by Kayn, Debra
The guys turned around as he approached. He ignored their curious looks and their attempt at creating a wall of their bodies, blocking the door. Standing his ground, he waited for them to move out of his way.
"We need to talk, otakuyaya." Brody was the first one of them to step forward.
He clenched his hands and stared past Brody, not meeting his gaze. Tension rolled over his shoulders and down his back, but he refused to stand down. The respect he had for them fizzled with their betrayal, and they'd thrown the bond they had with each other away.
For Brody to call him his brother was a joke. Brothers don't turn their back on each other.
"Dammit, Trace. Talk to us. Say something, even if you tell us to fuck off." Devon thumped Trace's chest. "This is killing all of us."
His fist came up, but he forced his arm down. He wouldn't allow himself to hit one of them, no matter how pissed off he was about them betraying his wishes. He'd gone all these years making sure he never punched another person, afraid that if he did, he wouldn't know how to stop, like his old man.
Bad blood flowed in his veins. He was more like his father than he wanted to claim.
"If it'll make you feel better. Go ahead and hit me." Devon stood in front of him. "It was my idea to hire Joan. She deserves this job, so if you're mad at someone…it should be me."
"Move." He stepped forward, but Devon pushed him back with his chest.
"Do it, Trace." Devon gave him another shove. "I'm not scared of you. Get it out."
"No." He sidestepped.
He'd wrestled, shoved, rolled around in the dirt with each one of them, many times in his life, but never in anger. He wouldn't cross the line they'd drawn before him, and they knew it. It wasn't the pain he'd go through afterward or the injuries he'd inflict on someone else that had him walking away.
It was the humiliation of being the subject of someone's anger that stayed long past the black eye or broken ribs. The shame that grew and festered, until you believed you were lower than dog shit and not worth the next breath you inhaled. He never wanted to subject anyone to that kind of treatment.
His best friends had hurt him. They'd also forced him to let go of the guilt over being his father's punching bag. Joan had believed in him, loved him, and he'd lost everything. If anyone deserved to get their ass kicked, it was him.
"Back off, Devon." Brody moved aside and nodded at Trace. "Go ahead. You want to run away. Go. Sometime you'll have to face your decisions, Trace. This one lays squarely on your shoulders, not on your father, not our people, and not us."
His friends backed away, leaving a path for him to walk through, challenging him, daring him to hide from the truth. Blood pounded in his head, filling his ears and muffling everything else. Surrounded and closed off, he felt himself slipping into the past. Panicked, he shut down. He escaped inside the house and closed the door. Not stopping, he went straight to his wing of the house and locked himself in.
The muscles in his legs quivered. He reached out and leaned against the wall. More than his friends' confrontation, it was the quiet way they accepted the way he handled life that left him weaker than a baby.
Once again, they gave him an excuse to run. Twenty years ago, he loved them for letting him escape. Ten years ago, he expected them to help. Before Joan, he took comfort from always having them there to support him.
Today, their understanding shattered his soul.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The girl stepping off the train could not be Joan's little sister. Wearing a pair of daisy dukes, a black spaghetti strapped tank—three sizes too small, and a pair of red cowboy boots that showed off long, lean legs, Katie pushed back her mane of red hair and waved over her head in carefree abandon.
Joan ran to meet her, fighting tears. She'd done it. Katie was back home where she belonged.
She caught Katie up in a hug and twirled her around in a circle. "I am so glad to see you."
"Me too. I thought I'd never get back home." Katie laughed. "I couldn't even sleep last night, I was so excited."
"Let me look at you." Joan pulled back, keeping her hands on Katie's arms. "You're taller than I am now."
"Yeah, I went through a growth spurt. Aunt Sharon bought me some new clothes." Katie turned in a circle. "I bought the boots with the birthday money I'd saved from last year."
Joan groaned and scrunched up her nose. "God! I'm the worst sister in the world. I forgot about your birthday. Why didn't you say something when I talked to you?"
