by Janey Fraser
‘Promise,’ Vanessa heard herself saying, just as she used to promise Brigid all those years ago.
I promise I won’t read your diary. I promise I won’t talk to the teachers about you. I promise I won’t be angry. All promises that she had broken.
But this time, she vowed as they held hands and ran towards the station, she really would try to do better.
It was much easier than she had realised to get a DNA test done, even though she was deeply reluctant to agree. ‘You can fight it,’ advised the lawyer, ‘but that would mean going to court, which could be expensive and involve social services and all kinds of complications.’
Social services! Vanessa didn’t want that. One of the women in their class – the breastfeeding one from Ohio whom she and Bobbie had nicknamed American Express – had told them a horrendous story about social services ‘removing’ her neighbour’s child because the mother had allowed it to get too fat. There didn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason about how they operated nowadays.
‘All a DNA test involves’, the lawyer had continued, ‘is a swab from the inside of the cheek. You can get DIY kits or you could go to a clinic. One of my clients recently used one in London. I’ll find you the details if you like.’
What if this awful weasel-faced ex-boyfriend of Brigid’s (whose ears had looked a bit like her granddaughter’s, come to think of it) turned out to be Sunshine’s father? Did he then have a right to her?
‘Not necessarily.’ The lawyer sounded sympathetic. ‘The court always takes the decision that is best for the child.’
Vanessa was gripped with fear. ‘But what if they think it’s best that Sunshine has someone younger to look after her?’
‘Age won’t decide the issue, although it might play a part. However, you must prepare yourself for the possibility that if paternity is proved, this, er, gentleman might well be entitled to partial custody.’
Partial custody! The very thought of that horrible creep looking after her Sunshine for half a week was so awful that Vanessa felt like picking up her granddaughter and making a bolt for it.
‘Don’t be daft, love,’ Brian had said worriedly on the phone when she’d run it past him. ‘That would just lead to more trouble. Besides, if it was me, I’d want to know the facts. Then you can decide what to do. I really miss you, by the way.’
She missed him too! Still, there was no time to think of that now. Grabbing their train tickets she flew down one set of stairs and up another. Good thing she was fit for her age. ‘Come on, Sunshine! That’s right. You can sit by the window.’
But Sunshine wasn’t happy. ‘I want to sit on the roof.’
A young girl giggled, nudging her mother, who gave them an odd look. ‘The roof?’ Vanessa had a sudden picture of the crowded trains from the documentary about India she’d seen. There had been hordes of passengers, she remembered, all clinging to the top of the train. ‘We don’t do that here.’ Vanessa patted a seat further down the aisle from the giggling girl and staring mother. ‘We sit inside.’
‘BUT I WANT TO SIT ON THE ROOF!,
‘Sunshine! You can’t. Now please sit down. I’ve got some crayons with me. Look!’
Reluctantly, her granddaughter did as she was told. Vanessa settled back with her favourite magazine but couldn’t concentrate. Every time she looked at Sunshine, she saw Brigid. Why? she kept asking herself. Why did you send your daughter away? Are you really in trouble? Or did you get frustrated because she stopped you doing your own thing, whatever that was? Was it possible that Brigid could be so selfish?
Her thoughts and fears occupied her all the way into town. As they got out at Marylebone, Vanessa hung on to Sunshine’s hand tightly. The half-term crowds were claustrophobic with heads bobbing, parents shouting and children whining. It was like a discordant orchestra. That was the thing about family trips, she remembered. They always seemed a good thing in theory. ‘Stay close or you’ll get lost,’ she called out to Sunshine. ‘And please don’t wave and smile like that at everyone! We don’t do that here.’
‘Why?’
‘Just because we don’t, poppet. Remember what I told you about not talking to that man with the rings in his nose?’
‘The one who knew Mummy?’
‘Exactly.’
Sunshine’s eyes widened. ‘But why can’t I talk to him?’
‘Just because.’
‘But why because?’
Vanessa shepherded Sunshine through the crowds. ‘Because I said so. That’s why.’
Sometimes there were no easy answers.
