Totally Fishy (A Miller Sisters Mystery)

by Gale Borger

  "Mr. Nun–Ramon," I said. "We've just returned from Venezuela where we made a few startling discoveries. Would you like to see the pictures I took of an operation called the Devil's Eye Mine? They're still in the camera at the moment, but the screen is large enough to see them clearly."

  "I would, of course. Evo and I will view them together." He got up and dragged the oak chair next to Evo's recliner.

  Evo signaled for his backpack. "Sir, before we begin, may I?" He dug through the backpack for an envelope addressed to Ramon Nunez. Evo tore it open and handed it to him.

  Evo explained. "While I was in and out of the drug haze my colleagues kept me in, I realized that the contents of this envelope are what got my apartment, my office, and an innocent bystander blown up." He poured the contents on his lap. "This," he held up a grey rectangle, "Is my digital recorder. This," he held up a sheaf of paper, "Is my full report to you, along with the research our friends in the States performed before we flew back here." He placed the pictures and lab reports from the water and the village in Nunez's lap.

  Nunez went through the pictures. When he came to the churchyard with all the newly dug graves, he dropped the picture in his lap and covered his eyes with his hands. "Evo, tell me we did not do this. Please tell me my corporation did not harm these villagers or their children."

  Evo put a hand on Nunez's shoulder. "Sir, I have never known you to disregard people or the environment. The pictures I'm about to show you should explain what happened to that village." He handed the camera to Nunez. "Armand over there with the peas on his nose is a United States government agent, working undercover on a parallel case with ours."

  I saw what was coming and made chopping motions at my throat to get Evo to shut up. The pain medication he took must have given him a bad case of motor-mouth, because he ignored my pleas and continued. He pointed in my direction, and I slipped behind Sam. Evo didn't seem to notice. "Buzz, the lady over there who knocked you down and tied you up is a retired police official also from the States and a personal friend. She and Armand hiked another couple of kilometers up the mountain and discovered this mining operation."

  Nunez clicked through the pictures. "What is this place, Evo? If it is only a couple of kilometers up from the village, would that not place it on my land? I know of no such mining operation in that area." He looked at the next picture and froze, and sighed. "So this is what you wanted me to see. The peasant who would be king; Hector Chavez."

  "I am sorry, sir."

  "Don't be sorry, it was my own arrogance which caused this. I promoted him over you because you are such a vital element to my success. I could not bear to pull you from the field and risk sending a lesser man in my name. I tried to ease my conscious by granting you a raise in pay."

  Evo started. "Another raise? I don't want another raise."

  "Well, you got one. Don't you ever check your finances?" He looked at all of us and continued. "Now because of that one poor decision to promote Chavez, I have put all your lives in jeopardy." He looked at Evo. "I almost had you killed."

  Evo shifted in the recliner. "Begging your pardon, sir, but that mine is not a new operation."

  He looked through more of the pictures and stopped. "Yes, but that is why your apartment was destroyed and your office blown up isn't it? Because of this mine?"

  Evo nodded. "I believe when I reported to Chavez about the lagoon and the village, he thought I was too close to finding out the truth about the mine. That's why the snipers shot at Luis and me. My initial investigation of the lagoon with the dead fish and the deserted village left me with many questions and no answers. I took my work with me when I went on vacation to the States. I also have a habit of copying my field notes and locking them in my safe at work until an investigation is complete. Chavez knows this, and probably sent someone to retrieve them. No record, no Evo, business as usual."

  Evo dug in the side pocket of his cargo pants and pulled out a plastic bag. "This time however, I didn't put copies in my safe; I put them in this bag and took them with me. My theory is that when Chavez had his men blow my safe at work and found no papers, he ordered my house safe to be 'checked' as well. My guess is, when they again found no reports, Chavez figured if he eliminated the source," Evo pointed to himself, "he eliminated any further problems."

  Evo's story exhausted him, so I took up the tale. "After Evo checked out the village, he went to Site 151 to speak with your foreman, Ron Hansen." Evo nodded and closed his eyes. "A good man and they murdered him."

