“From what?”
My question disappointed him—I could see it on his face.
“Minosh knew—”
“I’d be selected.”
“Yes,” he said. “She came to see me before she left and begged me to watch over you, to keep you from them. She told me to take you away if I had to. That’s when she told me everything.”
“It sounds extreme for my creator to ask such of you.” I thought of all the times Minosh had told me I was special—she must have meant something else altogether. She didn’t want me to become a specimen for Venusian experiments, but an outlier? An exile from the only home I’d ever known? Was I to follow Tal to the outer sands? Could she have wanted that?
“Why didn’t she tell me herself?” I asked Minosh the question but Tal thought it was for him.
“She thought you’d be frightened by the prospect of being with a Kyprian and she was worried it would delay your—well, she said it was important for you to reach full sapience before taking you away.”
“I’m staying here,” I said.
He looked at me knowingly. “I assume you’ve had the change—”
“I won’t discuss this with you.”
He kicked the dirt at his feet. “I want to help you, El.” He said my name as though he’d never said it before and it was strange to hear it aloud in such an intimate setting. It almost sounded unnatural—alien.
“Where’s she now?” I said.
“Who?”
“The sapient.”
Tal put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. He didn’t know and couldn’t say if the story was true. I could see it in his wicked eyes.
“So she may be a myth too—a rumor to put fear in us,” I said. “What about the Venusian?”
He shook his head.
“How is it you don’t know,” I said. “You seem to know so much. I mean, how could none of us know what’s happening here? It’s our planet—it was ours before they came and it should be ours after—”
“Terra belongs to no creature.” The word was strange. I’d never heard anyone name our planet, our home. Terra was unfamiliar and yet I knew the name. I’d dreamed of it.
“If their first attempt was successful,” I said, “why’d they wait so long to try again?”
Tal shrugged.
“Why’d they risk contact?”
“I know as much as you,” he said.
“Hardly.” I crossed my arms in front of my frock. A chilly air rolled in and Tal moved closer to put his hands on my shoulders.
“They’re confident they’ll get what they want from the second attempt.”
“What do they want?” I asked defiantly, fearing the answer.
“An offspring.”
I’d wanted a youngling, but not a mix breed of Venusian fire and sapient clay. “Our treasure,” I said.
“Our what?”
“The cultivator’s womb—that’s what allows us to reproduce—that’s what they want, what Kypria’s come to take—but—but what can they possibly give us in return?”
Tal squeezed me with his embrace. “They won’t take you,” he said. “I won’t let them.”
I didn’t see much choice in the matter. I was foolish to think I was being saved for something greater. I was merely collateral in an intergalactic union—a simple vessel.
“Who’ve I been paired with?” I already knew. Onine had all but told me in the garden. “He’ll lose his beauty …” I didn’t mean to speak aloud.
I could barely breathe, as my throat tightened. Tal pulled me closer and bathed me in coldness. A cooler breeze rushed up over the tips of the young blades of wheat—the warm season hadn’t reached us yet. The smell of his skin made me feel alive and I put my cheek on his chest to hear his heart beat. He didn’t flinch, holding me as though he’d never let me go. It felt good to touch, it felt right.
“El,” he said in a low voice, his smoky breath comforting me in ways too subtle to explain. If my flesh could’ve melted into his, evaporated at once, I’d have welcomed it. “I’ll never let anything happen to you.”
I let him hold me, as I wept, imagining the suffocation of a Venusian flame.
“El,” he said, as though giving my name to the darkness, “I want you to be mine again.”
His admission made me think of Onine. I broke our embrace, pushing away from him and wiping my tears with the back of my hand. Our tender moment was swept up in the breeze.
“You can’t save me,” I said. “I won’t leave the Kyprian.”
Tal kicked the soil at his feet, tossing his head back to shake the hair from his brow. He reached for me again, catching my hand. He threaded my fingers with his and brought our hands up to his chest. “I can keep you safe,” he said. “I will.”
