by Sara Gethin
I am thinking hard. I don’t know if I’m going to spoil Mrs Pugh Year Two’s trip. I don’t want to spoil it. But I think I might. I don’t know if I should put my hand up. I’m putting it up just a bit. Mrs Pugh Year Two hasn’t seen it. I’m putting it up a bit more. I’m looking at Miss. She’s shaking her head at me. She’s shaking it a lot. I’m putting my hand down. I’m putting it down fast.
‘Right,’ Mrs Pugh Year Two says. ‘Apart from Eddie, not one of you is going to spoil my trip. Well, we’ll see, won’t we?’
* * *
It’s dinner playtime. I’m running out of the school doors. The playground is very busy and it’s very noisy and lots of people are shouting. Lots of people are running and running. I am running down the playground too. The wind is blowing on my face and I’m running with all the other children and I’m trying not to run in the puddles but there are too many of them. My shoes are getting wet and my feet are getting wet too but I’m still running and running and the wind is still blowing and blowing.
I’m putting my hands in the pockets in my coat. It’s the coat Miss found in the lost property box. The one Mammy threw on the pavement before the holiday. Miss kept it safe for me so I can be warm at playtime. I’m holding my arms out. My hands are still in the pockets and the coat is making big wings. They are like an aeroplane’s wings and I am running and running and flying and flying.
‘Wotcha,’ a voice says. It’s Wes’s voice. He’s running next to me.
‘Wotcha,’ I say. ‘Are you going on Mrs Pugh Year Two’s trip?’
‘Don’t know. Sounds crap.’
‘I’m going,’ I say. ‘I like zoos and I like animals.’ I’m still running and flying.
‘I like fish, ’specially sharks. They can bite you in half,’ Wes says. ‘Can I have a go of that?’
‘Of what?’
‘Of what you’re doing with your coat.’
‘Okay,’ I say. We’ve stopped running now. ‘You just put your…’ Wes is pulling at the coat Miss gave me. He’s pulling it round my neck and it’s hurting my skin. I’m moving away from his hand and I’m looking at him. He hasn’t got a coat on. He’s grabbing my coat again. ‘Go and get your coat,’ I say.
‘Can’t. Haven’t got one. Give me yours.’ I’m shaking my head. ‘Give it to me,’ he says. ‘Give me your coat.’ He’s still grabbing it. It’s hard to stop his fingers. It’s hard to stop them pinching me.
‘I can’t.’ I’m twisting a bit. I am trying to get away from him. ‘Miss gave it to me. I’m not allowed to lose it.’ I’m remembering Miss saying I had to zip up the coat to keep warm. I’m zipping it up now. I’m zipping it up as fast as I can.
‘Why did your teacher give you a coat? Did she buy it for you?’
‘No. It’s from the lost property box.’
Wes is laughing. ‘Lost property? Your coat’s from the lost property box? So that’s why it smells.’ He’s pushing his face near the coat. ‘It’s deeesgusting. It smells as bad as you.’
He’s starting to run again. ‘Come on, thicko. I’m going to get some stones.’ I’m not running. I’m standing still. I don’t want to look for stones and I don’t want to go with Wes. I don’t want him to talk to me. I don’t want to hear the things he says. He’s stopped running. ‘Come on, thicko,’ he says. ‘Come on.’
The playground is full of people shouting. It’s full of people laughing. ‘Come on.’ He’s calling me with his hand. ‘Come on, thicko.’ There are people running and running everywhere. And I am running too. I’m running and running towards Wes. I’m running and running and running towards him.
And he’s running away from me.
* * *
I’m in our classroom and I’ve been helping Miss with her sandwiches. I’m waiting for Miss to finish writing then she’s going to walk me home. She’s going to walk to just past the corner and then I’ll run the rest of the way on my own. She says she’ll watch me from the corner to see I get home safe. I’m glad Miss is staying by the corner. I don’t want Mammy to see her again. I don’t like it when Mammy shouts at Miss.
‘Right.’ She’s putting down her pen and she’s picking up a piece of paper. ‘This is your letter about the trip.’ Miss is folding up the letter. She’s giving it to me. ‘Put it in your pocket and keep it safe ’til you get home. Ask your mum to sign it then try to bring it back as soon as you can.’ She’s smiling at me. ‘Try your best to remember.’
