He thrusted deeper and deeper inside me. I felt like my body couldn’t take a second more and then we climaxed together and fell into a heap on the backseat.
“That was incredible Jonathan,” I said.
“Yeah, babe,” he said and reached around to the front of the Land Rover, grabbed a pack of cigarettes, and lit up.
Chapter Six
Even though I knew in my heart that my relationship with Jonathan couldn’t survive being long distance, I went through the motions during the first few weeks of college. We had a weepy goodbye, but once he was gone I jumped back into my reality and spent some time with my mom before moving into the dorm.
Jonathan and I called each other, but we texted more. Once I was on campus, I was meeting a lot of new people, having interesting conversations about life, and learning tons about being a teacher. But my relationship with Jonathan had changed. Conversation was forced when we talked on the phone. We were talking about our new friends, but not about each other. Our texting turned to sexting, but compared to the real thing, sexting was boring and did nothing for me.
In my Theory of Education class, I sat in the back with my laptop propped up on my desk so I could take notes. It also served as a cover so that I could put my phone on the keyboard and text if I had to. It was a large lecture hall that angled back sharply like an auditorium so the professor couldn’t see me anyway.
I was typing away when a black guy next to me looked at me.
“Girl, he must be fine to get that much of your attention.”
My head snapped up.
“Oh yes, he’s fine,” I laughed, putting down the phone, “I’m Laura.”
“Hi, I’m Alex,” he said and he gave my hand a weak shake, “And don’t you worry about me: I’m gay.”
If I’d taken a closer look at him, I would have been able to figure that out. He was wearing a light pink button down shirt with a light purple Polo vest, khaki pants, and bright purple faux crocodile leather shoes.
“But honey, this class is actually taught by one of the better professors here. I don’t think ‘Hot Cell Phone Guy’ should take preference,” Alex gave me one raised eyebrow, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about fine guys but only after dark.”
I laughed and put the phone in my bag. After class, Alex invited me out to coffee to the closest cafeteria.
Alex made me laugh. I didn’t remember laughing that much even when I was with Jonathan. Alex told me about his life growing up on the south side of Chicago. He battled discrimination because of his race and his sexual orientation. Alex was a survivor, but he was driven to rise above it. He wanted to be a teacher so that he could inspire other students. He was going to get an endorsement in special education so he could work with the neediest students.
“I’m real choosy about the guys I date,” Alex confided to me, “I know I’m young and desirable and I know how to use it. Work it.”
“Well, I feel desirable with Jonathan. He’s my first…everything,” I told Alex, “But he’s at Brown University –“
“Damn girl, you don’t play,” Alex said, “Is that an Ivy?”
“He’s smart, but I’m smart, too. He just had more money and so he could attend a top tier school,” I told Alex, “My parents are working class folks. I mean, at least my mom is... I still talk about my dad in present tense sometimes. He passed away about two years ago. I’m the first one to attend college. Illinois State is pretty much an Ivy League to my family!”
Alex confided in me that he was also one of the first people in his family to make it to college. His parents were married and happy, but he grew up in a marginal part of Chicago. He worried about his safety as a gay man and so did his parents.
“I was beat up in the alley behind my house so many times. But that was before I got nice and stocky in junior high,” Alex said, “Guys laid off me then, because I had learned how to defend myself. I’m just grateful to God I got out and I can move on with my life. Not everyone is so lucky.”
“I bet your parents, like my mom, are thrilled that you are going into teaching.”
“A stable career? Oh hell yeah, Laura. They were worried that with me being gay that I’d go to a pride parade and join the fucking circus,” he laughed.
“Sure, I wanted to fuck every boy toy, but I didn’t,” Alex stopped and then raised an eyebrow, “Well, I only screwed a few.”
I knew at that moment that Alex would be a great BFF.
Chapter Seven
Finally Jonathan called me after we’d texted for about two weeks without calling each other.
“Laura, this isn’t working out.”
I didn’t know what to say. I knew that the sexual part of our relationship was unbelievable, but it had become pretty obvious that there was little else to our relationship.
“Look, Laura, I’ve been thinking,” Jonathan continued.
“I know we’re going to break up,” I choked back a sob.
“I think we both knew that was coming, but I have a proposal for you.”
“Proposal?” I asked, confused.
“Laura, it’s a crazy thought, but hear me out. If we reach the age of 30 and neither of us is in a serious relationship or married, let’s elope to Vegas.”
“Jonathan, wait a sec, I’m your girlfriend insurance policy?”
“I can’t predict to the future, but I know that we have chemistry. I can live with that when I’m thirty.”
I paused. It sounded like a decent plan. We were both 18, in our first year of college. That gave us 12 years to find someone else. If we didn’t by the time we were thirty, we’d get married and have mind-blowing sex for the rest of our lives.
“Ok, you’ve got a deal.”
“See you in twelve, Laura.”