He squeezed his palm against mine and I knew he could feel my warm skin. I pulled my hand from his and tucked it into the fold of my frock. I searched for Luna in the sky to avoid his gaze. “I’ve been selected,” I said. “I have to obey the will of the Kyprian goddess.”
I’d been chosen for Onine—I couldn’t tell Tal what happened to me in the garden, and in the golden forest, but I knew I’d been chosen for the keeper. He’d already tried to make contact, to tempt clay with fire, but had lost his nerve.
Tal looked at me with an expression that tore into me a little. When he didn’t blink his wicked eyes, I felt their coldness penetrate mine. Before reaching for me again, he caught himself and let his hand fall to his side. I imagined the blush before it rushed into his cheeks.
“What has he done?”
“Nothing,” I said.
He moved forward and caught my face in the palms of his smoky hands. He squeezed my cheeks, pinching my skin with his thumbs and forefingers. “I’m going to take you away from here and you will be mine again.”
Free yourself from your chains, but do not let him take you. You do not want to anger Kypria. She sees you. The words of Saturnia’s sister replayed in my mind and I drew my head back, forcing him to release his grip. The smell of smoke stayed on my cheeks.
“I won’t go with you,” I said. “I’ve been chosen.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t want this—to mate with him—with such a being.”
“He’s not—” I stopped myself. Pointless to argue, I’d already decided to give myself to Onine willingly but Tal didn’t need to know it.
“Tiro is the most foul Kyprian here,” he said.
“Tiro?”
He sighed and looked more defeated than he’d been since the start of our conversation. “You’ve been selected for the floor master. I thought you knew.”
“It can’t be Tiro—no, it’s Onine.”
He smiled but I only saw his pity. “Onine is gone.”
***
I could not do it. I could not raise my fingers to feel your skin. We were alone, I had my chance, but I could not do it. You look at me with those dark eyes and I feel lost, or perhaps I am found. Kypria has made her intentions for me clear, but I find it difficult to deny myself any longer. I know you enjoyed the transcendency I allowed you to experience. I could see it on your skin, as my heat raced through you, making your fine hairs stand on end. You glowed, floating in my nature as you were. I was so close. I was so close. I was so close. But I am not brave.
I long to see you but know I must stay away. They will eventually come for you and I must let them, unless—but I am not brave … I cannot save you though I am ready to give myself up for you. I am ready to lose myself to you. Do not give in. Do not let them take you. Do not choose them. Wait for me …
***
When Tiro arrived, I hadn’t slept. Tal had left me at the edge of the yard and I stayed outside with Bendo until the eye’s light spread itself across the wheat field and into my garden. As the cart rolled along the golden cobblestones, I thought of Onine. I hadn’t seen him since he’d been in my garden and I secretly hoped he’d greet me again while I sat with Bendo in the dark. The heat we�
�d exchanged had faded with Tal’s embrace and I longed to renew my Kyprian spark—I couldn’t believe he was gone.
“Why did you meet Tal?”
Em caught me by surprise and I blushed through my veil, worried she could read my thoughts.
“I, um, well he wanted to tell me about your assignment.”
“Why?”
I shrugged.
“That’s a lie.” She wouldn’t stop looking at me. “I know about you two.”
“There’s nothing to know,” I said. “We’re just friends.”
“He’s a seed-bearer. He can’t be your friend.”
“He was—” I held my tongue.
“He’s mine now,” she said. “If you don’t like it, you can take it up with the council.”
“There’s nothing between us.”
“I’m sure. I doubt he has anything left to offer.” She tried to goad me but I wouldn’t have it.
“Careful,” I said. “Your pettiness may be reflected in others.” I was determined to stay calm but my inner fire opposed my will.
“Now that we’ve started,” she continued, “he’s drained.”
I couldn’t stand the thought of her with the sapient I’d held so close to me only a moonscape ago. The small bowl of milk and grains I’d eaten sunk like a stone and hit the bottom of my stomach, rebounding all the way to the cleft at the base of my throat. I swallowed hard and my eyes watered.