I’m nodding. ‘I will.’ I’m going to try my best to remember to bring it back. ‘I will.’
‘A school trip will be fun, won’t it?’ Miss says. She’s putting things into her bag. She’s putting in the lunch box and her pencil case.
I’m nodding again. ‘I’m looking forward to it a lot, lot, lot. I like zoos.’
‘It’s a farm really.’ Miss is still smiling. ‘But it’ll be fun anyway. And don’t worry about the list of things you need to bring, just as long as your mum signs the slip.’
I’m remembering Mrs Pugh Year Two talking in the hall. I’m remembering the things she said we needed. ‘I haven’t got wellingtons.’
‘It’s okay, you won’t need them. Or waterproof trousers.’
We’re going out of class now. ‘I don’t think we’ve got any sun cream,’ I say.
Miss is laughing. ‘You definitely won’t need that. And you don’t need to bring the money.’
‘The twelve pounds fifty?’
‘That’s what some people will pay,’ Miss says. ‘But not everyone has to pay for the trip.’
I’m thinking about the money for the trip. I’m thinking about my coin in my tippy truck. ‘I’ve got a fifty pence. The one the lady next door gave me. I can bring that.’
We’ve started walking out of school and I’m looking up at Miss. She’s smiling at me but her eyes look a bit sad. ‘That’s very good of you, Tomos. But you keep that safe. School will pay for you. Just ask your mum to sign the letter. That’s all you need to do.’
‘Okay,’ I say.
‘And bring it back tomorrow.’
‘Okay,’ I say again. ‘I will.’
* * *
The lady with the big bag is here. She’s talking to Mammy. She’s talking and talking. She’s saying the house needs cleaning. She’s saying the kitchen is very dirty.
‘I would ’ave cleaned it,’ Mammy says. ‘But I forgot ’bout you coming.’
I’m behind the big black chair. I’m playing with my truck. And I’m hiding from Mammy. She’s very very cross with me. Because I opened the door to the lady. The lady with the big bag.
‘Do you mean you only clean up when you’re expecting a visit from me?’ the lady says. She’s sitting on the settee. Her face is very cross.
Mammy says, ‘Oh, for fu—’
‘Please. You’re running out of chances, Rhiannon. I’m doing my best to keep you and Thomas together, but you’re not making it easy. And we had a call from Thomas’s school after the Christmas holidays…’
‘That cow. Blurry Lowri interfering.’
‘The school’s only doing its job, Rhiannon. And that’s what I’m doing too. I need to check things.’ She’s looking at her papers. ‘Ah yes, the bed.’
‘It didn’t come,’ Mammy says. ‘You promised us a new one, but we haven’t ’ad it.’
The lady is writing something on her papers. ‘I’ll have to chase that up. It should arrive soon.’ She’s tapping her pen. ‘But you have put the mattress on the floor, haven’t you, like we talked about last time? That ladder’s dangerous.’ Mammy’s not saying anything. ‘Well, I’ll check his room before I go,’ the lady says. She’s writing something again. She’s looking round the front room. ‘You haven’t taken up the offer of more furniture then, or had the house redecorated? It’s all free, you know, Rhiannon. You only need to contact the charity.’
‘I can do decorating myself,’ Mammy says.
The lady’s letting out a big breath. ‘Stripping off wallpaper’s easy,’ she says, ‘but putti
ng it up is another thing altogether.’ She’s looking at me now. I’m trying to hide a bit more. I’m trying to be very small behind the chair. I don’t want her to go to my room. I don’t want her to see my high sleeper bed. I don’t want her to see my ladder. ‘Show me that toy, Thomas,’ she says. ‘Come out and show me what you’re playing with.’
I am staying still. I don’t want to come out from behind the chair.
‘Don’t ’ave to and you can’t make ’im,’ Mammy says. ‘Stay where you are, boy.’
The lady’s shaking her head. ‘You know, Rhiannon, I’m trying my best, but you’re making it so difficult for me.’ There’s a buzzy noise. It’s coming from the lady’s bag. ‘I’d like to have a little chat with Thomas,’ she says, ‘because a dirty house is one thing, neglect is quite another. And I have to check that he’s being well looked after. You know that, so please encourage Thomas to come out and talk to me.’ She’s putting her hand in her bag. She’s found her phone. She’s looking at it a bit.
