I’d been interviewed by the police, I wouldn’t have been any help.
A dull ache forms inside my chest as I think upon the hurdles both Keagan and I have dealt with and the ones yet to come. I think out of everyone in the world, Keagan understands me best. He has his own battles to win, and I reach for his hand, slipping my fingers through his.
This earns me a warm smile from him, and I move closer and rest my head on his shoulder. I don’t care that he’s being paid to live with me. It doesn’t matter how he ended up in my life, what matters is that he’s in it.
&nbs
p; * * *
After my shift at the library, I’m dumbfounded to see that no one is waiting for me. Devlin’s nowhere to be found, and there is no limo idling at the curb. Where is he? Maybe he’s late?
I quickly dig my phone from my purse and check it. Carter had sent me a message five minutes ago, and it’s short and simple. Mr. Kade won’t be available this evening. Keagan had also sent me a text less than two minutes ago. Mr. Kade can’t make it. I’m on the subway. Be there in ten.
As I reread Carter’s text, I slowly draw in a breath and try to ignore the crushing disappointment. Why hadn’t Devlin text messaged me himself? I glance at the curb where the limo is usually waiting, and I feel strangely abandoned. I’d spent all day trying to sort out my feelings, and even though I’m extremely confused with it all, I had still been looking forward to seeing him.
I shake off the disappointment and begin walking down the sidewalk as I text Keagan, telling him I’ll meet him there at the station. There’s no sense in him walking to the library and then walking me back. After slipping the phone in my purse, I wrap my arms around my waist and merge with the other pedestrians, my thoughts on Devlin.
I understand he’s a busy man, but it’s after six. Perhaps he’d been delayed with a business meeting? Or…he may be delayed because of other ‘business’ issues. As much as I want to ignore that side of him, it’s becoming apparent that I can’t. It’s hard to connect the man that had made me feel so good Saturday night with the man behind so much criminal activity. He’d admitted that he’s in charge of the organization. He’s not just a part of it, he is it.
I bite my lip as I dodge a pedestrian standing in the middle of the sidewalk gazing at a map with confusion. As much as I want Devlin Kade, I need to keep in mind who he really is. No, that’s not right. There’s so much more to him than the man running an illegal organization, but the fact is, that criminal activity is a part of him. Can I continue to turn a blind eye to it? If I do, does that mean I’m in a way accepting of human trafficking? The drugs, I can handle that as bad as it sounds. Drugs have been around forever, and even though people get hooked on them, they still have the choice to begin taking them. Human trafficking is different. No one has a choice in the matter. Their lives are taken from them, and it’s difficult to accept that I’m beginning to care for a man that thinks its okay to do those awful things.
These are all things I should have thought about before I let him kiss me, before he made me feel like a woman with adult desires. It’d all been in the back of my mind, but I’ve been focusing on the side of Devlin that lures me to him. The man behind the name is someone I could really begin to care deeply for. As much as I long for that man, there are so many other parts of Devlin. If I get to know him further, I’ll need to accept all of him, and that could be a problem.
A lump has formed in my throat, and I swallow past it as I give myself a mental eyeroll. What’s to think about anyway? The man hadn’t even text messaged me himself to cancel whatever it was that we were going to do tonight. I’m assuming dinner, and I don’t know what else would have happened.
The crushed feeling is still present, and if having him cancel on me makes me feel like this, things are bound to get worse. What happens after I give him my virginity and then our relationship begins to fade? He’ll go on with his life, and I’ll be left to pick up the pieces of my heart, because I don’t think I can do casual sex. Besides, Devlin never admitted he wanted anything serious with me. He hadn’t wanted to put a label on it.
I rub my temples that are beginning to throb with my heavy thoughts. When I reach the subway station, I try to brush them aside as I meet up with Keagan. We’re both quiet during the ride, and we walk in silence back to the apartment.
Once we’re inside, and Keagan has closed the door, he snags my attention and motions for me to sit with him on the sofa. I take a seat and set my purse aside as he settles next to me. I turn to him and sign, How’s Lance doing?
Same as he was this morning. What’s going on, Charli? You’ve been quiet all weekend, and I have a feeling it has nothing to do with what happened at the parking ramp and everything to do with Mr. Kade.
I release a sigh and tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear. The ache in my temples have turned into a full-blown headache, and I debate whether I want to confess how far things went Saturday night. I’m not really in the mood to deal with a conversation like this.
Keagan reaches for my hands, and I find myself caught in his blue gaze. “What happened that night?” He asks as his eyes search mine. “Did you sleep with him?”