“Oh,” she said. “Have I upset you?”
The image of them together was impossible to squash, and I was ashamed.
“We should have a youngling by the warm season,” she said. “Any news on your reassignment?”
I shouldn’t have spoken. I should’ve resisted but she simply got the best of me—or perhaps the worst—and I let my secret out. “The goddess has selected me for another.”
“Who?”
“A Venusian.” My admission silenced Em, though I hadn’t intended it to. “I’m actually honored to be chosen for such a … an important …” I couldn’t think of a word to describe the terrifying honor bestowed upon me by the Kyprian goddess. I couldn’t even come up with a lie. The mood in the cart changed when Em no longer felt the need to one-up me. She pitied me and I disliked her even more for it.
“I’m so sorry, El.”
I didn’t need to hear her say it to know she thought it was the most wretched thing that could happen—a nightmare any cultivator would fear. When the cart stopped, I thought she was going to turn around and say goodbye, but instead she reached out and touched me on the forehead. She mumbled something when she got off but I couldn’t hear her through the veil.
When I was alone, I thought of her and Tal together. I pictured his bare body on top of hers, his mouth against hers, his heart next to hers. I didn’t want to see them in my mind but couldn’t help it. I closed my eyes and envisioned a bare-chested Tal standing in front of me, his sculpted muscles, dark hair, every bend and curve of his broad frame. My sudden desire could’ve woken a sleeping body. I felt him in the pit of my stomach—lower still.
The cart stopped at the Bathing Temple and I struggled to shake off the fire I’d stoked inside me. I rose from the bench when I heard Tiro get off his zephyr and chastise the youngling who tended to his beast. I feared seeing the master, knowing I was selected for him. I wondered if he knew the goddess had chosen me.
“El!” He yelled for me as though I were a field’s length away rather than a mere stick’s.
“Yes, master.”
“The keeper wants to see you in the silo,” he said. “Hurry up!”
My whole body tingled when I heard Onine was there. Tal was wrong, I knew it—I knew he hadn’t left. I hopped down from the cart and ran up the slope with a speed that had my feet tripping on the stones of the pathway through the golden brambles. I held the trim of my frock up so I wouldn’t stumble and land face down before I reached the keeper.
The water pumps were stored in the slender tower at the rear of the bathhouse. I’d only been inside the silo once when Minosh had to speak to the sapient who tightened the valves. One of our tubs wasn’t draining properly and we were expected to mend it ourselves. Minosh didn’t know how to fix it at the time, so she asked the silo attendant to show her. When I reached the door to the silo, I pulled the cord for that same attendant. When he didn’t come, I pushed on the door. I thought Onine left it open for me since it wasn’t locked. The tower was dark and quiet except for the whistling of the pipes. I couldn’t see through the steam so I waited by the door where the eye’s light peeked in through a crack.
“Keeper?” My voice sounded lost amidst the squealing pipes. When he didn’t answer, I spoke his name into the darkness. “Onine?”
The pipes ceased screaming, as though on cue, and that’s when I heard his tsk-tsk. “On a first name basis, are you?”
My knees locked. I felt like a firebug trapped in a jar—frantic and caged, forced to glow. I knew how close he was when the point of his stick stung my back. “Please don’t,” I said with nothing to lose. I didn’t feel ashamed to beg for my salvation, willing to fight for my freedom, my purity, my chastity.
“Do not speak,” the master said. “Your emotion is repugnant.”
I tried to hide my fear but it came through in my voice. I bit my bottom lip to keep from speaking again.
“Remove your frock.” I shook my head. “I am not asking.” His voice was dull, all joviality having fled, and he stood so close to me it sounded as if his mouth hovered at my ear.
“Don’t do this,” I whispered. “Please don’t do this.”
“Do not speak, sapient.” I felt the slap of his stick on the back of my thighs and I kneeled with the pain. “Stand up,” he commanded.
I did and reached for the eyelets at the back of my head to remove my veil.