Katie shrugged. "It's no big deal. I knew you were working, and trying to save your money."
"Yeah, but I could have at least sang you Happy Birthday on the phone." She grabbed one of Katie's bags. "I'll make it up to you, I swear."
"Sure, if you want." Katie skipped into a walk. "Come on, I can't wait to go home. I promised Melanie I'd get together with her."
"Not tonight." Joan bumped her hip into Katie. "Tonight is for sisters only. I've already ordered pizza and I want to hear about what you've been doing while you were gone. So much has happened, and we need to set up a schedule now that I'll be working."
"Don't worry about me. I've got plans." Katie grinned. "I finally have my life back."
"That's why we're going to make sure we have the rules down. No arguing, because you know dad would want you to put your education first." Joan threw her arm around Katie's shoulder. "Don't worry. You'll have plenty of time for your friends later."
Katie squeezed her tight. "Anything will be better than living with Aunt Sharon. It'll take me five minutes to update you on everything that has happened since I left. I swear parents could send their troubled teens to Aunt Sharon, and she'd whip them in shape. I can't believe she thinks playing Yahtzee is something that should be a nightly ritual. I thought I was going to die of boredom. Plus, not one person in that stupid city owned a horse."
Joan put the bags in the trunk. Her chest constricted. She knew someone who had many horses, but Katie would never know him now.
"Hey, nice ride, sis." Katie jumped into the passenger seat. "Much better than that beater you bought after selling daddy's truck."
Joan grinned and slid into the driver's seat. "I hope so. At least this one will get us to where we're going without blowing up."
"Can I drive it sometime?" Katie turned around and checked out the backseat. "Aunt Sharon wouldn't let me practice on her car."
"Only on the back roads around town the way dad taught me." She shuddered. "I can't believe it's time to get you a license. You're growing up way too fast."
"Good. It's boring being seventeen. I can't wait until I'm eighteen and can do what I want. I'll buy myself a big fancy house, and own a lot of horses. Maybe I'll even give riding lessons or open an arena for people who can't board their own horses." Katie rolled down the window and stuck her booted foot out the window. "I'm tired of guys talking to me, and when they find out I'm seventeen, they turn around and walk away. Like one year is going to make me so mature and wise."
Joan chewed her lip. Katie had gone away a young girl, and came back with big dreams and a new grownup zest for living. She glanced at the heavy, black eyeliner and mascara on Katie's face. It seemed like yesterday, she'd gone through the stage of wishing she were older and thinking the sun only rose if she had a boyfriend, now it was Katie's turn to learn. If I only knew being older wasn't all it was cracked up to be…
Arriving at the apartment, Joan got Katie situated in the bedroom and then left the room to get the pizza out of the oven, and put the pop on the table. Since leaving the Lakota ranch, her appetite had fled but she was so happy to have Katie back, she found herself starving and couldn't wait to eat.
"Where are you going to be working?" Katie entered the room, sat down at the table, and picked a piece of pepperoni off her slice and popped it in her mouth.
"The Lakota reservation. A new non-profit health and wellness clinic is starting there, and I'll be in charge of running it. I'm excited. It'll be challenging, but most of al
l I can put my education to good use. For a while there, I was feeling as if I had sent you away for no reason. I couldn't find a job anywhere, and was afraid we'd have to move out of Durham."
"I knew you could do it." Katie popped the tab on her soda. "The reservation is where Tommy Carson lives…he's Jessie's boyfriend. I think you might have met him when they came to our old house before the Homecoming dance last year. Jessie said Tommy goes to school on the reservation, and they have their own rules and government. She makes it sound like it's a different country."
Joan finished chewing, swallowed, and wiped her mouth off with a napkin. "Jessie's right. They do have different laws. Anyone who visits Lakota land has to follow the rules set by the council. The same way they have to follow the rules our government makes and Dad helped enforce. I don't believe they're much different, though."
"Can I go sometime and see where you'll be working?" Katie asked.