  I continued. "Close as we can figure, when Chavez found out, he had no way of knowing what Evo had told Hansen. We think Chavez subsequently had Hansen murdered and his office ransacked. This is where we came in. Had we been later, we might have been able to avoid getting shot at, but as it was, sooner or later an altercation with the bad guys proved inevitable."

  I sat back and let Nunez digest the information. Fred came through with the coffee pot and Nunez absently held out his mug for a refill. He set it down and steepled his hands at his mouth. After a few minutes, he nodded slowly as if he had come to some decision. When he looked up, his eyes bore into Armand's. "Now young man, where do you fit in with all this crazy business?"

  Armand took the bag of peas from his nose and said, "Now that, sir; is another tale entirely."

  27

  "My name is Armand Sargetti," He sent me an evil look, "Not Spaghettios." I blushed and pointed at Sam and Fred. They tried for innocent looks and pointed back at me.

  Armand continued. "I'm an agent with Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms in the United States. I was sent here to investigate arms dealing. I followed a trail, which began in New York, and it took me through Mexico and Central America down here to your neck of the woods and specifically to your corporation. I met up with Dr. Castillo while posing as an environmentalist on sabbatical, and I just happened to be on hand to help out when Evo here got himself in a little hot water over some ferns that grow on trees."

  Evo snorted. "Hot water? The truth is I'd have bled to death if Armand hadn't carried me out of that forest after I got myself shot by that maniacal crazy man."

  Armand shrugged, "Whatever. I didn't think pounding a sign in the ground warranted shooting someone, but to each his own. Anyway, I found myself liking Dr. Do-Gooder over there, and after the agency did a background investigation, they brought Evo in on the perimeter, sort-of like a civilian inside man. Neither of us thought you or your companies were involved in the arms trading, but the trail kept leading back to your door."

  Armand made a small sound, which could have been a laugh or a belch. "I thought my best cover would be as Evo's personal limousine driver, so I was set.

  "Then came the promotion of Chavez, and I had my doubts about you again, Mr. Nunez. I bugged rooms, tapped phones, tailed vehicles, crashed parties–you name it, I showed up. In your circles, the limo blended right in, and since Evo is almost always out of town, I had all the time in the world to check things out. Word on the streets was that someone big tried to hire a hit man to go to Wisconsin to take out, and I quote, 'A couple of morons and a couple of scientists,' but I couldn't get close enough to be granted an interview so I could find out the details. I connected the dots when Evo called to arrange a ride from the airport.

  "Talk about lame; it wasn't until then I realized the scientists on the hit list were Sam, Evo, and his brother Tony."

  Evo leaned forward and winced. "Ahhh. So when Armand and I exchanged information over the phone, we put two and two together and–"

  Whack. Sam's hand left a red mark on Evo's cheek. "And you decided the women involved were not worthy of knowing the truth? That maybe somewhere in that six-foot-three hunk of macho stupid, you would shelter us from the cold hard world? Well look again, Capitan Courageous, bullets know no gender! We could have avoided a lot of anguish if you had been straight with us from the start. That hole in your shoulder matches the hole in your head."

  Evo looked helplessly around the room, and landed somewhe
re to the left of me. "Sorry, but I didn't want Sam involved and I didn't even know you then, Buzz."

  Fred yelled, "Yeah? Well look who got shot!"

  I glared daggers at him. "You'd best be glad Sam hit you and not me. I'd paste you to the wall, macho man. Did you at least let J.J. in on your fishy little tale? Because if you didn't and I find that he or anyone in White Bass Lake has suffered because you withheld this information, I'll shoot your ass myself."

  I tore my cell phone off my belt and dialed J.J. I knew he'd be in bed by now, but I needed to hear from him. He picked up on the first ring. "Hey, gorgeous, I was just thinking about you. I'm in your bed."

  "Knock off the malarkey, James J. Green. Is everyone okay up there? Anyone get say, killed or maimed in the last twenty-four hours?"

  I had his full attention now. "No one croaking except the horny toads up here. Which reminds me, sugar, when are you coming home, anyway?"

  "Eh, eh-uh, just as soon as I can make arrangements, J.J. Now think. Has anyone new come into town in the past day or so? Male, Hispanic?"

