by kj lewis
“We’re tied,” I say, a bit resigned.
“How do you figure?”
“Dude, your fingers never came close to your toes.”
“Guys aren’t meant to do the splits. Reminds me, I definitely want to explore the fact that you can later.” He shakes his wet hair in my face.
“Time for the free-style portion of this competition. This is it. Winner takes all!” I announce from my perch on the diving board.
“Oh, I plan on taking it all, James.”
I shake my ass at his comment and walk back to the end of the diving board. I take a running jump, pushing off with as much power as I can muster when Graham yells, “Move in with me.”
I take my eyes off the water and look at him, losing all thought and control of my flip, crashing face first into the water. Graham is on me before I hit the bottom of the pool, pulling me up.
“Shit, babe. I’m sorry. Are you alright?” Graham pushes the wet hair out of my face and examines me.
“Ow!” I whimper a little. I’m not going to lie, that hurt. My whole left side is red from the flop.
“You’re alright.” He plants light kisses all over me. I’m not sure if he’s trying to convince me or himself.
“Move in with me,” He says, still treading water.
“Graham. That’s crazy. We haven’t even known each other for a month.”
“Actually, it’s a month tomorrow.”
“So, we go from a three-week affair to a six-week affair to you wanting me to move in with you. And we’re just at the four week mark. Don’t you think that’s a little fast? I don’t think you’re thinking this through.”
“Emelia, I make billion-dollar decisions every day. I built my business on trusting my instincts. When I do, I always come out on top.”
“But this isn’t a business decision.”
“It’s built around the same principles.”
“Graham, there are still so many things we don’t even know about each other.”
“We’ll learn them together.”
“And what if you don’t like what you learn?”
“No way is that possible.”
“What if you decide it’s not for you, where will that leave me? I know you think that I use that as a crutch, but it’s true. If we end up not working, you leave with everything you had before. I leave with no place to live and a life that has to be put back together.”
“You’re obsessed with protecting yourself, aren’t you?”
“What would you say if I wanted a pair of shoes that cost five hundred dollars?”
“I would ask which ones and get them for you.” He rests my back against the wall. He places his hands on each side of me holding onto the ledge of the pool.
“Why?” I counter.
“Because I want you to have what you want.”
“And if I said I wasn’t comfortable with that?”
“I’d tell you it’s just money.”
“Exactly. To you it’s just money because you have money. To someone who doesn’t have financial security, money is not just money. It’s survival. It’s freedom.”
“Do you need money?” He’s confused.
“No, baby I don’t. My point is that self-protection is just like that. To you, it’s nothing. To me, it means survival. It means freedom. You’re asking me to give that up when you don’t truly understand what it means or what a sacrifice it is on my part.”
“It’s called trust, Emelia. You have to trust that I would take care of you. No matter what.”
I watch him as he finally makes a connection with two of the puzzle pieces, and his face crumples with hurt. “You don’t trust me.”
“I love you and I trust you, I just don’t trust you to not leave me.” I touch his face in hopes I’ll soothe some of the pain I see in it. Way to go, James. You just crushed the man you love.
“We better get ready if we’re going to be at Harry’s on time.” He scrambles out of the pool without looking at me. Frustrated with myself, I float weightless under the water for a few minutes before heading into the house.
Smith, Teague, and Graham are in a deep discussion when I walk in. All communication ceases and they all turn to me.
“Is this the man who approached you in the bar?” Graham shows me a picture.
I study it to make sure, after all I had thrown back a few already by the time he approached me.
“Yes. That’s him.”
“I agree,” Teague offers.
“Who is he?” I ask.
“No one of concern.” When I don’t move he looks back to me. “I’ll be in shortly.” He dismisses me. I’ve been dismissed.
Graham enters the bathroom as I am coming out of the shower. He doesn’t say anything. He just gets in behind me and turns the water back on.
I go to my side of the closet to get ready. We’re eating at Harry’s, so I dress casually in dark jeans and a go-to long-sleeve white fitted t-shirt.
I make my way to the terrace and sit on the chaise that Graham and I made love on last night and wonder how we can have such a strong connection and I still can’t let myself trust him completely.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, stepping out onto the terrace.
“You,” I say to him over my shoulder.
“What about me?”
“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”
“I’m a big boy, Emelia. I don’t agree with you, but I can handle it. Let’s go.” He holds his hand out to me and I take it gratefully.
“Hang on. I forgot something.” I find the bag I packed the night before when I was at my apartment and pull a book from it. I place my hand back in Graham’s and I let him lead me to the elevator where Teague is waiting on us. The three of us ride in silence to the garage where Smith is waiting in one of the SUV’s.
Graham continues to hold my hand while I watch from the window as the city gives way to Connecticut. My nerves start to spasm a little. Sensing my uneasiness, Graham squeezes my hand while his other finds a home between my crossed thighs. His thumb runs back and forth over my leg. Briefly I wonder if he’s nervous too, or if he’s trying to help distract me.
