by kj lewis
“Do you know her?” Teague asks me.
“No. But she doesn’t like me, does she?” I laugh. Teague doesn’t respond. He nods his head as Myles pulls into traffic.
I texted Graham earlier to let him know I was headed home already. I’m tired. It’s been a long day, and I haven’t had much sleep. After changing into some comfortable clothes, I take my laptop to the couch and catch up on some work for my clients. I finished with Blaine today and explained why I would be handing him off to Jackson. Out of respect for Graham, I felt like it was the right thing to do. Even though nothing would ever happen, I understand Graham is uncomfortable with us working together. Blaine understood and thanked me for the progress we have made.
I work for a couple of hours and still no Graham. The last thing I remember is searching sites for fresh ideas and making notes of some things I want to try on some of my clients.
“‘Tsk’. You wet yourself. Only babies wet themselves. You think you’re grown? You think you can make your own choices? You can’t. You aren’t in control. You can’t even control your own bladder.”
“Maybe it has to do with the fact that I’ve been standing for eight hours and you had me drink three glasses of lemonade. You try it and see how long you last.” Defiance oozes out of me.
“You stupid bitch. You think you’re so strong don’t you?” he grabs my ear hard and pulls my head down. My body isn’t prepared for the movement. I land on all fours. He squats down and raises my chin so that I have to look him in the eyes.
“When your mom and Addie are back tomorrow, Addie will have you to thank for her punishment. You’re worthless. I see those wheels turning in your head. You think you can’t be broken. You haven’t even begun to see what I can do. You think you’re so smug. You want to tell someone? Go ahead. Before anyone knows what has happened, Addie will be gone. I have a friend that’s been begging me for her for a while now. Just say the word and you’ll never see her again. Oh, don’t worry. I couldn’t pay someone to take a cunt like you.” He takes another drink of his beer.
I spring into a standing position, my eyes wide and my breathing erratic. For a minute I was actually afraid I had wet myself. From across the room, Graham is on me in a flash, pulling me into a hug. I’m vaguely aware that Harry is watching us. I hear voices as others come around the corner into the room.
“We’ll be right back.” Graham has my back turned towards them and quickly leads me to our bedroom while I try to control my breathing.
“Emelia, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”
“I’m okay, Graham. I just have some difficult dreams sometimes. Really, I’m okay. Just hold me for a minute?” I put my arms around him. I know he wants to protest, but he doesn’t. He pulls me in.
“Why is everyone here?” I ask against his chest.
“Wedding plans remember?” He rests his head on top of mine. “Want me to have them leave?”
“No. I just need a minute with you.” A couple more minutes pass, and I lean my head back so he can see my eyes.
“I’m ready. Thank you.” I lightly kiss his lips.
After eating, we spend the next two hours making all the arrangements. Eloise is a god-send and already has taken care of so much. Ruth picked up the rest. There is really very little for me to do other than give answers to questions about how I want things to be. Both women have gone out of their way to keep the wedding small but beautiful and reasonably priced. It’s more than I wanted to spend, but considering the amount of money in this room, I think they have done well keeping it in check.
“So. For the actual wedding itself we’re at $3500?” I look at Eloise.
“Yes. That’s flowers for the wedding party and an arbor. Ruth already has chairs and candle holders made special for the sand that she has used for other events. So all we need are candles and we’re good to go.”
“And a wedding coordinator for the day?” I ask Eloise. “You think it’s really needed?”
“She’s the daughter of a childhood friend of mine. She’s exchanging her services for exposure. You’re her first client.”
“I like that. I like giving people the breaks they need. But let’s pay her. I know I wanted to keep to a budget, but if she’s just starting her business, she will need the money.” I look over my list. “I picked out the dresses for Lucy, and Jules and I approved Jackson’s suit—one he already had in his closet. And Graham has so many suits. If he wants a new one he can, but I’m happy with the ones he already has. I’m stopping by tomorrow to pick out a suit of Adam’s. Now, you ladies. I would be honored to style you if you like, or offer suggestions, or stay out of your choice completely.”