  "Not that I know of; are you going to let me in on why you think I should be up to my ass in corpses, or is it your little secret?"

  "I'm sorry, J.J. I just found out a South American hit man-or-woman might be headed into town to take out Evo, Sam, Tony, Alfredo, Luis, and if I'm correct, those two new friends of the Gallegos brothers. If he hasn't shown up yet, then he'll probably come in tonight or tomorrow. I'm coming home, J.J." I glared again at Evo. Tonight if I can get a flight out."

  "That's great," he said. "I'll pick you up at the airport."

  "No need; I think Evo's truck is still in long-term parking at Mitchell Field. I'll let you know when I get into town."

  "How? Will you sneak in here and put your tongue in my ear?"

  "You, Green, are a warped man. Just do me a favor and make sure Tony, Alfredo, and Luis are okay. Now listen, there's something I have to tell you." I told J.J. the whole story, as I knew it. I honestly believed he would have beaten the crap out of Evo at that point; stitches or not. I put J.J. on speakerphone while he cussed a blue streak.

  He wound down by pointing out that the two alleged big strong men sent to watch over the women ended up being one who caught a bullet and one with a broken nose–who might also still be hanging upside down in the jungle had it not been for the three helpless women. "Man, I don't know what century you knuckleheads are from, but Buzz is more than capable of taking care of all of your sorry asses! I haven't seen more intelligence and spunk come behind the letters PhD than I have in Sam, and Fred is a Miller Sister; I need not say more. Damn it, I knew I should have been there!"

  "Water under the bridge, J.J. Slow down a minute or I won't tell you the rest."

  "Don't even insinuate that there's more…"

  I heard him breathing on the other end. "We have bigger fish to fry now–a-ha. Fish to fry."

  "I am not amused, Buzz. Get on with the story."

  "Uh, ahem, okay. Anyway, Hank MacRone was in the pictures I took at the mine along with Hector Chavez. Can you get FBI Bob to check out Hank's possible connection to Chavez on the home front? Hank's an importer of tropical fish and not involved in mining. Chavez works for an oil conglomerate. There's got to be a connection, but I can't see one now."

  "I'll get Bob right on it. Actually, I'll get Al and Bob on it. Hurry up down there. I uh, well, I want you home, and uh, the dogs miss you too."

  "They won't even recognize me after you get done spoiling them. You're not letting Wesley eat ice cream at night, are you?" From the silence on the other end I gathered Wes had gained another ten pounds. "J.J., you can't let those two dogs walk all over you."

  "They don't walk all over me. We have a good time, don't we guys?" I heard enthusiastic woofing in the background, and my eyes misted. I really did miss those three idiots.

  "I'll be home before you know it, J.J. Hug the dogs for me, and I'll call you from the airport."

  "I'll clean out my ears to make room for your tongue."

  "You, James Green, are a disgusting individual."

  "It's part of my charm. Bye, babe." He hung up the phone before I could yell at him again.

  I stared at the phone for a second and shook my head to clear it.

  Nunez chuckled and I looked up. "Your husband, no?"

  I sighed. "No, sir, an old friend."

  Nunez looked at the floor, smiling and shaking his head. "Friendship is a strong foundation." He looked me in the eyes and shook his finger at me. "Do not waste an opportunity for happiness, my dear."

  "I, uh, no…well–"

  There was no use being embarrassed, as Nunez silently rubbing his wrists, trying to get the circulation going again, Armand kept touching his tender nose, Fred fell asleep standing up, and Sam stared at a wall. Evo pointed out smugly he was the only one awake, and I pointed out that he had slept most of the last twenty-four hours.

  Evo straightened in his chair and cleared his throat. "Why don't we call it a night and get back at this tomorrow morning? Maybe we can wind this up and get back to the States."

  Sam's head snapped around. "You're going back? I mean, I wanted to go back, but I didn't think you would."

  "Why not? We're on vacation. What would I do here with no place to live, a bullet hole in me, and no office to go to? I'd rather be in Fred's house, watching the fish swim."

  Nunez spoke up. "You're not going anywhere until I have you checked out at the hospital. No offense ladies, but this way he can get some legal," he narrowed his eyes at Armand, "Non-narcotic pain medication. I also want to have his shoulder x-rayed to make sure the bullet didn't nick a bone. Then you go back to the States and you will take off another four weeks or so to recuperate."