*
The clinic that the lawyer had directed them to was a short walk from the station. It was very clean, Vanessa noted with approval. Friendly too. And, incredibly, there were quite a lot of children and anxious adults sitting in reception.
‘So I told him, it’s your son and I can prove it,’ a rather well-spoken woman was saying to her neighbour. ‘It’s not his money I want. It’s the recognition.’
Vanessa put her arm around Sunshine protectively. ‘So,’ she began, ‘remember what I told you? It’s like going to see the doctor, the way you did when you first arrived.’
Sunshine was playing with a hand-held battery game that Jack had lent her. ‘To have a check-up?’ she said without looking up.
‘Sort of. It’s rather like seeing the dentist too. All you have to do is open your mouth and the doctor will put a stick inside. It won’t hurt. I promise.’
Sunshine shrugged. ‘OK.’
It was indeed as simple as that. ‘How long will it take for the results to come through?’ Vanessa asked when it was over.
The receptionist gave her a glossy smile. ‘Difficult to tell. We’re rather busy at the moment.’
There was a persistent tug at her hand. ‘Where are we going now, Van Van? You said we’d have a treat afterwards if I was good.’
So she had. After all, they might as well do something here now they were in London. How about Madame Tussauds?
The queue went on for ages but it was worth it just to see Sunshine’s face. ‘I know her, I know her!’ she squealed, jumping up and down. ‘It’s our queen! Mummy’s school has a picture of her on the wall!’
Vanessa still couldn’t get used to the idea of her rebellious daughter being a teacher.
‘And that’s Princess Kate! We’ve got a picture of her too!’
In fact, Sunshine seemed to know nearly all the royals, as well as some other faces like Daniel Radcliffe. ‘Harry. Harry Potter,’ she called out. ‘I saw him at the cinema with Mummy.’
So they had a cinema? Maybe this place that her daughter lived in wasn’t so remote after all.
After that, they went to the zoo at Regent’s Park. ‘Look at those monkeys!’ Sunshine was in her element. ‘We’ve got those at home.’ But the funny thing was that none of these memories seemed to upset Sunshine. If anything, they appeared to comfort her.
‘Time to go back, I think,’ said Vanessa after they’d had a bean burger at a café nearby. Heavens, she realised, half an hour later, when they were fighting their way on to the tube, she’d left it rather late. It was packed!
‘Hold on to me,’ she called out in the crush. But then someone elbowed his way past them and somehow that little hand came adrift from hers. ‘SUNSHINE!’ she gasped. But the doors were closing.
Desperately, Vanessa hammered on the glass. ‘OPEN THEM, SOMEONE, PLEASE!’ But to her horror, the train lurched and then moved off, leaving her behind on the platform, heart in her mouth.
‘Just jump on the next one,’ urged a woman next to her with a pushchair, who’d noticed her distress. ‘With any luck, someone will realise she’s lost and get off with her to wait at the next stop. It’s what I’ve taught my lot to do.’
Too late, Vanessa realised she should have given the same advice to Sunshine. Oh my God. Tears pricked her eyes and she found herself blubbing just like her granddaughter had over Sky. If she found her now, she’d give her anything. The moon and the stars if
necessary. Just let her be safe. Please! Thank God. Here was another train! Vanessa fought her way on with a determination that surprised even herself. ‘Watch out,’ said someone. ‘That’s my foot you’ve just trodden on.’
‘Sorry.’ The tears were gushing down now. ‘I’ve lost my granddaughter! We got separated when the doors closed just now.’
But the man whose foot she had hurt just shrugged. ‘Should have held on tighter, then, shouldn’t you?’
He was right. How could she have been so negligent? What would Brigid say? How would she, Vanessa, ever cope again if something happened? Why was the train stopping like this? Thank heavens. It was on its way again. Here they were! At the next station. But where was Sunshine?
Vanessa leaped out of the train, searching up and down the crowded platform. She wasn’t here. She must have stayed on the train! ‘Sunshine,’ she wept, crouching down on the ground, her head in her hands. The irrational thought came into her head that if she screamed loudly enough it would make it all right again. Was that why toddlers had tantrums? ‘SUNSHINE!’