“Thank you for coming tonight.”
“There’s nowhere else I would want to be.”
I have to reign in my emotions at his genuineness.
“How well do you know Harry?”
“Dad knows Harry and Eloise more than I do. I only know him as a business acquaintance on a couple of deals. I’ve always admired the way he does business. I don’t care for Forrest Forrester much.”
Forty-five minutes later we pull up to a country home with a long, beautiful drive that is surrounded by horses and other animals roaming the property. My father lives on a farm. Fitting.
Harry opens the door to greet us as we get out of the car.
“Graham,” Harry says as they shake hands.
“Emelia.” He pauses for a moment like he’s deciding what to do, but finally envelopes me in a hug, holding me longer than I expected.
“Emme, please,” I tell him after he’s released me.
“This is my wife, Eloise.” He introduces me to the woman behind him.
Her features and coloring are opposite of my mom’s. She has dark hair and bright green eyes. She’s stunning in an understated way. She appears to be in her element here on the farm.
“Emme. It’s so lovely to meet you.” She pulls me into an equally welcoming hug before offering a hand to Graham.
“Please come in.” Graham takes my hand again while Eloise gives us a quick tour of the main area.
“Mags, why don’t you check the steaks and then we’re ready,” Eloise says, but it takes me a moment to register that she’s talking to Harry and not me.
“Sure, honey,” Harry responds. Graham squeezes my hand tighter at my response to his nickname.
“I do hope you eat meat. I have an eggplant I can grill if you don’t.” Eloise smiles warmingly.
“We’re bo
th meat eaters,” Graham answers.
“Graham, why don’t you pour us some wine while I grab the sides,” she proposes.
“Can I help you?” I offer.
“I’d love it.” Her smile puts me at ease and I follow her into the kitchen. She’s already plated everything except the steaks, so it only takes a minute before we make our way to a screened in porch.
“Your house is beautiful.”
“Thank you. We moved here about ten years ago. Your father was tired of the city life and wanted something a little quieter on the weekends.”
Graham steadies the plate I’m lowering to the table when my hand starts shaking from hearing her refer to Harry as my father. This is harder than I anticipated. I’m anxious, but I’m startled too by how at ease both Harry and Eloise are with this brand new revelation. I exhale slowly and take my seat next to Graham’s. He stands to slide my chair in and kisses the top of my head.
“Medium okay for everyone?” Harry asks, coming through the screen door.
“Yes. Thank you.” Graham answers again for both of us.
“Would you like some bread?” Eloise hands me a basket. “Do you eat bread Emme? So many girls nowadays shy away from it.”
“Oh, she eats bread,” Graham smirks. And just like that he has worked some humor into the situation, calming me.
“Thank you, Eloise. I do.” I take two pieces.
“You look just like her,” Harry says dreamily, taking another sip of wine.
Eloise, who must have seen me tense up at his words, reaches across the table and pats my hand. “Then I know she was beautiful.”
“Thank you,” I say, realizing that her gesture is surprisingly soothing.
I finish what I could of my dinner and sit back. “I don’t want your money.” I say outright, out of nowhere, before placing my hand on Graham’s thigh. I just need to touch him. Pull strength from him.
“I didn’t plan this. I had no idea. Until we met the other day, I thought you were dead. I didn’t even know your last name. I know you are having me checked out, I received a message from someone in Memphis. I’m happy to provide a DNA sample if you like, but you are my father.” I release a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
Graham lowers his fork to his plate. “You’re investigating her?”
“Graham,” I say softly. He raises his hand to me, waiting for Harry’s response. This is CEO Graham.
“I’m not having you investigated, Emme,” Harry says, confused.
“You’re not?”
“No. I’m not. I know it sounds irrational, but I haven’t questioned you once since our first meeting. Call it…father’s intuition.”
He sits for a minute like he’s trying to pull his thoughts together. “Ben has filled in some of the pieces for me. I was hoping you might fill in some more.”
“I’m not sure what I can tell you. I’m struggling with this, too. I don’t understand why she would lie to me.” I can no longer hide the hurt in my voice.
“When did she pass away?” Eloise asks.
“Almost ten years ago. She never told you she was pregnant?” I ask. “She just left with no explanation?”
“We were happy. We even talked about having a family. I came home one night and she was gone. It took me a couple of months, but I finally tracked her down on a farm in Tennessee. She was already married. To someone named Tom I think. All she said was that it was for the best.”
“Tony.”
“Tony. That was it. Was he a good dad? Do you still keep in touch with him?”
“No, he wasn’t, and no I don’t. He left us when Mama was diagnosed with Lymphoma.”
“Ben alluded to something like that, but I was curious if he ever made amends.”
“No. There will be no amends,” I say harder than I intended to.
“Because he won’t make them or you won’t accept them?”
“Both.”
“Did he get along with Addie?”
“More so.”
