by S. Moose
“I’m sorry, okay? I do want to be friends. I miss talking to you and I miss having you around. It’s not easy for me.”
“Well, it’s not easy for me either. I don’t know what else to say. You push me away and expect everything to be okay. I am human, Troy. I am a human with feelings. This hot and cold is getting old. You can’t sit there and say this to me. Sure, we can be friends and that’s fine. But telling me you miss me and having me around is confusing me. It’s either you want me or not. Plain and simple.”
“I’m sorry, Charlotte.”
“Not good enough. Maybe too much time has passed and we can’t be like before. I thought things could be different and we’d be good, but I was wrong. Good night, Troy.”
“Good night, Charlotte. Sweet dreams.”
The next day at work I do everything I can to focus on what I’m doing so I don’t think about him.
“Delivery!” I look up and see Aubree walk in with something from edible arrangements.
Aubree’s another manager and she’s been with the spa for over two years. She’s a beautiful girl with dark brown hair and matching eyes. She’s petite, curvy, and has a very innocent face. I haven’t gotten a chance to really know the girls at the spa and I make a note to really get to know them and make sure they know I’m here if they need anything.
“What the what?”
She puts down the delicious chocolate covered fruit and reads the note. “Had a great time with you last night, Charlotte. Have a great day and I hope to talk to you soon. Reed.” Aubree eyes me and fans herself with the note. “And who is Reed?”
I snatch the note from her hands and read it again. Gah. Reed? Really? He’s texted me a few times here and there and I’ll respond to be nice, but that’s it.
“It’s just a guy I met,” I tell her and fall back into my chair. “He’s hot as sin and that’s it.”
“Really?”
“There’s no spark.” He’s no Troy.
“Maybe if you give it time. This is really sweet of him. Try it again. You never know,” Aubree smiles and sits down as she opens the wrapper and we devour the deliciousness of fruit and chocolate.
Biting into the sweet pineapple, I take out my phone and text Reed.
Me: Thank you so much for the edible arrangement . . . You didn’t have to do that.
Reed: I wanted to, sweetpea.
“He fucking calls me sweetpea,” I groan and show Aubree, who thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world and chokes on her strawberry. “Serves you right for making fun of me.”
Me: Well, thank you . . . It was sweet of you.
Reed: I hope you have a great day and text me when you’re free.
Me: Ok.
I put down my phone and grab another piece of fruit.
“Stop thinking,” Aubree scolds. “You’re an independent, strong, sassy, sexy, single woman! You deserve to be happy and fully satisfied.”
“Oh my goodness,” I laugh. “This is the most I’ve seen you talk. What’s going on with you?”
Aubree waves me off and heads back to the front counter to help Zara. I roll my eyes and text Jessica to update her on Reed and Troy.
Jessica: Try again with Reed. He’s smoking hot.
Me: Not all about looks though.
Jessica: Listen I get it. Sometimes it’s hard to accept, but moving on is good for you.
Me: But the flirting and the push and pull.
Jessica: Remember what I said. If he wants you he’ll show it . . . He won’t allow someone else to come in and fall in love with you.
Me: Yeah.
Jessica: Don’t be sad. Get pretty for your date and it’ll be a good thing k?
Me: K.
I finish work and leave an hour early to go home and get ready. It’s quiet when I walk inside. Walking up the stairs one by one to my bedroom I strip out of my clothes and get in the shower. Letting the warm water fall down my skin, I rest my head against the shower wall and close my eyes.
I won’t cry.
I won’t cry.
Life isn’t a fairy tale. I can’t expect love to happen in an instant or a blissful reunion. I repeat the words from our past in my head, and the flirtatious moments only we know about. Deciding to move on and fully date leaves a gap I didn’t realize I had until this moment. Sometimes, when I’m alone, I think about Troy and his voice fills my head.
It’s complicated.
I can’t be near you.
You need to leave.
And I wonder why I’m still holding on. When someone doesn’t want you and they don’t give you a reason to hold on, then let go and move on to the next chapter of your life.
Only, it’s not that simple. You can’t let go of a love as long as I’ve loved Troy. This isn’t a high school crush, or loving him because he’s hot. This is the type of love that burns in your soul, bringing you back to life, and breathing in the pleasures of knowing someone is there to make you smile. When I look at Troy, I’m home. He’s my home. He’s my person. Love isn’t deceitful and shouldn’t make you cry. Love doesn’t come from toxicity. It’s pure and true. It’s simply love.
Chapter 17
Troy
What the hell am I doing?
I stand in front of Will’s house wondering if I should walk in and see what they’re doing. Instead I’m standing out here like a fool.
Last night’s conversation doesn’t sit well with me. My heart broke when I heard her telling me those things. I pushed her away and I wanted this, but it doesn’t feel right. I can’t treat her like a friend because as soon as I’m near her, I’m done for. The power she has over me, still, to this day, doesn’t make it easy.
It’s late, close to midnight, and I couldn’t sleep. I tried working out and keeping myself busy. Nothing’s working. The kiss is on my mind. I dream about it and wish for more. I curse under my breath. I need to talk to her and make sure she’s okay. Since the day on the boat, things haven’t been good between us. I had to be honest with her and let her know what was going on in my head.