‘Are you looking for a little girl?’ Looking up through her tears, Vanessa saw a man in London Underground uniform. Unable to speak, she made a choking sound and tried to nod at the same time. ‘It’s OK, love. She’s safe. Someone saw she was lost and brought her to us. She’s in the office, right now.’ He smiled. ‘Right little charmer, isn’t she? This way.’
Vanessa had never, ever, been so relieved in her life. Not even when the hospital had given her the five-year all-clear. ‘You’re safe,’ she wept, flinging her arms around Sunshine. ‘You’re safe.’
The little face beamed up at her with that toothy gap. ‘A nice lady on the train looked after me! She has Sky too, like Jack and Daisy. She was telling me all about it. And so does Stan.’
Stan? The other man in this small office shrugged apologetically. ‘The wife made me get it. Little Miss Chatterbox here has been telling me all about the waxworks and the zoo and the dentist.’
‘I told you, Stan!’ Sunshine stamped her foot imperiously. ‘It wasn’t the dentist. It was the Dee En A lady.’
Vanessa didn’t know where to look! Stan’s expression wasn’t quite so friendly now.
‘Thank you so much for everything.’ She delved in her purse but Stan put up his hand. ‘Please. We were just doing our job.’
Of course he was. Still, she’d have paid anything to get her granddaughter back safely. Never, she told herself as Sunshine cuddled up to her on the way home, would she let her out of her sight again.
‘Mrs Thomas?’
A friendly voice cut in from the seat behind. Vanessa turned round. It was Miss Davies! Strange to see her on the train instead of in the classroom. She was in jeans instead of her usual navy suit. And her hair was loose. It suited her. ‘Hello, Sunshine! Have you been to London for the day?’
‘Yes!’ Sunshine nodded her head. ‘I had a D—’
‘Dentist appointment,’ cut in Vanessa quickly.
There was an indignant squeal. ‘No, I didn’t!’ Vanessa shot her a don’t-say-anything look which, miraculously, Sunshine took notice of. ‘And we went to the zoo and Madame Two Swords,’ she added.
‘Sounds wonderful!’ Miss Davies beamed. ‘You’ll be able to write about it in your “What I did at half-term” project next week!’
Vanessa silently groaned at the thought. Now the Dee En A test would be all over school. She was sure teachers only got children to write ‘What I dids’ to mortify parents. Or grandparents. They were at a stop now and people were getting out. One of the seats in front of her became vacant.
‘Shall I take that?’ suggested Miss Davies brightly, and Vanessa nodded. She could hardly say no.
‘What have you been doing in town?’ she asked, trying to change the subject.
‘Visiting my little sister. She’s at university there.’
‘Do you like her,’ asked Sunshine solemnly, ‘or do you kick her like my friend Daisy kicks her brother?’
Miss Davies – it seemed too familiar to call her Judith – laughed. ‘I like her very much.’ Then she lowered her voice a bit. ‘I helped to bring her up after our parents died.’ She didn’t exactly say ‘So I know what you’re going through’ to Vanessa but her face implied it. That was a surprise! Perhaps she and Bobbie shouldn’t have been so hasty in criticising a non-parent for running a parenting class.
‘I like your ring!’ cooed Sunshine shyly, putting out her finger to touch the stone. ‘It’s really pretty.’
‘Thank you!’ Miss Davies looked pleased.
‘Are you getting married soon?’ Vanessa couldn’t help asking.
‘Next summer.’ She glanced down at Sunshine, who was still stroking her ring. ‘We’d like to start a family as soon as we can.’
Good luck! Then she’d find out what it was really like! ‘Nearly back, now,’ Vanessa remarked as the familiar fields and church tower came into view. Not for the first time, she told herself how lucky she was to live in a semi-rural market town which was also close to London. ‘Let’s get our things together, shall we?’
Pulling out the tickets and her mobile from her bag, she checked for messages. A missed call from an Unknown and a message from Brian. Like her, he hated texts.
‘I think it’s time for me to meet Sunshine properly, don’t you?’ His kind deep voice gave her a lovely jolt. ‘How about next week? I’ll bring some fish and chips over. Let me know if that’s all right. Oh, and I’ve got an idea!’ There was a chuckle. A lovely warm chuckle. ‘Don’t say no until you see it. OK?’
