by Lex Martin
God, how many times will I do this to myself? Let myself get crushed by a guy? Salty tears stream down my face as I think about how much he’s hurt me. It could have been worse. You could have had sex with him. The insidious thought that if I had slept with him, I wouldn’t be here alone right now, haunts me. I can almost hear my mother saying those exact same words she told me years ago.
I think of all the times Gavin and I snuggled in bed together, talking, touching, falling asleep together. And now he’s doing the same things with Angelique. Of course he wanted to have sex. What twenty-one-year-old male doesn’t? But I thought we had more. And I was so close to going all the way so many times. Not that my body needs to be hermetically sealed because I definitely wanted to take that step with him, but I feared this very situation. Being with a man who would be unfaithful. Having my heart broken. Falling apart.
Well, I’m not going to fall apart. Fuck that. I’ve come too far to have a man rip me to shreds. I’m not going to let myself dwell on this. Not right now. In about three hours, when I’m done with my interview, I plan to curl up in this bed and cry some more so that when I see him next week or the week after, I won’t look like I want to die, like he’s eviscerated my heart, even though he has. I’ll be stronger than that.
Trudging back into the bathroom, I place my rum and coke on the counter and spread out my makeup. Using lots of concealer and eyeliner helps hide the fact that I’ve been up half the night crying. I get out my iPhone and earbuds and blast some music. By the time I’m dressed in a pair of black pants and a gray blouse, I think I’m put together enough to do this.
On the ride to the news studio, my attorney Kate, an intense-looking woman in her early thirties, goes over a few topics I should try to avoid and some standard types of comments to get the reporter to back off. Although she’s not pleased I won’t let her do the interview with me, she says this early in the media cycle, it’s probably good to “not look lawyered up.”
I don’t care how it looks. I just think having her sit next to me during my interview will make me nervous.
My publicist Maeve, in contrast, looks pleased as a petunia to have me doing something to market my book and simply says that any attention is good attention.
I don’t mention the FBI’s visit last night to either of them. That’s a hurdle for another day.
When we get to NBC, I’m briefly introduced to the anchors before I’m escorted to a seating area with two small couches that face each other. Maeve and Kate stand off camera. The reporter who sits across from me looks young but polished. I’ve seen her around campus. Her long, black hair is swept back into a mock bun, and she looks stunning in a pinstriped suit.
“Hi, Clementine,” she says, reaching out to shake my hand. “I’m Madeline McDermott, but my friends call me Maddie.” She lowers her voice. “I heard The Today Show wanted to fly you to New York to be interviewed by Matt Lauer tomorrow morning, but you preferred to be interviewed by a BU intern.” Her flawless face scrunches up in confusion.
Maeve almost had a heart attack when I explained this point was non-negotiable. If I’ve learned anything from my mother it’s that you can make demands when you’re in demand. In the scheme of things, I don’t think this is such a big deal. But I see why this perplexes Maddie.
“I’ve gotten a few breaks professionally, and I thought I could pay it forward and provide one for someone else.”
I think back to how my book sales took off in the first place. A blogger with a huge following stumbled across Say It Isn’t So and loved my story, so she shared it with her fans. The next day my novel began jumping up the charts.
Maddie smiles brightly. “Well, I can’t thank you enough.”
“I’ve seen you cover stories around campus, so I know you’re good at what you do.”
Her head tilts to the side as she appraises me. “I think you might be my new best friend.” She laughs, and I return the smile.
A guy behind a giant console adjusts the lights, and after a few minutes of clipping mics to our blouses and making sure they’re picking up the audio, he explains how the New York station will cut to our segment.
My heart slams into my chest, and, strangely, I think of my mother who is a combination of steel and stone when it comes to situations like these. With that in mind, I take a deep breath and brace myself for what’s to come.
“We’re on in five,” the camera guy says as he counts down on one hand, finally pointing to the red light that indicates we’re live.