“I would love for you to pick a dress for me. And Harry’s suit,” Eloise says.
“I would love that, too,” Ruth adds.
“Great. I’ll take your measurements before you leave and have something ready tomorrow.”
“Do you like dressing up?” I ask Eloise.
“Not really. I have to often, but I really love the simplicity of not having to be fancy,” she says flipping through a magazine.
“I know what you mean. I would rather be comfortable than anything.” I jot a couple of notes down. “You should see this Chanel that Ruth has in her closet. It’s to die for.”
“That’s my favorite,” Ruth smiles. “I love that it’s vintage. Ben and I have had such amazing times when I’ve worn it.”
“Really? What was your favorite time?”
Ruth thinks for a minute. “When we had a party for Adam coming home from the war. I was so grateful that both my sons survived deployment.”
“I can see why that would be your favorite,” I say with warmth. “Well, that settles everything wedding related.”
“The reception is all us,” Eloise says, pointing to her and Ruth. “We’ve gone over the details with Ruth and we are going to have it at your new beach house.”
“Actually, is that set in stone? Because I kinda love the idea of having it at your and Ben’s beach house, Ruth. It’s where you got married. It was your father’s. It has family history and so much love. It would mean a lot to me. We have plenty of time to make memories in our house.”
“Sounds perfect,” she says with teary eyes, and pats my hand in approval.
“You know, originally we were going to allow for seventy-five guests for the reception, so that we could invite extended family and friends. But let’s keep it to the wedding list,” Ruth says. “If we want to have a reception party at a later date, we can have a large blowout then.”
“Man. I love decisive women,” I laugh.
Graham and I clear the dessert plates after his parents leave, but I’ve asked Harry and Eloise to stay for a few minutes.
“You okay baby?” Graham leans against the sink while I rinse the last plate. It’s only been two nights, but I want to mount him right here. God is this man sexy. His arms are folded across his chest. He has one ankle propped over the other. He is so comfortable with his body and it’s like an aphrodisiac to my sex deprived soul.
“I am. I’m tired.” I answer looking up at him.
“Let’s finish this up and go to bed.” He kisses me softly, then grabs the Diet Coke out of my hand and switches it for water before we take a seat back at the table.
“There are a couple of things I would like to talk over with you.” I look at Harry, placing my hand in Graham’s. He runs his thumb across my knuckles and studies me. I think he senses I’m struggling.
“I want you to have custody of Addie. I can’t do it anymore.” All three of them sit up as if on alert.
“What do you mean?” Harry asks. “You’ve been fighting for her for six years.”
“Actually. I’ve been fighting for Addie my whole life. I’m exhausted.” My eyes begin to water. I take a deep breath and take my normal steps to lock my shit down. Once I know I have control, I continue.
“If Addie were here, I would never give up on her, but she’s no
t. And if Addie were here today, she would call me on it. She would know what has taken me six years to figure out.”
“What would Addie know?” Graham asks.
“That I was fighting for control. Fighting Tony. What I’ve always done. I don’t want to be that person anymore. Addie’s gone, I know it. She knows it. Tony doesn’t care. He does what he does to have one last way to manipulate me. I never saw it until this last trip. Maybe I did, but I just wasn’t ready to fight for myself. But I am now. It’s what I want. It’s what Addie would want.”
“What measures would you support if we wanted to let her die in peace?” Eloise asks gently.
“I would need to talk to Kyle about the exact specifics, but basically they would stop her oxygen and parental nutrition, but I wouldn’t want her put on a ventilator. Right now if her heart were to stop, they would have to do CPR and put her on a vent. I wouldn’t want them to do that. No extreme measures taken to bring her back. Hopefully we will win custody and then you will have control to make these decisions. Keep going?” I watch Harry absorbing the information. He nods but doesn’t say anything, so I continue. “If you decide you would be okay with the decision of letting her die, I would ask that you donate her organs. She’s never been in cardiac arrest. She’s young enough that her organs have fared well.”