Chapter Eight
The year went by pretty fast. I dug into my coursework with Alex as my sidekick. We both geeked out in education classes, finding the material engaging and compelling. Alex and I racked up all A’s and got on the honor roll. I really didn’t miss Jonathan, but, honestly, I did miss the sex. I didn’t meet anyone I wanted to connect with: I was focused on my studies. So I didn’t have sex with anyone. I guess I didn’t want to be vulnerable and get hurt. It was weird. I had spent more than year of my life fucking Jonathan, the most untouchable guy emotionally. I was totally vulnerable with him physically and we had a blast, but in my heart I knew that my relationship with Jonathan was superficial. That meant that I never had to let him in, like really in, to the deepest part of me.
On the flip side, Alex and I strengthened our friendship. Because he was gay I could be myself and never worry. I didn’t worry about my appearance with him like I did around straight guys, but he did give me pointers on how to dress. He was just so fun to hang out with. Towards the end of our first year, I asked him if he wanted to be my roommate during our second year. I knew that Alex would be the perfect roommate: he was neat and organized and since we already took many of the same classes and were studying together, it was a perfect match.
“The only problem I see is that we might fight over the same guys, girl,” Alex joked.
“You’re into pretty boys, but I’m not,” I said.
Alex laughed, “I saw photos of Jonathan and that is one preppy boy. Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, bitch. ”
I was convinced my second year was going to be incredible. That summer we signed a lease and moved out of the dorms into our own special digs.
Chapter Nine
Well, it wasn’t actually twelve years that passed until Jonathan came calling. In fact, he called me up during the summer to see if I’d be available. I knew it was a booty call, but I wanted to fuck him. I was spending the summer in Normal waitressing and he said he would come and visit me. I could handle a long distance “friends with benefits” arrangement, with our long-term insurance policy to get back together when we were 30, if we were still single. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t call him and arrange rendezvous. He was the one with the money and could
fly and visit me. He had the power.
I told Alex that Jonathan was going to visit and Alex gave me grief, “Girl, you gonna score tonight! Your friend with bennies is comin’ ova!”
We laughed and I got out a couple beers from the fridge as we kicked back on the couch. I looked over at Alex and I noticed that he was thinking.
“Seriously though, are you attached to him? I’m worried it’s going nowhere and you’re going to be hurt, girl...”
“Alex, I’m not attached to Jonathan. It’s really just physical. I figured it out this year we’ve had apart. I’m just not ready to share my life with anyone else.”
“I know, sweetie. You know I haven’t found my guy, either,” Alex said.
I leaned into him and we hugged.
“We’re both going to find what we need one day,” I said.
We toasted each other.
“Yep, we’re going to find what we deserve. I’m telling you, we both deserve someone who is hot, not a hot mess!” Alex laughed.
Chapter Ten
Jonathan flew into Normal just once that summer while I was waitressing for some spare cash. He rented an Audi for the weekend so I didn’t even have to pick him up at the airport. He came to the restaurant to pick me up and take me away.
“Just like old times when I worked at Denny’s,” I said and reached out to hug him.
Jonathan lifted me up and gave me a big hug. He felt comfortable.
“It’s nice to see you, Laura,” Jonathan said, “I missed you.”
He smiled and it seemed genuine. My heart raced, which surprised me. I didn’t get excited like that very often anymore. It felt new, even though it was Jonathan.
“I’m famished,” he said and we hopped into his car, “Where’s a good place to grab dinner?”
“Let’s go to Swingers Grille,” I said.
“Well, you don’t waste any time,” he replied.
“It’s by a golf course, you ass,” I laughed.
Dinner conversation flowed over prime rib and wine. It felt like we were really catching up on a full year of an absence. I shared my passion for teaching with Jonathan and he seemed genuinely interested. He told me that he had been able to take some courses that would help him get accepted into the business program.
I was reminded that in person we had something that felt like a connection. I wondered if it was just a shared past as he told me all about his new friends. The people he knew now were completely different than me. All of his friends came from old money. I told him about Alex and he said he would enjoy meeting him sometime.
“He has cleared out of the apartment this weekend –“
“Laura, that’s not necessary. I’ve booked a hotel room for us.” I arched an eyebrow at him.
When we arrived at the hotel room, Jonathan immediately shut and locked the door while I explored suite. The room was on the top floor and had a little stairway going up to a lofted bedroom.
“Fancy,” I said, turning to him.
Then Jonathan grabbed me with an intensity I didn’t remember. He started kissing me. We fell to the floor, frantically kissing and pulling off each other’s clothes. I could tell there would be no warm-up this time, because we were so desperate to feel our usual closeness. I had my shirt unbuttoned and I had no bra on. My breasts were exposed and Jonathan started kissing and biting my nipples. He pulled off my shirt and then got himself out of his polo shirt. My skirt was still on and I attempted to get out of it.
“Keep the skirt on, it’s hot to fuck under a skirt,” he said.
I was undressing him and was reminded of the scent of his cologne and his skin. His body was just as cut before. He lay me back on the carpet and I felt the weight of his body pushing me into the plush of the carpet. His shirt was off and he started unbuckling his belt.
Jonathan pushed back up to his knees to pull his pants off and there was his cock. It looked bigger than I remembered. It was so long since I’d fucked him, fucked anyone actually, I’d forgotten what an erect penis looked like. It was pretty intimidating.