“Not the veil, the frock.” He wanted to see my body. “Show me what I have gained.”
The shame overwhelmed me but I obeyed and slowly pulled at a sleeve. I tried to stall but he poked me with his stick and egged me on. “No one is coming for you and I am impatient to see my prize, sapient.”
I freed my arm from one sleeve, baring it for my master. My limbs shook so much it was difficult to slip off the other. Tiro jabbed his stick into my lower back. “That’s it,” he said.
With both arms out of their sleeves, I reached up for the pinafore overtop my frock and removed it and then pulled the frock down slowly. I was bare beneath the veil that still covered my chest. My body was nothing like a Venusian’s and I was horrified to show it. My hands dropped to my sides and the entire frock slipped to the ground. I struggled to hold in my unwanted tears. I didn’t know which was worse: the humiliation of being naked in front of a Venusian or the anticipation of my immolation.
Blind as I was in the steam and darkness, I didn’t know Tiro could see me. When I felt his stick on my stomach, and the veil rise, I thought I’d die. I held my breath and closed my eyes. I saw Tal in the darkness, as I imagined his coming to my rescue just as he said he would. No, was all I could say in silence.
Tiro cracked his stick on the side of my ribs and the sting crippled me. I couldn’t stifle my shriek, but bit my lip and silently begged for my end to come. I wanted to reach out and touch the Kyprian. I wanted to thrust my torso into his hands and face my death head on—into the fire I’d happily go.
“Stop moving, sapient.”
The steam in the silo hovered around us, as it clotted in the darkness. I could feel Tiro’s eyes brood over my naked body as they so often lingered on the curves of the bathers in the Temple. I counted the lulls in his stilted panting, each breath the length of a moonscape. When he finally spoke again, it was with sounds that assaulted my ears until the unimaginable happened and I was able to translate his shrieks just as I’d done with Onine’s in the garden.
“I am eager to have you,” he said. “Your keeper delays my success despite the council’s selection. They say my goddess has decreed you mine but Onine’s wh
ims hold me no longer. My apprenticeship is over.” Tiro wasn’t addressing me but spoke to me all the same. He couldn’t know I understood him. “You will be my vessel, sapient. Mine alone and I will take you back to Venus once they have arrived. They can do what they want with Terra. Venus will be ours again. Midan has promised.”
His words scared me. It was him—he was the one who’d take me away from here. I had to escape Tiro before then. I had to get away.
He traced the outline of my torso with the edge of his stick, running its point across my belly and inching lower. “I shall soon unlock your precious womb and make you mine. The lava beds on Venus will be our palace—and your prison, my sapient.” Tiro smiled in the darkness. Amidst the steaming, squealing water pumps, I could imagine his smile. I held my tongue, desperate to respond, but I’d never let him know I understood his every word.
When the air lifted and cooled again, he was gone. I caught my breath as though I’d been submerged in a vat of liquid—viscous and smelly lava. I pulled my frock up around me, hooking the hooks with dexterity despite my shaky fingers. I couldn’t rid myself of the sweat he’d given me. I wanted to rush out into the eye but my legs wouldn’t carry me. I dropped to the ground where I stood and pulled my knees into my body. I hid my face in my veil and cried as I’d never cried before, sobbing with the delight only a sapient could know.
I barely heard the attendant come up the steps and when he opened the door and let in the eye, I felt relief. My dark skin soaked up the rays of light to quench the deep thirst that had rattled my bones. I rose from the ground to greet the eye, willing it to burn away my humiliation, as I made my way back to the Temple. I didn’t see Onine and avoided Tal, but when Tiro came to take me back to my shanty at the end of my shift, I faked bravery. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing my fear.
The eye hung in mid-sky, as I made my way to the cart. Tiro was up on his zephyr and the light struck him in such a way as to make a nimbus appear. The eye shone across him and through him like he was the only creature worth its attention. The alien’s refracted radiance made him seem more brilliant and his beauty multiplied, his gold skin tainted with jade flecks. In the light, Tiro almost looked … squamous?
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