On a monitor, I see the New York host introduce the story before the screen splits to show Maddie next to him.
She takes a deep breath, which she holds briefly as she stares back at the camera. Then, as though she’s done this a million times, she starts talking in a broadcast voice, which is smooth with a kind of melodic cadence.
“I’m here with Clementine Avery, the Avery International heiress, who’s been in the headlines this week because her identity as the elusive bestselling author known as Austen Fitzgerald was recently revealed during a heated discussion in one of her writing classes. Clementine, it’s great to meet you.”
“Thank you for having me, Madeline.”
“Is it true that until now, none of your professors knew who you were?”
“Only one professor who helped me edit my book three years ago knew that I wrote under a pen name.”
“Young Adult author Jason Wheeler? The son of the former Rhode Island governor Richard Wheeler?”
“Yes.”
She sits up just a bit straighter and glances down at her note cards.
“As I understand it, Wheeler criticized your book and accused you of plagiarism during your creative writing class when you revealed that you are Austen Fitzgerald. What do you have to say about his accusations?”
“I’m suing him for slander. I have two years’ worth of writing journals and diary entries to prove that what I wrote is mine. Did he suggest that I tweak a storyline or reword certain things? Absolutely. But to claim that those ideas are anyone’s but my own is ludicrous.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see my attorney giving me the thumbs up.
Although I’m nervous, I speak slowly, deliberately, like we have all the time in the world. That’s how powerful people talk, like they are confident you want to hear what they have to say and nothing will rattle them. Maybe the years of growing up with my screwed-up family will pay off after all.
“Why do you think he would criticize you so publicly?” Maddie leans forward, tilting her head slightly.
“I believe he wanted to make me miserable, to inflict emotional distress. He knows I cherish my privacy, and I doubt he thought I’d call him on his lies.”
“You make it sound like he had some kind of vendetta against you.”
Taking a deep breath, I nod. “During my freshman year, Jason Wheeler wanted more from our relationship than what I was willing to give. I saw him as my mentor, and he was interested in something more romantic. I think this is his way of getting back at me.”
She raises her brows but doesn’t continue with this line of questioning.
“In your book, the main character is the daughter of a wealthy family who falls in love with the star quarterback at her school. The boy cheats on her with her best friend and breaks her heart. I know this is a fictional book, but the similarities to your life are striking. You dated Daren Sloan, who now plays football for Boston College and is in contention for the Heisman trophy. He’s engaged to Veronica Rogers, who used to be your best friend in high school, and you’re the daughter of the heiress Jocelyn Avery, who is the president and CEO of Avery International.”
And there it is. My worst nightmare. My whole life spilled out before me. I take another deep breath. I don’t know where to start.
“Was there a question?” I ask with a laugh. This is what my mother would do. Pretend like the Hiroshima bomb is simply a gnat in her salad.
“Well, did Daren cheat on you?” Maddie furrows her brow and leans forw
ard again. “Is this story based on your relationship?”
“Maddie, I didn’t set out to write an autobiography, so while I might have used aspects of my own life as inspiration as any writer does, I can unequivocally say that this is a work of fiction. Yes, Daren and I dated in high school, but that’s where the comparisons stop. We broke up because we grew apart, but he remains a dear friend. I wish him and his fiancée the best.”
Breathe. Breathe.
I make deliberate eye contact and smile. Maddie seems surprised by my answer but nods. She probably thought I’d rip into Daren. Even if he and I hadn’t recently made amends, I could never publicly humiliate him.
“What about your mother? In your book, the mom wanted her daughter to sleep with her boyfriend, claiming that sex was the way to keep a star athlete satisfied. Is that what happened with your mother? And are you estranged because she wanted you to be a spokesperson for her fashion line and model her clothes, but you refused?”
Fuck.
I consider my words carefully.
“Jocelyn and I are not close. Anyone can tell you that, but I’m not going to speak disparagingly about my mother. I will say that she’s a leader in her industry and has worked hard to get where she is today. I admire her many successes. Furthermore, our family continues its decades-long friendship with the Sloans.”