Pacing the front porch, I look around and realize how quiet it is outside. I’m stalling. Fuck! I’m an idiot. Even though I can’t sleep, I know for damn sure I shouldn’t be here. The night sky hangs above me. Dark, black, and ominous.
“Shit,” I mutter and decide to use my key to walk in. The house is quiet until I step closer to the living room and hear the television on. Looking over, I see Charlotte lying down on the couch with a glass of wine and a bowl of popcorn. “Hey.”
“Ahhhhhhhhh,” she screams and jumps from the couch. I hear a door open and Will running down the stairs. “Troy?”
“What the fuck, man? What the hell are you doing here?”
“Couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d come over,” I smile, hoping Will doesn’t slam me on the ground.
“Couldn’t sleep,” he repeats and eyes me. “Okay. There’s beer in the fridge if you want and since your ass woke me up, I’ll take one too.” I nod and curse under my breath. I knew coming here was stupid.
Or maybe it’s not. I don’t do things without thinking or with regret. I want to be here whether or not Will’s happy about seeing me so late in the night with his sister on the couch. I’m wound up tight and need a release.
And seeing her is my release.
“Charlotte, do you want anything to drink?”
“More wine,” she calls out and I hear her shuffling. When I look over my shoulder I see the shorts and shirt she has on and my eyes travel down her long legs. Quickly turning my head I grab the beers and look for wine. “Why are you here,” she whispers in my ear.
“Told you, I couldn’t sleep.”
“Or,” she suggests and takes the wine from my hand. “You felt like an asshole about how you’ve been treating me and want to explain yourself,” she tells me while pouring the white wine into her nearly full glass. “Just a thought.”
Chewing on my lip I lean back on the counter and look over to where Will’s sitting. He’s watching some rerun an
d isn’t paying attention to us. Craning my head towards Charlotte, I smirk. “Being around you is hard,” I emphasize the last word and see the desire back in her eyes. Her eyes follow mine and she nods her head, taking a drink of her wine again. “I’ve explained it to you and I need you to understand.”
She nods as we head back to the living room. I hand the beer to Will and he asks what we were talking about. “She had some questions about a workout she’s doing.”
“She could’ve asked me.”
“Well,” I shrug and take a seat on the other couch away from Charlotte. “I’m the better trainer, so it makes sense.”
Will watches me and nods, accepting my lie. Charlotte comes back with her wine and sits down. The three of us watch Boy Meets World for an hour and then Will decides it’s time to head to bed.
“Troy, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Sounds good. Night, man,” he grunts out as he leaves the room. He knows full well I wouldn’t do anything with him upstairs above us. Plus, the dude’s a light sleeper and would wake up to anything he hears.
“A few nights ago I had a date with this guy named Reed I met online.” Online? Is she serious? “It was okay.”
“I see.” I hold in my anger. The caveman inside me roars back to life. Fuck that shit. “Are you going to see him again?”
“I don’t know.”
“Reed,” I repeat his name. “Southern guy?”
I met with him this morning for a workout session and he kept going on and on about a girl he’s seeing. Never in a million years would I think these two would meet and get together. Hearing this news is messing with my head. She can’t be dating. Fuck.
“Yep.”
“He’s one of my clients.” I see the color in her face turn pale. She looks away from me and focuses on the show. “So did you have a fun time?”
“Do you want to know?”
“We’re friends. I want to know what you’re doing.”
In all honesty, I just want to see where her head is at with Reed and if he’s someone serious. I can’t imagine her falling for a dork like him.
“The date was fine. He’s nice to talk to.”
“That’s it?” She nods her head and I take that as she’s not interested in him at all.
The next morning, Will comes over and we work out. It’s too early in the morning and I’m running on about two hours of sleep. All last night my mind went to Charlotte and her sweetness. After running six miles I hit the weights hard. My arms feel like Jell-O and my shoulders hurt, but I push through.
“Relax, man,” Will tells me. “Take a break. You’re shaking.”
“Yeah,” I breathe out and take a drink of water. “Tired as fuck. Couldn’t sleep last night.”
“You look beat up. What’s up?”
I shake my head. “Nothing. I don’t want girl time right now, Wilma.”
“Whatever, man. Your grouchy ass needs ass or else I’m buying you a hooker. How long has it been,” he asks, but I dismiss his question.
We work out for a few hours before I head home and jump in the shower. The cold water feels good on my sore body. I’m thinking a massage is in order. Getting out of the shower, I change into sweats and a tee and head downstairs to make lunch. My phone buzzes on the island counter.
Will: Party tonight. Your grouchy ass needs to be around hot females.
Me: Where at?
Will: My place.
Will: Don’t be a pussy.
Me: Fine I’ll be there.
When I get to Will’s house, I’m surprised with how big the party is that he’s having. A few women wave and smile at me as I walk through the house to find Will or Carter.
“Troy!” I turn and see Jane calling for me. I smile and go to her, bringing her in for a hug. “Hi.”
“Hi beautiful.” I kiss the side of her head as we walk outside away from the loud music and crowd. There are some people outside mingling and drinking. Nothing too out of control.