  Evo muttered about doctors and bosses while Fred went into the kitchen to turn off the coffee. She decided to wait at Sam's house with Nunez while I took Evo and Armand to the hospital. Fred said she would have everything set up by the time we got back.

  We all jumped as we heard a scream from the bathroom. Sam exited with a smug smile on her face. Armand followed, whimpering about his poor nose. Sam spun on him. "Oh shut up, you baby. At least it's straight again."

  She grabbed her jacket and came over to help me lift Evo from the chair. Evo struggled to stand on his own. He saw Sam bearing down on him and held up his good hand to ward her off. "Don't hurt me, Sam! I'll never call you Fernameanie again. I swear–just don't hurt me!"

  "What are you talking about, Castillo? We're taking you to the hospital. Let's go."

  Between Nunez, Sam, and me, we gave Evo the heave-ho and helped him to the limo. Nunez murmured something about making phone calls. With Armand at the wheel, we made it to the hospital in record time.

  Ramon had called ahead and briefed the hospital staff of our arrival and an entourage met us at the Emergency Room entrance. They whisked Evo away in a wheelchair while Sam and I were escorted to a private waiting room.

  Armand was waylaid by a team of nurses when he walked into the ER They must have known him by the size of his nose. Sam and I had a chuckle when we heard him hollering down the hall, but they returned him to us with watery eyes and a pristine bandage across his swollen proboscis.

  Evo arrived outside our waiting area about an hour later, and we were treated like royalty all the way out to the limo. I drove back to Sam's because Armand was on drugs and currently lolling in the passenger seat. Evo lie in the back seat draped across Sam's lap, a small secret smile on his lips. He reminded me of Wesley sprawled across me on the big wooden swing in our backyard. Evo looked perfectly content as Sam stared out the window and absently ran a hand through his hair. My eyes stung thinking about home. What a wienie I am.

  Back at Sam's, I was surprised to see Ramon Nunez still at the house. He drank tea with Fred and laughed at something she'd just said. He jumped to his feet and helped us get Evo through the front door. "Welcome home, everyone. Freddie and I have been conversing on many subjects. I have alerted the proper auth
orities and have procured what you Americans would call a search warrant, which will permit government officials to seize any and all records, personnel, or items related to the mine. They will call me when they leave for the mine."

  "Wow," I said. "How the heck did you get justice's wheels to turn so fast?"

  "Simple, really. For one, the mine is on my property and what is the purpose of having money if one cannot, say, grease the wheels of justice so they turn faster?"

  "That's one hell of a lube job, Señor."

  Nunez raised his eyebrows and smiled. "Fascinating, is it not?"

  Fred grabbed my hand and dragged me across the room. "Look, Buzz. Ramon went out and bought a whiteboard."

  "Why on earth for, I wonder?"

  "While we are waiting for the plane to get ready, we can put what we know together. That way, we can help with the police investigation down here." She pointed to the writing on the board. "The black writing is what we've been able to piece together so far. The red off shoots are the possible theories we discussed, the green notations are the variables and probabilities, and the blue squares are pieces that are still missing from the equation. That's how you do it at home, right?"

  Fred's eager expression reminded me of my dogs when I took them to Dairy Queen. "Fred, you did a wonderful job, and probably saved many man hours of work on this investigation."

  Fred sent a smile in Nunez's direction. "I couldn't have done it without Ramon."

  "Ramon, is it?" Fred and Nunez both blushed. "Tell you what," I pointed to Evo and Armand. "Let's get our guys on injured reserve situated and we'll go over everything we have so far."

  Nunez sat up. "Did you not want to sleep when you returned here?"

  I took the coffee mug Fred offered and drank deeply. "Not quite yet, I'm buzzing on caffeine right now."

  One would have thought it would be an easy task to make Evo lie down for a while, but he resisted Sam's attempts to lead him to her bedroom. He hung on to the doorjamb with his good arm while she propelled him from the rear. "Evo, you are not cooperating! Just lie down for a while and let the medication work for you."