“But not you.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I reminded him of you. Mama said our spirits were the same.” I catch Eloise’s smile at that comment. “Addie favors Mama and acted more like her.”
“Did they have a good marriage?”
“No. He broke her. And she let it happen.”
“How so?”
“He slowly took pieces of her and before she knew it, she was a shell of who she really was. He took her confidence. Somewhere along the way, she stopped fighting for it. She refused to see him for who he really was. Even after he left her.”
“But you did?”
“I did.”
“And Addie?”
“He didn’t show that side to Addie. I made sure she was taken care of.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning I made sure he had no reason to show it to her.”
He leans forward, placing his elbows on the table. One hand wraps around the other. I’m taken aback from the look of disdain in his features. A look only a father can express.
“He was abusive?”
“Not physically. Emotionally,” I say without sentiment. I haven’t stopped long enough to realize how easy it is to answer his questions or how quickly they are coming. This all feels so surreal, if anything.
“To you or to Laura?”
“Both, I guess. With Mama, it was in stages before she knew it was really happening. With me, it was about control. He demanded it. When I got old enough to understand things, I wouldn’t give it to him. That didn’t sit well with him.”
He nods. I sit waiting for more questions. I figure he deserves as much information as he can get.
“You and Addie were close?”
I debate my answer. I figure questions about Mama are fair game. He has a right to know about the decisions that kept his children from him. Addie. That’s different.
“I needed Addie like I needed air. It was more than a year after I lost her before I caught my first breath.”
Eloise wipes a tear from her face. The movement reminds me that Harry and I are not alone. I look at Graham. He flexes his hand. I’ve been holding it so tight I can see nail marks in his skin.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper rubbing some life back into his hand. He raises mine to his lips and kisses my palm.
“Harry,” Eloise says softly, halting his questions. He seems to understand her.
“I’m sorry, Emme. I didn’t mean to overwhelm you. Your openness caught me unaware and…well…I want to know as much as I can. Information is important to me. It’s how I process things.”
Much like me, I muse. And Graham.
“I’m struggling,” I share quietly. This time Harry doesn’t ask any questions. He waits to see if I’m going to say more.
“Mama was a great mom. We couldn’t have loved her more and I know she loved us with all her heart. I just don’t understand why she lied. You seem like a good person. I don’t want you to think I’m a head case or that my life has been anything other than blessed, because I am. Blessed. But there were times it was difficult and I could have really used a father.” I sniffle but no tears fall. With a soft chuckle, I add, “I don’t think I’ve ever admitted that before. I just shared more at this table than I think I ever have.”
“What are your expectations?” Harry asks me.
“Honestly, I don’t have any.”
“Okay.” He thinks for a minute. “What would be your heart’s desire?”
“Laura was right,” Graham says, looking thoughtfully at Harry. “You are kindred spirits. Watching you work through this is like watching Emelia. It’s uncanny.”
“I was thinking the same thing watching Emme,” Eloise agrees.
Harry and I smile softly at each other.
“Emme?” He pushes for an answer.
“My heart’s desire would be to pick up the phone to call you and know that you will accept my call.”
He grins. “Then you’re
going to need my phone number. Got a pen?”
You could park four Buicks in the smile that spreads over my face.
“Graham, would you help me with dessert please?” Eloise asks removing their plates.
When the room clears, I rise from the table. “I have something for you,” I say as I locate the book I brought from my apartment. “I thought you might want to see a few pictures.”
“I would love to.” He stands and takes the seat Graham vacated. He pulls my chair closer to him, draping his arm over the back. I tell him a few of the stories behind some of the photos and watch as he studies them.
“Thank you for sharing these with me.” He squeezes my hand. My hand looks small in his.
“You’re welcome.”
Eloise and Graham come back with cobbler and take the seats across from us. The rest of the evening is more relaxed than the first half and, oddly, familial.
“Well, it’s getting late.” I look at Graham and he nods. “I hope we didn’t overstay our welcome.”
“I have one more question for you.”
“Harry.” Eloise adds some extra syllables to his name.
“I’m curious sweetheart.” He looks from her to me. “Ben said you and Addie lived on your own after your mother died?”
“We did.”
“How? By my calculations you were only what 15, 16? Is it true you lived out of your car?”
“It is.”
“And you’re smiling because?”
I shrug slightly. “Because I have fond memories of that time with Addie. We had the necessities. We had jobs. We shared everything—secrets, fears. And she was boy crazy with a capital ‘c.’ She always had to sleep with her feet touching me. We would talk and tell stories and laugh. God, would we laugh. And the joke telling. I would be almost asleep, and she’d always have one more. We just made it work.”
He laughs with me, his smile crinkling his eyes.
“What happened?” he asks.
“She lost her way.”
I think he can sense I’m talked out.
“Ready, baby?” I ask Graham and look at my wrist to see it’s almost eleven.
“You have a new watch?” Harry observes.
“I took one of Graham’s.” I giggle as Graham does a double-take at my thievery. His eyes twinkle.