I pulled myself up and starting moving towards the stairs to make our way to the bedroom. Jonathan grabbed my hand and said, “Why don’t we do it right here?”
He pushed me face down on the stairs, pushing his chest on top of my back. He grabbed my hips, and lifting up my skirt, he pulled down my thong and pushed two fingers inside me. I flinched from the abruptness.
“Oh Laura,” he moaned.
I hadn’t fucked anyone in a long time and without foreplay, I didn’t feel ready for him, but he wasted no time moving his fingers inside of me. I moaned and then I felt the push of his dick entering me. His dick was like a hard rod and I moaned, “Ow, Jon…” I couldn’t say anything else because he reached his hand around to my mouth and covered it. “Don’t say a word, Laura.”
His dick was getting deeper inside me and then he shoved it hard, bringing tears to my eyes. Jonathan started thrusting and he took his hand off of my mouth to grab my hips and move my ass hard, back into his body. “Ow, ow, no...” I moaned softly.
“You know you love it, Laura,” he said.
Finally, my body warmed up and there was wetness as he thrusted his rock hard cock in and out of me. He reached around and started fondling my clit and then he pushed my head down and lifted up my ass. My chest and knees were forced gruffly into the carpeted stairs.
“Arch your back Laura,” he told me.
I arched, which backed my ass up so he could get deeper inside me. My ass slapped up against him over and over, each time I felt a mixture of pleasure and pain. He was hitting all the right places when he grinded into my body, but each hard thrust hit a place deep inside me that made my eyes widen with pain.
“Jonathan, it hurts,” I said and again Jonathan covered my mouth.
Finally, he started moving his dick back and forth faster, and further inside me, and when the pain caused more tears to come to my eyes, he came inside me. And then I realized that my body was squeezing around his dick in rhythmic bursts. I had climaxed.
He fell on top of me, exhausted, which pushed me onto the stairs.
“I don’t want to take my dick out of you,” he said, while I was thinking how badly I wanted his cock out.
He must have sensed my feelings, “You know you wanted it too, Laura. You haven’t had sex in awhile, huh?”
“Yep,” I said, wanting to say that he had been rough with me, but then I thought he probably already knew that.
“Sorry Laura, if you thought I was rough. You fucking turn me on and I can’t control myself.”
Chapter Eleven
We made our way upstairs to the bed and I felt asleep, exhausted from the adrenaline rush and our intense fucking.
When I woke up I thought that maybe Jonathan wasn’t a good for me. I lay there and then I turned my face to look at him. Could I wake up to that face every day? Could I marry this man when I turn thirty? I guess I could, if I had run out of viable options. We could have kids and he could provide for them. I wouldn’t have to work.
But wait, I like everything I’ve learned about being a teacher. I can’t wait to get in the classroom. I’m not ready to chuck it and just sit at home and wait for Jonathan to fuck me.
I pulled up the covers around myself and pushed my face into the pillow. I should just get up and gather all my clothes and get the hell out of here.
I rolled over and fell asleep.
Jonathan and I parted that morning without fanfare. He leaned up out of bed to scroll through some messages on his phone, while I took at shower and got ready to leave. I had a few hours before I started work, but I didn’t want to hang out with him.
“Gotta go, Jonathan,” I said as I pulled on my skirt and top from the day before. I walked over to the bed where Jonathan was just reading through the headlines on his phone.
He looked up at me, “You’re leaving?”
I couldn’t read him. Did he want me to stay so he could fuck me again? I still was sore from la
st night and I knew from experience that fucking now would be pretty painful. I wanted to get some distance between him and so I could process what happened last night and decide what I should do next, if anything.
What happened between us was plain and simple pure fucking. There was no real love, but it was evident that we both got something out of it. Even though I always climaxed when I had sex with Jonathan, later I felt dirty. It was obvious that any pretense of a relationship was gone now. The problem was that when he liked it rough during high school, it was within the confines of us dating. Now, we were living different lives and he pretty much just took what he wanted last night. It was hot, which was probably why I climaxed, but as I walked out of the hotel into the bright sunlight, I felt a hollowness that I hadn’t felt before. And I didn’t want to feel that way again.
Chapter Twelve
During my second year, I threw myself into my studies. I was right that Alex and I made the best roommates. He was perfect in every way: he did dishes, he was not a slob, and he didn’t leave his stuff everywhere. The only problem with our arrangement was that it turned out that in the classroom, we were rivals. I should have known how much of a fighter Alex was in the classroom when I first learned about how he had persevered to get to college. We competed for the best grades in the class, but we even tried to top each other on papers we turned in.
I had to best Alex. I knew that I could. I worked hard and I ignored my love life. It would be too much of a distraction.
Every night Alex and I set up in the living room. We had two couches with a coffee table in the middle. We’d put on the TV in the background and leave some trashy reality show on mute while we stacked our books up and went at it. We’d read and quiz each other. When we had papers due, we’d crack open our laptops at the kitchen table and just go for it.
The only break I would take was to cook and bake, my other passion. I whipped up brownies for Alex or banana bread for me after taking tough quizzes. Dinners were either a quick stir fry or my famous baked pasta.
Teach Before You Fuck (Before You Fuck #1) Page 2