He releases my hands so that I can sign, but I leave them resting on my lap. “It didn’t get…that far,” I tell him.
I watch as he draws in a deep breath and exhales. He sits back and signs, You’re having regrets?
“No and yes,” I say stiltedly.
I won’t repeat anything you tell me, you know that. Talk to me, tell me where your head is at, he urges with a firm look.
It’s too much to say, so I switch to ASL. I think I like him too much, and I’m not sure I can accept the other aspects of his life. It’s complicated. Underneath that hard exterior is a man I would like to get to know, but he’s not the kind of man one can get to know and not fall for. I’m beginning to realize that now.
Keagan studies me for a long moment and then nods in agreement. I’ve read up on Devlin Kade. If the rumors are true, I can see where you’d have a dilemma. Charli, as much as I like the man, he’s dangerous. Anyone can tell that just by looking at him.
“I know,” I say out loud.
What are you going to do? he signs.
I don’t know. That’s what I’m trying to figure out, I sign back.
* * *
Later that night, I’ve showered, and I’m just climbing into bed when I see the phone light up with a text. I sink onto the mattress and find a text message from Devlin. Something came up that I couldn’t avoid. I’m sorry, Charli.
I stare at his text for a long minute. How I respond will set in motion what happens between us. I close my eyes and think over my options. The fact is, I can’t ignore what he does. I’d tried, but when I’m not with him, it creeps back into my mind, taunting me.
I type my response and hesitate. It’s probably too bold, but he knows how direct I can be. I reread it one more time. Business related or other? I press send and blow out a breath. I hope it doesn’t come off as accusing or too pushy. He hasn’t hidden what he does, and it’s my own fault I opened myself up to him. I’m not trying to be unkind, especially after he’d spoken of his childhood, but I can’t ignore that we’re both headed in different directions. Not only that, but the disappointment I’d experienced when he hadn’t been at the library had clued me in that I’m falling way too fast. If I don’t put on the brakes, I’m going to end up hurt.
After a few minutes, I realize he’s not going to reply. I can’t blame him. He was apologizing, and my response had been confrontational. I reluctantly type a new message. We can’t do this, Devlin. I appreciate all that you’ve done for me, but I think there’s a line that we shouldn’t cross. Before I can give into any doubts, I send the message. I’m not expecting a response, so I place the phone beneath my pillow and lie down.
A heaviness promptly settles in my heart. I don’t know if Devlin’s capable of being hurt, and I draw in another deep breath and exhale as I struggle with my emotions. I don’t want to let him go, but my mind is logically pointing out that it’d be wise to end things before it can go further.
Seventeen
Devlin
Business related or other?
I stare hard at the text message Charli had just sent, and I rub my jaw warily. I’ve always admired how direct she is, but today, her question throws me.
Shit.
I’ve been so focused on building trust between us that I haven’t taken a moment to consider how she feels about my not-so-legitimate businesses. I typically analyze most situations from every possible angle, bu
t with Charli, things are different now that I’ve stopped thinking of her as a possession.
Her question is justified considering I’m in a dark SUV, dressed in a disguise with blood spatter all over me. A situation had come up that I hadn’t been able to avoid, and I regret not being able to contact Charli myself, but I’d been pressed for time.
Lives had ended tonight, and I’d been the one to end them.
I’d also personally killed the two men that had attacked Keagan and his boyfriend. I probably would have let it slide had Charli not been hurt during the scuffle, but I hadn’t been able to handle seeing her beautiful face marred by the ugliness of the world. After I’d gotten the descriptions of the men from Keagan, I’d sent Tobias on a mission to track them down. Yesterday evening, I’d ended their lives. They made the decision to take down two innocent men, and they’d paid for it with their lives. It’s not anything I’ll dwell over, but that’s because I’m accustomed to the world I live in.
A new text appears on the phone’s screen. We can’t do this, Devlin. I appreciate all that you’ve done for me, but I think there’s a line that we shouldn’t cross.
Well, fuck.
I mutter a curse under my breath.
“Sir?” Aiden asks from up front in the driver’s seat.
“Keep driving,” I clip out as I stare hard at the newest text.
She’s ending things. Anger builds deep within me. I’d let her in, damn it. I’d put my trust in her with the hope that it would pay off, and instead, she’s rejecting me.
My hand tightens around the phone, and I close my eyes as I slowly inhale through my nose, controlling the urge to react with violence. The last time I’d felt rejection had been at the hands of my father. Through the years, I’ve made damn sure to never experience this feeling ever again, and yet here I am. I’m livid, but my mind is warning me to ease up and take a moment to think logically before acting.
Caught in the Devil's Snare Page 16