Remembering Savannah and Trace's hardships with living on the reservation, she hesitated. "We'll see. Not right away, but maybe after I settle in and the newness of the clinic wears off."
"Why didn't you keep working at the ranch you mentioned? Didn't you like it there?"
Joan sat her piece of pizza down on her plate. "It was only for six weeks. I nursed a man who had his leg broken by a wild horse. He's all healed, has his cast off, and doesn't need my help anymore."
"Oh." Katie paused with the pizza halfway to her mouth. "You look sad. Was it a terrible job?"
How did she explain that in the last six weeks she'd fallen in love with a man who'd never love her, or let her love him? She swallowed the lump in her throat, sipped her drink, and bought time to come up with an answer that her sister would believe.
Their age difference always kept their relationship more toward the parent-child side, than the buddy-buddy sister pact that she would have had with someone more her age, but Katie was growing up. She didn't want Katie to think she was sad about her coming home.
"The man, Trace, who I was taking care of…I fell in love with him, but in the end, it didn't work out." Joan smiled sadly. "I'll be fine. I just need to get back into the groove of working. I plan to throw myself into getting this place in tip top shape for us."
"I'll help." Katie leaned back in her chair. "That sucks though, about the guy. Why didn't it work out?"
"It's complicated." Joan sighed. "I guess he decided he wasn't ready for a relationship."
Katie wrinkled her nose. "Sounds like an ass."
"Katie!" Joan stared at her sister. "He's not an…ass. If you knew him, you'd see how wonderful he is. Between us, he's part of the group that is starting the clinic at the reservation. He's caring, and he loves children. T-Trace is a great guy."
"I don't get it." Katie wiped her mouth. "You're great. He's great. Yet, you broke up. I think adults make things more complicated than they are. That's what happened to Melissa's parents. They decided they didn't love each other anymore and got divorced last year. I don't believe it. Once you love someone you don't stop loving them."
Joan wondered if Katie was right. Maybe she'd go the rest of her life never loving someone else. "You're growing up, Kate bait."
"Ugh." Katie laughed. "I was hoping you'd forget about that name. I had no idea Dad's worms he used for fishing were real. I thought they were gummy worms. I really don't think something I did when I was four should ever be talked about again."
Joan laughed. It was good to have Katie home. She made life fun and new, without forgetting about their past.
She pushed herself away from the table and gathered the rest of the pizza to put in the fridge for tomorrow. The night bittersweet, she wished that Katie could have met Trace. He would have appreciated Katie's carefree spirit.
***
It's time.
Two weeks of throwing all of his energy into Thunderbolt's training and ignoring every other part of his life, Trace sat on the top of the fence ready to ride. He waited. Thunderbolt ran past him. He'd have to control the exact timing if he was going to succeed. If he missed, he'd end up with another busted leg or worse.
The horse's breath whooshed out with each pass. Trace slowed his own breathing. One more time around and he'd ride. He stood, balancing on his boot heels on the second rung of the cold, steel fence. He spread his arms out. Get ready, set, g—.
A rope came over his head and around his upper body, pinning his arms to his side. He tottered on the fence, and finally hurled himself to the outside of the round pen to keep from falling under Thunderbolt's hooves. His head snapped up and he squinted from the cloud of dust rising up around him from the fall. Brody!
"You son of a bitch!" He scrambled to his feet, and dove at Brody.
In one hard move, he tackled Brody and took him to the ground with him. Brody locked his arms around Trace's neck, and held on. Trace rolled, trying to toss Brody off him, wanting him to leave him alone and let him do what he wanted to do. If he wanted to risk his life, that was his choice. He was tired of others dictating to him and taking his control away.
"Go ahead! If you want to hit me, do it. Show me how pissed off you are." Brody grunted and rolled Trace's face in the dirt.
"You've fucked up my life enough, and you call yourself my friend." Trace groaned and heaved Brody off him.