“Thank you again for my meal plan and customized workout. Everything’s working out so well and I’m already down five pounds and I can do more dead lifts,” she informs me. “I hope you like what I made you! I’ll bring it by tomorrow.”
“I’ll love everything you make me. Be sure to bring little miss Avery over too.”
“I will. She misses her Uncle Troy.”
“I miss her too.”
We talk a little more about Avery and eventually Carter comes out and hands me a bottle of beer. “Not drinking tonight,” I ask her.
“DD,” she looks at Carter and gives me a kiss. “Gotta make sure you guys are safe.”
I look to see if Charlotte’s around and check the time. It’s almost eleven so she should be home from work.
“Who are you looking for,” Jane asks giving me a knowing look.
“No one.”
“Lies,” she slaps my hand. “Tell me.”
“No one,” I laugh. “Really. I’m here to relax and spend time with everyone. Excuse me, please.” I head back inside and scope out the scene. Will’s in the corner talking to some blonde. She’s laughing at whatever the hell he’s saying. Just then I see Charlotte with Reed. They’re laughing while his hand is resting on her knee. I ignore some people as I walk in and see them talking. She’s holding a glass of wine and he’s drinking a beer. They’re close together and the dress she’s wearing is too revealing. I’m going to kill him.
Before I can say anything, I remember us talking about being friends. I’m the one who dismissed her and let her go. She’s old enough to do whatever she wants, but Reed knows to fucking stay away.
“Troy?” I look up and fuck, she saw me before I could walk away. “Hey! You made it.” Charlotte gets up and throws her arms around my waist. I look at Reed and see the huge smile on his face.
“Coach Troy,” he gives me a manly one-arm hug and then stands next to Charlotte, taking her hand into his. Fucker.
“What’s going on, man,” he asks.
“Nothing much, buddy. Just wanted to come hang out and party. How are you both doing tonight?”
“Just fine. I was just telling Charlotte here about Texas and she really wants to go visit.”
“I sure do!” She laughs and drinks more of her wine.
I can’t focus on anything right now except how he’s touching Charlotte and how much she’s enjoying herself.
“I’ll be back, sweetpea.” Sweetpea? Who the fuck?
“Oh, okay. Bye,” she giggles in my arms and takes my hand to sit back down. “I had the most hellish day at work. I need to unwind and relax,” she smiles and drinks her wine. “When did you get here?”
“A little bit ago. I was outside with Jane and Carter.”
“OhmyGod I love Jane. She’s so beautiful. I’m so glad I met her.”
“Glad you two are friends. So you’re still with Reed huh?”
“Yeah. We’re spending time together. It’s a work in progress, I guess.”
“He’s not good enough for you, Charlotte.”
“I don’t care what you think.” She glares at me and I have to smile. She’s fucking adorable when she’s mad like this.
“Well, sweetheart,” I lean in closer. “Even though we can’t do anything, it doesn’t mean I want someone else inside you.” Her breath hitches.
“Whatever, Troy,” she brushes me off. “You’re the one who pushed me away. You can’t keep doing this. Reed makes me smile, okay?”
“Let’s go for a walk and sit outside.” I pull her up before she answers and drag her outside. I love the view right now. Will’s backyard is wide open and gives us a chance to sit without being interrupted.
“So what’s going on?”
“I wanted to be outside and talk to you.”
“Is everything okay?” I nod. “I heard you and Will on the phone a few days ago.”
“Work’s been getting to me,” I start to say. “Sometimes it’s hard to talk to Will because he gets his clients so well and I’m stru
ggling.”
“Why are you so hard on yourself sometimes?”
“When my clients don’t meet their goals and I have to adjust their plans, it worries me.” I clear my throat. “I take full responsibility, especially if I know they’re telling me the truth and aren’t fudging their numbers. Then I really feel bad. I don’t want them to fail.”
“You’re not seeing what I see, Troy. What I’ve always seen in you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I think you underestimate yourself. You carry this weight on your shoulders and feel the need to make everything and everyone better. You’re so special, Troy.” Her words are hitting my chest hard. There’s a fiery ache and I want to hear her talk more. “To me, you’re the world.”
“I need to leave,” I tell her and swallow hard. Walking out of the house, I head back home and sit outside in my backyard, watching the stars shine off the water. Hanging my head low, I think about Charlotte, and curse myself for not going after her when I had the chance. I’m holding onto her and the feelings. Although, I can’t bring myself to be with her, knowing she’s here means more. I’d surrender everything to her-heart and soul.
I just can’t allow myself to get hurt by her again.
The ghostly remnants of our past lingers. I am who I am today because of my fear that people will leave. I don’t give myself fully to anyone. Bringing myself to that level of happiness isn’t for me. It’ll never be for me.
I’m the devil and she’s the pure angel. I can’t taint her.
I won’t.
I’ll live in my own prison torment alone. That’s how it should be. That’s how it will be.
Chapter 18
Charlotte
It’s Saturday night and I’m home alone with my messy bun on top of my head and a radiance peel mask on my face. The bottle says this will brighten, smooth, and hydrate my face. For fifty-five dollars, it better.