I take a deep breath. Graham moves his chair closer and pulls me into his side.
“If you aren’t ready to say goodbye, I understand and I’ll support your decision. If you don’t think you can make the decision, I can. But I won’t fight him anymore. I can’t give any more of my energy to Tony. I just can’t give him control anymore.”
“I’m glad to hear you say this,” Graham says. “It’s painful to watch what this process is doing to you. You aren’t sleeping. When you do, you’re having horrible nightmares. You’re suffering and it breaks my heart.”
“What are your nightmares about?” Harry asks me.
“It doesn’t matter,” I tell him.
“It does to me. What did he do to you?”
“Honestly, you don’t need that in your head. It’s just toxic, you know? I don’t want you to look at me like I’m some victim. Yes, I had some hard things to overcome when I was growing up, but I am who I am today because of it. I can’t change that it happened, so why give it power?”
“Because Tony keeps the power if you don’t,” Eloise quickly responds. “That’s how abusers work. You think you have control—until the dreams come, you get stressed, and you’re caught off guard by success or happiness. Tony wants you to keep fighting because he gets off on manipulating you. If you’re fighting, you’re doing what he wants. You’re giving your energy to him, not to yourself. He’s still winning. Abusers know their prey don’t want to be known as abused. It’s another way they keep their control. For someone who’s hell bent on being in control, you’re handing it right to him. Trust me, I know.” She offers her hand across the table. “Tell us about your dreams.”
There are so many different dreams, but I recount to them the most recent, and the most haunting. I can tell Graham and Harry are barely holding onto their control. Eloise looks like she might be sick. “You’re hurting my hand,” I tell Graham.
He relaxes his hold and kisses my palm.
“You’re correct. I’m taking control,” Harry says harshly. “I will keep you up to date on the decisions I make and give you the chance to change your mind once we have custody, until then you are done with this. It’s no longer your fight. I won’t sacrifice my living daughter for a madman.” He pauses like he’s attempting to choose his words wisely. “I can’t reconcile these stories with the Laura I knew. I don’t know why she would have ever allowed that to happen?”
“She never knew,” I contend. “I became a master at hiding it. I was a little girl. He had complete control. He had it deep rooted in me that he would harm Addie. I couldn’t let her go through the things he was doing to me. She wasn’t as strong as me. Don’t be mad at Mama. If she would have had even an inkling, I doubt Tony would be breathing today.”
He nods, but he’s holding his tongue. He’s not convinced.
“She’s right,” Eloise says. “You don’t truly understand the level of control the abuser has. Especially if you couldn’t have been more than what, six or seven when it started?”
I nod. Suddenly I feel more exhausted than I have in a long time.
“I never let him hurt Addie,” I promise Harry.
“I don’t have to have known you for long to know that, sweetheart. And I can’t tell you how much I hate what you went through, but I can guarantee you, you will never have to worry about Tony again.”
“Why don’t we call it a night?” Graham suggests, standing. “I’ll give you a call tomorrow, Harry, and we can talk through a few things.” We move towards the elevator, saying our goodbyes.
“I do have one more thing.” I bolster all my energy in an attempt to change the night to end on a good note. “Would you walk me down the aisle?” I ask Harry.
He breaks into a wide smile. “There’s nothing I would want more. It would be my honor.” He engulfs me in a huge embrace.
“Really?” I look at Eloise. “You’re crying already?” I laugh.
“Oh, shush,” she says with a hug. “It’s not nice to make fun of your parents.”
Graham puts his arms around me as we say our goodbyes once again.
“Need anything before bed?” He asks, locking the elevator.
“No. I just need some sleep,” I yawn. I can’t seem to shake my tiredness.