I’m wondering if I should come out. I’m peeping round the side of the chair. I’m peeping at Mammy. She’s calling me with her hand. Her face is still cross. I’m coming out from behind the chair. I’m coming out slowly. On my knees and on my hands. I’m bringing my truck.
‘What a shame the wheels have broken off,’ the lady says. She’s putting her phone down on her papers.
‘I don’t mind. It’s still a super truck.’ I’m showing her the tippy part. All the bits from the carpet are falling out. All the wheels are falling out too. I’m picking them up again. I’m putting them back in the tippy part.
‘Need a pee.’ Mammy is running up to the bathroom.
The lady’s looking and looking at me. She’s looking at my trousers and at my jumper. They are the ones Miss brought to school for me. They smell very nice. They smell like cakes and flowers. They smell like Nanno and Dat’s house.
‘Have you had your tea yet?’ the lady says.
I’m thinking about my first tea. The one I had in school after all the other children went home. ‘Yes.’
‘What did you have?’
‘Egg sandwiches. And a strawberry milkshake. And a rice pudding. And a chocolate biscuit. And a banana.’ I can hear Mammy in the bathroom. She’s opening the cupboard. I think she’s tidying up all the things I must NOT touch. I’m thinking about my second tea. The one I had at home. ‘And a blue packet of crisps.’
The lady’s smiling. ‘And did you eat your lunch in school?’ I’m nodding. ‘What did you have for lunch today?’
‘Cawl and bread and cheese. I had seconds. And pink custard and cake for afters. I had seconds of that too.’
‘You’ve got a good appetite,’ the lady says. ‘Well, you look like you’re getting big and strong.’
Mammy has come back from the bathroom. She’s sitting on the chair again. I’m showing the lady my arms like Dat when he’s being a strong man. ‘I’m big and strong like Dat.’ I’m making my arms really strong.
‘Good boy,’ the lady says. ‘Have you seen Dat? Has he been here?’ Her phone is buzzing again.
I’m putting my arms down and I’m shaking my head. ‘I’m not allowed.’ I’m picking up my truck. ‘Can I see Dat? Can I show him my truck from Father Christmas? I’d like to show him my truck.’
Mammy is making a blowy noise with her mouth.
‘Not at the moment,’ the lady says. ‘Sometime, maybe.’
Mammy is making the noise again. ‘Never. Tha’ man ain’t coming near us.’
‘Situations change, Rhiannon,’ the lady says. Her phone is playing music now. ‘Thomas is obviously attached to your foster father and it would be a shame—’
‘Never!’ Mammy says. ‘An’ stop calling me that. My name’s Ree.’
The lady’s shaking her head. ‘Yes, of course. Sorry, Ree.’ She’s looking at her phone. She’s standing up. ‘I’ll have to answer this.’ She’s walking to the window. She’s holding her phone to her head. She’s saying ‘Oh no,’ a lot.
I’m putting my hand in my pocket. There’s something crinkly inside. I’m taking it out. It’s the letter Miss gave me about the zoo. I’m showing it to Mammy. ‘We’re going on a trip to the zoo. In three weeks’ time.’ Mammy’s taking the letter. She’s putting it on top of the box I was a present in.
The lady is still talking on her phone. She says, ‘I only went there yesterday. He seemed fine. Everything seemed okay. The father was a bit…you know, but…’ She’s shaking and shaking her head.
‘It’s to the zoo,’ I say. I’m picking up the letter off the box. ‘Can I go, Mammy? Please.’ I’m showing it to her again. Mammy’s lifting her shoulders. She’s taking the letter. She’s putting it on the arm of the chair. ‘You need to sign it, to say I can go.’
‘I’ll meet you at the hospital,’ the lady is saying to her phone. ‘I’ll get there as soon as I can.’ She’s putting her phone in her pocket. She’s turning round. Her cheeks are very red. ‘Right,’ she says. ‘Despite the mess in the house, Thomas is well fed, his clothes are clean and he seems happy and healthy.’ She’s saying it very fast. ‘So I’ll recommend we carry on as we are for now. There’ll be another visit in a month or so.’ The lady’s picking up her bag. She’s picking it up fast. ‘And, of course, we’ll carry on looking into your allegations about your foster father. But you must realise others speak very highly of Mr Evans.’