I didn’t come here planning to defend my family, but this is my business, not the public’s. And maybe what I said was wishful thinking, but my mother knows what she did, and that’s all that matters to me.
Maddie thankfully switches gears to talk about sales, explaining how I took advantage of the ebook format, noting that I managed to sell well without the help of a big publishing company.
“Now that this is being sold in hard copy,” she says, holding up my book, “I’m told stores can’t keep Say It Isn’t So on the shelves. Why do you think readers love this story so much?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.” I shrug, feeling self-conscious. “I’m still surprised anyone wants to read my book. I was going through a lot when I wrote it, and I think it portrays an honest depiction about what happens when you have a broken heart and that resonates with people.”
She smiles, and I get the impression she’s asked all of the tough questions.
“You’re a New York Times-bestselling author, and you’re not even out of college. What’s on the horizon for you? Are you working on anything right now?”
“Yes, I’m writing a romance novel, which is a departure for me. It’s about a freshman in college who falls in love with her RA.”
“Now, is this a true story?” Her eyes twinkle with interest.
“Hmm. I have to tread carefully.” I smirk back, managing to elicit a laugh from her. “The love interest, Aiden, is inspired by someone I know, but he was never my RA.”
“Are you dating the real-life Aiden right now?”
Damn it. She’s good.
“I was,” I say slowly. Maddie raises her brows, and I swallow. Just say it. Be honest about how you feel. “But we’re not going out any more, which is unfortunate because I’m kind of in love with him.” Holy Christ, did I say that out loud? I look down, embarrassed that I actually admitted it. On live fucking television. I’d like to faceplant into the carpet and only barely manage to keep myself upright.
She touches her in-ear monitor and nods.
“I’m sorry, we’re out of time. Clementine, I’ve enjoyed talking with you. And to Aiden, whoever you are, you need to give this girl her happily ever after. I’m Madeline McDermott. Back to you in New York.”
The red light clicks off, indicating the cameras have stopped rolling, and I sigh, relieved it’s over.
Maddie pops out her in-ear monitor and her calm demeanor disappears. Her blue eyes go wide, her mouth drops open and her hands fist into her hair. “Holy shit. That was amazing.”
I laugh. I doubt Matt Lauer would have had the same reaction to interviewing me.
“You did a great job,” I manage to say. I tuck my hands under my thighs to hide the trembling.
She leans over and whispers, “Sorry about all those personal questions. The network sent me a dozen really, really invasive ones I tweaked because I couldn’t bring myself to nail you with them.”
“I appreciate it. I know you went easy on me.”
She gets up off her couch and sits next to me. “Can I ask you something? Totally off the record?” I nod, realizing I’m lightheaded. “Who’s the RA? I’m wondering if I know him.”
I mull it over. Maddie could have shredded me on live, national television but didn’t. The relationship is over anyway.
I whisper back, “Gavin Murphy.”
“As in front-page writer for the Free Press? And total hottie?”
“That would be the one.” She fans herself in appreciation for his looks, and I smile sadly. “I know. Tell me about it.”
“I thought he was dating that mean redhead.” Maddie crinkles her nose, and if I didn’t like her before, I certainly do now.
“Yeah, he was or he is. I don’t know.” They could just be sleeping together, which is worse.
Maddie frowns. “You look like you could use a drink. Can I get you one? To say thanks?”
“Absolutely.”
So what that it’s not quite 10 a.m. yet? I’ve had one hell of a day.
- 28 -
Three drinks later, I am officially shit-faced. Maddie and I are sitting at the bar of my hotel, realizing that we need to eat something, when Jax and Daren walk in.
“I’m pissed at you,” my brother barks as he approaches.
I giggle. “Get in line.” I order two beers for the guys, knowing they’ll want to join us.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had an interview today?” Jax asks. “Why do I have to hear everything from your roommates?”