There was an old granny from Herts,
Whose grandchildren loved to make tarts.
But they got IBS
So made quite a mess
When they let out enormous …
(Ed’s note: Substitute offending word with ‘smells’.)
PERFECT PARENTS: SESSION FIVE
LEARN TO LISTEN
BELOW ARE SOME COMMMON HOUSEHOLD PHRASES WHICH WE’RE ALL GUILTY OF IGNORING – WHATEVER OUR AGE!
SHUT THE DOOR.
WAIT.
HE DID IT FIRST!
TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES.
WHERE’S THE LOO ROLL?
SHE DID IT FIRST!
GET THE PHONE.
ANYONE SEEN MY GLASSES?
DINNER’S READY.
ARE YOU LISTENING?
Chapter 21
ANDY
‘SO YOU SEE,’ said Bobbie, flicking back her mousy brown hair (he rather missed those pink streaks!) in that almost schoolgirl fashion, ‘I really don’t know if I’m being silly or not.’
They were sitting in the garden of a pretty thatched pub a few miles outside Corrywood: a place that Bobbie had suggested when she’d rung the other night to ask if she could ‘run something past him’. And no, she didn’t want to meet at a coffee shop in the high street. There were too many ears in this place.
She had said ‘this place’ as though she didn’t like it much. Andy could understand that. Corrywood could get very insular with its small-town mentality. So different from the places he used to live in. At times, he felt protected by the security that came from the smart high-street shops and three-cars-in-the drive houses. At other times, he felt like an outsider, waiting to be exposed. Today was one of them.
Now, as Bobbie sat opposite, twisting her thin gold wedding ring nervously and telling him about Rob who was ‘never around’, he felt really sorry for her. And, it had to be said, for his brother-in-law. Somehow, he had to explain that, without pushing her away.
‘Rob has to deal with the States, doesn’t he?’ he pointed out. ‘So he’ll have to start taking their calls from afternoon to night, which makes it a sixteen-hour day.’
Bobbie nodded. ‘That’s what he says. But I wasn’t sure if he was exaggerating.’
‘Afraid not. It’s only now that I’m having a break that I can see how crazy the whole thing is.’ He put his hands out in a wide what-can-you-do? shrug. ‘But it’s the way the
world works. If you want a nice lifestyle, you have to kill yourself for it.’
‘I get that. I really do. But it’s hard for the person who’s bringing up the children. I don’t know how Pamela manages! She’s always so calm and your girls are amazing.’ She flushed then, looking awkward. ‘I mean, I know there was that trouble over Mel the other night with smoking but it was probably a one-off.’ She glanced at him, more sharply this time. ‘Wasn’t it?’
He nodded, not wanting to burden her with his own worries. This was her time. Not his. ‘What about the secretary?’ he prompted gently. ‘The one you mentioned on the phone.’
Bobbie bit her lip. She looked really sweet and vulnerable when she did that. He liked the fact that she wasn’t plastered with make-up either, like so many women (including his wife). And that T-shirt suited her: casual but flattering. There was a lot to be said for women with curves. So much more feminine than a stick.
‘She’s called Araminta.’ The very name seemed to stick in her throat.
He let out a snort. ‘Sounds like that Made in Chelsea programme that the girls like.’
Bobbie giggled but there were tears in her eyes at the same time. ‘He went on a three-day conference the other day and when he rang me, I could hear her in the background.’
Her hand was gripping the edge of the table now. It was all Andy could do not to stroke it in reassurance. ‘I’m probably being a bit paranoid,’ she continued in a wobbly voice, ‘but I’m worried I’m going to end up like my best friend Sarah in London. Her husband went off with the MD and she says that Rob is showing all the classic signs of an affair. You know, distant, cold. Always critical. And then I got talking to a woman in the shop the other day, whose husband had just left her, and it’s got me all worried.’
She ran her hands through her hair and Andy wondered if she realised how pretty she was, especially when vulnerable. ‘In fact, I wanted to ask you something.’ Then she stopped.