‘Ifans,’ Mammy says. ‘Not Evans.’
‘Of course,’ the lady says. ‘Mr Eeevans.’
She’s going to the door. She’s going fast. I’m going with her. The lady is opening the door and she’s going outside. She has forgotten to look at my bedroom. She’s forgotten to check my bed and my ladder.
‘Bye,’ I say.
‘Bye. See you soon, Thomas.’
I’m smiling at the lady. ‘My name’s not Thomas,’ I say.
The lady is squashing her eyebrows together. ‘Not Thomas?’ She’s getting her keys out of her big bag.
‘No.’ I’m still smiling at her. ‘It’s Tomos.’
‘Oh,’ the lady says. Her eyebrows are going high. ‘I see.’ She’s only smiling a little bit now. ‘Okay. Tommoss it is, then.’ She’s making my name sound funny.
She’s turning round and she’s going down the path. She’s going very fast. She’s saying something. She’s saying it to herself. I think she’s saying ‘Like mother, like child.’
* * *
I am up in my high sleeper bed. The bed I’m not allowed to have. I’m playing with my truck and I’m thinking about a letter I could write to Nanno if I had some paper and a pencil. My letter would say Dear Nanno, How are you? I am well. Tomorrow is a very special day. It is the day we are going to the zoo. It has taken a long time to come. I have been waiting and waiting for it. I have given Mammy a letter about it. Miss asked me if I still had the letter and I said yes because I gave the letter to Mammy a long time ago. Mammy must sign it. Mrs Pugh Year Two said. And I must take it back tomorrow. Then I will see lions and tigers and monkeys like there are in Dat’s Big Book of Animals and I will see giraffes and turtles and zebras and polar bears too and I am waiting and waiting to go and it is hard to sleep when I am waiting to go to the zoo and Wes says the zoo will be crap but I don’t think it will be because I think it will be very good. Very very good. And I will tell you all about it. Lots of love, Tomos xxx
I’m playing with my truck again. I’m driving it over my bed. I’m making big hills out of jumpers and towels and Mammy and Brick’s tee shirts. I’m driving my truck over them and I’m making sound effects. I’m thinking about Dat’s sound effects. They are very good. I’m trying to make my sound effects good too.
I have parked my truck now. I’ve parked it in the corner of my bed next to my head. And I’m looking at my library book from school that is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and it’s my favourite. A girl from a big class took it from the library. She kept it for a long long time. And then a big boy took it. And he had it for a
long time too. Then he put it back in the library and now I’ve got it and it’s my favourite favourite and it makes me think about the film. The one I used to watch with Dat. The words in the book are very hard and they are too hard for me to read but I still like the book lots and lots and lots.
I’m looking at the sticky drawings of Charlie and Grandpa. I can see them in the yellow light from the road and Charlie and Grandpa are smiling. They’re laughing and smiling and they’re making me think about Dat. They’re making me think about Dat a lot. They’re making me happy. And they’re making me sad. I’m remembering something. I’m remembering something I forgot. I forgot a P.S. at the end of my letter to Nanno. I am doing it now. I’m thinking about the P.S. I would write if I had a pencil and some paper. I’m saying P.S. I miss you and Dat. I miss you and Dat a lot.
* * *
Today is the special day. The very very special day. It’s the day we are going to the zoo. I’ve put on my school jumper and my school trousers and I’ve put my fifty pence in my pocket and I’m keeping it safe. I’ve been to the bathroom and I’ve climbed on the side of the bath so I can get to the tap and I’ve splashed some water on my face and I’ve brushed my hair with Mammy’s hair brush. It’s very hard to use her hair brush because it keeps getting stuck.
I’m going downstairs now. I’m going to wait for Kaylee and her mammy but I’m going to find my letter first. My letter for the zoo. I am hoping and hoping Mammy has signed it.
I’m looking in the front room. I’m looking under the settee. I’m looking behind the chair. I’m looking under the box I was a present in. I can’t find it in the front room. I’m looking in the kitchen. I’m picking things up off the worktop. I’m looking underneath things. I can’t find my letter in the kitchen. I’m going back up the stairs.