Daren elbows him. “Dude, lay off.”
I wave a finger. “Jax, you had a game yesterday. In a different state. I thought you were busy.” I hiccup so hard it hurts, which makes me laugh. “Have you two met Maddie? Maddie, this is my asshole brother Jax, and this is his asshole best friend Daren.” I wave back and forth between them.
She turns to look at me, obviously shocked that I was telling the truth when I said Daren and I are still friends. Jax barely glances at Maddie while Daren can’t seem to stop staring at her, which is no shocker because she is gorgeous.
“Take a load off. Have a drink.” I grab Maddie’s hand, yank her off the stool, and wander to a table that can accommodate four. The guys sit down across from us.
“Thanks for not making me sound like a douche in your interview,” Daren says to me, making me grin.
“Not a problem. It’s bridge under the water.” Shit. That’s not right.
Maddie’s cell buzzes, and she grabs it, putting it right up to her nose to read the incoming text.
Daren motions to my drink. “Have you eaten today?”
“I had a delicious bite of a chocolate sundae this morning, but otherwise, no. I don’t think the rum and coke I had at dawn counts as food, huh?”
He calls over the waiter and orders several things while Maddie excuses herself to make a call. A minute later, she runs back.
“Sit down,” she tells me, making me crack up.
“I am sitting. You’re the one standing.”
She realizes her mistake and shakes her head. “Okay, shut up,” she says even though no one is talking. “Jason Wheeler was just arrested for kidnapping.”
The news reports that FBI agents kicked in Wheeler’s door at ten this morning, arresting him for the abduction of Olivia Lawrence. Daren has the bar turn on the flatscreen, and we watch the coverage in silence.
The camera rolling from the street in front of Wheeler’s mansion shows a gated driveway and ten-foot hedges that wrap around an expansive property. The blue and red lights of police vehicles flash up and down the street as neighbors watch in strange fascination.
I keep waiting to hear the
gruesome details, bracing myself for the worst. I think about all of the homicide shows I watch and how authorities always expect a kidnapping to result in murder after forty-eight hours. I feel ill, hoping that in the end it wasn’t painful. Maybe now she’s at peace.
And then the most amazing thing happens.
A girl with tangled, long brown hair and pale skin walks out of Wheeler’s house.
Olivia is alive.
Everyone in the bar cheers. Tears stream down my face as I watch her reunite with her family. My heart throbs as I think about what this is going to mean to Kade.
He picks up on the second ring.
“Kade, did you hear the news?” I sound out of breath.
He’s quiet. “Yeah. She’s alive.” He sounds choked up, and I give him a minute.
“It’s going to be okay, buddy. She has a long road ahead of her, but I’m sure she’s going to need some good friends.”
He doesn’t hesitate when he says, “I plan to be there for her.”
“Call me if you need anything. I mean it.”
He takes a shaky breath. “You’ve been amazing through all of this. It makes me feel like a bigger asshole for all the dumb shit I’ve said to you over the years.”
I laugh even though it makes more tears tumble down my cheeks. “Here’s to new beginnings. I’m tired of letting the past determine my future. It sounds like you are too. Maybe we can help each other with that.”
Glancing up, I see Daren smile at me, and I return the look and reach out and squeeze his giant hand.
“Thanks. I needed to hear that,” Kade says.
When I get off the phone, Daren laughs. “You’ve turned into a big softie.”
“Shut up. If you tell anyone about that conversation I’ll shank you with my toothbrush, and you won’t be the big football hero anymore. You’ll be the guy who got beaten up by a girl.”
His grin widens. “There’s the feisty little girl I love.”
I scowl, half-heartedly I admit, and give him the finger. His laughter grows, and eventually I give in and giggle.
Daren gets everyone a round of drinks to celebrate as my phone starts lighting up with messages. I talk to Harper to let her know where I am and that I’ll be home in a couple of hours, and then Gavin starts texting and calling. And calling.