In bed, we lie facing each other. I can see him from the city lights that surround us.
“I’m sorry you didn’t have anyone to fight for you when you were a little girl.” His eyes tear and search mine.
“But I did. I had people who would have fought for me. I just didn’t let them. I didn’t see it, really. It’s like water. Water will find its way into every little crevice. Before you know it, your foundation is weak. It’s little words and phrases here and there, until you don’t even know it’s happening. By then, they have the hold on you they need. I know Harry is upset with Mama, but she and my grandparents would have skinned Tony alive if I had just told them what he was doing. I was too far gone by the time I realized what was happening. I didn’t even recognize myself.”
“And Addie never knew?”
“No. After we were on our own for a while, she finally put it together and made me be honest with her. Though I never told her the stories. I didn’t think she could handle them. Around that same time, I was accepted to Julliard. That’s when she lost her way. She was partying. Dating the wrong guys. She dropped out of school. She wouldn’t let me help her. She wouldn’t come to New York.” I pull my pillow tighter to me. “Then after the night I told you we fought, I got the call that she had fallen. When I got to Memphis, they had told me there was nothing more they could do. I wanted to let her go, but Tony was already there and told them he was her guardian and so they listened to him. It’s been this back and forth battle ever since.” I turn onto my back and look up at the ceiling. “I really never realized how he was still manipulating me until this last trip. I don’t know what it was. Maybe seeing it through new eyes with y’all? Whatever the reason, it finally hit me that it is no different than when I was a little girl.”
“God, I want to make love to you. Right here. Right now,” Graham says. “I just want to erase the bad and surround you only with love. My love.”
“Three more nights. Have you no willpower Mr. Taylor?”
“Zero where you’re concerned.”
“Good thing I have enough for the both of us.” I push him to the side and kiss him deeply before cuddling up to him.
“Goodnight, Graham.”
“Goodnight, Emelia.”
“Hi, George.” I drop an apple on his desk. “Is he by himself?”
“He is. He’s on a conference call with a team in Japan.” He smiles at me. I round his desk and pul
l him into a standing position. Within a minute, I’ve arranged his hair and what he’s wearing. A few simple tweaks that make a huge difference. I would love to style him. He’s quite cute.
“Is it a video conference or audio?”
“Audio,” George says taking a bite of his apple. “He has about thirty minutes left. After that he has a meeting in the conference room.”
“Perfect. Do not disturb until I leave. Got it?” I pull on Graham’s office door.
“Yes, ma’am,” he blushes.
“Structure vs. cost?” Graham asks into the headset wrapped around his ear. His eyes find mine as I walk toward his desk. I’m wearing another DVF wrap dress. It was easy and took little thought this morning—just what I needed after the heavy night last night.
I hit the button on his desk that locks his door. Pushing his chair back slightly, I perch myself on his desk, close his laptop and move it to the side. Once I am in position, I pull his chair back towards the desk. Kicking my shoes off, I prop my feet up beside his thighs, my knees level with his chin.
“Did you limit the liability?” He doesn’t miss a beat. His eyes watching mine. I undo the tie he’s wearing, pulling it slowly out of his collar. Once I’ve released it completely, I wrap it around my neck and tie it into a Windsor knot, the tip skimming the top of my sex. When I’m satisfied with how it looks, I slowly undo the belt that holds my dress together, letting it fall open revealing my bare breasts. I see a slight flare to his nostril.
“I see,” he says to the caller. “And the tax figures?” He wraps his hands around both of my calves. I slowly run a finger from my mouth downwards to my breasts, pulling at my nipples. I watch him watch me, and I feel the heat between my legs.
“Set up a separate corporation for each of them.” His hands tighten on my calves. I pull the dress away from me further to reveal that I’m sans underwear. Arching my back, I spread my legs. Slowly I move my hands down my body, rubbing myself as I go, closing my eyes when my fingers finally make contact with my sex.