Brody jumped to his feet. "What the hell do you think you're doing getting on that horse? He's not ready. You know that. Riding him is suicide."
He caught himself when his leg shot pain up into his thigh. "Who cares," he muttered.
Brody stared at him. "I do."
"The hell you do. If you cared, you wouldn't have hired Joan to work at the clinic. She's too good to work with people like Savannah's father…my father."
Brody kept his feet planted. "Your dad is dead. He's rotting away for what he's done to you. He's gone, Trace. You don't have to worry about him anymore."
He spit on the ground, heaving. "Get outta my sight before I kill you."
"Shit." Brody shook his head. "You really think you'd hurt me?"
Trace glared. Anger rolled off his body and he fisted his hands. His father's word's poisoned his head. You worthless piece of shit! I'd be better off if you were dead. Fight like a man, you puss.
"Trace…"
"Stop." He turned around and walked to the round pen.
He hung his arms over the top rail, and dropped his chin to his chest. When Brody stopped him, Trace had reacted without thinking. His body shook, not from his temper, but fear. He didn't want to be like his father.
Chapter Twenty-Five
A new modular building stood out from the rest of the homes and outbuildings on the reservation. Across the street from the stables, the construction had already started on the additional rooms, and soon there would be distinct areas for group counseling sessions, for individual evaluation, and personal healthcare. Joan shaded her eyes with her hand and smiled. Off to the side there would be a safe house where those who needed a bed and rest could stay.
"It's more beautiful than I imagined." Joan hugged Devon, and then made her way to Brody, giving each one a big squeeze. "I can't believe how fast everything happened in a month. When you make up your mind, there's no stopping you."
"It's not done yet. It'll be a couple more months until the additions are done, but next week you can open the doors and educate everyone on what will be offered at the clinic." Devon put on a hardhat. "I better go talk to the engineer. He's waiting for an okay on changing the width on the south wall."
"I've already contacted the resident physicians at two different hospitals, and have received four call backs of interest, and it's still early. There could be many more." She couldn't hide her grin. She was proud of what she'd accomplished on her own too. "It seems like everything is falling in place."
"What are you going to name the clinic, Joan?" Brody asked.
Joan drew back. "Me?"
"We thought you'd like to do the honors." Brody spit out the piece of grass he was chewing on. "If w
e hadn't of met you, and seen how well you took care of Trace, we wouldn't have thought to do something like this for our people. The clinic is here, because of you."
She shook her head. "I would have gotten a job eventually. You didn't have to—"
"Nonsense. This has nothing to do with giving you a job as a favor or not, so stop thinking that way. We'd spent many days and nights over the years wondering what we could do to make life better for others, and you helped us figure it out so it could happen. The job offer was a blessing for us." Brody stared at her. "It means a lot to every single one of us."
She gazed around her. Surrounded by the beautiful landscape, the sense of community, and hope for the future, she choked up. The clinic aimed toward helping adults beat their alcohol and drug addictions, to bring counseling to the families, but the clinic represented so much more.
She thought of Savannah, being able to shower and sleep in a warm, clean bed and having a nightlight on when the dark became too scary. The families who'd find support and learn a beneficial way of working through their frustrations in a new way would get a brighter outlook on life. Most of all, people would heal from the inside out and grow up healthy, strong, and loved. There was only one thing the clinic could be called.
"Hope Clinic." She brushed a tear off her cheek and smiled at them. "Hope for the children, so they can leave their nightmares behind."
Brody put his arm around Joan. He nodded and cleared his throat. She hugged his waist. Hope for Trace, if it wasn't too late.
***
Inside the office of the stables, Trace stood in front of the dirty window gazing across the road to the clinic. His chest tightened. A pain so real, he wondered if he'd be able to walk outside and get in the truck.
He'd purposely arrived at the barn in the late afternoon, when the reservation was starting to settle down and the workday was over. He'd come into the office to file the records from his last trip to the county livestock association knowing there was no chance of running into Joan.
He was wrong.